Being judgmental.

[pureinheart]

No FO. I pop over there on occasion if I a thread topic appeals to me.

 

Well that stinks and maybe the 2 boards could do with being more respectful of one another. Else there's not much point in splitting them, may as well have one big judgmental board and accept it'll be a bitch-fest offering no support whatsoever

 

This is great SG...you outdid yourself with this reply....

[BlackLovely]

Its one thing to be opinionated and to strongly voice that. But judgemental...this forum is simply not the place for that. People come to ask questions and offer advice. Ideally.

 

I would suggest to anyone that feels a post or poster is judgemental...that they read a few of the other entries by the same poster. If you read the same stereotypes and the same lines over and over again...they arent offering anything. They are here to judge or irritate. Who knows why. When I recognize them, I just treat them like I would in real life. Polite indifference.

 

BUT. Its possible that I have made people feel judged. I really do think, using my own life experience and lessons...that being involved in infidelity is not a good idea. For anyone. To me, the one who is making the biggest mistake is often the single OW. Cuz that was me. But thats my hindsight, its useless to anyone else. Still, when I see a train wreck coming I want to shout LOOK OUT.

I've done the exact thing you're talking about mama. I even went to Tony and asked him if the insulting posts about cheating are allowed in this section. He said no.

OW's/OM/MM/MW do not come to this part of LS to read "You should be faithful!" or the like. They come here for help.

I choose not to have children. However, there are no posts from me in the Parenting section, admonishing those who choose to have babies. To each her own!

[OWoman]

Sigh that term is so tiresome. So many times you read that people who find affairs morally wrong are just bitter judgmental people but is that not what the ow is doing?

 

The ow makes judgments of the bs DAILY. They justify their relationship with the mm through their own judgments of a woman they do not even know.

 

As lizzie said in another thread.

 

 

These are all judgments she has made about the bs. You without knowing the bs form an opinion of her and judge her not to be worthy of her husband. You judge her to be a bad mom, a bad housekeeper, fat, lazy and even a lousy lover.

 

I am so tired of hearing that people are being judgmental when they find affairs to be offensive. The pw is doing much more judging daily than the bs. It is so hypocritical.

 

How ironic that a thread purporting to be about hypocrisy in being judgmental is both so judgmental (about Lizzie - and by implication, other OW, whether or not the ascribed quote applies to them or not) and in doing so, betrays its own hypocrisy!

 

FTR - I have been pretty open about judging the BS (my H's xW). Her behaviour appalled me, and I commented on that here as I have commented (when appropriate) IRL. I am not going to tiptoe around with kidgloves and pretend she's something she's not, because that would be dishonest.

 

But my making judgments about my H's xW - based on more evidence than would be needed in a courtroom trial - is of a very different order to those nasty posters who come here to throw metaphorical stones at anyone who happens to be in (or have been in, and not slit their wrists over) an A.

 

The first - my judgment of a toxic woman - is based on evidence I have gathered myself. The second - the nasty remarks here at OWs and OMs - is based purely on the prejudice of the bitter (yes, bitter - if they weren't bitter they wouldn't be posting such venom) unresolved, unhealed and in desperate need of counselling, posters who do so.

 

There are claims that some OWs post nasty posts to hurting BSs over on Infidelity. That may well be so - I've seen no threads linked, and haven't seen any such posts myself, so for now it's just an unsupported claim rather than a fact - but whether or not that's true, it makes it no less hateful, wrong, and against the TOS, to use the OW forum as a vehicle to vent one's own wrath at the evils of infidelity rather than addressing - rationally, calmly and maturely - the situation an individual poster posits in their thread.

 

And if anyone can't tell the difference, perhaps they need more help than this forum can provide.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I've done the exact thing you're talking about mama. I even went to Tony and asked him if the insulting posts about cheating are allowed in this section. He said no.

OW's/OM/MM/MW do not come to this part of LS to read "You should be faithful!" or the like. They come here for help.

I choose not to have children. However, there are no posts from me in the Parenting section, admonishing those who choose to have babies. To each her own!

 

Perhaps posters should offer up several suggested responses and all of those with nothing better to do can repeat what it is that the OP desires to hear.

OF COURSE people who are cheating don't want to hear that its wrong. People who have a strong desire to act in s way that is detrimental to their happiness don't care to hear that their problem is related to their own choices. Alcoholics don't want to hear it, gamblers don't want to hear it, because they don't care to stop their behavior. Sweetheart, you poor dear, you lost your rent money, what horrible luck. why not go gamble your kids college fund and see if you can get it back. THAT is what you consider support? Tell em what they want to hear?

[Silly_Girl]

Perhaps posters should offer up several suggested responses and all of those with nothing better to do can repeat what it is that the OP desires to hear.

OF COURSE people who are cheating don't want to hear that its wrong. People who have a strong desire to act in s way that is detrimental to their happiness don't care to hear that their problem is related to their own choices. Alcoholics don't want to hear it, gamblers don't want to hear it, because they don't care to stop their behavior. Sweetheart, you poor dear, you lost your rent money, what horrible luck. why not go gamble your kids college fund and see if you can get it back. THAT is what you consider support? Tell em what they want to hear?

 

I think there's a difference between 'tough $h!t sunshine, what more did you expect?'; and 'here's some suggestions to get yourself out of the stoopid hole you've dug for yourself'.

 

The former style of post isn't welcome here in my opinion. They can do their venting elsewhere.

[Silly_Girl]

oh...i do not have any thing do in my life other than fallow you around...aah!!!!....what makes you think so special....you are as deceptive,cunning as any cheater over here......moreover...i think,people have affairs cuz ,they do not have any thing do with their life while fuc**** up others lives as well ,who have some thing do with their lives.....

 

 

i don't think a human could possibly hurt somebody knowingly....but you don't seem to care

 

what made you think my life is miserable, i am not the one writing about how i am going to have sex with my lover while deceiving/using another......do you really think anybody over here gives a s*** about it.......let me say it one more time you are like any other cheater....who seeks attention over nothing.......

 

Okay, I may be wrong, but I've not seen a post like this, aimed at BS, over on Infidelity. It's these sorts of posts that do happen, fairly frequently, that cause me not to accept that the level of judgment passed BY the OW's is equal to the level of judgment passed ON the OW's.

[Lizzie60]

OK...this leaves me a little confused as well.

 

You believe that you "make marriages better".

 

You see what you do with MM as a positive thing for their BS's.

 

Then what is it that you "couldn't do" to your friends???

 

Either it hurts the BS, or it doesn't.

 

If you "couldn't do that to MY friends"...you're acknowledging that what you're doing is in some fashion wrong/hurtful to the BS.

 

But it's ok to do to someone else, as long as you aren't friends with them personally???

 

Or is it ok in some fashion to "deny" your friends the "help" you so willingly to provide to so many others?

 

There's a contradiction here, my friend.

 

Owl... there is a difference.. with my friends and other people I never met or don't know at all.. with my friend, there is a friendship, a connection.. with the BS, nothing..

 

I'm not stupid.. I know that if the BS finds out.. she will be hurt (most cases)... but we take extreme measures for secrecy.

 

Do I think infidelity helps a M... yes.. in MOST cases.. it does. In my cases, it does.. All my MMs are great guys, the only thing missing in their M is sex.. they have nothing else to complain about.. they talk about their wives, I know, in most cases, that they love them... but most of all, they love their kids, that I'm absolutely positive.. their kids come first.

 

So, they come to MY place (secure), we have great sex, we discuss, have a drink.. etc.. they feel good.. they go home, HAPPY... their W have NOOOOO doubts, everybody is happy..

 

I don't see how you people can't see that...

[Lizzie60]

There are ALWAYS contradictions. Such as: "All men will eventually cheat." "Oh, really? That means your daughter's and friends' husbands will cheat on them as well?"

 

Silence.

 

No contradictions.. I stand by my comment.. MOST men will cheat, and I would say 99.9 would if they were 100% sure they wouldn't get caught.

 

Do I think my daughter or my friends will be cheated on.. of course, it's a possibility for my daughter, as for my friends.. most are cheated on..

[NoIDidn't]

Okay, I may be wrong, but I've not seen a post like this, aimed at BS, over on Infidelity. It's these sorts of posts that do happen, fairly frequently, that cause me not to accept that the level of judgment passed BY the OW's is equal to the level of judgment passed ON the OW's.

 

Then you didn't see the posts made by a poster to Samantha who was a MW and posted mainly in Infidelity.

 

Or the posts made about a BW who had not put her foot down enough about her H's infidelity with a woman at his job - a gym.

 

Or the posts to Spark telling her to get over her need to contact the OW, saying that she protested too much.

 

There are so many its not funny.

 

I guess people see what they are looking for. Believe me, the Infidelity Forum is not supportive to BSs AT ALL, IMO. So many post that the W or H is stupid for being hurt AND wanting to fix the problem than just divorce them. Or worse yet, speak horribly about the "character" of their Hs.

 

Its SS, DD. But I do notice that no one posts about how horrible things are in that Forum. Seems it wouldn't be the mature thing to do, even though some posters are so immature in their posting. And it has no particular label to those that post the unsupportive posts. Many have nothing to do with Infidelity at all, and find nothing wrong with being so insensitive to those that just had the rug pulled out from under them (that wasn't the case with Samantha though, she had cheated and MPs that cheat get a hard time over there anyway).

[Silly_Girl]

Then you didn't see the posts made by a poster to Samantha who was a MW and posted mainly in Infidelity.

 

Or the posts made about a BW who had not put her foot down enough about her H's infidelity with a woman at his job - a gym.

 

Or the posts to Spark telling her to get over her need to contact the OW, saying that she protested too much.

 

There are so many its not funny.

 

I guess people see what they are looking for. Believe me, the Infidelity Forum is not supportive to BSs AT ALL, IMO. So many post that the W or H is stupid for being hurt AND wanting to fix the problem than just divorce them. Or worse yet, speak horribly about the "character" of their Hs.

 

Its SS, DD. But I do notice that no one posts about how horrible things are in that Forum. Seems it wouldn't be the mature thing to do, even though some posters are so immature in their posting. And it has no particular label to those that post the unsupportive posts. Many have nothing to do with Infidelity at all, and find nothing wrong with being so insensitive to those that just had the rug pulled out from under them (that wasn't the case with Samantha though, she had cheated and MPs that cheat get a hard time over there anyway).

 

That's really interesting. I think I need to 'get about a bit more'. So to speak.

[NoIDidn't]

It's simple.....Lizzie is so different than most OW.

She has multiple MM, she does not profess to love any of them. She hints that there is financial compensation from her MM in exchange for sex. I'm not knocking you Lizzie, but so it's clear what I'm saying, a lot of people find her choices distasteful, so you get the difference right?

We all know this, Lizzie is pretty frank and upfront about it, so I don't get why you are making a big deal about the differences. It may not be right, it may not be fair, but it's the way IT IS.

 

Sorry, I don't see it that way at all. Several OW have hinted that their MM help them financially - calling it compensation is just a way of *further* distancing from Lizzie.

 

OWoman has had multiple MM but no one distances themselves from her. Is it because she managed to marry one of them?

 

Most people find being an OW distasteful (though the stats on infidelity show they seem to only say that for the surveys as more than 50% of people admit to having taken part in some side of infidelity at some point in their lives).

 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely get the differences - but you are correct that it is NOT right. This is the hypocrisy of this forum.

 

A previous defense was that Lizzie is a different individual. Of course she is, but that isn't why that poster was distancing herself from her. This one is because she takes their money and has multiple MM, but many of the OW currently involved with a MM have had more than one (just not at the same time as implied by Lizzie).

 

Its just interesting to see a moral judgment applied to Lizzie and have it explained away as somehow different from the judgments made on non-OP posters as if its more acceptable.

 

And I don't think the OP was limiting herself only to what she said inspired the thread. Greengoddess has been here for a long time. I know she has seen what I have seen when it comes to the hypocrisy in judging the BS but not wanting that same level of judgment applied to them. And hate being called on it.

 

Pure said that judgment is bitter. It comes off sounding VERY bitter when an OW says nasty things about the W. But no one should dare call them on it because THAT would be judgmental.

 

And posters distancing themselves from Lizzie wouldn't be so hypocritical if they didn't agree with her so much when she says things about the Ws or about the MM. They don't distance themselves from her then. But now they want to?

 

Interesting and comical.

 

(I don't agree with Lizzie's choices either, but I have come to see her as a very smart woman. I actually admire the way she handles herself. I don't always agree with the things she posts, but that's not a requirement to admire someone)

[OWoman]

Okay, I may be wrong, but I've not seen a post like this, aimed at BS, over on Infidelity. It's these sorts of posts that do happen, fairly frequently, that cause me not to accept that the level of judgment passed BY the OW's is equal to the level of judgment passed ON the OW's.

 

 

Then you didn't see the posts made by a poster to Samantha who was a MW and posted mainly in Infidelity.

 

SG's point referred to BSs, not WSs. WSs typically get blasted on all forums - though a couple of MMs get courted, too.

 

Or the posts made about a BW who had not put her foot down enough about her H's infidelity with a woman at his job - a gym.

 

Or the posts to Spark telling her to get over her need to contact the OW, saying that she protested too much.

 

There are so many its not funny.

 

Neither of those strike me as anything approaching the post SG quoted:

 

 

oh...i do not have any thing do in my life other than fallow you around...aah!!!!....what makes you think so special....you are as deceptive,cunning as any cheater over here......moreover...i think,people have affairs cuz ,they do not have any thing do with their life while fuc**** up others lives as well ,who have some thing do with their lives.....

 

 

i don't think a human could possibly hurt somebody knowingly....but you don't seem to care

 

what made you think my life is miserable, i am not the one writing about how i am going to have sex with my lover while deceiving/using another......do you really think anybody over here gives a s*** about it.......let me say it one more time you are like any other cheater....who seeks attention over nothing.......

 

I didn't see either Spark or the BW whose WS worked at a gym being told they were cunning, deceptive, cruel, attention-seeking or a general waste of space.

 

It might seem all the same to (generic) you, but those of us who've been called whores and worse can tell the difference from its BS equivalent - "bitter".

 

I guess people see what they are looking for. Believe me' date=' the Infidelity Forum is not supportive to BSs AT ALL, IMO. So many post that the W or H is stupid for being hurt AND wanting to fix the problem than just divorce them. [/quote']

 

So the worst that a BS gets called is "stupid" or bitter... but OWs and OMs are called stupid, evil, callous, whores and all kinds of far worse things - but somehow this is deemed equivalent?

 

 

Or worse yet' date=' speak horribly about the "character" of their Hs.[/quote']

 

Yet it's fine when they say exactly the same things to the OW about exactly the same men (the MMs / WSs). He's evil incarnate when he's with the OW, yet he's somehow not if he's with the BW? strange double standard here, methinks....

[OWoman]

OWoman has had multiple MM but no one distances themselves from her. Is it because she managed to marry one of them?

 

I object most strongly to that insinuation that I finally succeeded in snaring a MM! Marrying is no achievement - any old dog can land a husband, all a woman has to do is stop saying No to every man who asks.

 

And, as it happens, my H was far from the first MM to leave his M. So sorry to bust your snide little bubble, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

[greengoddess]

No the lies start again. You can't name one post where an OW was called a whore other than as you stated above. Its not allowed here. And you can't name one not because Tony deleted it. Its because it doesn't happen. The ONLY time an OW is called a whore is when she says "people call OW whores".

 

 

Yep I agree. I actually think often times the ow infer that that is what the poster is thinking. I think their own concious sometimes is what makes them read things into what a poster says. It does not happen and every time someone has asked for ow to point out where it happens they can't. I think they think this is what people are thinking and they make it truth in their mind.

[Ellin]

I agree but there are very few one line digs at ow. Very few and yet so many "you are just bitter" comments to the bs when the bs is just sharing their experience and insight. Case in point yellow shark has now been called bitter. Why? I hate that instant assumption and judgment that he is bitter.

 

Ok then, this is the YS's post, which made me think he was posting from a "bitter BS's" perspective.

IMHO if you are willing to enter a relationship with a MM you are like a bank teller who is stealing from the bank. Eventually it's going to go badly.

 

Either you will A) always remain "Plan B" forever and have to live a life of sneaking around, lies and deception, or B) he will string you along with "promises about leaving his wife" and never does, or C) he will leave his wife and you will be branded a home wrecker.

 

Only in the rarest cases does the MM and the OW eventually find happiness once all the dust has settled from the fallout of the affair. But it does happen. Yet even then, as the OW, I would be suspicious of the MM because if he cheated with you there is ALWAYS the future potential he will cheat on you when he tires of the new relationship.

Basically, according to his post, OW can never have a happy ending with a MM, not even when they end up together, just the two of them, committed to each other.

 

This is hardly a BS sharing HIS experience as he is attepmting to present OW's perspective and in a way that is factually incorrect, as we know even from this board that there are fOW who are perfectly ok in their M to their fMM.

[Fallen Angel]

Object if you wish, but you are giving what was said your own implication as that's not where I was going with it.

 

Many OWs here have deified those that married their MM, but like you said Marrying is no achievement. So why no issues with being praised for getting married other than when I said it? I've never seen you object to the praise of having managed to marry the MM.

 

OWoman, I can only know what you have posted about. I don't know of any other MM that have left their marriages for you, but I do know about the one that you married. No bubble bursting going on here. But I think you are mistaking your own snideness as mine. You came in here with guns blazing, making wild assumptions that have no basis in truth.

 

No one, other than those you PM with, reading your posts knows about any other MM. And the fact that they left matters not as I mentioned the one that you married.

 

Stop with the strawmen that you can so easily knock down.

 

I read the post to which OWoman responded the same way she did. I read into it the same implications. It seems to me that perhaps you are not coming across clearly, if two different people see the same snideness in your posts which you claim you do not intend.

 

As to OWoman being deified, I have never seen that. (Though the mind reels with the mental image of worshiping at the alter of OWoman. Sometimes I wish my brain was less actively able to conjure up it's own pictures.)

 

And having read numerous posts by OWoman, I have several times seen her indicate that her husband was not the only MM who left his marriage for her. He is simply the only one who managed to convince her to continue the relationship afterwards. She has stated that when a man actively sought to end his marriage to be with her, she would end the relationship. There is historical data in the past postings on this site to document that, however I am not of a mind to spend my time researching it for you. I simply assure you that it is there.

[Ellin]

This excuse is always brought up, but it has no basis in fact. No one posts judgmental "that's what you get" posts when someone actually posts that they are in pain. No one posts "affairs are wrong" when a poster is in obvious pain. At least I don't. And I haven't seen RECENTLY where this one done.

 

Always the strawman argument to come up when it simply hasn't happened for any RECENT posters to even claim that its affected them. It happened quite a bit when "Guests" were allowed to post but not register to post.

 

Maybe you don't, but it's not true that no one does.

 

Posts like that appear regularly, but more often it's not stated literally, but the tone of the message suggest a thinly veiled negative moral judgement, like in Silly Girl's earlier example.

[OWoman]

Object if you wish, but you are giving what was said your own implication as that's not where I was going with it.

 

Many OWs here have deified those that married their MM, but like you said Marrying is no achievement. So why no issues with being praised for getting married other than when I said it? I've never seen you object to the praise of having managed to marry the MM.

 

OWoman, I can only know what you have posted about. I don't know of any other MM that have left their marriages for you, but I do know about the one that you married. No bubble bursting going on here. But I think you are mistaking your own snideness as mine. You came in here with guns blazing, making wild assumptions that have no basis in truth.

 

No one, other than those you PM with, reading your posts knows about any other MM. And the fact that they left matters not as I mentioned the one that you married.

 

Stop with the strawmen that you can so easily knock down.

 

I've mentioned that in several previous posts. I'm not going to link to them as I can't be bothered to trawl through my thousands of posts to find them, but they are clearly there and anyone can freely find them. It's no big secret, and as I've stated many times before, I don't think it's any kind of achievement, either. I didn't want them to leave, and I dumped them when they did.

 

"Managing to marry a MM" implies that it was something someone - me in this case - tried for, and succeeded at. That is patently untrue.

 

And being "praised" for it or otherwise is not something I have ever welcomed, or enjoyed - not that it's ever happened, or I would have said something previously.

[Ellin]

I am flattered that you read all my posts ... and see only bitterness in them.

Where did I say that I see ONLY bitterness in them?

 

 

I am interested because I seek wisdom. I could never cheat with someone who is married, I would be embarrassed to. It would also torment me that I am betraying a married spouse somewhere with their cheating MM/MW. It shows a huge lack of respect for the institution of marriage AND the BS. So I am trying to find out why someone would do that knowingly.

 

I think it cheating on one's spouse is a bit more grave offense against moral code than having a R with a MP, since no one can cheat on the person their partner has responsibility towards.

 

So, anyway, have you found it out yet?

[Fallen Angel]

Yep I agree. I actually think often times the ow infer that that is what the poster is thinking. I think their own concious sometimes is what makes them read things into what a poster says. It does not happen and every time someone has asked for ow to point out where it happens they can't. I think they think this is what people are thinking and they make it truth in their mind.

 

It has happened. It does not happen often, but it does happen. When it does it is quickly dealt with by Tony, and so is not available to bring up as "proof" that you seem to require. What does happen much more often is that someone will insinuate that an OW is a "whore" without actually using that term, since they know it would violate TOS.

 

I am certain that rereading a thread from a few months ago in which it was discussed that I accept My Sweetheart paying for my cell phone bill would show you the thinly veiled implications that I am the equivalent of a poorly paid prostitute. And those implications were made by some of the very people you purport are being attacked by the use of the word judgemental.

[OWoman]

No the lies start again. You can't name one post where an OW was called a whore other than as you stated above. Its not allowed here. And you can't name one not because Tony deleted it. Its because it doesn't happen. The ONLY time an OW is called a whore is when she says "people call OW whores".

 

So now you're accusing me of lying, are you? Is that covered by the TOS?

 

I've been called a whore in more than one post - so that's already more than the one you claim above - but I have also seen others, and reported them to Tony. It's quite possible that you didn't see them because he deleted them before you could, or it's quite possible that you don't remember, since as you pointed out in your earlier post, people only notice what they want - but I can assure you (and you can check with Tony since you clearly think I'm just a liar) they were there.

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, no where in my post did I defend it. I stated it to show that the SAME THINGS that the OW complain about happen to BSs in Infidelity. Don't twist my words so that they give you something to argue with.

 

No double standard other than the whining in this forum about when OP seem to be judgmental quite freely but don't like having it revisit them later. As the Good Book says, you will be judged according to the way you judge others.

 

 

I've no idea what good book you're referring to - I imagine your reading list is rather different to mine - but my point was that I don't see OWs or OMs passing the kind of judgments here that are passed on them. And I've yet to be shown an example which proves that point of mine wrong.

[OWoman]

Yep I agree. I actually think often times the ow infer that that is what the poster is thinking. I think their own concious sometimes is what makes them read things into what a poster says. It does not happen and every time someone has asked for ow to point out where it happens they can't. I think they think this is what people are thinking and they make it truth in their mind.

 

No one can point it out because Tony responds to the alert button and removes it.

 

Believe what you want, but those of us who have been on the receiving end, or who have pushed the alert button on behalf of others on the receiving end, know what's true and what's wishful thinking.

[Fallen Angel]

I stated it to show that the SAME THINGS that the OW complain about happen to BSs in Infidelity. Don't twist my words so that they give you something to argue with.

 

No double standard other than the whining in this forum about when OP seem to be judgmental quite freely but don't like having it revisit them later. As the Good Book says, you will be judged according to the way you judge others.

 

Since I do not post, or even read over on infidelity, then I am not subject to the double standard to which you are implying OW post with. I left infidelity a long time ago, because that is supposed to be a place of healing for BS. Despite the fact that I was a BS far longer than I have been an OW; I and my advice and compassion are unwelcomed there. So i stay away.

 

If my presence there would be helpful, I would post there, but my OW status nullifies 15 years of BW status. So be it.

 

And as to what the Good Book says, I can only hope that I am judged according to how I have judged. If so, I will be judged fairly and with an open heart. I am okay with that.

[Fallen Angel]

I don't know about it having anything to do with the conscience, just the fact that it keeps getting repeated, and by posters that know better, is annoying.

 

It doesn't happen. Saying that it does over and over again doesn't make it true.

 

Every time a thread like this comes up, this lie is resurrected. And I'm just calling it what it is, a lie. Its not been said. Tony's moderation isn't that fast that someone wouldn't have quoted it before he got to it. It hasn't happened.

 

When I report an offensive post, i report the original post and every post in which it has been quoted. There is no point in removing an offensive post only to have it copied out somewhere else in the thread.

 

Shall I contact Tony and ask him to weigh in on this? I am certain he is more than able to tell of all the times he has had to moderate out the name calling that takes place, along with some of those "barely within TOS" comments. (I am glad that he is often able to see the intent behind the words, and moderates accordingly.)

[greengoddess]

It has happened. It does not happen often, but it does happen. When it does it is quickly dealt with by Tony, and so is not available to bring up as "proof" that you seem to require. What does happen much more often is that someone will insinuate that an OW is a "whore" without actually using that term, since they know it would violate TOS.

 

 

Insinuate. Exactly. No they do not insinuate it. It is what you infer from their words. You automatically infer that I have an ulterior motive that is negative to ow and I do not. I have great sympathy for other women and want so badly for them to see that what they are doing is leading to heartbreak from all directions and a waste of their life. The most heartbreaking is when a young woman is wasting the best years of her life as this hidden secret and can't share her love with anyone. That is a horrible painful way to live while the mm gets the best of both worlds she gets no world. Then in the end she gets thrown under the bus and is forever damaged and not so young anymore. OUCH. I just want to shake the ow's to wake them up. Honestly how can you not wake up reading this board and other infidelity related boards. Case after case on the infidelity boards the mm are begging for forgiveness. The wandering spouse sections are loaded with cheaters trying to figure out how to get their previous life back with their family. IT SUCKS. Wake up to the reality of what cheating does to everyone!!