What did mm/mw tell you about BS?

[KarmasTestDummy]

I've often thought it's easier for a woman to turn to a man (KISA) than the genders being reversed. Maybe if a man portrayed himself as a victim his OW would in turn see him as a victim, which isn't incredibly sexy. I'm just generalising here of course.

 

I sympathized with his position as a victim. I know I allowed my compassionate and nurting side of me to take over from there and try to be there for him through it, which is why I think we had such a strong emotional connection.

[Grace2010]

And let me guess, you're his saving 'grace'? ha! Real classy of you to have this woman trust you with her intimate deets and yet you are involved with her H. See... people like this give OW/OM a bad name.

 

Is there a way for an OW/OM to have a GOOD name?

[whattodonow12]

He said that she was a good mother and that he got along with her fairly well. He said that there was no chemistry though. He said that they had tried and tried, but it just doesn't change. He said that he made a mistake in getting married because of this. He felt like the other things would make up for it, but he was wrong in the long run and regrets the marriage now. He feels like he is married to someone that is a good partner in raising kids, but a friend.

[desertmoon]

My xH told his xOW (well,the only one I have ever spoken to) that I was very young and inexperienced ( it was true). What I heard from the grapevine was that he told his other OWs that I was emotionally detached and that we had a marriage dedicated only to our child (also true).

 

My xMM (now divorced and my current BF) told me his xwife was unhappy with her life and she felt she was unable to pursue her passion (she's an artist) because of the family.

[OWoman]

Did you run into similar stories about the BS?

 

Yes, but not from him. He said next to nothing about her, and what he said was respectful. Others were far less hesitant...

 

Did you later find out they were full of crap?

 

No. If anything, they were understated. She's all that, and then some.

[OWoman]

Is there a way for an OW/OM to have a GOOD name?

 

Yes. Many - if not most - of us have.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I can remember one particular MM I was with - he said his wife was overweight, passionless, a workaholic, snored, they didn't share a bed, etc. All of these things were true. What was also true is that she had been a true friend to him through the years, and he loved her for that as well as loved her like family and the mother of his child. They did split up for a while because of a different OW, but they reconciled and are as together as they ever were.

 

Plenty of MM lie and embellish, but sometimes the lies they tell are lies of omission - they are more than happy to share the things that make them want to have affairs, but they are rarely as forthcoming when it comes to the things that make them want to stay married to that person for the rest of their lives. I see more than a few OW who ask 'why?!' why does he stay married to someone he is clearly so miserable with!?' not realizing that misery may exist on some levels, but not enough to make them want to divorce and chuck away a lifetime of shared 'stuff'.

[greengoddess]

This is just me personally, but I don't think I could share an emotional and intimate connection with a man who couldn't tell me about his life and the things that had drove him to choose someone else. He shared so much with me, even pictures of her "secret stash" and a video of her one time he took while she was drunk and completely oblivious. She was holding a blender pitcher and drinking straight from it while calling him names and telling him he was a POS. I'm pretty sure I know in my heart he wasn't lieing about many if not any of the things he told me about her. Though I sure as heck can see how a BS would be furious to think of her H sharing those most intimate and personal details about her, and even sending pics and videos of her and her kids to the OW.

 

Wow just wow. Nice guy. Videotaping his wife unbeknownst to her and sharing it with you. Isthis really a man you would want to be with. Honestly be careful. I would worry he would secretly videotape sex and share it with his buddies. This really speaks of having very off boundaries.

[mmk1]

As to the original question, my xMW and I split again a month ago, probably the 6th time over the course of our 5 year A. Probably not the last time.

 

My xMW would tell me everything about her H and everything he did wrong in her eyes, which was something daily. We all were good friends before our A, I even went to their wedding, so I knew her H very well. My xMW and I talked every day and something pissed her off about him every day and she always told me. Chances are, if we ever ended up together, I would piss her off daily as well.

 

As our A ebbed and flowed, however, sometimes she would be very critical of her H and sometimes she would never talk about him. That, in some sense, was my cue about how our A was going - the more critical of her H, the more she was into the A. Sometimes she was really into the A, sometimes, not so much, which was very frrustrating.

 

Strangely to me, right before she ended it again, she was routinely referring to her H as that "f***ing a**hole", so I was really blindsided by her ending it again at that point. Sometimes you just can't tell.

 

I believe the truth is he is a decent guy and she is extremely difficult to live with. So, lucky for me and I feel sorry for him. I got only the good parts, he's stuck with the whole package.

[bentnotbroken]

As to the original question, my xMW and I split again a month ago, probably the 6th time over the course of our 5 year A. Probably not the last time.

 

My xMW would tell me everything about her H and everything he did wrong in her eyes, which was something daily. We all were good friends before our A, I even went to their wedding, so I knew her H very well. My xMW and I talked every day and something pissed her off about him every day and she always told me. Chances are, if we ever ended up together, I would piss her off daily as well.

 

As our A ebbed and flowed, however, sometimes she would be very critical of her H and sometimes she would never talk about him. That, in some sense, was my cue about how our A was going - the more critical of her H, the more she was into the A. Sometimes she was really into the A, sometimes, not so much, which was very frrustrating.

 

Strangely to me, right before she ended it again, she was routinely referring to her H as that "f***ing a**hole", so I was really blindsided by her ending it again at that point. Sometimes you just can't tell.

 

I believe the truth is he is a decent guy and she is extremely difficult to live with. So, lucky for me and I feel sorry for him. I got only the good parts, he's stuck with the whole package.

 

 

Neither of you are lucky. He got stuck with a cheating shrew and you got stuck with a cheating complainer.

[skylarblue]

If I were to put together a personal description of MM’s W from his own words she’d have to be a “lazy”, “embarrassing”, “unappreciative”, spendaholic “nag/bitch” with questionable mothering skills who’s physically let herself go. I cannot recall a single positive or kind word from him about her. It’s weird that he chooses to talk about her in such a way, yet he often appears to jump through hoops for her and wants to stay with her. I don’t think a lot of what he says about her personally is true and it doesn’t sway me towards thinking that his W is an awful person and I have occasionally tried to defend her (though it only brings more bad talk of her). Even though I’m use to it and have my own unfounded animosity towards her, it still shocks me for a moment when he does and makes me wonder how could he talk about his W like that or if he loves her at all (he’s never said).

 

As a couple, he says she “doesn’t interest” him anymore and their M mostly consist of her either bitching at him or giving him the silent treatment and they can never go away as a family without her spoiling things with her attitude. He says he’s not sexually attracted to her and their sex life is almost non-existent (3-4x/year). Although probably embellished, I’m more inclined to believe his attacks on his M than about her character.

[Brokenlady]

He told me the marriage was uncomfortable. She was controlling, jealous, spendthrift, emotionally overwhelming. She was dependent and they rarely had sex. He only got a few bjs after we became intimate. Unfortunately for everyone, it was all true. I know this from his family, and from my contact with her.

[Confused4Now]

I told xMW that I was pretty much living my life as a single parent. W at the time has been working off shift during the whole 21 years of marriage. She connected with the kids till they developed their own self and opinions. Once that happened. They pretty much experienced what I was going through the whole marriage. She love to shop for herself. Sex was not that frequent maybe twice a month at best. She was very verbally abusive almost to the point of diarrhea of the mouth.

 

There was only one way her way or the high way....I could never compromise with her.... on and on and on.....So to make a point. What I said was true and it wasn't a lie.

 

So guess what I got tired and I got out ......divorced her.

[Mimolicious]

Is there a way for an OW/OM to have a GOOD name?

 

Actually yes. There are people who are lied to and once the truth comes out, they are too far in. Not their fault and kinda makes them a victim too.

You? Not! You are friends with this lady and yet boink her H.

When did you become her friend? Before or after you started messing around with her H? That actually doesn't even matter, at this point. It exactly doesn't make it a novel act on your part.

 

NOW is this me passing judgment or calling it like I see it?