NEWSFLASH - Marriage sometimes is boring.

[Honorable_Venerable]

I perceived my approach as very low risk. I seriously doubted she would let it get to the point where I actually slept with anyone else. Then again since being celibate (for non-health related reasons) was a total non-starter for me it actually seemed like a zero risk strategy.

 

That said I far prefer a marriage based on the concept of open warfare than one where both pretend life is ok while one is sneaking around having an affair.

Yours was an entirely rational approach based on a very thorough understanding that, in your view:

a) your wife would take it as a warning;

b) that even if she did scream, throw you out and drag you through the divoce courts, ravaging you financially and emotionally;

You would come out of it OK.

 

In many cases, your approach would be taken as a direct affront, closely followed by "b", which to many people isn't a viable definition of "success".

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Wouldn't you know, I post this bitchy little diatribe on here and eight hours later my wife and I are screwing like teenagers in the shower...

 

I apologize for anyone who had to read the post. I get like that when I don't have sex after awhile. Today, I'm focused, I'm pleased, I don't mind dropping my kids off at school, the traffic isn't that bad and I'm looking forward to visiting with my wife's family this weekend.

 

God bless sex.

 

Amazing how one's attitude and outlook changes with good sex..... Yes LS is a perfect place to vent.....

 

What I wonder and with over 1,000 posts have obviously wondered a lot is why when both people like sex (though may not agree on frequency, type...), usually the wife is oblivious as to the importance the husband places on it (though he tells her).

 

And finally forget the feelings of body to body contact and a good O.... The fact is afterwards you're ready to do almost anything for your spouse because you feel so god damn good.....:p;)

[xxoo]

Wouldn't you know, I post this bitchy little diatribe on here and eight hours later my wife and I are screwing like teenagers in the shower...

 

I apologize for anyone who had to read the post. I get like that when I don't have sex after awhile. Today, I'm focused, I'm pleased, I don't mind dropping my kids off at school, the traffic isn't that bad and I'm looking forward to visiting with my wife's family this weekend.

 

God bless sex.

 

Fantastic! See, married sex isn't so boring

 

So you are happy--for now. Don't fall into the pattern of conflict avoidance, ie: "don't rock the boat in good times". Now is a good time, and that is why now is exactly the right time to confront the issue seriously. Neither of you is at the breaking point, and you are both basking in the glow of great sex. Perfect time to communicate!

 

What is the real issue? Is it truly fatigue? If so, what are you (the two of you) going to do about it? What comes before sex, so that she is too tired? Why is sex (and you) so low on her list of priorities?

[Lizzie60]

Wouldn't you know, I post this bitchy little diatribe on here and eight hours later my wife and I are screwing like teenagers in the shower...

 

I apologize for anyone who had to read the post. I get like that when I don't have sex after awhile. Today, I'm focused, I'm pleased, I don't mind dropping my kids off at school, the traffic isn't that bad and I'm looking forward to visiting with my wife's family this weekend.

 

God bless sex.

 

Tsk... tsk....tsk.... IP.. go to MY room!

 

See.. ladies.. if you want to get anything from your man.. give him teenager's sex.. humm... not sure teenagers' sex is great.. but I would go for monkey, wild sex...

[InternationalPlayboy]

Welcome to the club! In my experience, most of the times the situation is irreversible. Maybe you'll manage to reignite the spark briefly but it won't last... because this is the way it is and it's been like this for years. You are not wife and husband, you are room mates. We will be married 20 years next November, but I can tell you our marriage was over 15 years ago. At the beginning you just go along, thinking it's a glitch, then you try and fix it, then you rebel and finally you accept it, because of the kids...

 

Well, I'm hoping it is not so bleak. We've had dry spells before and we've had other times where our cups runnethed over and over and over. It's just the dry spells that seem to drive me into nutso land.

 

I should have noted in the original post that not only are we married, but we also are real co-workers - the only two full-time employees of our company. So we're around each other a lot, more than most couples I'm sure. And as for your other question - yes the Morrissey song indeed.

[You Go Girl]

I love sex. I've told my wife this, she knows I love sex. It's possibly the only thing that makes me feel complete. She likes it. But Jesus just a little strange...Is that so wrong?

 

 

.

 

I'm glad you had that lusty shower sex.

However, the above line in bold sends off all my red flags in a man. I feel complete, unless my self-esteem has just taken a huge hit, 99% of everyday, all day long.

I love sex. I would have it everday with the right person, sometimes twice. (Not in a situation currently to have that.)

However, I don't feel incomplete as a person the rest of the day. I see the bolded above as some deficiency in character or imbalance in personality, no ill will to the poster with the above opinion, please understand.

I see this type of character in men, and can usually recognize those men. It's as if the rest of their lives they are just waiting until they can have sex again. Foot tapping restlessly through the rest of the day. Never happy the rest of the day. This bothers me about some men, as I don't know if it is a chemical thing out of their control as I am so often told (which I confess that I don't believe), or--as I believe is more likely the case--there is some kind of lack of self-esteem and self-worth aside from having sex. Why is sex the only thing that seems to validate who you are, or what you are worth? Because the statement that is the only time you feel COMPLETE says exactly that to me, that no other time in your life is your existance validated.

To me, it just sounds sad, and frankly, the type of man that I want to avoid.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Tsk... tsk....tsk.... IP.. go to MY room!

 

See.. ladies.. if you want to get anything from your man.. give him teenager's sex.. humm... not sure teenagers' sex is great.. but I would go for monkey, wild sex...

 

Yes, teenager sex for me was awkward, fast and usually ended with someone crying.

 

As I've aged, it's become less awkward. Though the time and crying still happen.

 

I kid, by the way.

[aerogurl87]

Yes amazing isn't it? I'm probably the first person ever who married because he was in love and thought he knew all the answers at 24. Hindsight is everything but the joy of being in your 20s and in love is you never consider consequences. Youth, unfortunately, is spent on being young.

 

Nope I'm 20 and I'd never stay with a guy, let alone marry him, if our sex drives were incompatible or he sucked at pleasing me in the bedroom. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Even I know this.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Fantastic! See, married sex isn't so boring

 

So you are happy--for now. Don't fall into the pattern of conflict avoidance, ie: "don't rock the boat in good times". Now is a good time, and that is why now is exactly the right time to confront the issue seriously. Neither of you is at the breaking point, and you are both basking in the glow of great sex. Perfect time to communicate!

 

What is the real issue? Is it truly fatigue? If so, what are you (the two of you) going to do about it? What comes before sex, so that she is too tired? Why is sex (and you) so low on her list of priorities?

 

I heard somewhere that sex is like pizza even bad pizza is still pretty damn good. Seems accurate enough.

 

We promised to copulate sometime this weekend again...the sex last night was better than it'd been in a couple months and we're going to see if we can repeat it.

 

The real issue - for her fatigue, lack of interest in sex after working, kids etc once 10 p.m. rolls around. For me, well I want it just about all the time. Masturbation does relieve some pressure but even that gets boring after awhile. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

 

Thanks for your advice.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Nope I'm 20 and I'd never stay with a guy, let alone marry him, if our sex drives were incompatible or he sucked at pleasing me in the bedroom. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Even I know this.

 

Then you know more than most 20-year-olds. I wish you luck.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm glad you had that lusty shower sex.

However, the above line in bold sends off all my red flags in a man. I feel complete, unless my self-esteem has just taken a huge hit, 99% of everyday, all day long.

I love sex. I would have it everday with the right person, sometimes twice. (Not in a situation currently to have that.)

However, I don't feel incomplete as a person the rest of the day. I see the bolded above as some deficiency in character or imbalance in personality, no ill will to the poster with the above opinion, please understand.

I see this type of character in men, and can usually recognize those men. It's as if the rest of their lives they are just waiting until they can have sex again. Foot tapping restlessly through the rest of the day. Never happy the rest of the day. This bothers me about some men, as I don't know if it is a chemical thing out of their control as I am so often told (which I confess that I don't believe), or--as I believe is more likely the case--there is some kind of lack of self-esteem and self-worth aside from having sex. Why is sex the only thing that seems to validate who you are, or what you are worth? Because the statement that is the only time you feel COMPLETE says exactly that to me, that no other time in your life is your existance validated.

To me, it just sounds sad, and frankly, the type of man that I want to avoid.

 

It is more the feeling when we are not having sex with a partner we love and cherish (and who claims the same of us) and it should be a priority. Once you have sex, a calm envelops you, the stresses melt away and then it no longer is all consuming. This opposed to when you are tapping you toes and getting pissed that it is 2 weeks, all is well, you are getting along, that sex when it does happen has been very good, and yet you rejected, rebuffed or sex is just at the bottom of the "To do" list.....

[aerogurl87]

Then you know more than most 20-year-olds. I wish you luck.

 

Thank you and I hope you and your wife can have more sex more frequently. My parents have been married 27 years and I don't even think they have sex any more, so I feel for my dad who I'm pretty sure is in a worse situation than you are more than likely. But good luck.

[InternationalPlayboy]

I'm glad you had that lusty shower sex.

However, the above line in bold sends off all my red flags in a man. I feel complete, unless my self-esteem has just taken a huge hit, 99% of everyday, all day long.

I love sex. I would have it everday with the right person, sometimes twice. (Not in a situation currently to have that.)

However, I don't feel incomplete as a person the rest of the day. I see the bolded above as some deficiency in character or imbalance in personality, no ill will to the poster with the above opinion, please understand.

I see this type of character in men, and can usually recognize those men. It's as if the rest of their lives they are just waiting until they can have sex again. Foot tapping restlessly through the rest of the day. Never happy the rest of the day. This bothers me about some men, as I don't know if it is a chemical thing out of their control as I am so often told (which I confess that I don't believe), or--as I believe is more likely the case--there is some kind of lack of self-esteem and self-worth aside from having sex. Why is sex the only thing that seems to validate who you are, or what you are worth? Because the statement that is the only time you feel COMPLETE says exactly that to me, that no other time in your life is your existance validated.

To me, it just sounds sad, and frankly, the type of man that I want to avoid.

 

No offense taken. Trust me I have plenty of character deficiencies - more than I can count on one hand. But it's not like I'm suicidal or a methadone addict or suffering from some crippling, terminal disease. But sex sure does seem to relieve many, possibly all, of life stresses.

[You Go Girl]

It is more the feeling when we are not having sex with a partner we love and cherish (and who claims the same of us) and it should be a priority. Once you have sex, a calm envelops you, the stresses melt away and then it no longer is all consuming. This opposed to when you are tapping you toes and getting pissed that it is 2 weeks, all is well, you are getting along, that sex when it does happen has been very good, and yet you rejected, rebuffed or sex is just at the bottom of the "To do" list.....

 

Well that makes perfect sense. I was under the impression since he didn't feel "complete" at any other time, that even when he was getting sex on a regular basis, he still only feels complete when he is actually in the act of having sex.

That is essentially what he said. Maybe it was the frustration that caused him to say such a thing, since his hormoes were raging unsatisfied.

Clear that up, international?

After having sex yesterday, do you feel complete at this moment, or only while you are in the act?

[InternationalPlayboy]

Well that makes perfect sense. I was under the impression since he didn't feel "complete" at any other time, that even when he was getting sex on a regular basis, he still only feels complete when he is actually in the act of having sex.

That is essentially what he said. Maybe it was the frustration that caused him to say such a thing, since his hormoes were raging unsatisfied.

Clear that up, international?

After having sex yesterday, do you feel complete at this moment, or only while you are in the act?

 

But not sure I can provide an equally excellent answer. But I will try.

 

Sex - for me - releases an unimaginable amount of tension that can easily last a few days. I'm more focused at work, more playful with my family and happier just laying in bed talking with my wife. In other words - I become a normal, functioning member of society after having sex.

 

But after a few days pass - little annoyances creep in. I tend to lose focus easily, become more irritated by my kids and grow distant with my wife. In other words, I'm less complete of a man.

 

That is what I meant when I said it completes me.

 

But here's a very personal look into our love life - my wife is a religious person. Not freakishly so, but she is observant. I was raised that way but have followed an agnostic or even atheist path as an adult. Once, while we stared at the ceiling after a particularly pleasant round of hide the salami we got to talking about religion. And I said - in all seriousness - that the only time I really, truly believe in God and religion is when her and I were having sex. Was it the post-coital bliss speaking or is there some truth for me there? I'm not sure. She laughed when I said it, but still brings it up from time to time.

Edited September 10, 2010 by InternationalPlayboy

[giotto]

Sex - for me - releases an unimaginable amount of tension that can easily last a few days. I'm more focused at work, more playful with my family and happier just laying in bed talking with my wife. In other words - I become a normal, functioning member of society after having sex.

 

But after a few days pass - little annoyances creep in. I tend to lose focus easily, become more irritated by my kids and grow distant with my wife. In other words, I'm less complete of a man.

 

 

I can relate to that...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I can relate to that...

 

But he doesn't have to have the same self-control some of us do waiting 2-4 weeks (though I will admit proudly it has been a while since I had to wait that long).....;)

[kuma]

For me, well I want it just about all the time.

 

I was a bit shocked my H wanted to have sex right after we watched the movie "Inglourious Basterds". I wasn't in the mood for sex at all. But he was ready. I guess men don't have to wait to be in the mood for sex.

Edited September 10, 2010 by kuma

[You Go Girl]

But not sure I can provide an equally excellent answer. But I will try.

 

Sex - for me - releases an unimaginable amount of tension that can easily last a few days. I'm more focused at work, more playful with my family and happier just laying in bed talking with my wife. In other words - I become a normal, functioning member of society after having sex.

 

But after a few days pass - little annoyances creep in. I tend to lose focus easily, become more irritated by my kids and grow distant with my wife. In other words, I'm less complete of a man.

 

That is what I meant when I said it completes me.

 

But here's a very personal look into our love life - my wife is a religious person. Not freakishly so, but she is observant. I was raised that way but have followed an agnostic or even atheist path as an adult. Once, while we stared at the ceiling after a particularly pleasant round of hide the salami we got to talking about religion. And I said - in all seriousness - that the only time I really, truly believe in God and religion is when her and I were having sex. Was it the post-coital bliss speaking or is there some truth for me there? I'm not sure. She laughed when I said it, but still brings it up from time to time.

 

Ok. the above underlined cleared it up. Sex is a means to you feeling complete, but you're not foot tapping your way through life with only one goal--the next sex. You said yourself--you're a normal person for a couple days.

From the inital sex completes me post, it sounded imbalanced. Now it sounds more reasonable.

I think only believing in a 'higher power' during the sexual act is again imbalanced, haha. You've said a new thing that makes me think you value sex above and beyond its place in your life.

As an agnostic myself I understand your religious views. However, only during sex? What about in a foxhole? You do know the saying "there are no atheists in foxholes" ? snicker.

Not that sex isn't great...oh yes it is! But I view our importance of sex related to our purpose in life, our value in being alive, our self-worth, our self-esteem, as something in which we have to be cerebral enough to not be simply sexual animals waiting our next fix.

It degrades our existance to no higher than a non-thinking but procreating life form, in my not so humble opinion. Surely you would like to sum yourself up with more value than a sex-craved organism?

[InternationalPlayboy]

Ok. the above underlined cleared it up. Sex is a means to you feeling complete, but you're not foot tapping your way through life with only one goal--the next sex. You said yourself--you're a normal person for a couple days.

From the inital sex completes me post, it sounded imbalanced. Now it sounds more reasonable.

I think only believing in a 'higher power' during the sexual act is again imbalanced, haha. You've said a new thing that makes me think you value sex above and beyond its place in your life.

As an agnostic myself I understand your religious views. However, only during sex? What about in a foxhole? You do know the saying "there are no atheists in foxholes" ? snicker.

Not that sex isn't great...oh yes it is! But I view our importance of sex related to our purpose in life, our value in being alive, our self-worth, our self-esteem, as something in which we have to be cerebral enough to not be simply sexual animals waiting our next fix.

It degrades our existance to no higher than a non-thinking but procreating life form, in my not so humble opinion. Surely you would like to sum yourself up with more value than a sex-craved organism?

 

It depends on how good the sex is...

 

But seriously I think fighting human nature is a losing battle. We try - and for good reason as giving in to every impulse leads to chaos - but we never quite get it. Whether it's fighting battles in foxholes or copulating like sex-craved organisms, humans are doomed (or elevated) to some certain fates.

 

As for the post-coital comment about a higher power - it was said tongue in cheek but I admit there is a clarity and peace of mind I receive only during the act itself. And for that, I thank God - he, she it or whatever.

[mem11363]

Actually - I truly do love my wife. Really really really alot. Last night while lying spooned full body against her in a totally platonic manner I gently touched her thigh, her book (she is reading "the immortal life of henrietta lacks"), her smile lines and her chest while I said: The perfect partner for me is:

- physical (thigh)

- cerebral (book)

- comical (her lips)

- sexual (....)

 

She just said: "Me?" and I said "You". And then I added I should get extra credit cause even though they don't all rhyme, they all end in "al". At which point - being that she is struggling with 10 extra pounds she said "you missed one - spherical".

 

If she had actually truly divorced me back then - it would have been hands down the worst possible thing that would ever happen to me with the exception of the death of a child or the loss of my self respect.

 

 

Yours was an entirely rational approach based on a very thorough understanding that, in your view:

a) your wife would take it as a warning;

b) that even if she did scream, throw you out and drag you through the divoce courts, ravaging you financially and emotionally;

You would come out of it OK.

 

In many cases, your approach would be taken as a direct affront, closely followed by "b", which to many people isn't a viable definition of "success".

[Mr Orange]

I was a bit shocked my H wanted to have sex right after we watched the movie "Inglourious Basterds". I wasn't in the mood for sex at all. But he was ready. I guess men don't have to wait to be in the mood for sex.

 

Sex and violence go hand in hand! It's normal .

[InternationalPlayboy]

I started this thread a month ago and someone at the time stated "We'll see you here again in three weeks when the sex life slows down again..."

 

How prophetic...

 

Here I am in total ****ing nutso land again. I cannot for the life of me think straight I need it so bad. I don't even have the opportunity to jerk one out because we've been doing family **** so much lately.

 

I know, I know, I know us neanderthal husbands need to be more receptive and listen with our hearts and create some romance and wine and dine and and and and and and...

 

But seriously, would it be so tough to just get a common run of the mill BJ sometime? You know, just for being an okay kind of guy? You know like for never having cheated or beaten anyone? Couldn't I get something like that from her just for those simple things?

 

The other night I couldn't sleep I was thinking about this stuff so much. I tossed and turned for hours and eventually moved to the couch where I tossed and turned for a couple more hours. All I could think of was she hasn't kissed me anywhere with any sense of passion or purpose in ****ing years. It was nearly enough to start thinking very dark thoughts. Very dark thoughts.

 

And it's certainly enough to make me say **** buying flowers for awhile.

 

I hope I get laid this weekend. I love her and I know she loves me, but seriously. A BJ just for being an okay guy. That's all I want sometimes.

[xxoo]

So, what happened? Why did sex stop?

 

If it is really about her being overwhelmed and exhausted, how is that being addressed? Babysitters? Gym membership? Kicking her out to go see a movie alone?

 

But seriously, would it be so tough to just get a common run of the mill BJ sometime? You know, just for being an okay kind of guy? You know like for never having cheated or beaten anyone? Couldn't I get something like that from her just for those simple things?

 

I sympathize with your position. I'd be pretty desperate and depressed if I had no sexual contact for weeks. But the above attitude is....not sexy . I know you come by your desperation honestly, but desperation is a turn off. It is a vicious cycle: she withdraws from sex, you get desperate ~ you get desperate, she withdraws more from sex. Got to find a way to break the cycle--light her fire--make her WANT sex.

[giotto]

I love this... not! God knows what's going on in her head... I know what's going on in yours, mate... I feel for you!