can R movies be a porn replacement?

[hummingbird]

I too feel the same way as YOU go Girl in another thread about porn addiction wherbyshe takes umbrage the men looking to other imagesof naked women (in a marriage or serious committment . I was once in a R that not only did the porn turn into a painful part of what killed my sense of self as a woman but I learned later that he was a serial cheater. that has been done now for a long while and I did meet a man who I have been with for 2 years that actually meets the qualities of a good guy.

My worry-- I have time and time again told him my tolerance and boundaries stopped with strip joints,porn ( and he does neither) but what he does do and maybe if it is possible to have an addiction to, is watching movies (netflix) sometimes 2-3 / week(which i think is a waste of time but he says is his way to relax).

I am almost as uncomfortable with some of the R movies out there as welll as they are gratuitous nudity and sex(esp what is available on netflix). I sometimes think maybe he has put himself in a place that he thinks himself at a higher standard because he doesn't look at porn but I sometimes think these movies are his porn

.

the last he saw( I looked at his account) was a movie about a 20something woman who was promiscuous but then figured out she should look at her behaviour and save sex for true intimacy--of course full of sex scenes and nudity..... i am grossed out about it and actually am beginning to think I can't trust any man to be "faithful"--I looove sex and love intimacy that way.. there is no shortage of that from me.

He has daughters and sons ; the girls are 20 and 29. What possesses a man with daughters that age to watch a movie like that???? I find it so offensive knowing that. I find myself feeling less inclined to want to be naked in his presence and want to have sex with him knowing he spent 90min watching some 20 yo sexing it up-----

this has for a variety of reasons left me feeling just dissappointed.---- I thought this man had the ability to look past immediacy and know that true love/intimacy comes with respect and regard for the woman in his life. I, am almost 49 so of course this sends a clear message to me about me. I am certainly not a 20 yo with a 20 yo body, but also am healthy, fit and am told I look much younger.

I can't talk with him about this because he says he watches movies because he is a movie fan and that he (of course) does nothing wrong)... we've argued about this before.

 

can movies like that be a replacement for porn??

[tman666]

"True love/intimacy comes with respect and regard for the woman in his life"

 

Lady, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. If he has a set of testicles, he enjoys looking at hot young bods. He probably enjoys yours too, seeing as you are "healthy, fit and [are] told [you] look much younger".

 

I have yet to come across an R rated movie that would even remotely be classified as even the softest porn. Nudity does not equal pornography. Generally, the nudity in *most* mainstream movies has an artistic purpose. Granted, there are some that are done more tastefully than others, but none of them could be considered porn, in my opinion.

 

Also, the way he views the young, nubile starlets in a movie is probably entirely different than how he views his own daughters. You're making him out to sound like some sort of sexual deviant when he's simply being a normal guy.

 

Stop worrying so much, put on something sexy and go rock his brains out...

[hummingbird]

TMan666

appreciate your resposne. yes I am aware the most mainstream movies aren't like porn.... my point in this is that I wonder if this is his porn? I mean can mainstream movies/sex be a replacement?

 

as for his testicles and looking at women; well of course he will see women and kow they are attractive, but he is the one who says he isn't into lingerie, doesn't need or want porn and isnn't interested in women hid daughters ages.

 

I still find it offensive that he can watch a young woman nude and having movie sex and that is the same age as his daughter. I have sons that age and would NOT ever be interested in seeing young men sexually ..... just crosses a line in my book.

 

I know he isn't a sexual deviant, certainly I do rock his world all the time--I want and flood his bed to exhaustions------ so, why isn't that enough for the man??

 

I don't know, I am confused with always feeling that the love of a good woman who loves, cares and rocks her man's world should be sufficient.

 

really, sitting alone watching some 20 yo in arn movie having sex and naked --

just makes no sense to me.

 

I have no interest in other men --esp younger like my son's ages.... I have a hard time understandig this "testicle" reasoning.

 

thanksssss for making me smile though--and yeah I do think too much

[Feelin Frisky]

Mainstream R movies are an adventure substitute, a drama substitute, a merriment substitute, a romance substitute. They aren't allowed to be a sexual substitute by the American rating system. X is THE line. I for one would dig that X weren't--I dug those orgy and BJ scenes in Caligula (1980) but US of A has become ever more repressive since Ronny Rayguns. I expect the ground broken by early 70's convergence between porn and drama has quite a rigid pavement over it now.

[tman666]

"I wonder if this is his porn"

 

Here's a question for you: what purpose does porn serve? Why do people look at porn?

 

Porn serves as a substitution for engaging in real life sexual fantasy. There's a reason why almost anything that you can imagine has been portrayed in pornography: demand. It's no different than the demand for alcohol, drugs, music, movies, and social networking. People partake in all of these things, including porn, because it stimulates the senses. As human beings, we're not above the need for primitive pleasures. Some people avoid some of them outright because of the possible negative consequences associated with their overuse.

 

Do you think the primary reason that he watches these movies is because of the sex scenes? I would highly doubt that this is so. Do you feel that his movie watching habits have an affect on his attraction to you? Do you think that it influences how he views the world, his children, you, and himself? All in all, are there quantifiable effects as a direct result of his activities, or is it all in your head?

 

Also, do not assume that just because you don't want to see 20 something year old males naked that he should feel similarly towards 20 something year old females. Don't make the mistake of trying to equate male and female thought patterns. Judge a man by his actions, not what you think his thoughts are. Over analyzing something like this will cause you more pain then it's worth.

[hummingbird]

" Judge a man by his actions, not what you think his thoughts are. "

 

 

tman666:

hmmmm..... THAT is very true---- because his actions are most often generally, that of a gentleman and a honest one as well.

 

I will try to keep that under my hat whenever something like this rears its ugly head.

 

and you are likely correct; movies are not likely where he gets his sexual turn on from.....

 

part of my ugh-- dislilke for the movies is that I find them a waste of time.... and feel I could fill my life with things that are so much more rewarding---but, that is me and I need to keep in mind and respect he finds other outlets for stress etc.

 

I still find the thought of 20 years being in his mind set knowing and his daughters----- but I won't argue that men may think differently. ( I would rather think he does not prefer that -because it still just grosses me out) I have a 21 daughter myself....soooooo really.... it is just not a good thought.

 

over analyzing can really be a stressor..... ukkkkkk

 

thanks for your insights:D

[Scottdmw]

I'd say be glad if you found a man that stays away from actual porn. As someone who does my best to do the same, I can tell you it's really not easy. Keep in mind that your own experience with this is not at all comparable, men and women just aren't the same in this respect. Porn is a huge temptation for men in our society right now, especially with the way it is so readily available in so many forms. Your man is actually doing very well, and in my view he deserves respect for it.

 

Scott

[hummingbird]

I'd say be glad if you found a man that stays away from actual porn. As someone who does my best to do the same, I can tell you it's really not easy. Keep in mind that your own experience with this is not at all comparable, men and women just aren't the same in this respect. Porn is a huge temptation for men in our society right now, especially with the way it is so readily available in so many forms. Your man is actually doing very well, and in my view he deserves respect for it.

 

Scott

 

Scott-

then I say KUDOS to you moreso...... methinks that you bring something more treasured to your partner as a result of your effort even if it isn't easy.

I do respect him, but I am still always wondering.... really ... you see a movie with nudity/sex in it.... as a guy --does it get men aroused????

or does it take porn to do that (on a movie/video etc level)

If you stay away from porn then; how do you view the movies with nudity and sex scenes.... do you gravitate toward them? do you get turned on? do you see them and think eh... just another t+a....

 

what is your take on watching a movie for an hour and half with explicit sex scenes and nudity?????

(if you feel comfortable answering of course)

 

 

I mean sheesshh..... don't these images stick to your mind.. don't those scenes create confusion and distraction from what you share with your partner? ( you being a generic --you) really, how does a man go to the woman in his life and find her attractive and sexually interesting if he has just spent some time saturating in a naked 20 yo having hollywood sex (or porn for that matter)

 

but what do you mean by my experience with this?? are you referring to how I view 20 yo and that I could never see that as a sexual turn on because of the kids???

 

oh well, maybe some of these questions are better left unasked or unanswered or in another forum...

 

I personally think you are giving yourself and your partner the greatest gift you can in your relationship for your physical and intimate life together!

[taiko]

There was a line by Detective Deitrich in a Barney Miller episode 30 years ago. It went something like you can point to any item in the Sears catalog and somewhere a man is masturbating to it.

 

For some the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition is seen as porn and every year they publish the letters to the editor angrily cancelling subscriptions eventhough its their most promoted issue. Maxim is Playboy without showing nipples. However because real porn is available there is no market for clips of simulated R rated sex scenes. The sex scene is not the movie, its just added to the movie.

[Scottdmw]

I find most sex and nudity scenes in R movies rather passé to tell you the truth, they don't particularly turn me on. I think that very young men who haven't seen a lot of these scenes probably get turned on more. They all kind of blend together after a while. I do watch some movies that include that, but not because of those scenes.

 

I would certainly not say that men won't sometimes find those scenes arousing. And, maybe it's not a good thing. Perhaps in a perfect world men would never want to do that. But, for me there is a pretty big difference between your typical scene in an R rated movie and what many men do. In the R rated movie, the sex scene lasts for 30-60 seconds, and the rest of the movie is plot, character development, and human drama. Even a less than good movie might actually teach you something about life. Contrast that with watching porn. No real plot, no character, no drama, basically nothing except sex that goes on for an hour and a half.

 

As far as creating confusion and distraction from a real woman, I do think there is danger of this with porn itself, especially when you get the men who watch it for many hours per week. Even there though, those images on the screen are only images and they hold a poor comparison to a real person. Some men can I think get so emmeshed in porn that they may actually prefer it to a real woman in some cases. But, I really don't see that being possible with the occasional R rated movie.

 

Scott

[Cee]

I suggest that you do your own research and start watching R movies for yourself and see how you feel. I would try to choose films that you would like, not ones your boyfriend would.

 

-Sex, Lies, and Videotape is good and the young James Spader is gorgeous in that. I thought James Spader's Crash was sexy too, but in a very perverse and disturbing way. You might want to skip that movie.

 

-Female Perversions with Tilda Swinton is fantastic. Female sexuality is front and center in this one.

 

I can't really think of anything else at the moment. I'm so used to seeing sex in movies, that I don't really fixate on it anymore. The point I'm trying to make is that instead of worrying about your man, focus on your sexuality and explore that.

[hummingbird]

There was a line by Detective Deitrich in a Barney Miller episode 30 years ago. It went something like you can point to any item in the Sears catalog and somewhere a man is masturbating to it.

QUOTE]

 

thanks for the laugh!!!!

 

Scottdmw: once again appreciate your candor!!!!!

particularly from a man of non-porn virtue!!!!!

 

 

 

Cee: thanks for you suggestions but nah..... I know from past that most movies bore me, I find sex scenes etc generally boring or laughable because they are ususally gratuitious... and if not, I am most tired and bored of hollywood's perfect people---- I am not intrigued by them in life , on screen and mostly naked.

 

part of my own conflict with this is I find hollywood etc a basic waste of time where these people generally are overpaid and put on pedestals for nothing..... and then the women even moreso because they take it off for the $ and the sophomoric masses. --- and--- here i am with a great guy who can quote you a movie or a scene from something he saw years ago because he so loves moooovvvvviiiieeeesssssss and in my opinion wastes toooo much time watching them----

since I know he has this uncanny recall of movie scenes etc... it is hard for me to not imagine that he keeps the 20something sex stored in there too and that just puts me offfffffffffffffffffff. instead of feeling like I want to rock his world in bed like I know i can, it does just the opposite and leaves me feeling ---well, turned off.

 

otherwise, my sexuality is very happy, alive and well and sometimes it takes effort to keep my libido down a bit.

 

as well, I just don't see the interest, in sex and nudity in movies...

I don't see them and think or that is hot..... I generally see it as just some more unneccessary stuff to make the boys happy and sell tx.

I think most actresses who are true to their craft and skill know they don't need to buy into that.

My idea of a good or great movie that I wish to watch generally keeps me intrigued by its ability to engage and create imagery without being typical and filled with t&a/sex content.