Still Pining

[Ajax]

It's been a month and I still feel miserable. It's been a week of NC, and honestly I have nothing to say to her that hasn't already been said. She knows I love her and that I want to be with her, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. She broke up with me because she was "depressed" and needed to figure out what was wrong with her. I know that even depressed people maintain relationships and that it was probably a cop out. I also know that I want to be with someone who will stick with me even through the hard time. Intellectually I know this.

 

But last night I had a dream that we were back together, and when I woke up and realized that we weren't together I felt like garbage. I sank back down to where I was when we first broke up.

 

I hate feeling this way. It's a lonely existence. All of my best friends have moved away and seeing her was the one thing I looked forward to during the week. Now I just don't see anything good on the horizon.

[smk]

It's been a month and I still feel miserable. It's been a week of NC, and honestly I have nothing to say to her that hasn't already been said. She knows I love her and that I want to be with her, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. She broke up with me because she was "depressed" and needed to figure out what was wrong with her. I know that even depressed people maintain relationships and that it was probably a cop out. I also know that I want to be with someone who will stick with me even through the hard time. Intellectually I know this.

 

But last night I had a dream that we were back together, and when I woke up and realized that we weren't together I felt like garbage. I sank back down to where I was when we first broke up.

 

I hate feeling this way. It's a lonely existence. All of my best friends have moved away and seeing her was the one thing I looked forward to during the week. Now I just don't see anything good on the horizon.

 

first things first - good job on the NC its the only way to let yourself heal and move on...

 

Secondly all of us here been through what you are going through at some stage, and i am not going to BS you, but things to get worse before they get better... Trust I have been there - I didnt have the courage to do NC at first and it took me almost 2 months to do it - i am now in month 3 post break up and I wont lie that I am fully healed - but you know what it does get better over time.

 

I have accepted its over and just like you she knows how I feel, except now I am at the point where I am not sure if I do want to be with her because she is no longer the girl I fell in love with or still love for that matter...

 

You will have the dreams, we all have them and they do set us back every so often, but over time they will stop, its taken me almost 3 months to be able to sleep more than 4 hours and my life is now starting to take some shape - i hit the gym 4 times a week, run 4 times week, and just do my own crap, sure you will have moments where you will miss her, but you know what what doesnt kill us only makes us stronger...

 

we all know and have been through what you feel right now...

 

be strong and know that you have people here who will be there to give you that little nudge to tread along...

[Pink_orchid]

Ajax sorry that you are hurting.

 

I don't know your story, but the thing that struck me about your post was the sadness and the hopelessness - now we've all been there, well many of us have, and I am not criticising you. This woe-is-me story must change however!! To get your life and maybe your girl back. You have to re-invent yourself. You have said that all you looked forward to each week was seeing her?? This is too much for anyone to cope with, not to mention boring probably to spend time with someone who has no external interests. You live in New York right? One of the most exciting places in the world! There is music, art, culture, architecture, sport, dance, voluntary work, charity work ya ya ya the list goes on. It could be the start of a new life for you. Good luck. Go and find something to do that you enjoy and really go for it. You might meet so many new people and develop so many great friends and interests that you may not even have time to think about her and when she comes back to look for you, you'll have moved on to better things.

[Ajax]

Thanks to both of you! I know I've got to snap out of it. I have grad classes starting tonight, so hopefully that'll help give me a sense of purpose. One of the biggest hurdles for me in getting over her is the fact that just a couple months ago I moved into a new place, and she helped me pick things out for it, decorate it and really make it home. Everywhere I look is a constant reminder of her. It's something I've gotta deal with, and hearing from everyone here is really helping me gain perspective.

[K'aycie]

Just think about what a jerk they are and that you wish you never met.

[Billie The Puppet]

It's been a month and I still feel miserable. It's been a week of NC, and honestly I have nothing to say to her that hasn't already been said. She knows I love her and that I want to be with her, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. She broke up with me because she was "depressed" and needed to figure out what was wrong with her. I know that even depressed people maintain relationships and that it was probably a cop out. I also know that I want to be with someone who will stick with me even through the hard time. Intellectually I know this.

 

But last night I had a dream that we were back together, and when I woke up and realized that we weren't together I felt like garbage. I sank back down to where I was when we first broke up.

 

I hate feeling this way. It's a lonely existence. All of my best friends have moved away and seeing her was the one thing I looked forward to during the week. Now I just don't see anything good on the horizon.

 

Almost everything written here is the same story for me as well A little over a month broken up but only into 1 week NC now. I lived every week looking forward to the weekend just to be with her. Not socializing with friends much. Even dreaming of her last night all the same for me.

 

Still not feeling right but everything else in my life seems to be looking up as in my credit is very good, a few new job opportunities arising like the things I need to eventually own a home, one of my goals in life are coming to play. My first vehicle has just been purchased. Etc

 

I'm not going to lie I'm a late bloomer at life by that I mean I wasted so many years of my life not doing anything to achieve anything etc. I'm 25 still at hone etc but my Ex is the same but to a greater extent she has no concept of money what so ever.

 

It's weird all the good things changing in my life give me a good boost, I still feel incomplete at times.

 

These are things we wanted and discussed only days before we split and I told her she needs to be more realistic.

 

She left me because she said she lost her independent self. Yet she can't live without depending on family etc.

Edited September 10, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[ShannonMI]

It's been a month and I still feel miserable. It's been a week of NC, and honestly I have nothing to say to her that hasn't already been said. She knows I love her and that I want to be with her, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. She broke up with me because she was "depressed" and needed to figure out what was wrong with her. I know that even depressed people maintain relationships and that it was probably a cop out. I also know that I want to be with someone who will stick with me even through the hard time. Intellectually I know this.

 

But last night I had a dream that we were back together, and when I woke up and realized that we weren't together I felt like garbage. I sank back down to where I was when we first broke up.

 

I hate feeling this way. It's a lonely existence. All of my best friends have moved away and seeing her was the one thing I looked forward to during the week. Now I just don't see anything good on the horizon.

Don't beat yourself up for still feeling down after a month. A month isn't that long. I've had dreams about my ex as well and woken up sad and depressed. When you are going to bed, try to think of something else. I know it's difficult, but that may help with the dreams.

If you need to, go talk to someone. I'm seeing a therapist and it's helping quite a bit. I've been broken up with my ex for 4 months and I'm still struggling with it. It's hard, but we'll get through it. Don't give up. There is a light at the end of tunnel. It may be a long a** tunnel, but there is an end to it.

[Ajax]

So 13 days of NC. I wouldn't exactly say I'm pining anymore, but I still miss her and want her to come back. But I also know that it will probably never happen and that I need to move on.

 

When she left she had begun to shut me out and said she wasn't happy with her life. Our friends told me that apparently she woke up that day and needed to get out, and that she's now thinking about changing careers (she just got her nursing degree) and moving away. Obviously she has bigger issues than just me, and that she probably has commitment problems. There's nothing I can do that will convince her to come back.

 

I've resumed grad classes and am about to start my capstone project. I've also started working out again and realized just how out of shape I am. And I am seeing a therapist.

 

A positive step forward for me is that I'm starting to see how attractive other girls are now. Unfortunately I've never been very good at approaching girls I don't already know. Maybe that's the next thing I should work on

[Billie The Puppet]

So 13 days of NC. I wouldn't exactly say I'm pining anymore, but I still miss her and want her to come back. But I also know that it will probably never happen and that I need to move on.

 

When she left she had begun to shut me out and said she wasn't happy with her life. Our friends told me that apparently she woke up that day and needed to get out, and that she's now thinking about changing careers (she just got her nursing degree) and moving away. Obviously she has bigger issues than just me, and that she probably has commitment problems. There's nothing I can do that will convince her to come back.

 

I've resumed grad classes and am about to start my capstone project. I've also started working out again and realized just how out of shape I am. And I am seeing a therapist.

 

A positive step forward for me is that I'm starting to see how attractive other girls are now. Unfortunately I've never been very good at approaching girls I don't already know. Maybe that's the next thing I should work on

 

Same here, A friend of mine challenged me to go up to 5 random girls a day and just ask them how they are doing.(He is engaged to my ex's sister) I have only done it once but it made me surprisingly feel well that day.

[Ajax]

You've got a date coming up yourself don't you Billie? I've been following your posts and have found them pretty helpful.

 

I'm sure talking up some girls would boost my ego a bit. A date might even do me some good too. I can't see myself getting too serious yet though because I'm still in a stage where I'd leave anyone if I had another chance with the ex. I wouldn't want to hurt someone else. But I guess it doesn't hurt to talk to some.

[Billie The Puppet]

You've got a date coming up yourself don't you Billie? I've been following your posts and have found them pretty helpful.

 

I'm sure talking up some girls would boost my ego a bit. A date might even do me some good too. I can't see myself getting too serious yet though because I'm still in a stage where I'd leave anyone if I had another chance with the ex. I wouldn't want to hurt someone else. But I guess it doesn't hurt to talk to some.

 

Yes I have a date coming up, my ex decided she'd copy my ticket acquisitions which I found odd as e-books would tell you that's a sign of her not being over me "Accidental meetings that are not really accidental" . You also know the history that I went out and asked someone I have always had a thing for which may increase my desirability and could possibly put things into my ex's mind. That's a quasi plan, now if it does make my ex reconsider and my date also gives me signs she would like to further continue dates then I may be stuck with a difficult situation. However I am not going to start thinking of all the possibilities instead I'll just let it flow.

 

I'm glad my posts seem helpful, but my online persona is really stronger than my actual self. I'm glad to have found LS and certain threads as Don Ho would say I high-jacked I should be called Billie The Terrorist ha ha ha. This place is really therapeutic for me especially those threads I have high-jacked because they share similarities with my own story which got no hits cause it was really long I suppose or it had a rather uninteresting title.

 

I think I'll be in the stage you are in for some time too but I can't put life on hold so if a relationship finds me so be it. I'm not going to look for one myself but I am not going to let life itself stop because of it. My ex actually found me before she became an ex that is and I liked it that way to be honest. I have a lot invested in my ex and can only hope it's meant to be.

[shockandawed]

Hey Ajax,

 

Sorry you are going through this. When I read your posts, it sounds so similar to the ones I was writing on here over 3 years ago. I lived and felt everything you are going through. I had the dreams, sense of hopelessness, general feeling of being detached from the world, etc..go back and read some of my old posts from 07.

 

Looking back, I almost have a sense of fondness for the year after my break up with my ex-fiance. It sounds strange, but I changed and experienced so much during that time. It didn't feel all that hot then, but i grew so much, and I was in my mid 40s.

 

When I finally enacted NC on my ex, things started to get better. It was torture at first, but as the days and weeks wore on, it got much easier.

 

As another poster mentioned, this is the time to "re-invent" yourself. That is the single best piece of advise anyone can give you now. Keep up the good work on the NC and start defining who the new you will be. Trust me, it will pay off huge for you down the road.

[Ajax]

Thanks guys. I'm definately thinking about ways in which I can reinvent myself. Make myself more attractive and get some confidence back.

 

Like I said, I really do want another chance, but in two weeks of NC neither of us have tried to contact the other. I know in many of these posts the dumper continues to text, call, or email the dumpee... but that hasn't happened yet. So either she respects me enough to leave me alone to heal, or she honestly doesn't give a ****.

 

Also reading through these posts I've come accross a lot of instances, like Billie's, where the dumper leaves because they're "confused". What is it that these ex's have in common that causes them to be "confused?" I sure wasn't confused about mine. I knew what I wanted in a girlfriend, a relationship, and in life. I'm not saying that they're pretending they're confused just to let us off easy (though that may be the case), but why do some people know what they want and others don't?

 

I know that's a philosophical question that goes beyond relationships, but I'd be interested in hearing people's thoughts on this.

[leftfield]

Thanks guys. I'm definately thinking about ways in which I can reinvent myself. Make myself more attractive and get some confidence back.

 

Like I said, I really do want another chance, but in two weeks of NC neither of us have tried to contact the other. I know in many of these posts the dumper continues to text, call, or email the dumpee... but that hasn't happened yet. So either she respects me enough to leave me alone to heal, or she honestly doesn't give a ****.

 

Also reading through these posts I've come accross a lot of instances, like Billie's, where the dumper leaves because they're "confused". What is it that these ex's have in common that causes them to be "confused?" I sure wasn't confused about mine. I knew what I wanted in a girlfriend, a relationship, and in life. I'm not saying that they're pretending they're confused just to let us off easy (though that may be the case), but why do some people know what they want and others don't?

 

I know that's a philosophical question that goes beyond relationships, but I'd be interested in hearing people's thoughts on this.

 

My ex doesn't bother trying to contact me either (unless it's to get back the crap back she left all over my flat) so I'm in the same boat there. I think we should probably be pleased about that, but yes, every hour that passes is further rejection.

 

I don't get this 'confused' thing either. It doesn't really apply to me as my ex gave me her reasons, but surely if someone is confused then the next question is, confused about what? If the answer to that is, "I don't know", then it feels like a cop-out to me. Like they don't want to list all those weird little idiosyncrasies that drive them to distraction, or just admit that you've got a bit fat and they don't fancy you any more.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just confused, I dunno.

[Ajax]

Keeping in mind that I would love that second chance with the ex...

 

My mistake during our breakup was telling her that I'd keep the door open to her in the future, thus giving her the power. I was emotional and said it, and at the time I meant it. But she did tell me to move on and after two weeks of NC has made no attempts to reach out. Perhaps I would be better off being blissfully ignorant of her existance.

 

So I'm putting the question to you guys: do I untag pictures and block her on Facebook? Should I deleat her number from my phone?

 

We do share friends and I don't want anyone to think I'm bitter (even though I'm getting that way) and it might be impossible to avoid her for the rest of my life. I just want to stop being reminded of her.

[Iselia]

Keeping in mind that I would love that second chance with the ex...

 

My mistake during our breakup was telling her that I'd keep the door open to her in the future, thus giving her the power. I was emotional and said it, and at the time I meant it. But she did tell me to move on and after two weeks of NC has made no attempts to reach out. Perhaps I would be better off being blissfully ignorant of her existance.

 

So I'm putting the question to you guys: do I untag pictures and block her on Facebook? Should I deleat her number from my phone?

 

We do share friends and I don't want anyone to think I'm bitter (even though I'm getting that way) and it might be impossible to avoid her for the rest of my life. I just want to stop being reminded of her.

 

I also told my ex that I'd keep the door open for her. Wish I hadn't done that but, what can I do about it now? =/ She also hasn't tried to reach me and it's been a month NC. =/

 

Yes, you need to untag pictures and block her. You need to heal. You can't get a second chance with her if you're still hurt over this breakup. If you're still hurting, you won't trust her and you'll be very emotional; thus, messing up any possible second chance.

 

Put everything that reminds you of her out of sight. Banish it from your life. Move on. (I'm assuming she dumped you?) She'll reach out to you if she wants you. After all, she ended it. She needs to miss you and know that she can't have you in her life without committment.

[shockandawed]

Keeping in mind that I would love that second chance with the ex...

 

My mistake during our breakup was telling her that I'd keep the door open to her in the future, thus giving her the power. I was emotional and said it, and at the time I meant it. But she did tell me to move on and after two weeks of NC has made no attempts to reach out. Perhaps I would be better off being blissfully ignorant of her existance.

 

So I'm putting the question to you guys: do I untag pictures and block her on Facebook? Should I deleat her number from my phone?

 

We do share friends and I don't want anyone to think I'm bitter (even though I'm getting that way) and it might be impossible to avoid her for the rest of my life. I just want to stop being reminded of her.

 

It's tough, but you should absolutely delete her from your facebook and any other social site as well as your phone. I can honestly say that is when my healing really started to take off. You have to swear off any urges to "snoop" her facebook. It really will knock you back everytime.

 

This has nothing to do with being bitter. It has everything to do with you simply moving on with your life. There is nothing else to be accountable to.

 

Look at it this way, you mention you made a mistake by telling her you would leave the door open and thus gave her power. All of that would be undone by simply deleting her from your social sites without a word, and not responding to any attempts from her to contact you for quite some time.

 

Re-inventing doesn't happen by having baggage in your life from your ex.

[JamesB]

Hey Ajax, you gave me a lot of good advice today so I looked up your posts so see if I could repay you.

Well I managed successful NC for 2 months. The first thing I did was remove her from my friends on facebook and then removed all the pictures I'd posted of the 2 of us and I even went through my wall ( which took ages) and deleted everything she had ever written. I then didn't log into facebook for about 3 weeks and removed the app from my phone.... No temptation! Facebook is evil at times

like this so stay away untill you feel strong enough

not to instantly look at her profile as soon as you

log on. Then I deleted all old text messages and my

call log so I would never see her name come up

and thus remove the temptation. I didn't delete her

number.... But that helps for some I'm told but I

wanted to see if I could go NC even if I had her

number.

[Banega100]

I think 'I'm confused' is a partial cop-out. It's where the girl has lost feelings for you, and thus no longer wants to be with you, but is confused about why this has happened. Hence she's confused, but not about the relationship, but about why her emotions for you changed over time.

[Ajax]

Thanks for the advice guys. I still haven't deleted her from Facebook, but I'm not looking at it either, so that's not that big of a deal.

 

So now it's been three weeks of NC, and it's still a struggle. I fight the urge to send her a message telling her I miss her, but I know there's no possible good that will come of that. I mean, what kind of response am I going to get from that if I get one at all?

 

What really bothers me is how apparently easy it is for her to cut me out of her life. I connected with her more deeply than anyone else I've ever known, and I don't even mean enough to string along. Not that I want to be strung along... but at least I would know I impacted her life in some way.

 

I think when it comes down to it I won't be really able to move on until I come to the place where I can decide that I wouldn't even take her back if I had the chance. She bailed on us just as things were getting more intense. I need to realize that I could only expect more of the same. But what my head knows and what my heart feels are at odds with each other.

[Billie The Puppet]

Ajax: I'm with you, I'm nearing 3 weeks no contact my self (sat). However she is on the same length since I asked for it in writing an email. She previously ignored verbal requests. I just wish I did the dissapearing act instead.

For some reason today is my lowest of low days in awhile, I still have good things going on in my life and things to look forward to, but I feel incomplete without her.

 

We discussed kids, engagement to which she said she would say yes and even said we wanted an Island marriage. We were planning an all inclusive Xmas vacation with her family and all.

 

I guess it just hurts because I gave her warning and don't get the chance to ignore her. Making her think I'm moving on. Also because she hasn't tried contacting me either.

[leftfield]

Ajax, Billie, you're not alone guys. One of the things that gets me most is that even though I think of her every day, numerous times, I don't think she thinks of me at all.

 

The only contact I've had from her is the odd text message to ask me to return things that she left at my flat. They've all been short and to the point. She hasn't asked how I am, or shown any interest in me or my life. This is the girl that a few months ago told me she loved me, and with whom I had conversations about marriage and kids. We didn't break up on bad terms, but I've been dropped like a stone. And she has been as cold as one.

 

I think when it comes down to it I won't be really able to move on until I come to the place where I can decide that I wouldn't even take her back if I had the chance.

 

^^I think I'm starting to feel like this as well ^^. I'm in a much better place than I was a few weeks ago, but I'm not over her by any means. I'm still a long way from that, and I'm not going to feel like I've moved on until I know I wouldn't take her back. That could take a long time.

[flow15]

Ajax, Billie, you're not alone guys. One of the things that gets me most is that even though I think of her every day, numerous times, I don't think she thinks of me at all.

 

The only contact I've had from her is the odd text message to ask me to return things that she left at my flat. They've all been short and to the point. She hasn't asked how I am, or shown any interest in me or my life. This is the girl that a few months ago told me she loved me, and with whom I had conversations about marriage and kids. We didn't break up on bad terms, but I've been dropped like a stone. And she has been as cold as one.

 

 

 

^^I think I'm starting to feel like this as well ^^. I'm in a much better place than I was a few weeks ago, but I'm not over her by any means. I'm still a long way from that, and I'm not going to feel like I've moved on until I know I wouldn't take her back. That could take a long time.

 

 

Ajax, Leftfield, Billie.... I'm in the same boat as you all. Today has also been a tough day, been thinking about him all day. It hurts so much that they don't even show that they care at all, how can they say they love you so much and then the next day act like you don't even exist.

 

" I fight the urge to send her a message telling her I miss her, but I know there's no possible good that will come of that. I mean, what kind of response am I going to get from that if I get one at all?

 

I feel that if I was to message my ex and tell him i miss him he would just see it as weak, the best thing we can do is remain NC. As much as I would want to do the same...

 

I feel like he has moved on already, sometimes I get the feeling that he is with someone else already.... and the thought of him with someone else, her sleeping in his bed.. him doing all the things he used to do to me, makes me feel sick to the stomach.

We haven't spoken for about 2 weeks, I'm not as upset as I was but I am far from over him also. I know I'm keeping NC, but I want him to text me or show that he cares just a little bit, so then at least I think that our relationship wasn't a lie..that it meant something, that I impacted his life in some way as Ajax says.

I just don't understand how someone can tell you they love you so much, have never been happier, think you are so amazing... yet a few weeks later treat you in the worst way possible when all you gave them was your love. I'm beginning to think it was all lies, if he was so in love, if i was so amazing.. he wouldn't be able to walk away so easily right?

 

Anyway, why do I feel like the only girl who's been dumped here? You're all guys!

All I can say is, we've all done well so far with the NC.. we must stay strong and keep at it, I'm sure it will get easier with time, as impossible as it seems right now

[Billie The Puppet]

Flow it's good to see you sticking strong to NC and now preaching it!

 

The male population does seem higher than the female and I think it's because males like to fix things while women just get bored and want to move on.

 

I think it's the grass is greener until you get there concept.

 

I wish this was easier I wish once you've invested so much there were no such thing as breaking up, love lost , or divorce. We would all be happy but sad thing is life is not that easy.

 

This is my first real heartbreak and it sucks, I still find it to be somewhat repairable but It is the ex who has to want it not myself so moving on is the only real way.

[flow15]

Flow it's good to see you sticking strong to NC and now preaching it!

 

The male population does seem higher than the female and I think it's because males like to fix things while women just get bored and want to move on.

 

I think it's the grass is greener until you get there concept.

E

I wish this was easier I wish once you've invested so much there were no such thing as breaking up, love lost , or divorce. We would all be happy but sad thing is life is not that easy.

 

This is my first real heartbreak and it sucks, I still find it to be somewhat repairable but It is the ex who has to want it not myself so moving on is the only real way.

 

I always thought women wanted to fix things, and men were the ones to get bored and want to look elsewhere!! I guess its different in every situation.

I know what you mean, even though I'm so hurt and angry, if my ex came back I would take him back in a second... but I don't see him doing that, and I know I have to move on. Especially when I get such a strong feeling that he's already with someone else.

 

I actually woke up this morning with a text from my ex, it wasn't meant for me though, he had sent it at 2am so was obviously drunk and it was basically to a friend telling him where he was. I couldn't believe it, cos even though I've deleted his number I recognised it and thought he was finally getting in touch with me... but no.. it wasn't meant for me! (I replied saying, sorry who is this? Pretending I didn't know who it was or what it was about, so that he could see i deleted his number but he didn't reply) At least its a sign he hasn't deleted my number! But he probably will after that! haha