Is this dumb of me?

[Don Ho]

Bro, I'm sure she thinks about you and in some respects misses things about the relationship. I think you're a little too tough on yourself. Anger is good, it keeps you from getting depressed. You said you're playing tennis, you should also be doing some cardio and weight training. Some days, and even hours, are better than others. It comes and goes. It gets less intense after a few days, few weeks, a few months. You will have your ups and downs, but gradually it gets easier and the tough days will become fewer and further between. Hang in there, you'll be fine.

[cody19]

Bro, I'm sure she thinks about you and in some respects misses things about the relationship. I think you're a little too tough on yourself. Anger is good, it keeps you from getting depressed. You said you're playing tennis, you should also be doing some cardio and weight training. Some days, and even hours, are better than others. It comes and goes. It gets less intense after a few days, few weeks, a few months. You will have your ups and downs, but gradually it gets easier and the tough days will become fewer and further between. Hang in there, you'll be fine.

 

 

Right now the anger gets me more depressed because I wonder how she can say she doesn't miss me/love me now all of the sudden... and it makes me want to talk to her and get answers... (i won't I am doing all I can to not initiate any contact)

 

Tennis was good.. and working out helps yes.. I hate going to the gym though.. I've mainly done ab work outs and dips/pushups in my dorm room at like 12-1 in the morning so I can sleep.

 

I'm just trying to get through this but it sucks because I don't want to move on to something new.. the way I really want to "get through this" is by reconciling or what have you. I still feel almost like we are not broken up.. partially because it was all via the web.. I almost feel like its not real since we didn't even talk in person about this.

[brainblox]

Man your in a bad way and it's **** the way emotions can twist melons and melt hearts, If I was in your shoes I'm not sure I could ever take her back even if she begged me ! I'm the type who would lose all respect and when I lose respect then my interests would fade.. QUICK ! I have simple rules in my relationships, if it's a booty call then alls fair......if it's an established relationship then cheating will not be forgiven by me and I wouldn't expect it form any woman or would I ask it ! Man you have a big big heart and I think your ex knows it to well....don't let her leave you in no fit state for any other woman ! I know it's easy for me to say but you should give your love to a woman that's not cold, there are plenty of good girls out there that won't destroy you for being yourself ! IMO I think she crossed the line of no return !

sorry about the grammar but it's 4 am !

[cody19]

Maybe it's my "big hearted" nature... but yeah I can see how she "crossed the line of no return." Yet I feel that if she would just turn around.. Look at me standing on this side of the line.. reach a hand out to me and asked for help.. I would take her hand and help her back to my side of the line.

 

It wouldn't/won't be easy. But IDK this girl truly made me a happier guy than I was ever before (not to say I wasn't happy but I am kind of synical and always have the thought that "our existence is very insignificant and who would care if I died today? just a few people but the world would continue on".. but with her I felt happy, and I felt like "I don't WANT to die anymore.. because I want to live a life with her....)

 

And of course my emotions are keeping me attatched to that.. and it's hard for me to detatch from those feelings because The last time I saw her in person we had a BLAST. We hung out before she went home for the summer and it was so much fun and we expected to see each other at the end of the summer. All through the summer our love (at least I thought both of ours) was still just as strong and good. And then she has to stay... and I haven't seen her since May... She broke up with me over skype... It all feels so.... virtual. And I honestly feel like if she could have came back nothing like this would have happened. If we could have seen each other once between summer and school year that this wouldn't have happened. And I still feel as though if I see her again she would realize she still loves me the same.

 

 

My counselor says she can see that I really do love this girl but she also worries that maybe I have self-confidence issues too. Which I think I have a bit of an issue with self-confidence. But at the same time I know I am a very kind-hearted extremely caring person and that she is lucky to have me just as I was lucky to have her.

 

I was really happy with her.. and I deserve that happiness. And yes she is not the only one who could make me happy. But I KNOW she does. And it's going to be hard to find someone who is as similar to me because I'm a bit of an oddball. I know that life has challenges.. and this is one of them.. and so would it be to get over what she did while she was broken up with me. But sometimes you have to face the challenges. Now I know it seems almost hypocritical for me to say that when I don't want to face the challenge of starting a "new life." But I just felt like I had my "new life" already and I want to keep it that way. So I feel the challenges to keep that are more worth my effort.

 

 

Again call me dumb... but i guess it's how I feel.

 

I spent some time with friends/just got done doing a bit of a workout... My workout was hard to get through... I couldn't even feel the normal anger I have been feeling lately to help me pump out more. I did considerably less. I don't know why but I feel content right now. It's odd because I just feel apathetic almost. I'm not sure how to explain it.

[Silvaria]

Again just venting... sorry if you don't care...

Again call me dumb... but i guess it's how I feel.

My counselor says she can see that I really do love this girl but she also worries that maybe I have self-confidence issues too.

Your counselor is correct. You're not dumb, and people here DO care...it's why we read through these threads and post.

[stopthemadness]

What are you thinking? Stop the madness really! You said the best 2 years of your life.HELLO Not for her. Sounds like this is very one sided. She is not the only(sex) girl in the world. You need to learn this because apparently shes already learned that your not the only guy in the world. Call this done and get through the pain, it will pass. I promise. Am on day 26 of N/C and am telling you it gets better. Good Luck..You can do this...

[cody19]

Well the thing is that I am not sure what she would say now, but up until she broke up I guarantee she would have said the same thing about it being the best 2 years. She was in exactly the same boat as me. And she still admits that it was great. I just don't get how that could just change. I see no reason for how and even she says she doesn't know. I don't get it.

 

I'm not saying there aren't other girls out there for me. Obviously right now to me it seems like there isn't. My thing is I don't care if there are other girls out there for me. I already found her and I'd like to keep what we had. Normally I would say she feels the same way but I honestly don't know what has gotten into her. It just seems like she isn't really thinking about things or something idk. It just sucks because I'm the one getting ****ed over in this yet I'm the one who wants to work through it and make it work.

[stopthemadness]

Sounds like alot has happened in your relationship in the last few years. Maybe you dont have to get it, or understand it? But am sorry to tell you my brokenhearted friend. You do have to except it. Your soo young. I promise you that your love life does not end here.Sounds like you learned alot by being in that relationship and thats good. Soo..you take what youve learned (good and bad) and you wish her well. Then.. you move on. Am getting through a break up too. I feel you. Going on this site helps me. Its better to have loved and lost. Then to have never loved at all.

[cody19]

Sounds like alot has happened in your relationship in the last few years. Maybe you dont have to get it, or understand it? But am sorry to tell you my brokenhearted friend. You do have to except it. Your soo young. I promise you that your love life does not end here.Sounds like you learned alot by being in that relationship and thats good. Soo..you take what youve learned (good and bad) and you wish her well. Then.. you move on. Am getting through a break up too. I feel you. Going on this site helps me. Its better to have loved and lost. Then to have never loved at all.

 

 

I hate that last quote... the better to have loved and lost. I hate it whole heatedly. Maybe if she died would I believe that, but I hate this feeling of how she did this without reason and that she is making a mistake and that she will come back to me. Yet I have to wait idle by. And if she doesn't then where does that put me? I don't even know anymore. But I feel like I would have been happier had I not met her and been able to find someone else or else just be like every other colege douche out there and just sleep around and stuff than having this happen to me. I don't think I want that now... but that's because I want what I had.

 

It is better to have loved and been loved back than to have loved and lost OR to not have loved at all.

 

 

forgive me for my post

my head is super ****ed up right now.

[skydiveaddict]

I agree. It is much better to have never loved at all than re-live the torture day after day

[Trovador]

Have not you thought that this (your) way of loving might not be love at all?

 

Call it anyway you like but your feelings are not unselfish as love is... and I am not talking **** about different names for the same thing (wanting, admiration, having feelings, etc.) I am talking about what you want is to have her again under your power, pleading anytime you bluffed about leaving, calling you up all the time, etc...

 

Guess what? People do that all the time for many reasons but those left behind don´t waste life ******* around, not all the time anyway...

 

Ha ha my ex told me some minutes ago that "what made me so special as not to be "unlovable" some time in our relationship?" I said back to her the same exact words... I guess that hurt her ha ha... My point is don´t feel so miserable for that, right now half the world is in the same situation that you and I...

[cody19]

Have not you thought that this (your) way of loving might not be love at all?

 

Call it anyway you like but your feelings are not unselfish as love is... and I am not talking **** about different names for the same thing (wanting, admiration, having feelings, etc.) I am talking about what you want is to have her again under your power, pleading anytime you bluffed about leaving, calling you up all the time, etc...

 

Guess what? People do that all the time for many reasons but those left behind don´t waste life ******* around, not all the time anyway...

 

Ha ha my ex told me some minutes ago that "what made me so special as not to be "unlovable" some time in our relationship?" I said back to her the same exact words... I guess that hurt her ha ha... My point is don´t feel so miserable for that, right now half the world is in the same situation that you and I...

 

 

Not love? Sure right now my feelings are more "selfish" because this destroys me. I don't want this so obviously want it back. People always say if you loved someone you would let them go but that is a lot easier said than done.

 

What we had made US happy. Not just ME. I want that again, I obviously don't want her to come back to me and never be happy with me again. But the thing is I think she WILL be happy with me again. I think WE will be happy just like we were.

 

This may seem selfish too but I don't want her to end up with another guy. But it's not all JUST because I want her to myself. It's because I feel that I make her happy (at least I know I did and I think I still could) and treat her right. I don't half-ass it. And part of me is afraid for her that she will end up with someone like her dad (idk if I've ever mentioned this but for some odd years now she has known her dad cheats on her mom, and she is the only kid who does as far as she knows and it hurts her a lot and I know she tried telling her mom once but her mom almost seemed apathetic to it and her parents are still together... britt has even said at times that she wishes her mom would leave her dad but at other times she seems to be ok with it.. im not sure....)

 

She says that she won't ever let herself be with someone like that.. but I dont know how does she know that she won't be the way her mom is... what I mean is maybe the guy doesn't treat her right but for whatever reason she believes he does... so she doesn't do anything about it?

 

I don't know I guess being 100% truthful I could have been "that guy" but I really don't see it, she doesn't act like I did anything wrong, and all of my friends/family agree that I was good to her.

 

And with her I didn't just do things to make myself happy. I guess in a way it would be that way... but I did things to make her happy, and of course that made me happy. It's just the way things work.

 

And I'm not sure what else you are saying.. It was never a "power" thing with me... I didn't "control" our relationship by any means... I never "bluffed leaving" she assumed that I was going to leave and I assured her and reassured her that even when I was upset with her I would not leave her and that I loved her. I don't do the "I"m pissed lets break up" I do the "I'm pissed and I'll let you know.. but I do still love you, you're just pissing me off"

and as far as calling me up all the time... yeah duh.. I want her to talk to me "all the time" because I want to have conversations like we did, I want to get over things I want to enjoy talking to each other like we always did.

 

 

And I don't get your quote of what your ex said to you... I don't get the english in it or something? sorry.

[Don Ho]

What we had made US happy. Not just ME. I want that again, I obviously don't want her to come back to me and never be happy with me again. But the thing is I think she WILL be happy with me again. I think WE will be happy just like we were.

 

This may seem selfish too but I don't want her to end up with another guy. But it's not all JUST because I want her to myself. It's because I feel that I make her happy (at least I know I did and I think I still could) and treat her right. I don't half-ass it. And part of me is afraid for her that she will end up with someone like her dad

 

Apparently you did not make her that happy, she left. You're just not wanting to accept the fact that she left you. I think you have a rather fragile ego; 'how could she leave me I'm such a wonderful, great guy and boyfriend'. Either she didn't think so or you weren't. Oh, I get it: you don't want her to end up with another guy because you "feel" you make her happy. Again, Bro, then where did she go? So what if she ends up with someone like her Dad? It's not your business to try to change that and she will end up with who she ends up with.

 

You claim you don't have an ego, but you do. You use all these reasons and excuses to protect yourself from the ultimate truth: she did not think you were that wonderful and she left you because of it. Hard to swallow Bro, but those are the facts. I think you're just deluding yourself into thinking she just HAS to come back to you because you're so great. I'm not trying to be a prick, but you keep going on and on about why she should take you back and this and that. I think the sooner that you accept that she left, you are not perfect, it was not meant to be and move on with your life, the better you will be.

[Darren Steez]

Got to agree with Don Ho, the truth is harsh and you're not willing to accept the facts in the cold light of day because you're wrapped up in a fog of love and delusion. Some guy is undressing her *she's letting him* and that guy is making love to her *she's letting him* and where do you figure in this..absolutely no where..personally I think you're a bit sad but to each his own, good luck to you.

[cody19]

If Im not the things I've said then why would she admit them even now?

Why would she say she doesn't know why she is doing this?

 

Not only that but then why would it be that she IS happy with me and it took 2 months of her being away while we thought she was coming back (still the same as far as relationship) and then a month of us knowing she had to stay?

 

I'm sorry but I still think that its just because she is afraid to try and make it work. I'm not, nor have I ever said I'm perfect and I know that and have known that. But I don't underestimate how nice I am. Sorry if you think I have an ego, I really don't. I may have a bit of self-confidence issues like the counselor thought but it's because she gave me confidence by making me think, "wow someone this awesome loves me this much.. I'm great" to just not missing me anymore. It's pretty crushing. But I've never had an over-active ego nor have I been arrogant or anything. Are there better people out there for her... I always thought there probably was, and I let her know that I felt like I was extremely lucky because she was great and I was lucky that she loved me too. She always assured me that I deserved that love and that I was "worthy."

 

So if I wasn't, I have no indication of me not being. My parents (who she lived with when we were not in school) my friends, her friends, I believe her family... everyone knew we loved each other... everyone knew we were happy... everyone knew we gave each other what we wanted. My parents were afraid that I would spend to much time with just her though (which is valid but we didn't only spend time together.) and not make my own friends... me making friends came with or without her.. I hung out with them, but I obviously spent more time hanging out with her. She hung out with her friends... idk I still don't see one thing wrong.

 

The worst thing I did was when she said she had to stay (because her parents said so and her grandpa was not going to pay anymore) I became too upset and I tried to beg her to beg them to come back.. I feel like that was my only mistake but I don't see how that is worthy of a break up. I did not JUST beg either.. I was looking up schools and all of that stuff.

 

 

I don't know I just can't see where I went wrong. And she apparently doesn't know either unless she just won't be honest. She has been brutally honest about some other things though so I don't see how she would not just tell me I did this or that wrong.

 

 

Like I said she left because we were apart.. or at least while we apart... so I still have trouble seeing that she left because "i didn't make her happy"... I really don't see it.

 

If she had broken up with me face to face.. or while here or something then I guess maybe I would get it sooner.

 

The thing is of course I couldn't make her completely happy while we were apart and possibly going to be for a long time. But I was trying to do what I could to make that long time be shorter.

[Billie The Puppet]

If Im not the things I've said then why would she admit them even now?

 

Maybe she thinks the real answer could hurt you more and she doesn't want that guilt on her. Maybe you are all those things, but she doesn't really want those things or she has found all those things in another person + 1. There is many outcomes not everyone will lead to her wanting you in fact only one leads that way and all else lead the opposite way. If she wants you she will let you know.

 

Why would she say she doesn't know why she is doing this?

 

She doesn't know sure she does. She doesn't know what to say to you though. [or] If she doesn't know how are we supposed to be able to tell you when even she doesn't know. She knows enough that she had to leave you though (As with my ex trust me I got a lot of I don't know's) Also everything she says to you from a broken up state doesn't necessarily speak the truth whether she has always been brutally honest with you or not. She no longer has to be despite if it's in her character in or out of a relationship once it hit's a broken up stage their minds are not what they were.

 

Look she cherishes what you had but you have to realize it's what you had not what you have. You are past tense now perhaps she wants to string you along just in case only she will really know.

 

You have to stop questioning everything she does, says, writes because trust me you'll find anything you want to see as a sign be it a positive one or a negative one. You'll find yourself over analyzing everything. Look the most successful get back together stories begin with letting go. If that's what you want you have to start doing it.

 

Am I at that stage yet? Personally no and I am only 1.5 weeks into a NC zone in which neither of us have tried to contact each other.

 

Look I understand your pain as do many others here. You need to be stronger. (I have people telling me this daily)

 

Now when I say you have to stop questioning everything I am not discouraging you to post questions here in fact if she contacts you and you don't know how to reply you should ask here first as their is plentiful experience on what you can say.

Edited September 15, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Trovador]

Look man I don´t know you nor I wish you wrong but you get the worst of me with your incessant complaints... just imagine how it must have been for your gf...

 

You should be talking of advances, of finding even a bit of joy in life, friends and family... of how you are being an adult and a man... geez... if this crushed you completely how are you going to act when life gets rough?

 

If your gf got back to you now, is this what are you going to offer her?

 

Ok, man, good luck, I am out...

[cody19]

Look man I don´t know you nor I wish you wrong but you get the worst of me with your incessant complaints... just imagine how it must have been for your gf...

 

You should be talking of advances, of finding even a bit of joy in life, friends and family... of how you are being an adult and a man... geez... if this crushed you completely how are you going to act when life gets rough?

 

If your gf got back to you now, is this what are you going to offer her?

 

Ok, man, good luck, I am out...

 

 

Obviously not. The reason I'm saying it all here is because I don't want to say all of it to her and I'm going NC which is hard for me. I already tried some of it with her and it didn't work thats why I stopped.

 

And as far as complaining goes.. sorry. I can't really just say "man oh man I sure do enjoy life now" I don't come here to vent about the good... I'm not on here to say "man talking to my family makes me feel a bit better" because if it's making me feel better then yeah I will do it... it will help... end of story.

 

Sorry but on here, you probably only going to hear complaints from me. This is the best place for me to vent as I don't want to bombard anyone of my friends to a point that they say the same thing as you.

 

It's what's in my mind, I spill it here.

 

Oops.

[shayan]

dude **** HER. **** HER! didn't I write like two months ago or something just run bro! Throw it in the river and run for the hills! Let that bizacctth go!