feeling silly Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 There's only one way to begin and that's from the beginning right? It started when we were 14 and 15. We were first loves, first everything. Totaly inseperable, we thought we could take on anything. It wasn't long though before someone (his friend) started rumors (lies of course) and we broke up. I was completely devistated. We would get together again for short periods of time and then go our separate ways. We finally got our "stuff" together and wanted to be with eachother forever. Shortly after his parents packed up, bringing him with them, and they moved 3000 miles away. Needless to say, the long distance thing didn't work out. I moved on with my life and met someone else whom I have three children with. I thought about my lost love every day, secretly wondered what ever happened to him. Anyway, after being together for 8 years, the father of my children got caught in an affair. An affair that lasted just shy of a year and took place in my home. I was devistated again and after wanting to die, I decided to move on with my children in hand and chin up high. I left him. But of course, life likes to throw curve balls the moment we think things are good. Out of the blue, my long lost love calls me up. He was back in town to visit friends and family. I was so excited and instantly became that 14 year old girl again. We did meet up while he was in town, and to my dismay I found out that he had got married. I played it cool, like I wasn't hurt. The night when on and suddenly I became the woman that I most despised. I had loved him all those years we were apart, but that night had fallen in love with him all over again. He admitted to feeling the same. He went back home......3000 miles away. We still keep in touch but never discuss such details as to how we truely feel. It would be inapropriate I guess. I hate myself for ever letting that night happen, and would have equally hated myself for not letting it happen. It's not in me to be the OW. I feel as though I'm destined to live alone (aside from my children of course) and wait for him to come back to me. I know that we are friends yet I wonder if it would be easier if we didn't talk anymore. But I can't stand the thought of not talking to him. I'm just lost in life. Link to post Share on other sites
C.Celine.C Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 I can see how it can hard for you. You feel like you have lost a true love, and maybe you have. But if he has a family, and is happy with his life, it would be cruel to mess it for him. Take a while to recover from your divorce, then think about moving on to other people. Either way it would be best to do that instead of persuing Him. Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 I JUST went thru a similar situation like yours. She and I were inseparable at 14/15, then she moved away with her parents. We were both crushed. Now, we are 33. I was able to find her and contact her. She has a serious boyfriend. I decided I DO NOT want to be the other guy. If I were the boyfriend I would not appreciate having an ex in the picture. I took myself out of the situation. I told her we can't have a casual friendship. We were both crushed again. Quite sad but necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feeling silly Posted February 21, 2004 Author Share Posted February 21, 2004 I feel misunderstood, C.Celine.C. Thankyou though. I already know that I'm not going to persue him. My conflict here is whether or not to maintain the friendship. I don't know if it's harder for me to continue talking to him, or if I should just not talk to him at all and lose the friendship all together. Who knows? Maybe he'll return to me once I'm unavailable, and pose this uncertainty once again. I don't like this feeling. I've encountered too many cross-roads in my life. Thanks, RobertoPNW. Your insight is helpful. I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Unfortunately, any friendship will make you want more. You can't just eat one chip! Link to post Share on other sites
Author feeling silly Posted February 24, 2004 Author Share Posted February 24, 2004 Thanks moimeme, You're absolutely right, I can't just eat one chip. I sent him an email explaining this and he never replied. I don't know what that means, but hey, I'm a big girl. Besides I have enough **** on my plate to keep me going for a while. LOL Thanks again, surprisingly I accually feel better not anticipating his replies. Link to post Share on other sites
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