Why is marriage so important to women?

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by dontgetit

Why is marriage soooooooooo important to women? What does marriage mean to you that you are willing to end a really GREAT relationship if you don't get that ring and piece of paper??? Is it just about having kids or is it more? PLEASE be HONEST!

 

It used to mean <ahem> security and comfort...knowing that you have a life long committment with someone. Knowing that you would have that person be with you through all the things you go through in life, doing it together.

 

Now it's all flushed down the drain for me LOL

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by dyermaker

There are tax changes, not benefits, married couples usually end up worse off taxwise.

 

Thank you. This is true in the majority of cases. I speak from experience. I've done taxes every way possible to try to squeeze every cent out of what we have to pay and if we were able to claim ourselves as single we would get more back.

 

I was a tax practioner for many years for O&G companies. In my former life and I hated it because its so twisted!

[Arabess]

I think there is a very big psychological transaction which takes place when a man gives a woman his name and she accepts his name as her own.

 

Our society has made quite a mockery out of it....but to a lot of people it still represents something.

 

I have no intention of remarrying....but if I truly fell in love with someone....I would want him to at least ASK!

[Smalls]

I think that just being with someone for a long time and not getting married is just a sign of being afraid of commitment. Being married means you work through problems instead of just running away. People now a days just like the easy way out instead of dealing with legalities. I thinks its s huge deal and for most women its something weve always waited for and dreampt about.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by Wolvesbaned

2. Our society norms for dating & courting makes us expect the same "dating/romantic behavior" after marriage. But men on the other hand are programmed to act "sweet/romantic" to attract a mate, most are not taught to continue this behavior after they securing a wife.

 

Pity to them, really. A wife that keeps care of her body, keeps her legs shaven, buys sexy clothes, and still *loves* to have sex after marriage is the almost-secure feedback to acting sweet/romantic.

[Smalls]

that was way wrong. women cant look perfect all the time. and i do notice that the men that say that stuff usually are overweight and pretty nasty themselves. i am so tired of society saying that you have to be anorexic to be and feel attractive and that you have to look awesome 24/7 in order to keep your husband. thats such bs!

[reggio]

I think people need to get their priorities straight above all.

 

Marriage is suppose to be a lifetime commitment, this means that there are a lot of things that two people need to do, to make a marriage work. It is really no different than a business contract. "Marriage is a legal contract".

 

Before you sign on the doted line, you need to agree on a lot of important individual and joint matters, i.e. finances, roles, goals, starting and raising a family. There is more to add of course.

 

The real big issue however, is that men and women are very different and have different expectations, this is a result of our up bringing and general social interpretations.

 

Men and women alike need to find the balance between emotion and logic before they can make any commitment.

 

Most people depend on love to make a marriage work, this is not good.

Love itself, is the reward of a successful relationship, this can only be achieved when both individuals fully participate as they originally had agreed before the marriage. Their union can become stronger and further develop a strong trust and respect for each other.

 

By the way, marriage is not for everybody, some people feel that they can go through life alone. For those people, good luck!

 

The reality is that any person needs another person in their life. It's has more benefits than being a loner.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by Smalls

that was way wrong. women cant look perfect all the time. and i do notice that the men that say that stuff usually are overweight and pretty nasty themselves. i am so tired of society saying that you have to be anorexic to be and feel attractive and that you have to look awesome 24/7 in order to keep your husband. thats such bs!

 

I didn't mean anything of the sort (being a woman myself).

I'll put it in a plainer way: when I'm married, if my husband feels to lazy to act romantic or sweet, I might feel to lazy to try to keep in shape or buy sexy underwear.

Hopefully women don't need to look awesome all the time to keep their husband.

(and I'll add that if the husband is a 'serial cheater' even looking like a model won't prevent him from straying. same applies to 'serial cheating wives'!)

But hopefully, again, women sometimes like to do something nice for their husband. (should I say nice and naughty? )

What I meant is that a man is romantic, he is doing something to strenghten the relationship and making his wife happy, and....don't you feel sexier when your bf/husband does something sweet for you?

[nicko]

Originally posted by SoleMate

Why is marriage soooooooooo frightening to men? What does marriage mean to you that you are willing to end a really GREAT relationship just so you don't have to buy that ring and sign the piece of paper??? Is it just about having freedom or is it more? PLEASE be HONEST!

 

Seriously.

 

Many people, men and women, want marriage for security, companionship, sex, forming a family, having their kids be legitimate, status (not being a single "loser") and the hope of growing old together. I'm being as honest as I can.

 

I think the point is this:

 

That if you say to someone that you love them and want to be with them forever why is that legitimised by marriage?

 

If you say it without an intent to marry in the mind of some women there is therefore the inference you're somehow just making an arm-waving, general statement that you don't really mean. I would accept marriage as being a declaration of commitment if divorce didn't exist.

 

It does and therefore marriage for security is the wrong answer. If you're not getting companionship or sex I would say technically you're not IN a relationship.

 

Kids are legitimate in or out of a relationship these days. Status is definitely not a good reason.

 

The hope of growing old together because of marriage is just that a hope, not a guarantee. Similar in fact to being out of wedlock and in a relationship.

 

So there we have it Q.E.D., women want it so they've got a guarantee and we all know where kids are concerned where the eyes of the law view men as single parents. In a court you haven't got a hope as a father trying to claim custody of their kids.

[Thinkalot]

so nicko, you think marriage is outdated then?

 

I don't. It still means a great deal to me, and to my fiance. I guess it's different for different people.

 

The traditions, the symbolism, the public declaration of love, the celebration...they all mean something, on top of all the bigger committment stuff.

[nicko]

Originally posted by Thinkalot

so nicko, you think marriage is outdated then?

 

I think the meaning of marriage has been lost in all the "traditions". The point is you've been socially conditioned to think that marriage means something. I think the most damning cloud hanging over the issue of marriage is that divorce is easy. Relationships need to be worked at.

 

The number of times I've witnessed marriages that fail when there has simply been a breakdown in communication. One half of the partnership has given up, had an affair and ended the marriage. In the 40s and 50s this went on, it happened with my Uncle and Aunt. He was away in the war and my Aunt had an affair. The man she was seeing was cornered by members of my family and had his ears boxed and told to leave town. My Aunt and Uncle were then told to sort themselves out. They had a long and happy life together and my Aunt deeply regretted her behaviour during the war.

 

In the eyes of the law this is wrong and probably sounds quite Draconian to modern ears but morally it is the right thing to happen. I advocate divorce in cases of domestic violence where to simply say "get on with it" is clearly not morally right.

 

I don't. It still means a great deal to me, and to my fiance. I guess it's different for different people.

 

The traditions, the symbolism, the public declaration of love, the celebration...they all mean something, on top of all the bigger committment stuff.

 

As for symbolism - buy a ring. Public declaration of love, celebration - throw a party and tell everyone present you love your partner.

 

To adhere to tradition is not a good reason for marriage. The symbolism when the meaning of the ceremony has been eroded by liberal attitudes towards the reality of marriage is to perpetuate something that has ceased to have any underlying meaning save for the superficiality of tradition. Of course there is meaning between the two partners but that existed prior to any marriage not because of it.

 

I still don't understand this argument of commitment. Why should my word to my partner not be better than a marriage certificate? Given that the person I would be marrying would or should know that I don't say something I don't mean. To insist on marriage is like saying to me "I don't believe you enough to take you on your word".

 

You are of course entitled to your view of marriage as I am to mine. I am yet to see one convincing argument to "western marriage" on this forum.

[NatoPMT]

why is marriage so important to me? it is only important if / because my relationship is right. marriage isnt important to me in itself, but if i was in a relationship with the person who is perfect for me, as i may well be now - then it becomes important. and that person would be perfect for me in every way, including their long term objectives for our relationship. if he didnt want to marry me, we wouldnt be right, just as it wouldnt be right if he wanted to live on the moon and i preferred London, or i wanted no children and he wanted a litter of them. it wouldnt stop me staying with someone who was close-as-damn-it right, as things may change, but i would fall out of love with someone eventually who didnt want the same things out of life as me.

 

i want marriage for my husband to be my family, for our children to be part of that family, the unity, the knowledge that if we try as hard as we have to maintain our relationship and get to where we are, we could always be this happy. oh yes and i hate my surname.

 

BB (miss)

[Thinkalot]

I didnt intend my previous reply to cover the entire range of reasons why I believe in marriage, and wish to marry. I was just pointing out that different things mean something to some of us, even though plenty of others think it's all pointless. Kids, family, unity, being a team in the eyes of others in society, through being a married couple, and loving someone so much that you want to celebrate that love the traditional way. Sure, those traditions are western and something we've been pre-conditioned to believe...that's OK with me. Societies are often bound by different traditions, which add meaning and structure. I can see why some people wish to reject them, and see them as meaningless. I guess I'm just not one of those people!

 

Me, I'm not marrying for the sake of it, but because I believe in it, see a reason for it, wish to celebrate our love the traditional way...and have found a man I am happy to commit to for life, and hopefully one day have a family with.

 

Different cultures, eastern and western all have traditions. Which you choose to follow, or if you choose to follow any at all, is a matter of personal choice in the end.