BunnyGirl Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 I have been friends with a guy for 2 years, and we have been seeing each other casually for the past 5 months or so. I know there are a few things that have been stopping him from making a commitment (a clinging ex, moving houses, long work hours), but I just don't know how long I should wait around for him to get serious about me. He knows how I feel and says he wants to be a couple as well, but things just never seem to change. I don't want to pressure him or send him packing, but the time spent not knowing whether this will happen or not is driving me CRAZY! Any advice would be MUCH appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 wait until you feel that you can't wait anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Why don't you just ask him how he feels? Link to post Share on other sites
BunnyGirl Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 I have asked him how he feels... He says he thinks we would make a great couple, but he is dealing with some baggage at the moment. I wanted to say, 'You'll have baggage for the rest of your life, I don't care! We can work through it together!' but I stayed quiet, thankful even to get this nugget of information from him. There's nothing really more I can say without appearing like a desperate psycho. *sigh* I am just getting impatient. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 If he gets the real feeling that he might lose you if he doesn't decide what he wants, it will do a lot to hasten his decision. He might get this feeling by you taking the relationship down several notches, seeing other guys flirting or hitting on you, or it may even take something as extreme as you saying that you're not getting what you need out of this relationship and that you want to start seeing other people. Whatever you do, you don't want to give an ultimatum. That only creates unhealthy pressure and possibly even anger, both of which could drive him away completely, and there would always be the lingering feeling that the only real reason he committed is because you threatened to leave otherwise. So whatever you do, you can't let him know that you're actions are purely contingent on him making a commitment. If he's halfway intelligent, I'm sure he'll realize on his own that the reason this relationship is falling apart (or at least appears that way to him) is that he hasn't demonstrated his feelings for you by committing, but you will have avoided any pressure and he will have made the decision on his own accord. Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnygirl Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 What a great piece of advice!! It is so tempting to just give him an ultimatum, coz I can feel my resentment building. I feel like I have been keeping up the appearance of being disinterested for long enough and I was this close to just saying, 'wake up, its now or never.' I'm glad you wrote because the last thing I want to do is lose him because of using the wrong tactics. The thing is, he actually thinks that I have been seeing other guys (2 of my friends sent me flowers on V day - Im the only single in our group - and I basically let him think they were from guys). He got a bit jealous but not really as much as I had hoped. In any case he hasn't changed his tune. I guess I'll just slow things down even more, like not returning every call, but this will be very hard. VERY HARD! I hate this, why are things so complicated. How can I stop centering my world around this amazing guy?? Link to post Share on other sites
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