2.50 a gallon Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 WN TMW is correct so will post to you on your thread, this thread should be for DW Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Hey DW---half of the assets of your mge., belong to you---so get proper counseling Your H. claims he was there for you from age 16----well 1st he robbed you of the time in your life when you needed to experience life with others---also a 16 yr old brain can/does not comprehend how to deal with the problems you had due to your FOO You need to address trust and closeness problems due to the rape----abandonment due to your mother's passing, and rejection due to your father leaving you high and dry and running elsewhere These do give you an explanation as to why you were disconnected with your H., and you sought out many men for short term fill-ins It's too bad for your daughter and your mge., that he won't attempt to try to work this out---but he has been hurt badly, and he must do what he will do----just do this right, cuz you will be able to fix what is wrong with you for the future Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Your H. claims he was there for you from age 16----well 1st he robbed you of the time in your life when you needed to experience life with others---also a 16 yr old brain can/does not comprehend how to deal with the problems you had due to your FOO wait a minute....HE didnt rob anything......you make it sound like he kept her captive....jeez.. You need to address trust and closeness problems due to the rape----abandonment due to your mother's passing, and rejection due to your father leaving you high and dry and running elsewhere These do give you an explanation as to why you were disconnected with your H., and you sought out many men for short term fill-ins completely agree here. But let it be known...these are NOT excuses for her CHOICE to cheat. Cheating is a choice. Like I said before.....the cheating was a symptom of the problems you stated above. Cant use these as cop-outs for your actions. NO way... It's too bad for your daughter and your mge., that he won't attempt to try to work this out---but he has been hurt badly, and he must do what he will do----just do this right, cuz you will be able to fix what is wrong with you for the future Read his thread....as in my situ. WE as husbands DID try....he, as did I tried 100%....all the while the WS was still in a fog and STILL cheating. WN is right...why should he carry the heavy load NOW?....he was DOING it...all the while she was giving half ass to the M....he was trying..she wasnt. Now the its all out in the open.....OF couse she wants to try....this is ALL new to her...her A ended...she is ready to start fixing it....the problem is...HE was trying half a year ago....putting in effort to no avail... Unless your a man.....you have NO CLUE what this does to us. You have no clue of the pain this man is feeling....the anger....the resentment. To have the one you love...be so blantently decitful and conniving.....thats a tuff load to carry and deal with. DW will have to let WN deal with this in his own time and manner... Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Oh I know the pain ---believe you me I know the pain, humiliation, visions, and everything that goes with it As to the 16 yr old thing----16 yr olds should not be in relationships, they should be out having fun, and experiencing life---not growing up stuck in a relationship If you read between the lines you must know that the H., was probably the agressor, and decision maker for the 2 of them, way back then This wife basically goes along for the ride---except for her present day cheating---that she has managed all by herself This all started 5 years ago with her trolling the internet for men----How was that original EA handled---the H. claims to have known of her FOO problems---well he was grown up 5 years ago---he should have demanded that she find out the WHY and fix it----Did he ??????? He is screaming about wasting money in MC----with her still cheating MC wasn't the right place for her to go----but he didn't know what her problems actually were, cuz they weren't addressed long ago when they should have been Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Oh I know the pain ---believe you me I know the pain, humiliation, visions, and everything that goes with it As to the 16 yr old thing----16 yr olds should not be in relationships, they should be out having fun, and experiencing life---not growing up stuck in a relationship If you read between the lines you must know that the H., was probably the agressor, and decision maker for the 2 of them, way back then This wife basically goes along for the ride---except for her present day cheating---that she has managed all by herself This all started 5 years ago with her trolling the internet for men----How was that original EA handled---the H. claims to have known of her FOO problems---well he was grown up 5 years ago---he should have demanded that she find out the WHY and fix it----Did he ??????? He is screaming about wasting money in MC----with her still cheating MC wasn't the right place for her to go----but he didn't know what her problems actually were, cuz they weren't addressed long ago when they should have been You cant fix people.....they have to want to do that them selves.... This story is hits so close to home.....I know both sides...and it makes me sad. I understand WHY she did what she did...and I KNOW the feelings he is feeling.....just sucks all around Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 jnj express, well that's certainly a perspective you have there isn't it. You must have really done well in first year university psych. Geez get a clue. I was far from the agressor when we were younger, in fact SHE was. She and I both knew what we wanted and we did it TOGETHER. She did get to enjoy her young life as did I. You really don't have any idea what you are talking about and actually it isn't relevant anyway. Our life together has been a series of decisions and most of which have been made together. As for me "screaming" about money? Really? I stated facts. Nothing more, nothing less. Nevertheless, I am backing away from this thread and backing away from LS in general. It has served its purpose for me. There are just too many jilted lovers on here, too many bitter people and too many people that read one post and think they can suddenly decipher the entire situation. I have met some great people here on my journey, and you all know who you are. DW I hope you get what you want out of this thread although I seriously doubt you will. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 1st let me say this---What Done Wrong did in cheating is reprehensible, and cannot be excused----But--in reading this thread and the thread of the Husband---it plays out, and gives you some of their marital problems right here in front of us The Husband didn't like what I said---but he couldn't just say I was wrong----HE HAD TO THROW IN HIS LITTLE INSULT---and he has thrown in his insults to every poster, he did not like, or agree with----take the situation with corporate on the Husband's own thread---Corporate said something the husband didn't like, so he insulted corporate----corporate kept on posting, and instead of ignoring corporate he just kept on , and on making comments against corporate---THE HUSBAND JUST COULDN'T LET IT GO If this is the way the husband has acted in his mge., then you can all see there were problems a plenty, and the Husband was responsible for his share Right now the husband diesn't like what he is reading so what is he doing, he doesn't wanna face the music any more---so he is taking his marbles and going home As to what precipitated his displeasure with me----the 16 year old "thing" So according to him they both were responsible for each other doing whatever they did---but from what I have read, they probably were in a relationship, and really did miss the normal life style of kids free to pursue anyone---that's all there was to that---but the Husband didn't like the way it sounded, and he came out with his typical insult If Done Wrong has had to live with this for the greater part of her mge., you can now see why she went trolling for men---it was wrong, and she should have forced the issue but she didn't Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 jnj you are being a clown and it sounds like you really have NO IDEA what the guy is going through. Her childhood was ****ed up, yes, but that was NOT because of WN... He was probably the only stable part of her childhood. He has given up hope for R at this point yes, but even just a few months ago he was holding on to it so hard that he refused to even entertain the idea that she was cheating... She sat there and let him waste his money to try and fix the marriage all the while she was ****ing her boy toy... Ya, some of that is going to show up as hatred and anger now on his part. She isnt WORTH trying to save at this point for him. And its BETTER for their daughter that he doesnt stay with her. Its better to grow up in two loving households than one that is full of anger and resentment. Hopefully he ends up with custody and she just gets visitation. edit: also it is ridiculous for you to take how someone acts after they find out that they have been cheated on and try to cast that as the way they acted through out their marriage... Hopefully you can see why that is boneheaded on your part ya? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I agree that W.N. can be a little disrespectful, but in no way was it his fault for everything she went through. He didn't hold her from her will or force her to be with him. Like the other poster said, you can't fix people and there are lots of people who married their high school sweethearts or people they knew from their childhood. If she really wanted relationship experience she could've broke it off with him all those years ago but instead she decided to betray him after all those years he stuck by her. Even if their marriage was bad, IN NO WAY IT JUSTIFIES HER SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER MAN AND TAKING THE CHILD WITH HER. i agree - and JNJ ex - his wife - the OP here - had every chance to be honest... and she wasn't. not only that but she's still unwilling to be honest IF her words and actions are not in alignment. when someone has proven time and again that they haven't EARNED trust - there is nothing to base a relationship upon. no earned trust amounts to no basis of a relationship. he may be mad (and has a right to be). it still doesn't excuse bad behavior on her part, and since she's not shown DRASTIC change since being outed - he gets upset... that's normal considering the frustrating circumstances. DW - have you had ANY form of contact or communication with your OM since you started this thread... this past week or so? be honest! IF you aren't completely honest - there is nothing anyone can do or say that can possibly help you and your family to even begin moving in the right direction... it will always get twisted up and look sideways. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Still doesn't minimize what happened. It was still dangerous and disrespectful. Agreed! To Both the Daughter and Husband! Her daughter will never forget this, it will also have a lasting impression on her daughter as to how women should act towards and treat their husbands, by cheating on them! This sends a very clear message, even if they talk to her, subconsiously she'll know to do it to her husband! My point is, the damage is done, TOO LATE! Therefore, this lady would be in some way responsible for her daughter cheating on her husband(therotically), the cycle has been created. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 OK---lets put this where it really belongs----both parents are at fault for a lot of things---- Believe me the 11 yr. old knew/knows what's going on, and has for a long time-----kids are a lot more savvy than you wanna give em credit for This goes back 5 yrs or longer---when the mother started to roam the internet looking for men---the mother had a problem then, and if one partner has a problem---there is A PROBLEM The H. found out about the A., but he never said how that situation was handled, but I can only guess it wasn't handled very strongly cuz the mother continued to look for men on the internet This child has been living in a hostile atmosphere for 5 years or longer---would either of the parents care to dispute me on that statement The mother has the major blame, and the father is also to blame to a lesser extent----but I will tell you this----this 11 yr. old will have mental problems due to this for the rest of her life----- That's exactly what I'm taking about! She'll never fully get over this. EVER! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 (edited) You can all wax philisophical all you want, the fact remains I was faithful. Period. Did I have a part in the downfall of the marriage? Yes, but then again so did my family, her family, hell sun spots might have. In the end I kept my wedding vows. She lied, she cheated, she deceived almost every single person in her life. Why? Selfishness. Pure and simple. Feeling unloved or unwanted is simply NOT justification for taking the actions she did. I will learn to forgive her for deceiving me eventually, I might even learn to forgive the cheating. I am having a VERY hard time with forgiving what this has done to the relationship between me and my daughter. Donewrong say all you want on this forum, but you bloody well know I AM A GOOD FATHER. I did NOT deserve this. HELL, Your Daughter didn't deserve this either! Of course, you know that! You didn't deserve it as well! Edited September 9, 2010 by Darth Vader Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Why am I so afraid? Are you bloody kidding me? Suddenly you are an expert on child psychology? I'll resist the temptation to tell you precisely what I think of your post and take the high road and say that I am more qualified to know what is in my child's best interest as opposed to you. Seriously. For heavens sake. Yes the answer is always to pour your hard earned cash into someone else's pockets right? Good lord. Let me guess follow up the counsiling sessions with copious amouts of legal advice next? I'm done with this thread. I can understand why you don't like the idea of spending money from someone elses affair, I sure as hell wouldn't! However, that's one of the costs of a WS's affair! Continual payment for any counseling nescessary! If I had my druthers and if it could be mandated by the courts, the WS's should or rather would be mandated to pay for any and all Counseling associated due to and from the affair because of the negative effects upon the individual/s. This should be implamented IMO. That cost shouldn't rest on your shoulders What Next, it would/should rest upon your STBXW! In essence, "she should foot the bill"! But, that's life long payment! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 (edited) I know you weren't - but I believe thats how he felt. I may be wrong and he may come back and comment to correct me..I don't know. He is a really good guy - and I was a stupid stupid woman. It seems to me that your husband's hit the "anger" stage. If he hasn't yet, he will, and it will be HELL! Edited September 9, 2010 by Darth Vader Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 What_Next - Do not get back with that woman. Focus on healing, and find someone that loves you. You tried your best. Focus on healing and one day you'll find a woman who loves you for you, and values principles. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
dqmommy Posted September 12, 2010 Share Posted September 12, 2010 DW~~~ Longtime lurker here.....first time poster..... I wish there was a way I could talk to you...I can totally relate to what you are going through. Going through something similar myself and I understand what you are feeling and doing.... I've read through all your posts, and your husbands....and I can relate to so much on both sides. Hang in there......take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if necessary....... (that goes for you too, What-Next ) Link to post Share on other sites
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