NEWSFLASH - Marriage sometimes is boring.

[Fight4Me]

I'm just going to toss out some thoughts as a woman. First, for what it's worth, I agree that most men need sexual release on a regular basis, not only for marital satisfaction, but also for health reasons.

 

Having been with my husband for 20+ years, with three children, I can tell you that we've had our "seasons," for lack of a better term. I can also say with relative confidence that a wife knows when her husband is at that point of distress. It can really mess with our minds too because on one hand, we recognize a need and want to meet it, but on the other, if he's testy with the kids, kicking the dog (not literally-please don't call PETA:o), making not-so-subtle sighs of disgust, we can find ourselves conflicted. There is a vulnerability that women have, entrusting our bodies' to our husbands. This doesn't make it your fault... not in the slightest. I'm just trying to help you understand what might be going through her mind, consciously or unconsciously. This is where communication becomes vitally important.

 

When our kids were younger, they sapped a decent amount of energy from both of us, and it naturally affected our sex life. We sat down and talked about how to get our desires met, and in some cases it was like a UN negotiation. LOL He learned that I actually love "going for it" right away. Initially, this was interpreted as "she just wants it over with," but no... I actually just think it's hot to go for the gusto. LOL I also told him, I don't care what's going on in our lives, I don't ever want you to get to the point where you need me, but don't say anything. Flowers are wonderful, but they don't scream "I need sex tonight." When you are both in a good place (i.e. not sexually frustrated), maybe sitting down and working out a system that works for both of you would be a good start to allowing you to get your needs met. Some will say this takes away the romance and spontaneity, but think about it more like eating small snacks throughout the day before enjoying that gourmet meal. You'll still get your hot shower sex, so you don't have a lot to lose.

 

I will say that when the kids get older, intimacy improves (as long as you keep up that communication). We joke now about how when the kids were little, they were so dependent on us, but now that they're teenagers, it has become "us against them." ROFL We also have tremendous fun locking lips to see how fast we can clear the living room, if not the entire house!

 

You sound like you love your wife very much, and I just want to encourage you to hang in there because it doesn't HAVE to be like this, certainly not for the next 30/40 years. The fact that you know and can admit that you are susceptible to infidelity and already do your best to avoid temptation says so much about your character and healthy boundaries. As a wife who suffered through her own husband's betrayal (wasn't about sex, btw), I can tell you that nothing is more painful. My husband has said the same thing knowing that he almost lost me, to say nothing of himself.

 

I hope you are able to find the right solution that brings you both long-lasting fulfillment.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Thanks for everyone's input. I don't know what to make of what is going on, but we had a minor - though affective - argument last night.

 

She asked what was the matter as I was in a pissy mood. After hemming and hawing she asked if I needed sex and I said "That'd be nice."

 

And then she gave me "I'm too tired."

 

Which, as you may imagine, pissed me off. I said "Fine, I'm going out tonight."

 

She stopped me and said she wished she could have sex more but feels like it's an "obligation" and then she said she's not like me and can't just give me a blow job whenever as it's too much or a "burden."

 

I responded that, I know - life is difficult and although I would love more sex, I'd be willing to look the other way if she simply showed me some affection - hug me more, hold me more, kiss me like I'm her lover not her uncle.

 

She apologized and said she would try. But then after a small break she started getting upset and said maybe I shouldn't have such lofty expectations - that she does a lot for the family and that should be enough and that being the touchy feely kissyface type is not her style.

 

Ordinarily, I would have responded that perhaps she's right, maybe I do expect too much. That's the compromiser in me and I like to compromise on just about everything. But instead I told her "No." That's not acceptable. Seeking more affection is not something I'm willing to compromise on. She's never been the touchy feely type, but that has to change.

 

We ended the evening with some hugs and kisses - and when that happens everything gets better. It's like she doesn't see that - that everything is put at ease when we hold each other yet she fights it fights it fights it. The hugs and kisses came again this morning, and honestly I feel better even without the sex.

 

But we'll see how long this lasts. I'm hopeful but realistic.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Thanks for everyone's input. I don't know what to make of what is going on, but we had a minor - though affective - argument last night.

 

She asked what was the matter as I was in a pissy mood. After hemming and hawing she asked if I needed sex and I said "That'd be nice."

 

And then she gave me "I'm too tired."

 

Which, as you may imagine, pissed me off. I said "Fine, I'm going out tonight."

 

She stopped me and said she wished she could have sex more but feels like it's an "obligation" and then she said she's not like me and can't just give me a blow job whenever as it's too much or a "burden."

 

I responded that, I know - life is difficult and although I would love more sex, I'd be willing to look the other way if she simply showed me some affection - hug me more, hold me more, kiss me like I'm her lover not her uncle.

 

She apologized and said she would try. But then after a small break she started getting upset and said maybe I shouldn't have such lofty expectations - that she does a lot for the family and that should be enough and that being the touchy feely kissyface type is not her style.

 

Ordinarily, I would have responded that perhaps she's right, maybe I do expect too much. That's the compromiser in me and I like to compromise on just about everything. But instead I told her "No." That's not acceptable. Seeking more affection is not something I'm willing to compromise on. She's never been the touchy feely type, but that has to change.

 

We ended the evening with some hugs and kisses - and when that happens everything gets better. It's like she doesn't see that - that everything is put at ease when we hold each other yet she fights it fights it fights it. The hugs and kisses came again this morning, and honestly I feel better even without the sex.

 

But we'll see how long this lasts. I'm hopeful but realistic.

 

My spouse is much the same too..... "I am not huggy/kissy or I do so much for the family or I'm too tired or too much work or feels like an obligation"..... The excuses grow old and tired for some......

 

We respond with "But are we not both happier and relaxed after sex? And being the stoopid male and equating the orgasm they had, that it all worked...... Or more importantly wondering why 20-40 minutes 2X's/wk is such a chore.....":D;)

 

Good you talked and you will probably have sex within a few days, it will be good and then she will subconsciously think "phew that is over and done with", while you smile and think "hey that was good, we'll do that again before the weekend", and the cycle will start again.....

[xxoo]

I told her "No." That's not acceptable. Seeking more affection is not something I'm willing to compromise on. She's never been the touchy feely type, but that has to change.

 

Applause!

 

We ended the evening with some hugs and kisses - and when that happens everything gets better. It's like she doesn't see that - that everything is put at ease when we hold each other yet she fights it fights it fights it. The hugs and kisses came again this morning, and honestly I feel better even without the sex.

 

Well, it isn't like the hugs+kisses and the sex aren't connected. They are connected in many ways, and the reasons that she avoids sex might be the same reasons she avoids hugs and kisses.

 

Is it true she was always like this? What about when you were dating?

 

Bottom line: if she doesn't want to hug/kiss you (for whatever reason), she won't want to have sex with you. Sex involves hugging and kissing, afterall. If she DOES want to hug/kiss you, and engages in it often, it can be exactly the kind of touch that arouses many women. So that is the issue to tackle. Why does she avoid physical touch?

 

Some women avoid touch because they have learned that it leads to heavy pressure for sex. Some women avoid touch because they are resentful, and feel emotionally distant from their spouse (the "men need sex to feel close; women need to feel close to have sex" conundrum). Could either of these be playing a role?

[InternationalPlayboy]

 

Is it true she was always like this? What about when you were dating?

 

 

Yes, even while we were dating she could be like this. Maybe when we first started and we had sex everyday or spent weekends in bed but that was another century ago. But generally speaking, yes, she's been kind of hands offish. But in many ways I'm like that, too. I don't like hugging friends, strangers, even family members - aunts, uncles, my sister. But with my kids and her, there's nothing I love and appreciate more than hugs. Okay, maybe there's one other thing. But you get the idea.

[InternationalPlayboy]

 

Bottom line: if she doesn't want to hug/kiss you (for whatever reason), she won't want to have sex with you. Sex involves hugging and kissing, afterall. If she DOES want to hug/kiss you, and engages in it often, it can be exactly the kind of touch that arouses many women. So that is the issue to tackle. Why does she avoid physical touch?

 

Some women avoid touch because they have learned that it leads to heavy pressure for sex. Some women avoid touch because they are resentful, and feel emotionally distant from their spouse (the "men need sex to feel close; women need to feel close to have sex" conundrum). Could either of these be playing a role?

 

Yes, I'm certain the conundrum you mention is at work here. But oddly, even during sex she's not a big kisser. Never has been in that realm. Which is too bad because I love to kiss. So I make up for it by kissing other areas.

 

When we have sex she enjoys herself, no doubt. Our sex life, though not as frequent as I'd like, is better than when we dated. She's relaxed enough during sex to really let herself go and that's made a huge difference for us. Plus, it's an enormous ego boost to know that I can do that for her. And as childish as it sounds, I need ego boosts from her frequently. Even non-sexual ones. But she's a tough egg to crack.

[Angel1111]

As I've aged, it's become less awkward. Though the time and crying still happen.

 

I kid, by the way.

 

:laugh:

[Angel1111]

She stopped me and said she wished she could have sex more but feels like it's an "obligation" and then she said she's not like me and can't just give me a blow job whenever as it's too much or a "burden."

 

I'll never understand what women are thinking when they develop this kind of attitude towards their husbands. When you're in a committed relationship with someone, it's really a form of betrayal and disrespect to decide that affection and sex are optional, something that can be shelved. It's true delusion to think that sex isn't a huge issue.

 

I like one of the poster's answers - 'great, we don't have to have sex anymore. Then you'll need to be ok with it when I find it somewhere else.'

 

If that doesn't wake her up, then I guess nothing else will. These are the women who wake up years later and act so stunned that their husbands have been cheating on them for 5 or 10 yrs. I'm not saying that anyone deserves to be cheated on, but I will say that a lot of people set themsevles up for it.

 

Note to wives: Children are not an excuse to ignore your husband. Marriage is not a license to check-out of the physical aspects of a relationship. And if you choose to do it, be prepared for the consequences.

 

As another poster suggested, maybe what you and your wife need to do is re-think your lives. Perhaps you should change your lifestyles so that she no longer has to work and can feel less stressed out. Or maybe she can work somewhere else on a part-time basis. It would separate the two of you from working together all day, and reduce stress. If nothing else, maybe one of you needs to find another job.

[giotto]

men and women need to be educated about marriage... but that's seldom the case... if your spouse is an intelligent person, you just wonder what's happened to them and their brains...

[xxoo]

Yes, even while we were dating she could be like this. Maybe when we first started and we had sex everyday or spent weekends in bed but that was another century ago. But generally speaking, yes, she's been kind of hands offish. But in many ways I'm like that, too. I don't like hugging friends, strangers, even family members - aunts, uncles, my sister. But with my kids and her, there's nothing I love and appreciate more than hugs. Okay, maybe there's one other thing. But you get the idea.

 

In the case of hugs, kisses, cuddling-type touch, I don't think it matters how long you've been together. Happy couples who've been married 50 years still hold hands and cuddle, even if they haven't had sex in the last decade.

 

I don't like touching people other than my dh and kids, either. I relate to that. But, as you said, an intimate partner is different.

 

I don't think years together can explain away her disinterest in touching you. When you were dating, did you snuggle together in front of the tv? Hold hands when walking together? Touch each other's thigh while driving together? If she enjoyed it then, why not now? What has changed? Why doesn't she desire to be close to you now, like she did then?

[mem11363]

I could give up compliments, gifts, acts of service (with the exception of massages and back scratches), even a certain amount of "quality time" without distress. But physical touch. No way. Even if I leave sex out of it, if most of the non-sexual physical touch stopped that would badly impact my head. We lie touching side to side or spoon or massage each other or I get a loooonnngggg backscratch while watching tv in bed every night. We both love that. And as we age and have less sex - we will still have lots and lots of touch.

 

 

In the case of hugs, kisses, cuddling-type touch, I don't think it matters how long you've been together. Happy couples who've been married 50 years still hold hands and cuddle, even if they haven't had sex in the last decade.

 

I don't like touching people other than my dh and kids, either. I relate to that. But, as you said, an intimate partner is different.

 

I don't think years together can explain away her disinterest in touching you. When you were dating, did you snuggle together in front of the tv? Hold hands when walking together? Touch each other's thigh while driving together? If she enjoyed it then, why not now? What has changed? Why doesn't she desire to be close to you now, like she did then?

[fooled once]

I feel silly even posting this because I know it's as common as the common cold. But honestly, how do couples that celebrate their 50th anniversary last that frigging long?

 

My wife and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary - and we celebrated in style with a night out for dinner and back in bed by 10 p.m.!!! Yes...it was a quite a whirlwind extravaganza. And then she got sick the next morning from the shellfish she ate.

 

Really, our marriage is not that bad - I don't beat her, no one's cheated - but really must it be so incredibly dull? We get along, we share some laughs. But in a lot of ways I feel like we're not even roommates. It's like we're co-workers. Co-workers who have monthly - or maybe even twice-monthly - perfunctory sex.

 

You needn't ask, because I'm sure you can figure out, we have two kids. And they are the joy of our lives because they cost us a ton of money and interrupt us when we're trying to have adult conversations and they keep us from really ever going anywhere we want to go. But, admittedly they are adorable and they will one day bury us if we're nice to them.

 

I don't want to cheat. But good Lord I would love a roll in the hay with someone - ANYONE almost - new. Everyone woman I see - everysinglegodamnwomanisee - I picture nude. Or wonder what she'd be like in bed. They never know - not a chance. I don't flirt. I'm Mr. straight-and-Narrow, Mr. Buttondown. But seriously if any woman I knew even so much as raised an eyebrow toward me, the whole thing would collapse in a second. But I know this and go waaaay out my way to avoid any situation where that could remotely happen.

 

I love sex. I've told my wife this, she knows I love sex. It's possibly the only thing that makes me feel complete. She likes it. But she prefers sleeping, more. I don't blame her, we both have demanding jobs, kids, investments, pets - the whole American friggin' dream. But Jesus just a little strange...Is that so wrong?

 

I've romanced her - I buy flowers, tell her she's beautiful - but at some point it's just like "eh." I know I should do more but I don't even feel like doing that. And trust me - she feels exactly the same way.

 

Well, honestly, I could go on forever like this. But I just needed to vent this somewhere as I believe my head was about to explode.

 

How sad.

 

Life is boring sometimes, that doesn't mean you (general you) should just go screw whoever you want to spice life up. I sure hope my H doesn't feel like you do. I wonder if your wife wishes she could get some strange? Maybe she is depressed? Maybe you don't turn her on anymore and that is why sex is a burden to her? Maybe she is having physical issues? Maybe her hormones are all f'ed up? Maybe she just doesn't place sex as high on the list of priorities as you do? Is she the main caregiver for the kids? If so, she is probably EXHAUSTED and yeah, sex isn't the priority over sleep...but that doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy it or want it. Just means she is TIRED.

 

If you want to cheat, please at least tell her or separate from her prior to doing so. At least respect her and don't disrespect her.

[elaina]

 

 

The problem arises, in my opinion, that within marriage it is explicitly stated that you DO NOT have sexual relationships with anyone other than ones' spouse. However, there is no explicit statement that being married will provide regular access to sex. The marriage vow makes extra-marital sex a dealbreaker, but does NOT make any guarantee that the sexual element of the marriage will be to both partners' liking. Note - I do not include health-based lack of sex here, I'm referring to simply the sexual side being unsatisfactory because one partner or the other sees no need or has no wish to accomodate the other partner.

 

Wow, that's a very interesting point.

 

I wonder if people should start putting a vows which include the sexual element of marriage?

[Woggle]

Marriage is the biggest bait and switch in the history of the world.

[xxoo]

I could give up compliments, gifts, acts of service (with the exception of massages and back scratches), even a certain amount of "quality time" without distress. But physical touch. No way. Even if I leave sex out of it, if most of the non-sexual physical touch stopped that would badly impact my head. We lie touching side to side or spoon or massage each other or I get a loooonnngggg backscratch while watching tv in bed every night. We both love that. And as we age and have less sex - we will still have lots and lots of touch.

 

Yes, touch is that important to me. I'd be gone if the touch stopped.

 

IP, you asked how people stay married 50 years. Well, this is it. Touch and intimacy are like oxygen--like nourishment. Marriages last because the spouses FEED each other. It isn't all about sex and excitement; it is about basic needs of touch and intimacy met. I can imagine that 50 years of starvation looks bleak. On the other hand, 50 years of a steady diet of love sounds pretty darn great.

[luvstarved]

It's extremely difficult to deeply know and accept another person, and to feel deeply known and accepted by them. It can take a lifetime.

 

A sense that this is what is happening in your relationship - an ongoing desire to deeply connect with one other person in this world, and making discernible progress in this direction, is what keeps it from being boring.

 

Yes there are boring times. Selfish times. Annoying times. Ef this, I want a divorce times. I do not want to admit to my own flaws times.

 

You push through them. You ask yourself about the other person's feelings and try to really, really "get" them. They're just as weird and complicated as you are and yet...different! What's to get bored by?

 

People refer to the "elephant in the room". The elephant in the room is usually just some variation on, who are you? Who am I? Do you really like me? Can I really trust you? Would you like me if you knew I had certain thoughts? etc.

 

If you can get through the hell of it all to get positive answers to these questions and ultimately feel that, Hey! You know me, warts and all, and you still care about my well being! You know what I want, how I think, what I can and cannot do and can get royally pissed at me and yet still LOVE me...you know me and not the bulls**t version I try to present to the world while at the same time publically upholding the version I present to the world! You ROCK!

 

THAT'S how people stay married for 50+ years. And if someone can feel that they have done all that and yet are still "bored" then...they are probably boring and/or shallow themselves. It isn't all about crawling into someone's psyche, you do need to have interests to share and mutually understand or there isn't much to talk about, but the transcendental aspects are about opening your humanity up for inspection and inspecting someone else's with love and acceptance.

 

I've been trying to understand and feel understood by my husband for 14 years. There has been much progress, there is much more to make. I find the process endlessly fascinating and frequently frustrating. The deeper you go, the more connected to that person you feel, and the more a part of you they seem to be, until eventually they feel like an essential part of your existence.

 

I feel far more connected to my husband than I felt when we were first in lust and all that. I was on the verge of divorcing him a year or so ago but just kept fighting the good fight, and finally starting to feel like we're winning...I love him more because I know him better, and vice versa.

[InternationalPlayboy]

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

My wife and I spoke about our problems yesterday - I said I needed more hugs and kisses, she seemed better with it than she was at first. And she has been giving me more hugs and kisses. And she asked that maybe I wear cologne sometimes - not that I smell bad, but it's a nice touch that provides some intimacy she said.

 

I went out and bought some cologne later that day. When I came home, she said it probably wasn't the fragrance she would have chosen (which was a little off-putting for me, but nothing big). I said that if I wear cologne everyday, that she has to kiss me like I'm her lover, not her uncle at least once everyday. She hemmed and hawed, but said okay.

 

So far so good, but there was this last night as we were getting ready for bed and she sensed I was "looking at her." She asked for a raincheck on any lovemaking I had planned. "Maybe we can try something Friday or Saturday night" this upcoming weekend she said. I said okay - because I don't want to be a dick, but seriously....that sucks, man.

 

We'll see how the hugging and kissing goes but I admit I'm not holding my breath.

[redtail]

...

IP, you asked how people stay married 50 years. Well, this is it. Touch and intimacy are like oxygen--like nourishment. Marriages last because the spouses FEED each other. It isn't all about sex and excitement; it is about basic needs of touch and intimacy met. I can imagine that 50 years of starvation looks bleak. On the other hand, 50 years of a steady diet of love sounds pretty darn great.

 

This truly resonates with me! My parents, whose relationship I have to admit is not one I envy, stayed together for over fifty years before they died. And they stayed sexual throughout their relationship, flirted with each other and touched often. I think that's everyone's idea of "living happily ever after".

 

"The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have." - Woody Allen

[xxoo]

So far so good, but there was this last night as we were getting ready for bed and she sensed I was "looking at her." She asked for a raincheck on any lovemaking I had planned. "Maybe we can try something Friday or Saturday night" this upcoming weekend she said. I said okay - because I don't want to be a dick, but seriously....that sucks, man.

 

So there was no sex the previous week or this past weekend....and she is saying "maybe" next weekend? Why is she ruling out sexual interest on Mon-Fri? Is there some reason that sex is impossible during the week?

 

It sounds like she is putting you off as long as possible.

 

I don't think you should say "okay" if you don't feel ok. You shouldn't pressure her, of course, but you can be honest about your feelings. If you feel rejected and neglected, you can be honest about that while still respecting her position.

[xxoo]

If you feel rejected and neglected, you can be honest about that while still respecting her position.

 

I want to expand on this a little bit....

 

I think you need to respect when she isn't in the mood, but pressure her to make an effort to be in the mood more often. Pressure her to make your relationship a higher priority. Make it clear that you don't want mercy sex, and that you don't want her to "give you" sex (because that will reduce her attraction to you longterm), but that you want a partner with a healthy outlook toward sex and affection. You want her to WANT sex and intimacy, not just give it.

 

Does she want to want it? If so, where do you (both of you) go from here to get that back? (along the lines of the cologne, was there a scent you wore when dating that you could wear again?)

 

Does she NOT want to want it? If not, is she truly committed to this marriage?

[Angel1111]

She asked for a raincheck on any lovemaking I had planned. "Maybe we can try something Friday or Saturday night" this upcoming weekend she said. I said okay - because I don't want to be a dick, but seriously....that sucks, man.

 

We'll see how the hugging and kissing goes but I admit I'm not holding my breath.

 

Ah....true love. Sorry but this is so ridiculous. She doesn't want a husband, she wants a roommate.

[giotto]

she is already feeling pressurised... she is putting it off. You need to know the reason, whatever that is... then, you (both of you) can work on it. But she's not been honest with you. You need to know what that reason is, even if it's bad news...

 

PS. I had to smile at the cologne thing... I can just see your wife's face... "oh no, now I have to have sex with him..."

[luvstarved]

Sorry if this has already been covered...

 

1) Is your wife aware of your inclination toward picturing every goddamnwomenusee as nude and wondering about her sexual skills? That you have these persistent thoughts about "a little strange" - for "almost ANYONE new"? Think about it before answering. She might know without you coming right out and admitting it, and it might be a turn off.

 

2) Have you had a discussion of what is missing for her in your relationship, that involves just listening to what she has to say, rather than assume it is being told she is beautiful and wants flowers, etc? She might feel as if she is being treated like a "typical woman" and in response sees you as a "typical man". Perhaps if you could show more genuine interest in things that would actually please her and in her as a person without respect to sex, she would feel a more genuine desire to please you.

 

I am NOT saying you do or don't do these things, just offering food for thought. One example of it would be to ask her opinion on some non-sexual matter (I dunno, politics, a story about a controversial topic, what's her favorite movie) and show that you respect her thoughts. Another would be to ask her which cologne SHE would choose for you to wear (who are you trying to appeal to, after all). Maybe you don't treat her enough as a person with a brain, whose thoughts you respect, and maybe this matters.

 

Like I said, I am not jumping to the conclusion that these are actual issues in your M, but they have been issues with me in relationships at times so thought I would throw them out there.

[mem11363]

This situation represents a total communication breakdown. She is not inclined to tell the OP how to get her from neutral to warm to hot. Alternatively the sex itself isn't doing it for her and she is afraid to say what she really likes.

 

Telling her he feels bad that she is rejecting him - is a clumsy type of pressure. INSISTING that she teach him how to get her in the mood when she is in neutral - that is likely a workable path provided she actually gives a damn about how much this bothers him.

 

Frankly I struggle to grasp how a marriage can work when one of the spouses is not able to assert themselves effectively regarding deal ruiners....

 

 

I want to expand on this a little bit....

 

I think you need to respect when she isn't in the mood, but pressure her to make an effort to be in the mood more often. Pressure her to make your relationship a higher priority. Make it clear that you don't want mercy sex, and that you don't want her to "give you" sex (because that will reduce her attraction to you longterm), but that you want a partner with a healthy outlook toward sex and affection. You want her to WANT sex and intimacy, not just give it.

 

Does she want to want it? If so, where do you (both of you) go from here to get that back? (along the lines of the cologne, was there a scent you wore when dating that you could wear again?)

 

Does she NOT want to want it? If not, is she truly committed to this marriage?

[InternationalPlayboy]

How sad.

 

Life is boring sometimes, that doesn't mean you (general you) should just go screw whoever you want to spice life up. I sure hope my H doesn't feel like you do. I wonder if your wife wishes she could get some strange? Maybe she is depressed? Maybe you don't turn her on anymore and that is why sex is a burden to her? Maybe she is having physical issues? Maybe her hormones are all f'ed up? Maybe she just doesn't place sex as high on the list of priorities as you do? Is she the main caregiver for the kids? If so, she is probably EXHAUSTED and yeah, sex isn't the priority over sleep...but that doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy it or want it. Just means she is TIRED.

 

If you want to cheat, please at least tell her or separate from her prior to doing so. At least respect her and don't disrespect her.

 

I have no intention to cheat, but times like these make the lure of infidelity almost unbearable. I would be surprised and amazed if your husband and you never felt some degree of temptation in your marriage. My wife indeed may want some strange, I cannot blame her as I know the feeling all to well. I may not turn her on anymore, like you said, but it's not as though she constantly warms my cockles like she once did. But I still want a sex life with her because it feeds our relationship immeasurably. I appreciate her and our relationship much, much more when we do and I'm certain she feels likewise. But, physically, she's always had a lower libido than me. We both share parenting responsibilities equally, sometimes I take on more sometimes she takes on more but it stays pretty equal.

 

I do want to cheat but I have no plan to tell her. I also want to play shortstop for the Yankees but I have no plans to try out for the team. No disrespect to her or the team - both, scenarios are mostly unrealistic.