At a crossroads

[DustySaltus]

A failed engagement brought to LS a little over a year ago. Basically, I sacrificed almost two years of my life trying to make the relationship work and neglected what I wanted to accomplish in my own life. As I approach 29 I've realized all the time I've spent focusing on everyone else accept myself. I guess it's better realizing at 29 then 69 but I've now gained a sense of urgency with my career path that I didn't have in the past. I've put off law school for 4 years and was coasting at my secure (thank god) but suddenly unfulfilling career path. As my dream job may never become a reality I've realized that, to borrow a line from Shawshank...I've got to..."get busy living or get busy dying"

 

I've been with someone new since January. She is 32 and ready to settle down. I am ready for a lot of the same things but after my last fiasco I want to make sure that these feelings she has for me are truly genuine. She tends to be very nit picky from time to time and I don't know if I could deal with this over the long term. When we argue and I go to leave she becomes very needy and tells me that she doesn't want to be alone.

 

I wonder sometimes, does she just want to be with me or does she just want to be with someone at this point in her life. I don't know how to ask this question but I feel that it needs to be asked. As time goes by expectations are raised...sometimes justifiably so, others not so much.

 

I guess my question is how do you know that someone is truly into you and not mirroring you to quell their own fears. How do I know if this love is genuine and whether or not it will change down the line with even more nitpicking and potential unhappiness?

 

...geez i'm being positive

[Veronica K]

 

...geez i'm being positive

 

Ha, think we all have those days!

 

 

One way you truly get to know what a person is made of is when you see what they do in good times and in testing times. And as you know, there's the element of change and "those things that happen". Nothing is certain; not ever.

 

You recognize some pressing issues, and you can articulate them, which is a wonderful thing. You realize there are things happening that you do not want to deal with over the long haul.

 

Is there any reason you feel you cannot bring your concerns up to her? Is it because you don't want it to turn into a scene? Do you feel that one or both of you are uncomfortable with conflict?

 

Hopefully, there can be a way to communicate in a tactful, respectful way, while being open to listening to what it is she is thinking of, as well. If there isn't right now, then take a closer look at what the dynamic is between the two of you when it gets heated, and see if you can both participate in making it into a healthier one - one in which each of you feels free to express yourselves to each other.