a happy story.

[pandagirl]

So this isn't about me, but a friend. There are so little happy second chance endings, that I want to share one.

 

My friend and her boyfriend dated for 2 years, when they were 24-26. My friend decided she was breaking up with him at the 1.5 year point, and finally pulled the trigger 6 months later. She was just not into him anymore, annoyed by him, didn't see a future with him.

 

They go a month of NC, and sadly her mother passed away. Without asking, he came to the funeral, which was out of town. They didn't really talk there, but she saw him.

 

Another month passes of NC. Then they start talking a bit, and then eventually start hanging out, having dinner together once in a while, which progressed to dinner once a week, which turned into hanging out on the weekends. They never talked about the relationship or getting back together. It just happened.

 

The time they were apart, my friend never thought she's get back together with him. It was a break up in her mind. But once they started being friends again, she realized she still wanted to be with him.

 

Now they are married.

 

I guess the moral of the story is, second chances don't always happen, but when they do, they happen naturally, without forcing them or playing games. Both people need to move on with their lives. He was miserable without her, but he never begged. In their 2-3 months apart, they both dated other people, slept with other people, and tried to move on.

 

She said the fact that he did move on was impressive to her because it made her see he was a good person. That he was taking care of himself.

 

I hope this little story helps some of you!

[PixieStix]

Thanks for sharing a good story that ended happily. There are so few of those on here, nice to hear for a change. And yes, I totally agree it has to happen naturally and when both people have healed and moved on. Thanks for sharing!

[Billie The Puppet]

I bet you there isn't many happy endings because once we achieve that we sadly forget about LS but the thing is if we get a second chance we still need to give the second chance relationship time before we can reply with a story making it easier to forget about LS.

 

I promise to post mine when it happens

 

However the outcome could be New Love or Back with Ex.

[pickle1]

Just a quick little story for you all. Im going through the same as everyone else. Looking for some kind of hope out there. Its been 2 weeks for me of NC and i cant stand it.

 

Ok my sister and her man were dating for like 8 months and she broke up with him over some arguing. Well a couple months went by and they some how started talking and they got back together. Couple years later their married and now have a 1 yr old girl. So it can happen

[RDawg]

Nice to hear some happy stories.

 

A longstanding friend of mine was dumped after a 11 month relationship. He and the girl who dumped him remained in contact for 2 years despite dating other people and then began to date again. Six months later they tied the knot. They have been happily married for almost 3 years now.

 

Sometimes we fall in love but due to circumstances / timing things dont work. Depending on what led to the breakup there is definetly the chance for another try.

 

I am working hard on myself and living happily in the knowledge that my second chance awaits. Keep the faith folks!

[Simon Attwood]

I guess the moral of the story is, second chances don't always happen, but when they do, they happen naturally, without forcing them.

 

not exclusively

[Banker Chick]

Nice to hear some happy stories.

Sometimes we fall in love but due to circumstances / timing things dont work. Depending on what led to the breakup there is definetly the chance for another try.

 

I am working hard on myself and living happily in the knowledge that my second chance awaits. Keep the faith folks!

 

My ex and I broke up because he's going through a rough patch with working full time and going to school full time (back to school to become a teacher at 39 and currently taking FIVE classes) and he has no money and is stressed to the max. He didn't have it in him to deal with our arguing any longer.

 

He believes I am the one and is hoping when he's done in two years I'll still be available (even if I've dated others) and we can finally be married.

 

I don't know .... seems so depressing to think that far off but who knows. We are continuing to remain in contact and I'm dating others (even though he doesn't care for it). I look at it that we both have issues we need to fix for the relationship to work so time is our friend. I guess time will tell.

[pandagirl]

My ex and I broke up because he's going through a rough patch with working full time and going to school full time (back to school to become a teacher at 39 and currently taking FIVE classes) and he has no money and is stressed to the max. He didn't have it in him to deal with our arguing any longer.

 

He believes I am the one and is hoping when he's done in two years I'll still be available (even if I've dated others) and we can finally be married.

 

I don't know .... seems so depressing to think that far off but who knows. We are continuing to remain in contact and I'm dating others (even though he doesn't care for it). I look at it that we both have issues we need to fix for the relationship to work so time is our friend. I guess time will tell.

 

Yup. My ex and I broke up for similar reasons. He's stressed with work/life and didn't have it in him to deal with our arguing any longer, too. And we were long-distance.

 

I think it's unfair that he said he wants to be with you in a couple of years? There's no way to know what is going to happen in two years. It seems like you're doing well though. It's good you are dating others and continuing on with your life.

[Don Ho]

She was just not into him anymore, annoyed by him, didn't see a future with him. The time they were apart, my friend never thought she's get back together with him. It was a break up in her mind. But once they started being friends again, she realized she still wanted to be with him. I guess the moral of the story is, second chances don't always happen, but when they do, they happen naturally, without forcing them or playing games. Both people need to move on with their lives. He was miserable without her, but he never begged. She said the fact that he did move on was impressive to her because it made her see he was a good person. That he was taking care of himself.

 

Good story. Now, for all you hopefuls out there thinking this could be you, let's look at the nuts and bolts of this situation:

 

1. Ah, yes. She was not into him anymore. Can you guess why? I bet you $$ as they went along he became less of a man, more passive, let her have her way and did not stand up for himself. In my words, he turned into a pussy. Of course, that's unattractive and she lost interest in him and was probably annoyed because he had given up his manhood.

 

2. They broke up completely. They were NC a month (which is short, but there was a unique situation, a death in his family).

 

3. They BOTH moved on with their lives. He, the Dumpee, I'm sure, worked on himself, went to the gym, got busy even though he missed her. He moved forward. That changes the ENERGY.

 

4. It happened "naturally". That means AFTER NC, they slowly started getting re-acquainted. They started DATING slowly. They started enjoying each other's company. Notice they DID NOT talk about the relationship!?!? Notice that he did not BEG? She recognized that he was again the MAN she fell for in the first place. She probably didn't even know why she was re-attracted to him .... but it was because he changed, got his manhood back and acted like his old confident self.

 

5. She was "impressed" because she thought he was a pussy and he would not be able to put his life back together and move on. She thought he would be sitting at home pining away waiting for her to knock on the door. She found out he went out, got his life back together and started moving on with the assumption it was over. You know what happened? He started acting like a MAN again. That was what originally attracted her and what re-attracted her. Are you getting it guys?? Crying, begging, pleading, sending flowers and professing your love with only make them LESS attracted NOT more attracted!!

 

So, if you think you want your Ex back and you want to reconcile, there is a low possibility of that happening and it will very likely not happen. That's why you have to go NC, re-build yourself and your life, date other people, get your confidence back and move on with your life. IF you don't get your Ex back, you will be in a GREAT position to attract some one equally good or better than your Ex!!

[pandagirl]

1. haha. Well, not exactly. She was just annoyed with his personality traits, his quirks, she decided they weren't compatible, etc.

 

2. In her family. He made the gesture to travel to the funeral. Just showed up there. She noticed.

 

3. Oh, he was a MESS. I know he slept with a few girls to try and get over her, but it just made it worse for him. lol.

 

4. Yes, the not begging part was KEY. He never brought it up once, except for one letter her wrote her right after they broke up.

 

5. No. haha. She never thought he was a "pussy." She actually didn't think much about him. She had her own fling with an ex (plus she was dealing with her family death). She was just impressed he took care of himself.

 

I remember when she got back together with him, she was very happy, and for the first time felt really in love with him.

 

Does this work the same for a male-dumper/female-dumpee relationship?

Edited September 12, 2010 by pandagirl

[Don Ho]

You sure know how to screw up a good, helpful response to other LS members! All "technical details". Yes, it would work for either sex, but not for you because you clearly don't get it!

 

Really? She never thought he was a pussy and he never evolved from a MAN into a weak guy over that 1.5 years? You know that for a fact, huh?

 

Interesting that a month of NC and he's suddenly not annoying her?

 

He was a mess? So what. He moved on, went out, slept with other women. She knew he was desirable to other women and he wasn't sitting home pining away.

 

I still think he demonstrated he was back to acting like a confident, desirable man like he was when she was first attracted to him.

[pandagirl]

You sure know how to screw up a good, helpful response to other LS members! All "technical details". Yes, it would work for either sex, but not for you because you clearly don't get it!

 

Really? She never thought he was a pussy and he never evolved from a MAN into a weak guy over that 1.5 years? You know that for a fact, huh?

 

Interesting that a month of NC and he's suddenly not annoying her?

 

He was a mess? So what. He moved on, went out, slept with other women. She knew he was desirable to other women and he wasn't sitting home pining away.

 

I still think he demonstrated he was back to acting like a confident, desirable man like he was when she was first attracted to him.

 

Well, I know this couple VERY well. This guy is not a "pussy." She was simply done with him, and it's not fair to say the only reason women break up with men is because they become "weak." There are plenty of other reasons to grow annoyed with someone.

 

But, yes, the key point is they both got on their their lives.

[Don Ho]

Well, I know this couple VERY well. This guy is not a "pussy." She was simply done with him, and it's not fair to say the only reason women break up with men is because they become "weak." There are plenty of other reasons to grow annoyed with someone.

 

But, yes, the key point is they both got on their their lives.

So you say he wasn't acting like a pussy. Interesting she goes from thinking he's annoying from a month or so to "in love" with him. How do you explain that?

 

Sure there are plenty of reason to break up, but I think a lot of guys become less confident and lose their backbone as a relationship goes along and that is why they get dumped. Then they come on here and say "I gave her everything, I sent flowers, picked up her dry cleaning, told her I loved her all the time, wiped her ass. I don't understand why she dumped me" Duh .....

[pandagirl]

So you say he wasn't acting like a pussy. Interesting she goes from thinking he's annoying from a month or so to "in love" with him. How do you explain that?

 

Sure there are plenty of reason to break up, but I think a lot of guys become less confident and lose their backbone as a relationship goes along and that is why they get dumped. Then they come on here and say "I gave her everything, I sent flowers, picked up her dry cleaning, told her I loved her all the time, wiped her ass. I don't understand why she dumped me" Duh .....

 

Seeing that they are my friends, and I was there for the breakup, I know the reasons for her breaking up with him were that she mainly didn't see a future with him, plus that she found some of his personalities traits annoying, and that they were in general, incompatible.

[GrayClouds]

So you say he wasn't acting like a pussy. Interesting she goes from thinking he's annoying from a month or so to "in love" with him. How do you explain that?

 

Sure there are plenty of reason to break up, but I think a lot of guys become less confident and lose their backbone as a relationship goes along and that is why they get dumped. Then they come on here and say "I gave her everything, I sent flowers, picked up her dry cleaning, told her I loved her all the time, wiped her ass. I don't understand why she dumped me" Duh .....

 

Doh, she said no...your obsessed with this "pussy" theory, maybe a bit too much externalization internalized issues?

[Billie The Puppet]

Seeing that they are my friends, and I was there for the breakup, I know the reasons for her breaking up with him were that she mainly didn't see a future with him, plus that she found some of his personalities traits annoying, and that they were in general, incompatible.

 

Perhaps traits he developed as the relationship went on that turned him into a pussy?

 

Sorry couldn't resist.

 

Seriously though what Don Ho! is saying is what happened with my relationship and happens with a greater percentage of failed relationships in which the man becomes the girl and the girl becomes the man and now It's too late to go back and fix it at least I think its past the point of No Return unless it comes naturally like this thread.

[Don Ho]

she said no...your obsessed with this "pussy" theory, maybe a bit too much externalization internalized issues?

 

Oh yes, that must be it. I better go back to my psychotherapist for some more internal/external/projecting behavior modification. Read the threads guys post about that their Ex dumped them and they have no idea why. That is a very common issue on this forum for a lot of guys, they become weak males after time and you know the rest. Sure there are always good reasons to break up with someone and that is not the only reason. It seems odd that the guy in her story would be annoying to his Ex, yet a month or two later she's "in love" with him. I would like to know why, that's all.

Edited September 12, 2010 by Don Ho

[GrayClouds]

Oh yes, that must be it. I better go back to my psychotherapist for some more internal/external/projecting behavior modification. Read the threads guys post about that their Ex dumped them and they have no idea why. That is a very common issue on this forum for a lot of guys, they become weak males after time and you know the rest. Sure there are always good reasons to break up with someone and that is not the only reason. It seems odd that the guy in her story would be annoying to his Ex, yet a month or two later she's "in love" with him. I would like to know why, that's all.

 

As the saying goes, if you only want to use a hammer then ever problem looks like a nail.

 

Maybe you just perceive it as a common issue, guys who have just been dumped are feeling bad and weak so they very open to the idea that it was their weakness that caused the other person to walk away. Open when it is suggested, for if a guy loose a girl it must be he is not man enough to keep her, but usually it is more complex then that.

 

In fact most case it has less to do what someone did or did not do (unless it in the realm of lying, cheating and abuse) and more to do with something inside the dumper physic. For ifone is will to have a more thoughtful look, they will find that is was ultimately the dumpers issue such as their inability to deal conflict, unhealthy realtionship mirroring behavior, inability to communicate, not understanding the difference between intensity and intimacy or simple emotional immaturity that lead to the dumper's choice to walk away.

 

 

 

.

Edited September 13, 2010 by GrayClouds

[pandagirl]

Oh yes, that must be it. I better go back to my psychotherapist for some more internal/external/projecting behavior modification. Read the threads guys post about that their Ex dumped them and they have no idea why. That is a very common issue on this forum for a lot of guys, they become weak males after time and you know the rest. Sure there are always good reasons to break up with someone and that is not the only reason. It seems odd that the guy in her story would be annoying to his Ex, yet a month or two later she's "in love" with him. I would like to know why, that's all.

 

Maybe it's just that LS attracts pussy men.

 

Actually, I think she realized that what annoyed her about him, did not matter that much in the long run. I think her dad dying realized life is short, and love is a gift.

 

In fact most case it has less to do what someone did or did not do (unless it in the realm of lying, cheating and abuse) and more to do with something inside the dumper physic. For if one is will to have a more thoughtful look, they will find that is was ultimately the dumpers issue such as their inability to deal conflict, unhealthy realtionship mirroring behavior, inability to communicate, not understanding the difference between intensity and intimacy or simple emotional immaturity that lead to the dumper's choice to walk away.

.

 

Ding, ding, ding! This was my ex on all accounts.

[Banker Chick]

I think it's unfair that he said he wants to be with you in a couple of years? There's no way to know what is going to happen in two years. It seems like you're doing well though. It's good you are dating others and continuing on with your life.

Well, he'd like to be together now but it's ridiculous because he knows it's unfair to ask me to never be able to see him, never be able to do anything because of lack of money and then have to deal with him being stressed out. I tend to agree. We are limited contact and did see each other this weekend and it was nice.

 

We are staying in contact to see what happens. Not as much contact as when we were together but contact nonetheless. He would prefer I not date but that doesn't work for me at all.