Being judgmental.

[greengoddess]

Sigh that term is so tiresome. So many times you read that people who find affairs morally wrong are just bitter judgmental people but is that not what the ow is doing?

 

The ow makes judgments of the bs DAILY. They justify their relationship with the mm through their own judgments of a woman they do not even know.

 

As lizzie said in another thread.

1) sex is not important in their life (most probably the reason why they were the BS in the first place)

2) they don't know how to seduce anymore (they haven't for sooo long)

3) they just can't seduce anymore (weight gain, etc.)

4) they are not 'strong' enough to do so (or it's not in their nature)

 

These are all judgments she has made about the bs. You without knowing the bs form an opinion of her and judge her not to be worthy of her husband. You judge her to be a bad mom, a bad housekeeper, fat, lazy and even a lousy lover.

 

I am so tired of hearing that people are being judgmental when they find affairs to be offensive. The pw is doing much more judging daily than the bs. It is so hypocritical.

[desertIslandCactus]

The OW/OM will grab onto anything to justify the A.

[Lizzie60]

Sigh that term is so tiresome. So many times you read that people who find affairs morally wrong are just bitter judgmental people but is that not what the ow is doing?

 

The ow makes judgments of the bs DAILY. They justify their relationship with the mm through their own judgments of a woman they do not even know.

 

As lizzie said in another thread.

 

 

These are all judgments she has made about the bs. You without knowing the bs form an opinion of her and judge her not to be worthy of her husband. You judge her to be a bad mom, a bad housekeeper, fat, lazy and even a lousy lover.

 

I am so tired of hearing that people are being judgmental when they find affairs to be offensive. The pw is doing much more judging daily than the bs. It is so hypocritical.

 

I based my comments on a few BS that I know.. some are close friends..

[bohogirl]

LS would not exist if people did not assert their opinions of what they believed i.e. make judgments.

[Silly_Girl]

If it's so painful/frustrating on this board, what are you doing here? Genuine, open question.

[greengoddess]

see now you are judging me to be in pain reading this board. Nope no pain sorry. I see pain daily on this board though and I see ow and bs's in pain and I constantly see the ow lashing out that people are being judgmental and bitter. I just thought I would point out the hypocricy in that.

 

This post is what brought this up and I didn't want to threadjack.

Well, Yellow Shark's post illustrates the typical viepoint of a bitter BS.

 

I wonder why he doesn't move to Infidelity forum, that could perhaps be more helpful..

 

I did not see any bitterness from yellow shark just sharing of experience but because they do not agree with you (plural the ow) you judge them to be bitter.

[YellowShark]

The ow makes judgments of the bs DAILY. They justify their relationship with the mm through their own judgments of a woman they do not even know.

 

IMHO in most cases the only thing the OW/OM know about the BS is what the MM/MW TELLS them. The OW/OM don't live with the BS.

 

And lets call a spade a spade here. Since an affair is a dishonest thing to do in the first place, I suspect the cheating MM/MW is attempting to defend what is really indefensible by demonizing their BS to the OW/OM.

[Silly_Girl]

see now you are judging me to be in pain reading this board. Nope no pain sorry. I see pain daily on this board though and I see ow and bs's in pain and I constantly see the ow lashing out that people are being judgmental and bitter. I just thought I would point out the hypocricy in that.

 

I didn't JUST say painful and I wasn't JUST talking to you.

[greengoddess]

IMHO in most cases the only thing the OW/OM know about the BS is what the MM/MW TELLS them. The OW/OM don't live with the BS.

 

And lets call a spade a spade here. Since an affair is a dishonest thing to do in the first place, I suspect the cheating MM/MW is attempting to defend what is really indefensible by demonizing their BS to the OW/OM.

 

 

Yes and it seems their judgment of the bs based on no known facts is what helps them to justify their affar in their mind.

[Lizzie60]

Funny how stuff that can be verified in real life.. is called judgemental on a site like this one.. oh well..

[2sure]

Its one thing to be opinionated and to strongly voice that. But judgemental...this forum is simply not the place for that. People come to ask questions and offer advice. Ideally.

 

I would suggest to anyone that feels a post or poster is judgemental...that they read a few of the other entries by the same poster. If you read the same stereotypes and the same lines over and over again...they arent offering anything. They are here to judge or irritate. Who knows why. When I recognize them, I just treat them like I would in real life. Polite indifference.

 

BUT. Its possible that I have made people feel judged. I really do think, using my own life experience and lessons...that being involved in infidelity is not a good idea. For anyone. To me, the one who is making the biggest mistake is often the single OW. Cuz that was me. But thats my hindsight, its useless to anyone else. Still, when I see a train wreck coming I want to shout LOOK OUT.

[YellowShark]

I did not see any bitterness from yellow shark just sharing of experience but because they do not agree with you (plural the ow) you judge them to be bitter.

 

Most OM/OW hate to hear the BS's "side of the equation." I suspect it is perhaps it makes them feel "something" they bury deep down inside so they can be involved in an affair with a married person.

[greengoddess]

I based my comments on a few BS that I know.. some are close friends..

 

You never cease to fascinate me Lizzie. Do these bs's who you are friends with know of your extra curricular activity? I would assume no. If not don't you consider yourself disingenious having thse conversations with them considering what you like to do for fun?

[Silly_Girl]

IMHO in most cases the only thing the OW/OM know about the BS is what the MM/MW TELLS them. The OW/OM don't live with the BS.

 

 

Yep. Totally. I'll be honest though, I've never said to my best friend, or sister, or colleague 'yes, but is that REALLY what happens, you're only giving me your side of things aren't you?'.

 

People must make the judgement call on whether to believe or not, using a number of different factors. Sometimes the decision to believe will be misguided, but not always.

[greengoddess]

Its one thing to be opinionated and to strongly voice that. But judgemental...this forum is simply not the place for that. People come to ask questions and offer advice. Ideally.

 

I would suggest to anyone that feels a post or poster is judgemental...that they read a few of the other entries by the same poster. If you read the same stereotypes and the same lines over and over again...they arent offering anything. They are here to judge or irritate. Who knows why. When I recognize them, I just treat them like I would in real life. Polite indifference.

 

BUT. Its possible that I have made people feel judged. I really do think, using my own life experience and lessons...that being involved in infidelity is not a good idea. For anyone. To me, the one who is making the biggest mistake is often the single OW. Cuz that was me. But thats my hindsight, its useless to anyone else. Still, when I see a train wreck coming I want to shout LOOK OUT.

 

That's how I feel. I just want to scream and warn all the ow run run run. Especially when you read a young woman who is just beginning her affair.

 

Maybe you could all stop reading peoples words as bitter and judgmental and possibly read it as experienced and trying to help before that train comes.

[Silly_Girl]

Its one thing to be opinionated and to strongly voice that. But judgemental...this forum is simply not the place for that. People come to ask questions and offer advice. Ideally.

 

I would suggest to anyone that feels a post or poster is judgemental...that they read a few of the other entries by the same poster. If you read the same stereotypes and the same lines over and over again...they arent offering anything. They are here to judge or irritate. Who knows why. When I recognize them, I just treat them like I would in real life. Polite indifference.

 

BUT. Its possible that I have made people feel judged. I really do think, using my own life experience and lessons...that being involved in infidelity is not a good idea. For anyone. To me, the one who is making the biggest mistake is often the single OW. Cuz that was me. But thats my hindsight, its useless to anyone else. Still, when I see a train wreck coming I want to shout LOOK OUT.

 

This is one of the best posts I've read on this board.

[lilbunny]

Sigh that term is so tiresome. So many times you read that people who find affairs morally wrong are just bitter judgmental people but is that not what the ow is doing?

 

Not at all, I just think it might be a bit too late to be constructive if it has already happened. It can't be taken back or changed. Individuals either agree it is wrong or they don't, posts that damn people to hell are not helpful. If it isn't advice, support or CONSTRUCTIVE criticism what is the point of it? I have said this before, but I don't understand the appeal of reading about people who they will always judge as morally reprehensible. I question the morality of sticking the knife in to people who are clearly already in pain.

 

The ow makes judgments of the bs DAILY. They justify their relationship with the mm through their own judgments of a woman they do not even know.

 

As lizzie said in another thread.

 

 

These are all judgments she has made about the bs. You without knowing the bs form an opinion of her and judge her not to be worthy of her husband. You judge her to be a bad mom, a bad housekeeper, fat, lazy and even a lousy lover.

 

Yep Lizzie did say those things, I am absolutely certain she will stand by them.

How did we make the leap to 'you judge her...'? I read that as a collective 'you' and not the individual who made the comment you hinge it on. I have never judged anyone in this way. She isn't a mother, I have no idea what her housekeeping is like (and frankly I don't care, it isn't something that I have ever given a second's thought to), she is a larger lady- not a judgement, a fact and as far as I am aware there were no major issues in the bedroom department.

 

I am so tired of hearing that people are being judgmental when they find affairs to be offensive. The pw is doing much more judging daily than the bs. It is so hypocritical.

 

I have no issue with anyone else's moral stance on anything. Many people who have been the the BS post insightful and helpful comments. Helpful and hurtful are two different things. Helpful does not consist of telling me I am right or agreeing with me. Some of the most useful are from the ones which disagree. It is the pointless one line digs I feel are unwelcome.

[YellowShark]

I really do think, using my own life experience and lessons...that being involved in infidelity is not a good idea. For anyone. To me, the one who is making the biggest mistake is often the single OW. Cuz that was me. But thats my hindsight, its useless to anyone else. Still, when I see a train wreck coming I want to shout LOOK OUT.

 

I agree. Even if the married spouse finally ends up with the OM/OW happily, the carnage that is created until that point is huge.

 

When I see a wedding ring, it's a giant waving red flag that says to me DANGER! KEEP AWAY!

 

In the cases that the married spouse lies to the OM/OW and hides their marriage from them... well that is a double betrayal and REALLY REALLY creepy.

[greengoddess]

I have no issue with anyone else's moral stance on anything. Many people who have been the the BS post insightful and helpful comments. Helpful and hurtful are two different things. Helpful does not consist of telling me I am right or agreeing with me. Some of the most useful are from the ones which disagree. It is the pointless one line digs I feel are unwelcome.

 

I agree but there are very few one line digs at ow. Very few and yet so many "you are just bitter" comments to the bs when the bs is just sharing their experience and insight. Case in point yellow shark has now been called bitter. Why? I hate that instant assumption and judgment that he is bitter.

[BB07]

Most OM/OW hate to hear the BS's "side of the equation." I suspect it is perhaps it makes them feel "something" they bury deep down inside so they can be involved in an affair with a married person.

 

I completely disagree, I think most OW/OM would love to know the story from the bs's side. It would either confirm that they have heard truth or that it was a lie.

[Silly_Girl]

I agree but there are very few one line digs at ow. Very few and yet so many "you are just bitter" comments to the bs when the bs is just sharing their experience and insight. Case in point yellow shark has now been called bitter. Why? I hate that instant assumption and judgment that he is bitter.

 

I think it's far more balanced than that, and would like to see a bit less OW-bashing on THIS board.

[greengoddess]

I think it's far more balanced than that, and would like to see a bit less OW-bashing on THIS board.

 

Can you point out examples of ow bashing because I really do not see it. Most times when their is ow bashing it is the former ow doing it trying to help a young woman see clearly.

[Lizzie60]

You never cease to fascinate me Lizzie. Do these bs's who you are friends with know of your extra curricular activity? I would assume no. If not don't you consider yourself disingenious having thse conversations with them considering what you like to do for fun?

 

Nope.. My personal life belongs to me.. I've been in long term relationships twice in my life (in fact, most of my life).. so I think I can discuss these subjects with my friends, etc.. but what I do in my bedroom belongs to me.. my personal life doesn't stop me from giving good advices to my friends, plus at my age.. I have a lot of life experience..

[YellowShark]

ICase in point yellow shark has now been called bitter. Why? I hate that instant assumption and judgment that he is bitter.

 

I appreciate the support. But I have broad shoulders! HA!

 

In my case as a BS I am definitely bitter towards the people who betrayed me. But I have not come to Loveshack to take it out on people I don't even know.

 

Yet I am always amazed at the pride some posters take at being the OM/OW. I find that is something I am trying to understand since I am a victim of infidelity. The reason for this search for knowledge is because I want to get inside the head of someone who can cheat with a married person and not feel guilt, it's so unlike me.

[greengoddess]

I completely disagree, I think most OW/OM would love to know the story from the bs's side. It would either confirm that they have heard truth or that it was a lie.

 

Yes but how long did it take you to hear the truth? For how long did you believe everything the mm said? If they want to learn the truth then why hang in an affair for years. TELL the wife and the truth will come out. It's really quite simple.