need some advice

[damn]

Okay I have been in a relationship for a long-time (at least for me its a long-time) 6 Years! We met in college and basically lived together for 3 years! After college she had to move home and I moved to another location about an hour away from her. Our relationship up until this point was wonderful, we had our ups and downs but we still loved each other! For the first time in my life I thought this was really the one!

 

When we were living apart I started to feel like something had been lost in our relationship! I started to get easily annoyed with her over just plain stupid things! I started to feel distant from our relationship! It just seemed something had changed and my feeling towards her just weren't the same! I started to wonder if I should start dating other women! I started to think that I was missing out on other things because of my relationship! At first I thought it was the distance issue (its hard to keep up a long-distance relationship!) so we decided to move in together considering we lived with each other throughout college! I had hoped that this would solve the problem, but it hasnt!

 

We are still together to this day! Somedays we get along very well, other days we are silent (mostly because of me) cause I won't say anyhting or I will just get all annoyed at anything she has to say! I have a constant battle going on inside of me these days! Someday's I feel like I should just end this realtionship and save both of us alot of time and pain! Then sometimes I get the feeling that I cannot just quit on this relationship! There is just too much to lose if I break up with her! We have in the past been able to work through things, but I just can't seem to get over this one! We have both talked about this issue together and my girlfriend seems to think that maybe spending a little time apart may help, but I am afraid that will end everything! I am really stuck on this one and don't know what to do! This girl is everything I have ever wanted yet I cannot stop feeling that something is missing in our relationship these days! I don't know what to do! Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[artlover]

Yes, I have. I was in a six year relationship that ended in 1996. We also met in college and we lived together for four years. We also had our ups and downs, but inevitably we could come back to that place of love and admiration and suddenly find our relationship on an upswing once again. It's only natural for a relationship to have its ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys... However, during the last year or so we were togther, I too felt there was something wrong. Something missing that I just couldn't put my finger on. I told myself it was the lack of romance. I told myself it was because of an emotional void. I told myself it was because he and I were no longer having sex, I no longer felt "in love" with him. Yes, it was all of those things. But now I can say in all honesty at the ripe old age of 31 (I was 27 then) the biggest problem of all was ME. I was bored with myself. I needed to grow. I needed to change. I was just getting interested in pursuing a more spiritual lifestyle (yoga, meditation, etc.) and I wanted to explore this on my own. I also wanted to figure out why I wasn't writing even though it was the only dream I ever had and my boyfriend was very supportive of it. I needed to do all of this and I knew instinctively that I had to do it for myself and by myself. The last four years have been about my creative, personal and spiritual growth. Period. Could I have done this within my relationship? I didn't think so at the time and looking back I know I made the right decision. I've never had a single moment of regret and the two of us are still good friends.

 

What I'm trying to say is: maybe what you're feeling has less to do with your girlfriend or your relationship and more to do with where you are in your life. I'm assuming you're young (mid-twenties), maybe you need a stronger sense of "you" before you can be a part of an "us." On the other hand, maybe you have a woman in your life who can and will support you on whatever life changes you may need to make. Maybe you can grow and experience life and still stay with this person. Only you can answer that. Don't make any hasty decisions either way. But also don't be afraid to get out of a relationship that's going nowhere. It's a big mistake to stay with someone out of fear or guilt or neediness. You would be doing you and your girlfriend a terrible disservice. Life is too short! Good luck to you.

Okay I have been in a relationship for a long-time (at least for me its a long-time) 6 Years! We met in college and basically lived together for 3 years! After college she had to move home and I moved to another location about an hour away from her. Our relationship up until this point was wonderful, we had our ups and downs but we still loved each other! For the first time in my life I thought this was really the one!

 

When we were living apart I started to feel like something had been lost in our relationship! I started to get easily annoyed with her over just plain stupid things! I started to feel distant from our relationship! It just seemed something had changed and my feeling towards her just weren't the same! I started to wonder if I should start dating other women! I started to think that I was missing out on other things because of my relationship! At first I thought it was the distance issue (its hard to keep up a long-distance relationship!) so we decided to move in together considering we lived with each other throughout college! I had hoped that this would solve the problem, but it hasnt! We are still together to this day! Somedays we get along very well, other days we are silent (mostly because of me) cause I won't say anyhting or I will just get all annoyed at anything she has to say! I have a constant battle going on inside of me these days! Someday's I feel like I should just end this realtionship and save both of us alot of time and pain! Then sometimes I get the feeling that I cannot just quit on this relationship! There is just too much to lose if I break up with her! We have in the past been able to work through things, but I just can't seem to get over this one! We have both talked about this issue together and my girlfriend seems to think that maybe spending a little time apart may help, but I am afraid that will end everything! I am really stuck on this one and don't know what to do! This girl is everything I have ever wanted yet I cannot stop feeling that something is missing in our relationship these days! I don't know what to do! Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[Tony T]

What is missing is your committment to make it work. What is missing is your ability to be content and happy.

 

No matter what we do in life, if we settle into any situation, including job, house, pet...whatever, there will be periods of time when we may feel something is missing. We just don't live in a perfect world.

 

No matter what relatinship you are in, there is ALWAYS a better one out there for you. Yes, ALWAYS. But you can rob yourself of some of the best years of your life by going from one relationship to the other without committing yourself to one person and working to create a situation that brings happiness and contentment to both of you.

 

Relationships are usually more exciting in the first years than they become once the fireworks diminish a bit...and that's the way it's supposed to be. Going from relationship to relationship, using up all the fireworks, and then moving on can make for a very lonely life in time.

 

It sounds like somebody has pulled your happiness plug. Find it and put it back in. No matter what you do in life, there will always be something missing if you are not happy with yourself. When you truly find happiness within yourself, every circumstance you encounter in life will become more and better than you had ever dreamed.