Author beforewegrewup Posted September 15, 2010 Author Share Posted September 15, 2010 Topic starter, how badly do you want this to work out? You love her; do you someday want to marry her? You have already proposed once. Do you plan to someday propose again when things are better between you? What steps will you take toward that goal? Would you be willing to sacrifice sex until you two are married, assuming you would have sex again after getting married? Don't think of it as manipulation; that's a negative and distrusting way to look at her request. If you marry someone, you should trust them completely. Pre-marriage counseling seems like it would help if you two want to try it out. It would also show you're willing to work on the issues and try to make things work. Good luck! I hope things go well! Of course I want things to work out. Heck, I wanted to marry this woman. Relationship-couseling will be the next step. If this fails, then we tried everything. Sacrifice sex, no m'am on that one. I'll just be the "selfish" evil guy. I'm not being negative though. You call a spade a spade. I'm seeing things for what they have been and what they are. I hear you on the trust thing, but when I marry I will have a pre-nup. All jokes aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beforewegrewup Posted September 15, 2010 Author Share Posted September 15, 2010 Like men can't live on bread alone, relationships can't thrive on love alone. Ha ha, something we can finally agree on. Love will get you through the hard times, but it doesn't pay the bills... Link to post Share on other sites
Author beforewegrewup Posted September 15, 2010 Author Share Posted September 15, 2010 What?!? Now I am even more confused. That reason is even worse than the first one. She won't have sex with you because she is afraid you will leave??? That makes no sense at all and only seems to reinforce the statement that she was using sex to manipulate you into marriage. She should be afraid that you will leave due to lack of sex. I suggest you go to couples therapy because there is definitely more to this than she is telling you. She won't tell me what the business is, but I told her I will support her if she needs to get whatever kind of therapy for herself. And then, we'd need couple's therapy for the relationship. And then, marriage couseling to get married. This relationship seems to need a whole lot more than most... LoL, maybe the universe is trying to tell us in many different variations that we are not meant to be and we try to convince the universe that we are [to be] together. awwe man, this is a trip. Link to post Share on other sites
GooseChaser Posted September 15, 2010 Share Posted September 15, 2010 I applaud you for making an effort, really trying to make it work, and going after what you want. Good job. Whatever happens, I hope for the best for both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 15, 2010 Share Posted September 15, 2010 She won't tell me what the business is, but I told her I will support her if she needs to get whatever kind of therapy for herself. And then, we'd need couple's therapy for the relationship. And then, marriage couseling to get married. This relationship seems to need a whole lot more than most... LoL, maybe the universe is trying to tell us in many different variations that we are not meant to be and we try to convince the universe that we are [to be] together. awwe man, this is a trip. I preach this all the time - although most people choose not to listen. But I'll say it again just in case you're paying attention. Whenever you need to go to counseling BEFORE marriage, the relationship is doomed. I know people love to argue about this with the 'make it work', 'give it all you've got' crap - but the truth is a truly good relationship isn't that much work. It isn't this confusing or insane. As I said before, you're prolonging the inevitable. There are red flags flying all over the place and you're looking past them into the wild blue yonder. When you say things like 'well yea, of course I want it to work because we were going to marry for goodness sake' - is like saying that all the other people who have been through a divorce or a break-up didn't really want it to work out in the first place, or that they didn't really try, or that they just gave up. Just about every single person that divorces - whether they end the relationship or not - did try very hard, have cried many tears, and they almost always walk away with a sense of failure, a loss of dreams. Please do not kid yourself about the seriousness of your situation. 'But I love her' isn't a good enough reason. 'But she loves me' isn't good enough either. This relationship is a mess. Plain and simple. Unless you enjoy divorce and heartache and extreme drama, I'd suggest you look at this relationship for what it really is. This woman has you posting on an online relationship site, she has you wound up in knots, she has you confused and calling off the wedding, she has you second-guessing yourself, she has personal issues that you don't even know about, she has huge issues with her father. None of these things are the ingredients for a good, solid marriage. If you marry her, you'll either be headed for divorce court, or you'll live your life in misery. I'm convinced that so many divorces happen because people don't want to take the time that it sometimes takes to find someone that they're truly compatible with. You haven't found her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted September 15, 2010 Share Posted September 15, 2010 I preach this all the time - although most people choose not to listen. But I'll say it again just in case you're paying attention. Whenever you need to go to counseling BEFORE marriage, the relationship is doomed. I know people love to argue about this with the 'make it work', 'give it all you've got' crap - but the truth is a truly good relationship isn't that much work. It isn't this confusing or insane. As I said before, you're prolonging the inevitable. There are red flags flying all over the place and you're looking past them into the wild blue yonder. When you say things like 'well yea, of course I want it to work because we were going to marry for goodness sake' - is like saying that all the other people who have been through a divorce or a break-up didn't really want it to work out in the first place, or that they didn't really try, or that they just gave up. Just about every single person that divorces - whether they end the relationship or not - did try very hard, have cried many tears, and they almost always walk away with a sense of failure, a loss of dreams. Please do not kid yourself about the seriousness of your situation. 'But I love her' isn't a good enough reason. 'But she loves me' isn't good enough either. This relationship is a mess. Plain and simple. Unless you enjoy divorce and heartache and extreme drama, I'd suggest you look at this relationship for what it really is. This woman has you posting on an online relationship site, she has you wound up in knots, she has you confused and calling off the wedding, she has you second-guessing yourself, she has personal issues that you don't even know about, she has huge issues with her father. None of these things are the ingredients for a good, solid marriage. If you marry her, you'll either be headed for divorce court, or you'll live your life in misery. I'm convinced that so many divorces happen because people don't want to take the time that it sometimes takes to find someone that they're truly compatible with. You haven't found her yet. I actually have to agree with the bolded part. You're relationship is supposed to be fun and both people are supposed to be happy as they are before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling before the ceremony I can understand as 1) it's a good idea and 2) sometimes you have to go through it before being married. But relationship counseling in general is usually a sign that either the relationship will fail and end or you'll just wind up being miserable in a situation you could've avoided beforehand. And yes I know I told you to give her a chance and all that. But the fact that there is no trust and obviously a lack of communication, shows that the foundation of your relationship has some serious cracks in it. Yes you can try to fix the cracks, but remember unless the whole thing is completely fixed, they will show up later in life and only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beforewegrewup Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 You know I went back and revisited this thread and I was entertained. I did experience a lot of growth over the past several months and glad to say I have my mojo back. The ex-girlfriend won't stop calling making promises how things will be different. At this point I don't care for I have found someone else (I took at least five or six months off before moving into another relationship. I needed that time to move on.) It's funny how things are sometimes. You think you lost all of this time, but you meet someone who "recharges you" and it feels like you're starting all over again. My work performance has increased, my health is much better, and the hair that was thinning on top of my head is growing back! (believe it or not). Do I miss the ex? Well, I miss the beginning of what our relationship was, but hindsight will get you so I don't even think about it because what I have now is so much in alignment with my values, goals, and ambitions. We are in synch. Thank you Love Shack for your time.. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Walk away, life is to short to be dealing with your ladies inane worldview. Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Dude: when u get to the point where u hear urself sayin 'i resent her vagina' then LOL - man...that relationship is DONE. Link to post Share on other sites
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