Tips on attracting friends and partners

[Leigh 87]

Hi! I just want some advice about how to best go about drawing people in to me, after moving to a new town.

 

It has been about 9 weeks now and still no friends or relationships. Another thing, is for the 4 years prior to this move to a new town, I had an eating disorder, and this hindered me from having any good friendships. I did hang out with a few people, but ultimately I was too stuck in my ED mind set, to have enough energy to expend thinking of other things.

 

I also felt very asexual throughout my eating disorder. Although I was a good, slim weight, I just did not feel sexually alive to guys. I did not feel attractive.

 

SO: here are my stats; I start University here in Australia in 2010 in Feb, I am enrolled in food science and nutrition. I also havge a cert 3 and 4 in fitness.

 

I have just moved towns, and at the same time, I have gained to a good healthy weight fro my body type, and after 4 years, I suddenly feel the strong urge to resume some sort of a sex life.

 

I never thought that gaining weight would result in me suddenly feeling like having relations with men again. But after 4 years I do sudenly crave it. My new curvier body actually makes me feel more desirable to men.

 

WHAT are some things that guys respond to? I KNOW to just be myself, and that if I am a nice kind person, who is also attractive, and if I LOOK friendly enough to approach, guys who like me will pursue me, right?

 

I know the common sense stuff; have as best of a life that I can, and the more awsome I am, the more people who will want to get to know me. To attract decent people, you have to be decent yourself.

 

 

QUESTION: WHAT are some ways of acting that will make me appear open and approachable to guys? I am no model, but I do feel attractive enough to be able to start something purely from the gym?

 

I am: 5 ' 5 - 5 ' 6 , 119 lbs, flat stomach, and large DD breasts, and a perky bubble but. SO flat stomach but with curves.

 

I have wavy blonde, medium length hair ( which I am growingm, as I love long feminine hair), and light blue eyes.

 

So, I am not the stick thin type a lot of guys like, but I'm as slim as a curvy women can.

 

DO I have hope of attracting decent guys just from going to the gym do you think?

 

I have a long nose that has one dent in it, but it is not hideous enough to make me ugly.

 

Aside from my nose, there is nothing offensive about me. although I am not stuning either.

 

I have straight teeth, but they r not very white. Perhaps a whitening treatment will improve my smile:)

 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW, what are some tips that will make me seem like the sort of person that guys will want to approach. The gym is my main place to meet people right now, as I do not study until next year, and I have a job only once per week.

 

Aside from my job and the gym, all I can do is look for clubs to join, and volenteer for any charities that I want to help out.

 

Aside from that there is really nothing else I can do. SO; AT THE GYM, WHAT are some handy things to know about guys, and how to tell if they look at me, find me attractive, and what are ways to make them come and talk to me?

[Green]

from your description my tip would be just get out of your house as much as possible and do things you enjoy where there are other people around (including attractive men). You'll just get asked out. Where clothing that makes you look good.... don't where clothing that hides your body.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks green, I have recently started to feel good in tight clothes now.

 

Even I was 110 lbs I hid my body in black , non tight clothes.

 

I actually have great style. During my time on my own, I have been re building my life, and as a result, I have gotten to know myself quiet well, and I know what I feel comfrotable in.l

 

So, style to me, is just knowing yourself well, and wearing cloths that represent who you are.

 

But yes, I have an eye for clothes and dress very well, so that gets people looking at me.

 

I wear track pants most of the time, because they flatter my slim thighs ( the tight track trackpants), and are comfortable, and I pair those with a dressy, nice top.

 

So, I pair nice tops, with comfortable track pants. But if I was to go out to aparty, I would wear tight black jeans to show my legs, high black shows ( OF COURSE lol), and a top that hugs my figure, and nicely separates my boobs from my stomach.

 

I know exactly what neckline I look best in, and I know how to best flatter my figure.

 

Do guys dig girls who dress classy/ comfrotably, and have great sense of style?

 

Because style is important to me, cos it expresses who I am, but I never knew if guys took much stock in it.

[Green]

I like girls who wear a skirt or dress or shorts that show off their legs. Also i like foot wear like sandals that show off their feet. Seeing the neck area is good too. Also I like girls with nice hair (not too short)(too short would be above the shoulders)(it really can never be too long)

[Leigh 87]

I have nice thighs ( a gap between them when standing together), but nto the BEST knees. So tight trackpants, and tight pants that show my thighs r what looks best on my figure.

 

Although a tight black dress would work, if it was either high or if it just covered my knees.

 

I HATE SANDLES LOL, I do not think feet r very pretty, so ballet flats r better looking in my opinion.

 

unless the girl has narrow, feminine, small feet.. big bunion ones would nto look nice exposed in sandles.

 

I have normal feet, but still do not wear sandles lol.

[Green]

I bet your knees are fine... showing ur legs off will entice a man over to ask you out.

[melodymatters]

I just joined a gym and there seems to be a strict no eye contact rule going on ! You might catch someone looking, but they quickly look away and NO ONE approaches anyone.

 

Maybe Australians are friendlier ?

[Leigh 87]

GREEN - I think I will leave it till summer to show my legs haha ( which is at Christmas time here).

 

My legs look best in tight track pants or black boot cut jeans or my clingy black work pants.

 

And about the gym! I think that if I catch some one looking, and they look again that same night at the gym, I will just smile and look approachable.

 

I mean, if I look appealing to a guy and I also smile and at least look like a friendly person who will not shut them down, then I am sure a guy would come and talk if he liked how I looked THAT much.

 

I am resigned to the fact that I will just have to find a club or two to join, try to volenteer more, and wait until I start studying next year. If I am myself, eventually I will make connections.

 

I just have to accept that I will have to enjoy life alone for now. Sadly, I think a lot of people do not have that many friends.

 

although I have not really been trying to work on myself, in terms of self improvement laterly. Been lazy.

[Green]

Be greatful for what you have. Sounds like you love your family and thats good.

 

Smiling at guys you find cute will work great. If a girl smiled at me and I was single I would really want to got talk to her.

 

Enjoy yourself go to a theme park or something. Join a club of something you a really into. Like if you always wanted to learn art take an art class. Making friends with girls will help you have fun and meet guys to they will introduce you to friends invite you to house parties ect...

 

Don't keep posting on here about this if it makes you depressed. If it cheers you up then continue.

[Rashad]

if I was in australia I'd be looking for this gym you speak of

 

Lol, here is my 2cents. I think it depends on what you really want, sex life could mean having a lover, a fwb or a f-friend...

Each is attracted differently. I believe Sun Tzu says something like "know yourself and know the enemy (target) and victory will be complete" you seem to know yourself pretty well, if you are trying to get a f-friend you have to wear appealing clothes and you have to seem extremely dumb, if you are trying to get a lover (bf) you have to be smart about how you dress, nothing too sluty or you'll attract the wrong crowd, to get a fwb you just have to be an adult, approach the target and express yourself confidently.

 

And good job on getting yourself back on track, its always good to see people taking action.

[Leigh 87]

I fam not looking for a specific type of person atm. I am just looking to start my life again, after a bad start, and so far I have managed to:

 

- Educate myself on diet and exercise, to the extent where I know how to look after myself. I am slimmer than most women of my height and build. I also have a care free approach to food, as I have the knowledge to find ways to enjoy myself, without being the type who eats only salad. I have fun and look good.

 

- I got my cert 3 and 4 in fitness, just for my own knowlegde, not because I want to have a big career in personal training or fitness. But I have the option of brushing up on my personal training if I DID want to get a job at a gym.

 

I am enrolled in a degree in food science and nutrition, which starts next year in Feb.

 

In the mean time, I just have to find more constructive ways to fill my days. I KNOW that to attract people in your lives, you need to also be a worthwhile person yourself.

 

At the moment, I have good potention to be the sort of person people want in their lives; I am nice, generous, and love listening and helping people. I can also be good in social situations, with talking to people, as I tend to say interesting things rather than the norm.

 

HOWEVER; at the moment, I only KNOW that I am where I want to be in life. I am not putting enough ACTION into it. I am moping around at home, sleeping in because I am sometimes too depressed to get out of bed.

 

I am sitting at home too much, wasting my brain, when I could be watching more documentaries, or getting more text books early and reading those.

 

Worthwhile, nice, and intelligent people are attracted to people who also posess at least some respectable qualities.

 

I am going in the direction I want to go in, however, to attract people, I am not yet conducting myself in a way that fully enhances who I am. I am laying around too much, and I have not yet found enough clubs or charities to keep busy with. Not to mention the light study i could be doing. About various issues, aside from my University degree.

 

 

 

SO. I think I have answered my own question. I just need to keep busy with my life and if I keep putting myself in the position when I am around people, such as joining a club or hobbie, volenteering, and the gym.

 

I have not tried that hard yet, I have only joined the gym, and only talked to a few people there at that. I go to a sewing thing ONCE week, but that has older ladies, no future friend prostects. Although I do enjoy talking to a diverse range and age group.

 

So I will keep going to the gym, join a club ( I want to join a martial arts club), and I want to volenteer more. I also have recently got a job, only on day per week, but if it goes well the manage said it will be a long term job for me, meaning I can KEEP it throughout Uni.

 

So I have to just be around people more, be myself, and eventually the conversations with people will lead to more.

 

Thanks for every ones help. It just gets frustrating now having a sex life. Especially since I am not a once night stand person. I have to have a connection.

 

So, I just have to go about creating a life that I enjoy in the meanwhile, a lifoe thaty I enjoy enough WITHOUT any people in it. Although having people to talk with, such as friends, would be betterm, I just have to be strong and wait for it.

 

.....But if I do not get some sort of action, secually, by Christmas, I will not be pleased. I mean, I am only human after all, and have feelings, and am sick of seeing fatter, less attractive girls having a good sex life.

 

( I am about 119 lbs and 5 ' 6, with large breasts btw, so there r lots of women bigger than me, who have a sex life, without resorting to one night stands).

[Green]

The above poster said if he was in Austrailia he'd be looking for you gym.

 

I think most single guys would feel that way about a hot girl like you who actualy seems to be horny. (its actualy really entertaining hearing your story)

 

Mark my words if you stay this horny and just keep getting out of the house doing things like gym ect... some guy will smell you out and he is going to want to mess you up in the dirtiest of ways. (sexualy)

[Leigh 87]

Glad you find my sexual frustration to be entertaining, Green:). I wonder if a GUY could last over 4 yrs without sex?

 

I am not that hot by the way - only about a 7 - 8 with NO make up. BUt I am a 9 with make up and high shoes. easy. And I would be a 10 if I had rthe sort of make up that the models on magazines have. But all 6 - 7 women could look like a 10 with that sort of make up and air brushing.

 

It has been 4 years or more since I had sex. SO on the bright side, at least my " area" is well maintained.

 

I feel too... " propper" for sex toys. I would feel like a real idiot just lying there and sticking a bloody.,.... yeah. I just would not do it.

 

I am going to go work out and make keep my body as hot as possible:) And I am not doing it purely to get guys.... I am doing it because it is the life I want to lead. I like lookiing and feeling as good as possible.

 

I think guys like girls who enjoy looking after themselves. But for the right reasons.

 

Hmm, one of the clubs in my new area that I am thinking of joining is a martial art class - Self defence and fitness, and another chance to get out of the house. My dad is a black belt in stick fighting and kick boxing.

 

I am going to start a journal, detailing my road to self improvement. No use babbling on in this post.

 

BUT I DO want ppl to give me imput, either here on in my journal.

 

SO if u want to hear about an attractive blonds life of sexual frustration, pop into my journal. You know, no sex is not always that bad.

 

Is sex a big part of peoples lives, though? I mean, in addition to all the other important aspects that need to be in place ( like a career path, getting your body in a state you feel good about, etc).

 

I very much enjoy life without sex, but I have a feeling that things will get much better once I met friends and have sex now and again.

 

Hmm I am fine now but there are times where I am like OMG I need sex.

[Rashad]

here is a theory Leigh, you're hot, and I'm I guessing that your confident with the way you carry yourself and to most guys you probably seem like you got it all together and maybe that's why they don't approach you. Here is what you do, next time you go out try to start a casual conversation, perhaps you go to the gym and you find a person with a similar routine to yours and then just talk to em. Also you might wanna have some local girl friends, eventually you'll get to meet their male friends.

 

But yeah you should put yourself out there, you don't have to wait for somebody to approach you cause like I said you probably seem like you got it all together. Also you have to let people know that you are new in town early in the conversion, maybe you can even start a conversation by asking people about their town, its clubs, and its hot spots.

 

Let us know what happens

[Leigh 87]

Thanks, having more conversations with people will help. I am not hot, as in model material, but I am the next step down from the very thin, tall body type; I am the next best ( I have a great shape body with curves in the right places).

 

BUT, I am attractive enough to garner at least some interest, IF I manage to strike up casual concersations.

 

But I do not always act like I have it altogether, to be honest; I had an eating disorder, and at 5 ; 6, I have never been over 114 lbs in 4 years. NOW I am 119 - 118 lbs, but with D cup breasts ( so a lot of my weight is to my breasts and butt).

 

Basically, sometimes I get weird about my body. Okay, a lot of the time I am uncomfortable, even though I like flaunting my body at the same time...

 

I will get used to it; walking around the gym in my tight gym clothes. It will just take some time.

 

I am hoping that the trainer at the gym who said I was gorgeous and hot, wil be there the next few days, and I will get the chance to say hello. He lives nearby so maybe if we get along well enough, he may suggest that we hang out some time.

 

Trust me though, as SOOn as I get some action, I WILL be writing about it, lOL!

 

I would NEVER kiss and tell in my REAL life, but no one on the net will ever MEET the guy I tell about, so after not getting any action for 4 years, I am sure ppl here weill be happy for me when i do.

 

*sigh* but yeah, even having one conversation with a guy at the gym, that goes well, will really lift my mood.

[Rashad]

I would NEVER kiss and tell in my REAL life, but no one on the net will ever MEET the guy I tell about, so after not getting any action for 4 years, I am sure ppl here weill be happy for me when i do.

*sigh* but yeah, even having one conversation with a guy at the gym, that goes well, will really lift my mood.

Aw, Wish you all the best.

One more thing though, I don't know if I'm the first to point this out for you but you seem to talk about your shape and breasts a little more than what's necessary, I mean... not that I'm complaining or that I don't enjoying reading about them 'cause believe me I do, but don't you think you are a bit obsessed with your physical appearance? I'm not saying one should not workout and keep track of their health but I honestly feel like there is an element of obsession here. I could be wrong though.

[Green]

Rishad this girl is obsessed lol but its pretty cool haha.

 

Really the trick to you getting a bf is just going to be to get out of the house as much as possible and put yourself around people.

 

That martial arts class would be a great fun way to meet people if you are into that sorta thing. But please promise me you won't spar they could turn you boobs and face into punching bags...

 

Just practice the moves and DON'T SPAR.

 

Oh and going with out sex for 4 years for a guys is a lot different. For instance technicaly it would be really easy for you to get laid even with your lack of social skills... a guy who lacks social skills to get laid truely cannot get laid till he either gets lucky and meets the right girl or betters himself.

 

YOu on the other hand will get laid verry soon if you are this horny... I agree with the sex toys thing (not that it will stretch you out) but it won't really scratch the itch you have. For me masturbation just kinda gets me more horny for the real thing.

 

Oh and I find girls who wear little to no make up the hottest so don't be so obsessed with putting make up on.

[Leigh 87]

Firstly, my social skills are okay - In fact, I am quiet good at interacting with people at times. So I would say my social skills can be above average at times. I can be great to be around.

 

I only lose it in that department when I feel self conscious about my body. THEN I shut down and get quiet and look uncomfortable.

 

And I am only obsessed wioth my body cos I had an eating disorder;I had the disorder cos I like to be very thin, so even though I have accepted that I do not have an ultra thin body, I still think about it a lot, I think about if I DO have a good body, and if I can improve it.

 

I am not a gym junkie either, I am just consistent; I do Pilatees every night, an at home DVD, and I do SOMETHING most days. I am not willing to feel a lot of pain or suffer a lot to attain a swim suit model body - the one I have is very good, for the amount I put into it. Because I do not try ecruciatingly hard.

 

Hmm I am 118 lbs now yay. Lost 2 nearly 2 lbs!

 

LASTLY - do guys notice thin, elegaqt arms, and really beautiful hands? They r my best feature - I have really nice arms and hands. Long fingers, I could be a hand model lol.

 

At least I have one bit of my body that I like. Because to be honest, I will always want to be thinner, and I will always think I am too large:( but this does not uspet me, cos it is not a real problem, only vanity.

[Green]

I love hands and arms so yes guys like that.

[Rashad]

LASTLY - do guys notice thin, elegaqt arms, and really beautiful hands? They r my best feature - I have really nice arms and hands. Long fingers, I could be a hand model lol.

 

At least I have one bit of my body that I like. Because to be honest, I will always want to be thinner, and I will always think I am too large:( but this does not uspet me, cos it is not a real problem, only vanity.

I like a few extra pounds as long as they don't sag, I'm not trying to sleep with a rock statue and half of these models are too stiff for my liking. I also don't like the sight of bones, reminds me of mummies and that skeleton we had in our science lab. I wouldn't wanna sleep with that! I bet you look just right. Stop worrying!

I love thin arms as long as they are not bony.

[Leigh 87]

OKAY. I am so sexually frustrated, that I have rang the hot trainer to book a pt session. If we connect to the extent where I can ask him.........

 

I am simply going to say : Okay. Do you genuinly find me attractive? ( he has said I am hot and gorgeous before. So unless he was lying....)

 

If I can, I want to ask/ establish if I am attractive enough for him to fool around with.

 

He did mention the fooling around thing last time.

 

So I am going to establish if he actually does mean what he said. I will not proceed with the next steps unless I DO establish this.

 

If he does find me attractive I will just be frank with him. I will say " look. I have a great life and I have everything together, however, I have not had a sex life for over 4 years, I am very frustrated"

 

" although I am very frustrated, I do not want to seek out a relationship JUST to get sex. I do not do one night stands either, I have to know the person"

 

" If you find me attractive enough TO fool around with, would you mind helping me out?"

 

I just want to be honest, and say that I basically need sex, but I do not want to have to wait until I am in a serious relationship with some one.

 

 

I rang today to book a PT session with him. He did not answer, so I Just left a msg saying that I wanted to cook a pt session. That is all I said.

 

If he ignores me after this, I will stear clear of him ( after all, it is rude to ignore a client who wants a session).

 

So if he doesnt work out, I will have to bloody just keep pleasing myself. With my hands though. I WILL NOT resort to a sex toy.

 

I am so pissed off cos there r fatter and uglier girls than a 118 lbs , 5 [' 6 blond hair blye eyed chick.

 

And THEY r getting some.

 

omg omg omg. I am so pissed.

 

*cries*

 

SO yah. I AM looking for sex at this point. Because I am learning that it is UNHEALTHY to be young,m physically fit, but ot have no sex life. LITERALLY! I think sex is actually healthy, and if not done once in a while, the frustration is not healthy.

 

I mean I am not that hot but geez. Worse off girls get some action. I am not resorting to goping to a bar to pick up guys either, I am not a slut. I want to be friend some one, and have them re4spect me before I f*ck them.

Edited September 8, 2010 by Leigh 87

[jamesum]

I told you that you are so sexually frustrated that you are not going to be able to think straight and get on with your life until you get it out of your system. And I remember when I suggested you should find someone purely for the sole purpose of releasing all your pent up carnal desires, you were like, "Oh no, Im not that kind of person. Im going to find someone serious."

 

Now apparently you have changed your mind eh?

 

Anyway, I personally think asking your personal trainer for sex is very very weird.

 

Also, dont forget, your PT has a job and Im pretty sure HE WANTS TO KEEP THE JOB.

 

If he is a man with rationale, then he must be thinking how unprofessional it is to be sexually involved with a client.

Edited September 8, 2010 by jamesum

[Green]

you really are very entertaining. Seriously though I think you're selling yourself short. You have some balls if you are really going to proposition a physical trainer at your gym in this way.

 

If I was single and a girl like you approached me at the gym with such a proposition I'd be tempted to grab her by the wrist and run out to my car with her to do her right then and there.

 

I've never in my life had happen to me what you are suggesting on doing but seriously if its sex you're after then this is almost a 100% gaurantee to get it for you.

 

My only advice is that as a girl sex alone probably won't make you happy. This guy could end up treating you pretty coldly after he has the time of his life with you. Thats why my advice is to not rush into things especialy as a young lady like yourself.

[Green]

I told you that you are so sexually frustrated that you are not going to be able to think straight and get on with your life until you get it out of your system. And I remember when I suggested you should find someone purely for the sole purpose of releasing all your pent up carnal desires, you were like, "Oh no, Im not that kind of person. Im going to find someone serious."

 

Now apparently you have changed your mind eh?

 

Anyway, I personally think asking your personal trainer for sex is very very weird.

 

Also, dont forget, your PT has a job and Im pretty sure HE WANTS TO KEEP THE JOB.

 

If he is a man with rationale, then he must be thinking how unprofessional it is to be sexually involved with a client.

 

Dude he is a 20 year old personal trainer. If a hot chick throws herself at him he isn't going to remember he has a job.

 

Seriously try not to be so judgemental she is obviously dealing with lonyness and feelings of inadequacy just like so many other girls her age.

[jamesum]

Dude he is a 20 year old personal trainer. If a hot chick throws herself at him he isn't going to remember he has a job.

 

Seriously try not to be so judgemental she is obviously dealing with lonyness and feelings of inadequacy just like so many other girls her age.

You know what? I think her problem probably has nothing to do with sex at all.

 

Like you said, she is probably just lonely. What she wants is not a sex life, but a life.

 

Sometimes if not most of the times, when a woman claims to look for a sex partner, all she wants is actually just a company.