All I feel is I'm the only one coming out with nothing

[pinkroses]

Just my freedom, and most of my pride, but that doesn't keep you warm at night or heal the pain in your heart.

 

I'm sure my ex bf is probably all cozily hooked back up with his ex, she's probably moving back into his house as I write this, this weekend. They are each getting something out of the deal; each other. But I'm home feeling hurt and alone and empty. There's a huge void and nothing to replace in it. Even though I am the one who ultimately broke things off over a month ago and I no longer want my ex in my life and it's way for the best for me to be away from that situation, I feel loss, not gain.

 

Maybe it's wrong but I am wishing them a horrible time. They were on/off for three years before I began seeing him, and I knew they'd never be able to cut the ties, it was just a matter of when one of them would break and they'd be back like a couple of tight friends. I feel like I was just used in that 7-month interim. I really cared about him, but he threw me away for a situation far less desirable. They were miserable together and they're both crazy. She is a plain-faced, personality-less desperate pathetic psycho who cheats on him and he has no respect for her and spent most of their together times binge drinking to forget his unhappiness. So what is the appeal? Are people like that dysfunctionally together for life? Why are so many people stupid enough to think that going back to the same person over and over is going to work? I feel like this will never stop bugging me until I meet someone new and feel like there's something in this world for me...but who knows when that'll ever happen?

[fallenangel]

Pity parties are counterproductive.

 

you obviously made the decision to get with someone back then who was on the rebound, what did you expect?

 

you don't exactly describe him as someone who's a great catch so who cares what he's doing now?

 

you're the one who broke up with him, that was your choice.

 

feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere.

[Skittles]

She is a plain-faced, personality-less desperate pathetic psycho who cheats on him and he has no respect for her and spent most of their together times binge drinking to forget his unhappiness. So what is the appeal? Are people like that dysfunctionally together for life? Why are so many people stupid enough to think that going back to the same person over and over is going to work? I feel like this will never stop bugging me until I meet someone new and feel like there's something in this world for me...but who knows when that'll ever happen?

 

 

! Wow!

 

 

Pinkroses you are too pretty to be letting mean -spirited junk come flying out your mouth.

 

I know you are hurt and feel used and angry, but those two obviously belong together in their co-dependent mess.

 

You will have no trouble meeting other guys for sure. Right now imo, your energy belongs to you, making yourself happy and choosing someone who will be worthy of your love.

 

I know when I was burned, and I was, I made it my business to let go of all the negative feelings I had about my "competitor"...because in the end, she had and has no power over my life or my choices..

 

Plus being p*ssed all the time just gives us wrinkles... ..go out and spend some money on yourself!

[pinkroses]

when you are hurting, do you like it when people are as uncompassionate as you just were with me? I am not having a pity party! I am in pain and I am venting my frustrations. If all you can do is whip someone when they are down, you shouldn't be offering your cold-hearted thoughts.

[fallenangel]

actually, if I was wallowing in self pity and being all dramatic, i would hope somene would try to snap me out of it. if i was writing about how much of a loser my ex was and bashing his new girlfriend and i was wishing they'd have a "horrible time" i would want someone to tell me to get a grip and move on and make the most of this short life. i guess next time you share your tales of woe you should be clear in what kind of responses you want to receive and then hopefully we can carry out your wishes. boohoo.

[midori]

Hi Pinkroses,

 

I can hear the hurt in your words and it's obvious that you're miserable right now. But I have to say that I think fallenangel's advice is probably the best you're going to get, even if it smarts at the moment.

 

You know this guy was a bad bet; in fact you knew it even when you first got involved with him. You overrode your doubts, probably hoping that what seemed like the most likely outcome wouldn't come to pass. It sounds to me as though your pride is wrapped up in this. Maybe you thought that if the guy appreciated just how fabulous you are he would deviate from his established pattern of on-again/off-again with the ex. That didn't happen, which must mean that the guy didn't appreciate how fabulous you are.

 

I know what it's like to hurt, to wish ill on the person who hurt me, to obsess and seethe. You know what -- it hurts no one but yourself. However true the things you've just said about the guy and his ex might be, that's a very bitter food to feed your thoughts with.

 

They're both sad and pathetic people. They are probably not going to be happy in the long run. Has he grown or changed? Any lessons learned? Doesn't sound like it. You, on the other hand, have learned some things from this encounter. That makes you stronger, wiser, etc. Better situated to recognize someone who's got real potential -- which, as you admit, this guy did not.

 

Get out there and get busy. I know what it's like to feel as you do, and thus I can reasonably promise you that that is the best remedy. And the best revenge. When your life is full of activities that bring you satisfaction, and interesting people (whether just friends or someone more special), the prospect of being with this guy won't look appealing at all. Indifference is the best revenge. The ironic thing about indifference, though, is that as long as you're seeking it to get back at someone, you know you haven't achieved it.

[pinkroses]

Your advice was firm and truthful, not just a cold slap in the face. If I was posting that I was planning vengeances or breaking someone's relationship up or doing something drastic like that, then I could see someone responding with a post to "snap me out of it." I am just feeling really hurt and angry this morning. This guy's ex was supposedly "dead to him". I didn't believe him and figured he'd be back with her in two months or less, but after seven months I thought maybe he really was moving on. I wasn't being an idiot about it, I was safeguarding my heart and knowing things would have to end eventually, it's just hard to make the actual cut, and frustrating to be rejected for someone who has so much less to offer than you do. And just because you know someone is wrong for you or they have problems you don't want, doesn't mean it isn't painful when it's over.

 

I'm very angry right now, I should probably avoid posting on this forum for a while. I can't handle meanness from people while I'm hurting, and need a different way to vent I guess.

[moimeme]

Pink

 

You're in pain and the wounded animal lashes out. This isn't an insult; it's the way we are (remember, we share something like 98 or 99% of our genetic material with pigs and mice!).

 

Part of you also knows that the reason you're lashing out is that you're angry and frustrated. But you know what? This pair has saved you from a lifetime of suffering. You ditched the guy because the wise part of your brain knows he's bad news. You ask Are people like that dysfunctionally together for life? Quite often, yes. Some dysfunctional people never do get fixed - and you don't need one in your life.

 

Right now you feel that they have something (a pair bond, support, companionship) that you do not - but realistically, you could find that if you went to a bar tonight. You want a GOOD companion, not any companion. You want a man who's not tied to somebody else. You want better than what you had - and that you don't have a companion at the moment will feel bad for a while but it's not worth having a jerk in your life.

 

frustrating to be rejected for someone who has so much less to offer than you do

 

This sort of remark always amuses me. You might loathe tuna and think nobody in his right mind would eat tuna but there are plenty of tuna lovers out there. Just because you think you're the better deal doesn't mean he thinks so. Acknowledging that will be useful to you in getting over him.

[midori]

Originally posted by moimeme

Pink

 

You're in pain and the wounded animal lashes out. This isn't an insult; it's the way we are (remember, we share something like 98 or 99% of our genetic material with pigs and mice!).

 

Actually humans share 98% of their genes with chimpanzees, our nearest biological relatives. Much less with pigs and mice.

 

Perhaps you were speaking metaphorically but just wanted to set the record straight.

[moimeme]

Tks, Midori, I was not in the mood to go hunt it up. Still, I recall being startled by the amount of similar genetic material we have with pigs and mice - apparently why they're used in medical research.

[reasontosigh]

I'm very angry right now, I should probably avoid posting on this forum for a while. I can't handle meanness from people while I'm hurting, and need a different way to vent I guess

 

Your initial post in this thread was indeed a vent. I did see that rather clearly but not everyone could, I'm afraid.

 

The saying goes "Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are". So true. From what I have read those two will have quite a horrible time without any extra telepathic help. Remember, time wounds all heels.

 

Frankly, I would not want you to avoid coming here as I have seen a number of very good and interesting posts from you. Next time you feel the need to vent, you may want to include a sentence or phrase indicating that that is all you are doing in your post. You may think you may be stating the obvious by doing so, but it's probably better to err on the side of caution in such a case.

[pinkroses]

I don't think I'm better than this ex gf. I just happen to know that she's got a lot of unattractive, borderline psycho qualities. For example, a mutual friend told me one time my ex bf wanted to leave her and she got upset and started biting him(and you all think I'm the one with the animal fight coming out of me?) One time she just started moving her stuff into his house, without his permission. She wants to get married and have four kids, he doesn't want either. She wanted him to tell her he loved her even if he didn't mean it, just to hear the words. When she doesn't get exactly what she wants she goes and cheats on him, or threatens to get someone else. The list goes on and on. When I was with him I treated him decent, I gave him space, I didn't put him down, and I truly cared about him as a person. I was supposedly a "blessing to him" but I guess he missed the sick drama she provided too much. I don't understand what the point is in these two going back and forth and things getting worse and worse each time they do. What is so appealing about messing up one's life? Not that it's my problem, but it's frustrating that the people who need the most help and need to be on their own the most to fix their pathological problems, are the ones who are in relationships.

 

Just because I know I got out of a bad situation and I don't want him in my life anymore doesn't mean I'm not still sorting through a lot of questions, pain and awful emotions. I'm not some rabid, self-pitying person. I have vented to friends and family and they don't treat me like I'm crazy. I guess I thought I could come here too for objective input, but people take offense to me like I'm saying something bad about them personally. Hasn't anyone ever felt the way I do right now? I guess honesty is not always a good thing.

[befuddled11]

PinkRoses,

I know how hard, personally, it is to have your heart broken by someone you gave it all to (love, friendship, support, kindess, respect, etc), only for them to turn around and pretty much dismiss it by going back to someone who couldn't even come close to giving all that.......but you know, it really does you (speaking in general here) no good to dwell on this. I believe from your previous posts that your relationship with him ended back in early/mid January, correct? Well it's now the last week of February. You've gotta try to move on. :-)

 

What the ex (who he's now with) has done or not done in the past really shouldn't concern you. And unless you were there personally to witness the things she's done and said, who's to say if any of it is TRULY TRUE?

 

You mentioned in a previous post, in this thread I believe, that at the onset of your relationship, that you feared he'd want to go back with her.....something to the effect that for the first 2 months of your relationship, this was a concern of yours. Next time, let that be a huge red flag. When you're in a good and healthy relationship, even at the onset, you shouldn't have to worry for one minute that your partner might go back to their ex. Make yourself a promise that you won't ever get together with someone who still has this kind of "baggage" because it will almost always come back to hurt you.

 

There's just no point in giving of yourself to someone who's not able to receive it. You can love someone all you want, but that's not necessarily going to get rid of their baggage or connections to an ex.

 

Focus on yourself now. Not them. Focus on all the wonderful things you have to offer someone, and all that you deserve from someone in the future....and make yourself a list of "non-negotiables" and make a promise to yourself that you will never get involved with someone who's so unstable at the onset.

 

Best of luck. It just takes time but you will get over this, honest.

[monkey]

Pink

I get you big time, it tears us up inside, even if we don't care anymore, it doesn't get easier, the frustration inside, as to why they did as they did. I don't mind admiting that my s/o has currently chosen to see if the grass is greener, when the grass in her garden is a deep emerald.

I would do anything, be anywhere for her & always make her feel good, & yet as soon as i got ill, she freaked & ****ed off, i admit my illness freaked her, but she hasn't the mind to understand it wasn't my fault. She says she can meet other men & there's many girl that would relish what i could give them. Loyalty, caring, sensitivity & crazy fu times & i hope she meets some piece of crap that treats her like he is.

Pink, we know what we can offer & aren't blowing our own trumpets, were being truthfull.

 

By the way Pink, on your profile birthdate, shouldn't the 6 be a 7!!

 

Pm me & vent there , i know the score!

[vivid]

Originally posted by befuddled11

There's just no point in giving of yourself to someone who's not able to receive it. You can love someone all you want, but that's not necessarily going to get rid of their baggage or connections to an ex.

 

That was a very true and very powerful statement

 

I'm new here, just found this forum when I did a random search on the statement "my boyfriend is a selfish bastard". I know how you feel Pink, I think anger is a very natural part of feeling hurt. I've been having problems with my boyfriend for a long time and even though I am fully aware that I cannot control anyones actions or feelings it still hurts to have your hopes and expectations for a relationship fall short. I think working through them is the most you can do, I certainly don't see any point in stuffing them. I think the trap comes when you become stuck and don't take the focus off of the other person and put it back on yourself. We all have our angry days when we feel some unjustice has been done to us.

[monkey]

It'sworse for me when i wake up & having had a wonderful dream of our time together & waking & feeling disorientated & realizing that it was a drem, is terrible & leaves me upset.

I may seem obsessive, but i think now of what she is doing, as it's this time lastv year we were together in Budapest, her home town, i just imagine myself there with her & walking in the streets & the danube & the culture & this gets to me, especially as she may even be doing it with someone else & i'm here being in love with her.

[jenny]

pinkroses,

 

i think you have a right to feel anger, and i think anger can be quite productive. if you internalize your anger, you will most likely get depressed, and that is much harder to get out of.

 

so be angry - glory in it and use it in the right direction. use it as an energy to make your life better. don't try to feel better about those worthless cliches who did you wrong; they suck, and you know it. but who cares about them? they don't deserve a minute more of your time - you are wasting your time even thinking insulting thoughts about them.

 

if you continue to concentrate on this girl, you are only harming yourself and doing nothing real to her. table that anger for now, or write it out in a letter, and the focus on yourself. Do not begin one more sentence with "She...(insert bad drama queen thing) - there is no need. he made his choice, and he'll pay the consequences. you meanwhile, will be getting in shape, distracting yourself with new men, extreme sports, new clothes, etc. this can be a time for oppurtunity and freedom if you make it into one.

 

to continue using your anger unproductively will eventually put you into the same category that you have put this woman in.

 

it will get better, i promise. i have also been dumped for someone i thought was just dreadful - and now they are living in their own drama-created squalor, but i only feel sort of sad for them.well, i have a little schadenfreude, but i'm working on that.