How can I ever enjoy sex?

[Joe Normal]

Let's apply rational analysis to your situation. Every sexual act you did for about 15+ years (guessing) was associated with pain, exploitation, and abuse. Imagine if every time you ate bread, someone bashed your head in - you'd probably go off bread after a while, right? Well the same has happened to you with sex.

 

The flaw in your thinking is that you are assuming this is normal and this is how it is. In fact you can simply use the same process in reverse to remove your bad feelings about sex and replace them with good ones. You need to understand and accept that i) sex is a good, positive, enjoyable thing ii) it's essential to have a happy relationship. Without it your husband will eventually either cheat, leave, or become incredibly frustrated and unhappy iii) it is possible for you to get to enjoy it iv) your current feelings about it are not valid or legitimate, they are based on bad past experiences surrounding sex, rather than sex itself.

 

If you accept those ideas then you can try to recondition your mind so that you no longer view it as a disgusting chore to be put up with. It may take a while, several years perhaps, but it's well worth it. if you don't do that then you will never have a truly satisfying relationship, you will die unfulfilled and having lived an unhappy life. I think you've suffered enough, so IMO it's worth going for the good life, even if it might take a lot of time and effort to get there.