If someone is wrong for you....

[Tony T]

If someone is wrong for you, no matter how right you are for them it will never work out. You can't force compatibility. If it's there you can't guarantee that it will always be there. You can never be the one person holding up an entire relationship...the person doing all the work...doing all the compromising...doing all the hoping against the odds that the relationship will go to the finish line.

 

It takes 100 percent of both parties to make it work. You can never know if the other party is willing to give that 100 percent until much time has passed.

 

If you want love, to be part of this chapter of life, you've got to stick your neck out. It's not easy.

[threebyfate]

Ever tried to drive a car with the parking brake on? Major friction and burn outs.

[Tony T]

Ever tried to drive a car with the parking brake on? Major friction and burn outs.

 

Exactly, just like that! So why do so many people try to force things on an unwilling partner, many of whom are struggling to get the message across that they want them to take a hike?

[threebyfate]

Exactly, just like that! So why do so many people try to force things on an unwilling partner, many of whom are struggling to get the message across that they want them to take a hike?

It depends on how you define "force". Anyone can ask for anything and it's up to their partner or ex to say no. Once the ex or partner says no, then I agree that people need to back off.

 

Fear of loss or the unknown appear to fuel much of this behaviour, as well as the mistaken concept about soulmates or "the one". There are many for some and a few for others but there's never only one.

[Feelin Frisky]

I second your assertions.

[Simon Attwood]

If someone is wrong for you, no matter how right you are for them it will never work out. You can't force compatibility. If it's there you can't guarantee that it will always be there. You can never be the one person holding up an entire relationship...the person doing all the work...doing all the compromising...doing all the hoping against the odds that the relationship will go to the finish line.

 

It takes 100 percent of both parties to make it work. You can never know if the other party is willing to give that 100 percent until much time has passed.

 

If you want love, to be part of this chapter of life, you've got to stick your neck out. It's not easy.

 

This seems slightly contradictory, you seem at once to be saying "stick your neck out" at the same times as "beware of sticking your neck out"?

[denise_xo]

This might be a bit on the side of what Tony is referring to, but I think a lot of the problem originates with the fact that people tend to mistake 'love' with 'possession'. Because we are so conditioned into equating the ideal version of love with exclusive monogamous relationships where love is reciprocated at the 'same level' and in certain shapes and formats, other manifestations of love are perceived as secondary in quality. I think that's greatly missing out. In terms of sticking your neck out, then, one of the ways in which you do that is to display and give genuine love without expecting it to be reciprocated in a particular way. It's about feeling comfortable with loving a person in the moment without having to be loved back or to be loved back forever, and without having to translate it into society's A4 formats ('forcing compatibility').

Otherwise, I think Kahlil Gibran sums up 'sticking your neck out' quite nicely:

 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

[TaraMaiden]

First the person has to see, admit and agree that someone is wrong for them.

Until this happens, everyone believes their partner can, and will be, right for them.

[florence of suburbia]

True, Tony. Eventually, if you have any self-respect you have to let go. Based on what happens next, you'll see whether or not you were the only person holding things together.