Tempest675 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Hi there. I've been married for about 7 months now, but have been living with my husband for over two years. Recently, we finally got our own place and internet. This is where my problem comes in. Lately, he's been looking at porn quite a bit. We've had the talk about how it hurts me. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him and yada yada. He's promised me that he won't look at it. And I've been finding that he does and just lies to me about it. I don't want to deny him something that makes him happy. And he's told me that it's nothing that's wrong with me. I've tried to let it go and I've tried to understand. When I ask him why he looks at it, he tells me he doesn't know. I don't know if I should learn to deal with it or if he should understand where I'm coming from. Any advice at all would be helpful. Thanks! Marilyn Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Hi Tempest, Probably the reason you have not gotten any other response to your post is that there have been so many recent threads about this very topic. Look through the various forums in "Romance" and you will find at least a dozen different ones. Pretty much every LoveShacker of repute has responded on these threads, and there is a wealth of good info and well-considered opinions in these threads. You should definitely check them out. You will not, however, find a consensus. Opinions are widely differing on the subject. What the bottom line is is that you both must be comfortable with it, whatever compromise you work up. Persoanlly, i view some porn - not much, and nothing off the wall. She is not into it at all, and I don't view it every day. I would be pretty happy if she shared it with me a bit. At the very least it is so not an issue between us, and that is good. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tempest675 Posted February 21, 2004 Author Share Posted February 21, 2004 I'll have to check them out. Thank you very much. I don't mind when he and I look at it together, what hurts is when he hides it from me or lies to me about it. That and I will admit, I wish he wouldn't look at it so often... Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Ah, Tempest , here we go again. You tell us that: Your husband looks at internet porn alot; You told him that his porn viewing hurts you and makes you feel inadequate; He promised you that he would stop looking at porn; He lied to you; He was unable to explain to you why he enjoys porn. What's a spouse to do? I don't sense any religious, moral or "control" issues underlying your objection to your husband's porn habits. It simply makes you feel bad about your body, sex appeal, etc., and perhaps the divided attention at home. I see two issues: first, spouses should not intentionally hurt one another (the "do no harm" commandment) and your husband is intentionally hurting you by watching porn knowing that this behavior hurts you; second, he lied to you about it. So he has hurt you and lied about it. The lie compounds the pain. The choice is clear: does your husband care more about your feelings and the quality of his marriage or getting hard watching porn. If he picks the porn, that shows a cruel disregard of you, your feelings and his marriage. Put it to him this way: What's more important to him your well-being and peace of mind or his jacking off to porn. His choice; his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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