myshereeamor Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) Ok, so my husband and I seperated 6 months ago for the second time because he said he didn't know if he could take it anymore. A week later I found out he had been talking to an old female friend he hooked back up with on facebook with pages n pages of text messages!! Of course, he denied it!! Up until last week he has been denying it! They are just friends! My kids went to spend nite with him for 1st time last Friday and all her stuff left laying around! Maybe that was his way of fessing up, don't know! I ened up committing myself to mental health because I couldn't take it anymore. Whole time he has been gone been professing his love for me, but just couldn't live with me, lol! Also been lots of verbal abuse from him!!! After getting out of mental health a mutual friend that I met through husband informed me of some things that have blown me away. He told me my husband bragged bout sleeping with sister's best friend! This happened over 5 yrs ago! I am a friend of this woman as well on facebook so I asked her bout it. She admitted it, but said they didn't do anything cause he couldn't get it up, go figure!! He again denies! Said she said that cause he cussed her and her boyfriend out a couple months ago, wtf!! Today our friend tells me my husband got a woman pregnant and paid for her to get abortion! He said he went with husband for support!! We lost a baby in 97 due to stillbirth and I went through infertility treatments for almost 4 yrs afterwards to get pregnant again and God blessed us with twins! Husband then has the nerve to kill an innocent child because he couldn't keep it in his pants!!! Friend then tells me that when husband left me first time when I thought he was staying with a guy from work, he was actually staying with an old high school sweetheart who stalked us when we first got married. Said the only reason he came home was because she was pregnant and went back to her husband! Woman claims baby is her husbands! How can that be for sure even if she was sleeping with her husband and my husband at same time?? Told me my husband also bragged bout meeting some woman online and going to her house to have sex while I was at work. I have known all along my husband was addicted to weed and he got into trouble last summer and has been forced to go to outpaient treatment since a month before he left me! Now I hear he has been addicted to cocaine the whole time as well. Most of our arguments were over money because I was always missing it or he would take money out of bank and then deny like an idiot when all I had to do was check account online. My mother n her husband had some money and guns stolen out of their house one summer while we were all at beach, everyone except my husband and my older daughter from previous marriage. My daughter had a party at my mothers house so of course she and her friends got blamed for that. This is my second marriage and I thought my first husband was bad, he cheated as well but nothing like all this bull#@%*. Well recently, my neice told my mother that my husband had brought some guns over to her house at same time to try to sell to her husband but he didn't want any part of it n they never told anyone bout it. Friend then informs me that when he and my husband worked at one place, the man they worked for sold cocaine and my husband was selling it for him supposedly but was using more than he was selling!!!!I abused cocaine years ago before I met my husband ( I am 10 years older), why did I not see it! Guess I was in complete denial!! Friend also told me husband claimed to some of their co workers he served 2 years in military and had a harley but it was in shop! He is a high school dropout that was in ROTC, OMG!! Mutual friend decided to tell me all of this because he knew I went to mental health and he wanted me to know if I needed him to go to court with me, fighting over custody, he would gladly go because he does not want me to lose my children! Husband has been gone six months and has probably spent 48 hours with his kids since leaving! Before, he was actually very involved with his kids, if you can believe it! After confronting my husband again today, he denies again and tells me I'm losing my mind!!! Guess I am!! He causing me to lose it!!!! Tells me to quit calling n texting him but continues to call me, 20 times after that!! He texted me again to say I was going to hate him. I figured it was because he was going to make more threats bout taking kids. He texted me again to ask me if I was ready to hear the truth. I replied I was ready when he was but I was not going to listen to anymore bull@#%& lies anymore!! Haven't heard another word from him, that was apx 3 hours ago. Figured he knows I'm mad as hell n he is going to wait for me to cool down n call me! Sure he is going to try to get out of all of it, like he always does but I don't see anyway he can!! I now see the last 13 yrs of my life have been a total and complete lie!! I know I have to forgive him but don't know if I will ever have any respect for him ever again. Actually feel sorry for him! No wonder his blood pressure was up all the time with so many secrets he had to keep. How could he do it!! It blows my mind!! Don't get me wrong, I was no saint in the marriage but to live a complete double life for 13 years, there is no way I could do it. My dumb#%% has apologized to him for any of my wrongdoings whole time he has been gone and begged his forgiveness n to please say he would go to counseling or something to work on our marriage for him to tell me he loved me but couldn't live with me! What a fool I am!!! Bet he loved that!!!!! It's kinda sad because his mother left him and his father for 3 years and they never heard a word from her and one day she just picks up phone and wants to come home and his dad let her! He told me all the time how he had no respect for his mother for doing that to him but yet he is doing the exact same thing to his kids! He was diagnosed with bipolar disease years ago but would not take medication! Suicide runs in his family! His mother did it, her two brothers did it! OMG, wonder if he does it!! What am I supposed to do?? I have 2 kids by this man!!! Just need some kind of advise, am way too embarrassed to tell any of my family or friends!!! Edited September 6, 2010 by myshereeamor
BlackLovely Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 It's very, very hard to read a post that is just one big paragraph. Also, it's much too long. I would love to help you, but your post is difficult to get through.
NoIDidn't Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 MyShereeamor Sounds like you need a break from all this mess going on and your H needs rehab. You need some new friends. They knew all this and waited until you were out of a mental health admission to tell you? I'm sorry you are going through this and it has to be very painful. Find the time to be still. If you could beat cocaine, you can beat this. What you need to be doing right now is deciding if you even want to be with your H given all that you have heard. Pregnancies, multiple affairs, cocaine abuse, lying to you and making you think you are losing your mind (gaslighting) is what he has been up to. Are you up to forgiving this? Nothing wrong with it if you are, just know that its not going to be easy. If he truly recommits to you and your M (and you too), you may come to respect him again seeing everything he does to truly earn your love and respect back. But right now, you need some peace. Some quiet time to calm your nerves and keep you out of a psyche ward. Your children need you as he's not too stable right now. Again, I'm really sorry for the pain you are experiencing right now.
alexandria35 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 What's up with this mutual friend? Why is he singing like a canary now? After all that time aiding and abetting your husband's lies why is he telling the truth now? I agree that you probably need some time just for you right now. With all the revelations you have been hit with, you likely need some time to just let it all sink in and figure out your feelings.
Author myshereeamor Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 I agree blacklady, I thought the same thing when I was typing it, lol! Basically my husband of 13 years has been cheating on me the whole time, Got one girl pregnant, paid for her to have an abortion. Was strung out on cocaine, didn't even c the signs!! Mutual friend tells me everything just this week Because my husband has been playing such mind games with me that I admitted to myself last Sunday and friend doesn't want to c me lose my kids to husband! Been seperated 6 months, he's with an OW but claims they are just friends! Just admitted last week he has sex with her! Don't know what to do!! have 2 kids by him!!
2sunny Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I agree blacklady, I thought the same thing when I was typing it, lol! Basically my husband of 13 years has been cheating on me the whole time, Got one girl pregnant, paid for her to have an abortion. Was strung out on cocaine, didn't even c the signs!! Mutual friend tells me everything just this week Because my husband has been playing such mind games with me that I admitted to myself last Sunday and friend doesn't want to c me lose my kids to husband! Been seperated 6 months, he's with an OW but claims they are just friends! Just admitted last week he has sex with her! Don't know what to do!! have 2 kids by him!! you're kidding, right? be grateful you now know. face the reality. divorce this sorry little boy, and fight for custody (sole) and supervised visitation... asking for all the money you can possibly squeeze from him. you now know the truth. he's a druggy and doesn't deserve you or your kids in his condition. cut your losses and begin to live again!
Fallingapart Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Wow..and I thought I had it bad with my post from last night.this makes my situation sound like a day at the beach! It doesn't sound like ur H is doin anything to try and work through his mess to save ur marriage! I say get urself together girl and don't let this man tear you down and put u back into a mental ward and cause u to loose ur kids..if he's doin all this cocaine and ur mentally incapable, your kids will end up with relatives or complete strangers.. Remove urself from this mans incredible mass destruction and take him to the cleaners girl!! Good luck!
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