lkjh Posted September 8, 2010 Share Posted September 8, 2010 For starters there is more to the story than you know. Also I think you said she claimed she didn't have sex with him because each time she was on her period. This is bs, if she was on her period her pants would not have come off. Second expose her to everyone. Don't try and hide this because she will end up putting all of it on you. I am willing to bet that she has already bad mouthed you to people in her family Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 8, 2010 Share Posted September 8, 2010 this early into the marriage and shes already cheating Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 8, 2010 Share Posted September 8, 2010 (edited) Trust me about my mom. I have hated her ever since she did what she did. Her excuse was that she has depression. My dad accepted her back because of his kids, only one of which was still living at home when this happened. I have always voiced my opinion to my dad though about getting rid of her. Which is one of the primary reasons I want to just end it with my wife. I want to show my father that we can move on to a better life. The IC man, have you guys gone to IC (Individual Counseling) to understand why you chose to marry people like your mother(cheaters). I say get it, otherwise you'll end up repeating this over again with someone else! BTW, Depression doesn't DO that! No way in HELL! Your mom hasn't ever taken responsibility for her actions, huh? No, from the sounds of it! Edited September 8, 2010 by Darth Vader Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Your wife has been lying to you by ommission, deceiving you, manipulating you, conniving, and letting you do all this work to save a mge., while she continued to spread her legs for the other guy If this went on for close to 2 years, you had better believe they finished, and they probably had sex 50 to 100 times----do not fall for this once in a while in the parking lot---YOU KNOW SHE LIES, WHY WOULD YOU BELIEVE HER ABOUT THE NUMBER OF TIMES SHE VIOLATED HER SACRED VOWS What is really sad is that you are innocently working your heart out to make this mge., go and she was at the exact same time scheming, and planning her next escapade with her lover-----she has utterly disrespected you at ALL levels----why would you for any reason want to stay with her----actually how can you even stand to look at her or be in the same place as her As to the WHY it is total BS that she does know why---she certainly knows what her thoughts were the 1st time she climbed into his back seat and spread her legs----she knows why---and she certainly knows why she continued to have her A.---Remember if he hadn't dumped her---SHE WOULD STILL BE DECEIVING YOU RIGHT NOW If for some strange reason, you wanna try and R. this failed mge., and I really have no idea why you would, you need to set some very specific boundaries, with dealbreaker consequences THAT YOU WILL ACT IMMEDIATELY ON---and you need to make her sign A POST--NUP, WITH A DURESS CLAUSE Link to post Share on other sites
Windsurf66 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Here is the story. A few years ago my wife and I were going through a rough time in our marriage. Neither one of us had been paying much attention to the other. We sat down and discussed this, and she had told me that she was sexually interested in another man but that nothing had happened. I felt a little betrayed, but we decided to work on our marriage because we both still had love for each other. It took us about six months to recover, but we pulled through and for the last year and a half things have been very strong between the two of us. Then I confronted her about the guy she was sexually interested in two years ago. Here is the problem. She lied when she told me nothing had happened. It turns out that she and the guy she was sexually interested in had been sexually active (just shy of intercourse). She said that she was on her period every time which stopped them from actually having intercourse. This is a real problem for me because when I said my vows I took them very seriously, and no matter how difficult our marriage is/was I could never bring myself to do this to my spouse. Here is the real kicker. I would have thought that as soon as her and I had decided to fix our marriage and try to fall in love again that she would have called it off with this guy. Apparently, she had continued the affair after we had sat down and agreed to "work" on our marriage. This is by far the most painful part for me because I worked very hard during those months to try to regain what we had, and she was still off with this other guy. It ended when he stopped calling her, so she didn't even end the affair. It took her two years to tell me anything about this, and the only reason she said anything was because I had confronted her about the other guy she told me she was interested in a couple of years back. That is when the truth, assuming she is not lying about it, finally came out. The fact that we had agreed to work on our marriage and she was still seeing this other guy seems like a huge red flag about a flaw in her personality that I have never seen before. Another problem I have with the affair though is that she said she doesn't know how it happened, and that things just happened. I would just assume that after the first time you would realize what you were doing. It turns out that she was basically this other guys booty call, whenever he wanted it he would call her and they would go meet in a parking lot to do their thing. I have been discussing this with my parents and my wife's sister because they are the only ones that are aware of the affair. Everybody said I should give her another chance, but I am 25 so I have a lot of years ahead of me still and I don't want to have to deal with this pain for the rest of my life because I know it will haunt me. The Question: Should I even be considering taking her back after the fact that she continued this affair while we were supposed to be working on our marriage? Even some tips on how to cope with my feelings would be great. The fact that we had agreed to work on our marriage and she was still seeing this other guy seems like a huge red flag about a flaw in her personality that I have never seen before. OP, you are right. The main issue here is, there is a flaw in her personality, she is a very selfish person. She will have an affair again next time when the opportunity arises. Since you are very young, I would advise you to divorce her and find someone better. In addition, you will never trust her again, so why bother beating a dead horse? Dead horse is your marriage Link to post Share on other sites
The-Zen-Warrior Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 During a time such as you went through, about your lady seeing someone on the side all the while professing her love for you, wanting to keep it all working, your her one and only yada yada yada For me I found this all to be horse crap. My ex-wife was seeing her little man on the side all the while proclaiming and professing her love to me. She claimed that nothing could ever stop us and nothing could ever break us. Well after finding out about her man on the side my Father sat me down for one of those painful and stern "father-Son" talks. He told me to the quick, Son if you don't have trust, now or in the future, what do you really have? It boiled down to me having to realize that without "trust", like being able to trust that your mate will be honest, loyal and true with you, if you don't have that, you have nothing! Heck as you stated, your lady was some sort of "booty call" for this man on the side. My ex-wife was kind of that to, but in her case she had to fly approx. 1000 miles to deliver that booty call. And when she was on one of those 1000 mile away booty calls, I dropped her like a hot potato. So again, if she lied to you once about this man on the side, than what's going to stop her from ever lying about something like this in the future. You tried to work things out, she claimed she would do the same, all the while she kept a little Mr. someone in her pocket. Don't wait, drop her now, drop her while the impact of the situation is easier to deal with. Don't drag this out, don't invest years more of time into this, for if you do, the impact of the situation will be devastating to deal with. Don't believe a word she says, don't trust her if and when she was to ever say "I'm sorry" and "Can't we try again", no no no don't fall into that trap. If you don't have TRUST, both in her and yourself than you have NOTHING! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts