Falling For My Cousin!!

[BelleJ]

Hi. I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm sooo afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives. Now when I say together, I don't mean that we lived together, but we've done family vacations and family functions here and there together.

I am soo surprised by my sudden interest because I've always looked at him as my little cousin.

 

The attraction all started at my uncle's funeral, his dad and I noticed how strong he was for his mom and I thought to myself, oh how sweet, and I was impressed. Then after the service as we were standing outside I walked up to him and we hugged and it was the most warm and strong hug that I ever received in my entire life.

 

Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.

 

I live about 225 miles away in another state and all of my family,including him, live back in my home state. So, I wanted to know how to tell him. Phone, email, text, or in person. I don't want too much time to pass before I see him again. I know we would be perfect for one another, except for the fact that he is my cousin. Help. No negativity please, this is driving me crazy...Thanks

[Shakz]

Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.

 

Right, no negativity, eh? I'm sure he's all that and after all, I'm sure he's thinking the same about you, right? I mean, why wouldn't a fine, upstanding young man consider having a relationship with his freakin' cousin! Grow up!

[BelleJ]

Right, no negativity, eh? I'm sure he's all that and after all, I'm sure he's thinking the same about you, right? I mean, why wouldn't a fine, upstanding young man consider having a relationship with his freakin' cousin! Grow up!

 

Thanks :-)

[Not the love ace]

I'm not going to poop all over her because she is human and this isn't something I haven't heard before. As a matter of fact, I'll admit that me and my 3rd cousin had a fling. I know some people will say that's different but the fact is it's still my 3rd cousin. However, are you sure your cousin has the same feelings for you? Even so, I don't think the rest of the family will approve if you guys were to go any further IF something were to happen between the both of you.

 

I don't think you should say anything to your cousin unless you see him in person and find and/or figure out the dynamic between you two. See if the feeling is mutual before you let your feelings out to him. I personally would say don't pursue it for moral and ethical reasons but there has been cousins who have gotten married-who weren't religious by the way-and lived happily with each other. Not that I'm going to promote anything like that but your feelings are your feelings so you just have to figure it between the two of you before you straight up tell him.

 

All-in-all, I hope everything goes well.

[jamesum]

Arrested Development

[Lemontang]

I can see the giggles and the WTF? not to mention the hillbilly connotations with some people reading this, so it took some guts to actually talk about this in the 1st place. And sure you can say at the end of the day the heart wants what the hearts wants, but there is a line and it's a case of if you choose to cross it, what ramifications are you likely to face?

 

I mean if he was to turn you down how would you face him again compared to any other non related guy? Then if he was interested how would both your family's treat this? It could destroy them.

 

And then what if went further and you had kids they'd have to deal with the social stigma that's associated with such a union. So there are a lot of things to consider, heck for all you know it may even just be a silly crush based on familiarity that you've put too much thought into and will pass over time.

 

After weighing up all the issues you could be getting into and you still want to go ahead be mindful of the fallout that would likely take place as a result.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hi. I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm sooo afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives. Now when I say together, I don't mean that we lived together, but we've done family vacations and family functions here and there together.

I am soo surprised by my sudden interest because I've always looked at him as my little cousin.

 

The attraction all started at my uncle's funeral, his dad and I noticed how strong he was for his mom and I thought to myself, oh how sweet, and I was impressed. Then after the service as we were standing outside I walked up to him and we hugged and it was the most warm and strong hug that I ever received in my entire life.

 

Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.

 

I live about 225 miles away in another state and all of my family,including him, live back in my home state. So, I wanted to know how to tell him. Phone, email, text, or in person. I don't want too much time to pass before I see him again. I know we would be perfect for one another, except for the fact that he is my cousin. Help. No negativity please, this is driving me crazy...Thanks

 

 

 

I "accept" your reasoning, from a logical standpoint, but tryyyyyyyyyyy to talk yourself out of making any advances on him! Part of your attraction arose because each of you were in a scenario where it was right to express and let it all out and even grieve together.

 

If someone has been pressing for weeks, months, or years while trying to find a mate, just the relief from the constant pressure put upon yourself would both give you a better vantage point from which to view others, AND let others seem more appealing just for the lack of "dating environment pressures".

 

Take the higher route and don't pursue this...

 

You'll find someone just as worthy and appealing somewhere else.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

All hillbilly jokes aside isent there a much greater risk of serious birth defects if they have kids being that the relation is so close? that right there would put me off..

[BlackLovely]

I think that you must be very, very lonely to seriously consider dating your cousin. In most parts of the world, it is illegal to marry close kin like that!

 

As someone who was molested by her cousin, one of the hardest things for me to overcome was being coerced into sexual acts with a family member. I have healed, but you can't imagine the toll it took.

 

Good luck living down the humiliation, when he rejects you with disgust or worse, blabs about your interest to the rest of your family. Ugh!!! :sick:

[Lemontang]

All hillbilly jokes aside isent there a much greater risk of serious birth defects if they have kids being that the relation is so close? that right there would put me off..

 

You would think so, since your limiting the gene pool diversity so to speak, but there is no real concrete evidence of this. Your more likely to have birth defects from substance abuse like alcohol, meth, cocaine etc...

 

The old webbed toes or fingers joke indicating family inbreeding at some stage is just an old wives tale as well.

[Thornton]

Sounds like genetic sexual attraction. Basically you're attracted to people who are similar to you, but when you're brought up with someone there's this reverse sexual imprinting which puts you off mating with them in later life. You weren't brought up with your cousin because he lives miles away, so you didn't develop this reverse sexual imprinting which would put you off dating him. Now you're grown up, all your brain sees is the similarities which attract you to him.

 

It's a well known phenomenon: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_sexual_attraction

 

The best thing you can do is try to apply your logic - getting involved with him will destroy your family and create problems for any children, as well as potential genetic defects in any children. You really need to put this to the back of your mind and look for a partner who isn't related to you.

[y2k]

Hi. I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm sooo afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives.

 

Browsing through the forums, I read this and HAD to respond due to the fact that this happened in my family. My older sister fell in love with our first cousin. When she was 16 and he was 15, they fell in love and had a secret relationship for years. They ended up getting married, and today have 2 children, completely healthy with no problems. They're very happy. When this started at the time, I was only 2 so I obviously don't remember. But I'll tell the story (which she told me when I was old enough...I'm 15 now).

 

We're hispanic (colombian). My sister was born in Colombia, but brought here and raised here when she was little so she didn't grow up with her cousin. Obviously here in Miami, we were raised with spanish so she knew it natively.

 

She used to go back for vacations to Colombia every now and then and she always thought her cousin was cute. But they never hung out too much, so they never got to know each other and the idea of falling in love with him never got to her head. Here in Miami, she always had guys after her so she was always in high demand so to speak.

 

Then our cousin, along with his father, moved to Miami not too far away from where we live. My sis and her cousin would hang out EVERYDAY. According to her, he was the "man of her dreams" in every way. She was really falling for him but, according to her, she was too afraid to do anything. One night she couldn't hold it in and she kissed him. He kissed her back, but then pushed her away since he was scared. She was heartbroken and for a whole week the two didn't hang out. Finally he found her and admitted that he had always been in love with her and the two went together in secret. Years later, when the two of them got economically secure, they decided to "come out of the closet" because they intended to marry. Needless to say, our father was angry. My mom, though, was REALLY supportive because she always suspected (mothers ALWAYS know, hehehe). My cousin's parents supported him because they realized he was really in love with her. My sister could care less what others thought. She is STRONG. Our father threatened her with everything but she stayed strong and then he finally came to his senses when he saw my sister incredibly happy. I was just a baby when all this drama unfolded. Today everyone loves each other. It is as if it was no big deal. My sister and her first cousin are married, HAPPY, have two healthy children, they have plenty of friends (only close friends know they're cousins), and everyone lived happily ever after (literally).

 

As for the original poster (or to anyone with such a situation), don't feel bad if you get feelings for your cousin. It's not incest. You don't need to worry about what others think. Your happiness is all that counts. I'm NOT telling everyone to find your attractive cousin and bang her but I am saying....if it happens...and the two of you are happy......GO FOR IT!!! Just be smart to keep everything in the down low until it's serious (like my sister did).

 

Here is an NY times article explaining how, in the question of genetics, it's not "wrong":

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/03/health/03CND-COUS.html?pagewanted=1

 

Hope this helped. As for me, I have a gorgeous Cuban gf and I'm sure I'll be posting here plenty since gorgeous girls like her tend to lead to trouble, lol.

[Jane Doe]

I think it's a very good thing that you're 225 miles away from him. I just don't see where any good can come of this. My suggestion is to step away from this idea and focus on meeting a non-relative, taking a class, joining a gym, getting involved in a club or organization, etc. I think if you proceed with this you're opening yourself up to a whole lot of embarrassment and pain.

[2sunny]

Hi. I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm sooo afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives. Now when I say together, I don't mean that we lived together, but we've done family vacations and family functions here and there together.

I am soo surprised by my sudden interest because I've always looked at him as my little cousin.

 

The attraction all started at my uncle's funeral, his dad and I noticed how strong he was for his mom and I thought to myself, oh how sweet, and I was impressed. Then after the service as we were standing outside I walked up to him and we hugged and it was the most warm and strong hug that I ever received in my entire life.

 

Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.

 

I live about 225 miles away in another state and all of my family,including him, live back in my home state. So, I wanted to know how to tell him. Phone, email, text, or in person. I don't want too much time to pass before I see him again. I know we would be perfect for one another, except for the fact that he is my cousin. Help. No negativity please, this is driving me crazy...Thanks

 

do what feels right. not everyone is the same. follow your own set of rules.

 

my cousin married another cousin. yep, first cousins - back in the mid 1970's. everyone threw a fit. but they were in love.

 

they are still married - all these years later - and really are one of the happiest couples i've ever seen. they also have 4 perfectly normal, intelligent grown kids.

 

you don't always need to follow others rules - find your own brand of happiness - make it work for you.

[SouthernSunshine]

do what feels right. not everyone is the same. follow your own set of rules.

 

my cousin married another cousin. yep, first cousins - back in the mid 1970's. everyone threw a fit. but they were in love.

 

they are still married - all these years later - and really are one of the happiest couples i've ever seen. they also have 4 perfectly normal, intelligent grown kids.

 

you don't always need to follow others rules - find your own brand of happiness - make it work for you.

 

I agree with this.

 

Do what makes you happy, and take a chance! This is the only life you have.

[Feelin Frisky]

My cousin is hot as a two-dollar pistol. I have seen her so few times that I could certainly forget that we're blood. She's just a bitchin' lookin' babe. If I never met her but boinked her and then found out she's my first cousin, it would be oh well, shoulda warned me sooner. The only thing I'd worry about is that I'm HER cousin. And I can't control what she says and who she says it to.

[denise_xo]

I think that you must be very, very lonely to seriously consider dating your cousin. In most parts of the world, it is illegal to marry close kin like that!

 

 

Actually, in many parts of the world it's quite common to marry your cousin, e.g. Middle East, Sub-Saharan African and parts of South Asia.

[witabix]

Actually, in many parts of the world it's quite common to marry your cousin, e.g. Middle East, Sub-Saharan African and parts of South Asia.

 

It still happens in the West too. I know of one married couple here who are cousins, young people too with kids who are perfectly normal.

 

As for the webbed hands being a wives tale, I had a Great Uncle with webbed hands. So I am sure it has happened in my family in the past 120 years.

 

I don't what the attitudes in the USA are like towards it these days.

 

My advice is not to pursue this, unless he feels the same you might be putting yourself right out on a limb. Its a different matter with someone you are not related to. In the event of a rejection there you can simply get on with your life. Within a family its different, you will inevitably meet each other in the most emotionally fraught situations, weddings and funerals, and if you have been rejected and possibly humiliated in the process the situations will be even worse. You may even be unable to attend.

 

BelleJ the call is ultimately yours, but please be careful. Maybe let some time pass, date other guys.

 

Just as an aside if I were your father and you had expressed an interest in my brothers son (Your ages are similar) I would try to talk you out of it, get you over it somehow. To me as a father it would feel wrong, I would be very afraid for you and my brother would too. It simply would not feel right. I do not say that from a moral standpoint, I don't think so anyway, but all I can say is that I would find it nearly impossible to reconcile it in my own mind.

[y2k]

My cousin is hot as a two-dollar pistol. I have seen her so few times that I could certainly forget that we're blood. She's just a bitchin' lookin' babe. If I never met her but boinked her and then found out she's my first cousin, it would be oh well, shoulda warned me sooner. The only thing I'd worry about is that I'm HER cousin. And I can't control what she says and who she says it to.

 

Well biologically speaking it's NOT incest so.......if she's all down to boogie and if she would willingly stay hush hush.....................watch ideas pop in your head now, lol.

 

To the rest of everybody else, it's not wrong at all. But it will create controversy within the two families (assuming it's public). But other than that, it's nothing bad and the backlash is almost nothing. And as many here on this thread said, YOU have to make your own rules and YOU have to live your own life and be happy with the decisions that you take. You must look at YOUR happiness, NOT caring about the opinions of others.

 

Love is like that. You should only look for whatever makes you HAPPY, NOT what others expect or desire from you (including what your own parents expect).

[Yvette_Sveden]

There's this one cousin who I have who's real hot. I always had a thing for him, though not sure how he felt about me. I think there were some signs that he wanted get with me secretly so as to hide it from the family. But like I said, I don't know what his intentions were whenever we're around. We still talk from time to time, but my fear is how the family would react if they found out something happened between us.

 

Albert Einstein's parents were cousins, and Einstein married his cousin. I found out that about 20 percent of all married couples are cousins.

 

 

Yvette from Sweden

[y2k]

There's this one cousin who I have who's real hot. I always had a thing for him, though not sure how he felt about me. I think there were some signs that he wanted get with me secretly so as to hide it from the family. But like I said, I don't know what his intentions were whenever we're around. We still talk from time to time, but my fear is how the family would react if they found out something happened between us.

 

Albert Einstein's parents were cousins, and Einstein married his cousin. I found out that about 20 percent of all married couples are cousins.

 

 

Yvette from Sweden

 

There are some famous people all over the world who married their first cousin.

 

The current prime minister of Japan, Naoto Kan, is married to his first cousin. Charles Darwin (yes THAT Charles Darwin) also did.

 

In Latin America, there is a well known former beauty queen, Marina Mora (google her, she's HOT) who also married her first cousin. The recent Noble Price Award winner in Literature, Mario Vargas Llosa, is also married to his first cousin. There exists plenty of historical examples. It's nothing wrong.

 

As for Yvette_Sveden, if you really want to go for it, try flirting with him a little harder than usual. But he's got to make the official move. 90% of the time, guys are supposed to make the first move. If not, then they were either never interested, or they were just cowards.

[Wink Tobasco]

Dating and having kids are not the same. Parenting with him opens very serious issues. Just dating has complications but no need to worry about producing "at risk" children.

 

Remember his hug may have been very warm because he values family in his time of sorrow. But if you still want to go for it:

Extend him an "innocent" invitation to come see you. You'll both be 200 miles from the eyes of family. See what happens. Many guys have hot cousins but they never make a move on them, they fear rejection from the girl and the entire family. He may not therefore be the aggressor.

Make your tenative flirts over a beer or three...if it goes bad you can say he misunderstood you.

Edited October 28, 2010 by Wink Tobasco
I'm tuff

[Yvette_Sveden]

 

As for Yvette_Sveden, if you really want to go for it, try flirting with him a little harder than usual. But he's got to make the official move. 90% of the time, guys are supposed to make the first move. If not, then they were either never interested, or they were just cowards.

 

There are times where I wouldn't mind flirting with a guy I like, even if he has yet to initiate any interest in me. In this case, I wouldn't mind being the one who makes the suggestion to him that I have a thing for him because he might be afraid that if he makes the first move then I would get freaked out by it and tell other members of my family to shame him. I don't know. I'm pretty confident that he won't say anything to anyone because guys don't mind when hot women are a bit quite flirtatious.

 

I just might go for it. I'm not worried about the possibility of him freaking out about it. I know that men dig that the-hots-for-the-cousin stuff.

 

I don't want a relationship with him, it's just to see what sex with him is like. But the biggest thing is that the sex will be so awkward. It will be as if the two of us were virgins all over again, not being sure if this is the right thing to do or if it will feel comfortable enough because he's my cousin.

 

In the meantime, there are other men who I can develop the hots for, men who won't mind doing stuff to my body.

 

Ja!

 

 

Yvette from Sweden

[y2k]

There are times where I wouldn't mind flirting with a guy I like, even if he has yet to initiate any interest in me. In this case, I wouldn't mind being the one who makes the suggestion to him that I have a thing for him because he might be afraid that if he makes the first move then I would get freaked out by it and tell other members of my family to shame him. I don't know. I'm pretty confident that he won't say anything to anyone because guys don't mind when hot women are a bit quite flirtatious.

 

I doubt he'll say anything. Even more if you know you're hot. He'll keep anything "hush hush" regardless of what he responds back.

 

I just might go for it. I'm not worried about the possibility of him freaking out about it. I know that men dig that the-hots-for-the-cousin stuff.

 

I don't want a relationship with him, it's just to see what sex with him is like. But the biggest thing is that the sex will be so awkward. It will be as if the two of us were virgins all over again, not being sure if this is the right thing to do or if it will feel comfortable enough because he's my cousin.

 

If you read the first page of this thread, you'll see that my sister married our first cousin and they have the happiest lives together and they have perfectly healthy children. In order for them to have the marriage and children, what do you think they had to do??? :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

It's all about feelings. If it's just lust on both parts, the sex will be good. If it's love on both parts, the sex will be good. Feelings can over-do and defeat the awkwardness.

 

But in the end, you have to do what YOU want to do.