Ambition vs. Personality?

[zobomoho]

Hi everyone. This is my first post on this site. I'm here to ask for some advice.

 

I'm a 5"6' Asian American male, in my last year of university; I've been told that I'm a bit above average in looks. My personality is what we would call 'nice', but I'm not afraid to speak my mind and argue with people. I've had a few dates here and there, but haven't had a long relationship.

 

I used to blame my race, but can't anymore. A good friend of mine fits my profile to a T, except he's much more outgoing. He's been successful with girls of all races.

 

Not to generalize, but in my experiences, one thing I've noticed is that different ethnicities value different qualities in guys. Since I sing for a hobby, I've dated a couple Caucasian girls who were also musical. They valued spontaneity, a fun personality, etc... and placed physical connection first. I went home with one the first time we went out, but due to my conservativeness, I wanted to take it slow and didn't try anything, even though she clearly wanted it. I think this turned her off, but whatever.

 

The Asian girls I've seen, on the other hand, were from Asia. I remember this summer, one was interested in me because of my ambition. I've worked pretty hard to make sure that I have a good future for myself, and after this year, if things go well, I'll be working in a great industry. This 'ambition' impressed her to no end, but we had no physical connection. I also came in with a negative stereotype of girls from overseas as gold-diggers and prestige whores. Sadly, I've seen this stereotype manifest in more girls I knoew from Asia than not.

 

From what I've seen of the world, and how people respect money and status, it seems I have a few options:

 

1. Pursue my career, get a fancy ass job, make money, and let the rest work itself out. I've never been a materialistic person, as I believe people should see you for who you are and not what you wear/drive. However, even my parents are trying to get me to wear just name-brand clothes. I know they want the best for me, and their rationale makes sense. If dating is a market, then dressing well increases your value as much as makeup, a nice car, being funny, etc...

 

2. Improve my personality (I'm a quiet type, not b/c I'm antisocial, but b/c a lot of what people say is pointless and redundant), force myself to be more social, and let the rest work itself out. I know I can be social; I was a door to door salesman two summers ago, and I was able to get along with nearly everyone. It's just that most of the time, I think slow in social situations, and can't come up with witty banter on the spot.

 

3. Try to do both without crashing and burning. To me, activities that supplement one do not supplement the other, unless you count drinking with colleagues, which I don't.

 

I've also seen the negatives to each option. For the first, you will become a magnet for gold-diggers. I'm fairly adept at figuring out who they are, though, but I do believe its disappointing for the rich and famous that 99% of people are attracted to them for their fame.

 

For the second, it will take time and growing pains, neither of which I'm sure I have time for this year. I keep busy with classes, work, and extracurriculars.

 

Any thoughts? I appreciate constructive criticism, so don't be shy!