crazyinkansas Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Whether it *should* or *should not* bother me, it does. Everything else is wonderful but I don't really like the ring. This is the second time we're getting engaged. I'm still not so sure about how serious the first proposal was since it was unplanned, without a ring and we/he never did anything about it. It's four years later (we've been together for 6 years total) and he just proposed again. I mentioning that only because we been looking at the same ring for the past four years. We both agreed after looking at many stores/rings that it was perfect. So basically, we chose a ring four years ago and have gone back and "re-affirmed" that it was the best one at least 5 or 6 times since. Then he bought something else. It's O.K. Not horrible. But I can't get excited about it. It's just not me. If it's a choice between that ring and a band, I would hands down choose to just wear a band. Okay... so bring it on... I'm ready for whatever you have to say to me. Basically, I'm looking for advice on how to handle it and also anyone comments anyone wants to make about how horrible I am or maybe even someone who is understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Gawd no! It makes perfect sense, you're not horrible for wanting a piece of jewelry that you're happy with. It's not like you're whining that the diamond isn't big enough, or that it's not expensive enough, it just doesnt' make sense. I think it was pretty crappy of your boyfriend to buy a ring, after promising something else. Sometimes guys just don't know what girls like in a ring, and I'm sure he'd rather get a different one for you than have you live the rest of your life unhappy with the symbol of your commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
amberdawn Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Aren't you getting married? You seemed to have forgot that fact. Didn't he pick it out? Isn't that what matters most? Is that, HE picked it out with the most love and care put into it. I mean it IS your engagement ring. If i was getting engaged and if i really really really wanted to marry the guy that was proposing, it wouldn't matter if he put a piece of string around my finger and said that was his engagement ring. I would LOVE it. You were expecting THAT one ring that you two talked about that was perfect. And he got you what you didn't expect and therefore you are dissapointed. Some people can't even afford an engagement ring. Think of the money and thought and care he put into picking that ONE ring out for YOU, the ONE he wants to MARRY. Think about it Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 I'd feel different if he was the one who had to wear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinkansas Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 Thanks Dyermaker: I think if he had gotten a ring BEFORE we had choosen one together (and keep in mind we've been going back to look at it for FOUR years AMBERDAWN) I might not have been disappointed. But for the past four years, he's been saying that he liked the other ring also. It's a long time to be thinking about one ring. I'm not even into jewlery otherwise. It's hard to be happy with something different when you're told for four years you're getting something else. *But* I really don't take it as a sign of deeper relationship problems. In the end, it IS just a ring. I don't want to have to wear it all the time when it's not my style. He did try. The store that sells the ring really marks up the diamonds so he got a diamond from somewhere else and had them design something. They didn't have the best designers obviously. Not his fault. He said that it was supposed to look like the other one but it doesn't come close. I would not have known he even tried to get it to look like the other one if he hadn't told me. The funny thing is that he is so into detail-- with clothes, our apartment everything and I KNOW if the situation was reversed, he wouldn't be satisfied either. I think he feels bad because he couldn't buy it from that store. He really rocks and I can't believe that it is bothering me enough to post it here. In my defense, I'll say again that we've been looking at that ring for four years. Basically, I don't think he can really afford to get the mounting at the store where we found the ring and I don't like this one so I'm not sure what to do. I guess I'm really looking more for a solution than commentary (AMBERDAWN) but I did say I was up for any and all comments so I deserve it. Anything constructive, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 I don't have a solution to your problem, but if you're seeking validation for the way you feel, it makes perfect sense. You were told you were getting one ring, and now you got a ring that does not match your personal jewelry tastes. A ring should be something happily worn as a reminder of love, not a cross to bear, a burden symbolizing the sacrifices you've made due to a lack of communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinkansas Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 Thanks Dyermaker We're long distance until summer when a contract job I have is finished so I'll have to talk to him about it when I see him. I've only been to visit him once since he gave it to me and was so happy to be able to spend time with him that I didn't get into it. He knows I'd like it changed a little - just not how strongly I feel about it. Basically, I have to a) get over it b) not wear it or c) change it so I like it. In any case, I appreciate the advice. I was feeling pretty bad about disliking something that is supposed to be so meaningful. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 A would suck for you B would suck for him C would be awkward, but would end in the much esteemed 'not sucking' Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinkansas Posted February 22, 2004 Author Share Posted February 22, 2004 so "C" it is! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Yeah...C is my vote. Just remember this: You're marrying the man, not the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Honestly, part of me wants to tell you to get over it and be happy, but that is becuase right now, im kind of jealous of anyone who gets engaged, and al that. But under normal circumstances, I would say C. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinkansas Posted February 23, 2004 Author Share Posted February 23, 2004 Okay the polls have OFFICIALLY CLOSED. I JUST talked to him about it! And it went really well. I was worrying for nothing. He wants me to be as crazy about the ring as I am about him so we're changing the setting. Did I say he ROCKS?!! I hated that I didn't like it and yes, I know it's a relatively unimportant thing in the context of the whole relationship BUT even knowing all that I couldn't stop thinking about not wanting to wear it everyday. I appreciate the advice. Until I got your posts I was going to just wear it but I'm really glad I didn't. Thanks again all. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 If he specifically told the ring maker what he wanted and it didn't turn out that way, and you're not happy with it, they should re-do it for free. That would be the professional thing to do. I hope you get the ring your heart desires. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 Originally posted by crazyinkansas Okay the polls have OFFICIALLY CLOSED. I JUST talked to him about it! And it went really well. I was worrying for nothing. He wants me to be as crazy about the ring as I am about him so we're changing the setting. Did I say he ROCKS?!! I hated that I didn't like it and yes, I know it's a relatively unimportant thing in the context of the whole relationship BUT even knowing all that I couldn't stop thinking about not wanting to wear it everyday. I appreciate the advice. Until I got your posts I was going to just wear it but I'm really glad I didn't. Thanks again all. Rock on! Link to post Share on other sites
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