Still Pining

[Ajax]

 

I feel like he has moved on already, sometimes I get the feeling that he is with someone else already.... and the thought of him with someone else, her sleeping in his bed.. him doing all the things he used to do to me, makes me feel sick to the stomach.

 

 

Flow, there's something in me that has the same feeling. An instinct that she's dropped me and she's back on the prowl. If you've been following my threads you know that my ex was going through depression, and needed time to "find herself." I've talked to some friends who've been in touch with her and they said that A) She doesn't want to be a nurse anymore. She just graduated from nursing school in May. B) Doesn't know if she wants to stay in this city or move away. C) She just wants to "date."

 

I'm 27 and she's 25, and I thought we were both past the college lifestyle phase of our lives. She had told me that she was ready to be with the person she would one day marry and that she thought that was me. Turns out she doesn't know what she wants of her life yet.

 

As for her "dating," I don't know if she is or not. But I feel like garbage when I think about it. That our relationship might not have been as good as a life where she can just date around makes me feel like an interchangable part. I just hope she doesn't let anyone else sleep on the pillow I left at her place.

[Ajax]

That last post made me sound a tinge more bitter than I actually am.

 

I do in fact still love my ex and know that she is going through a really hard time. I also hope that she figures it out and decides that she wants to be with me. I also realize that even if that could happen, I need to move on. I'm just having trouble doing that so far. And I wish she'd been more open with me about what was going on with her.

[flow15]

That last post made me sound a tinge more bitter than I actually am.

 

I do in fact still love my ex and know that she is going through a really hard time. I also hope that she figures it out and decides that she wants to be with me. I also realize that even if that could happen, I need to move on. I'm just having trouble doing that so far. And I wish she'd been more open with me about what was going on with her.

 

Don't worry, i know exactly how you feel... i don't know if we will ever know what is going on with our ex's. god knows what goes on inside their minds!

The funny thing is I too have a pillow at my ex's and is clearly going to get used by some other girl, or most probably already has!

[Billie The Puppet]

Long reply:

 

My ex seems to be the opposite, suffered depression before she met me and while with me. Now she drops me and from what I see in MSN statuses that she is loving life but am I to believe it I don't know it could be she met some one else, it could be games too . During the honey moon stage she was great she was greatly attached to me and happy with the relationship but depressed with life. Its just this damn 2010 that has been rocky as hell.

 

She has been called bi-polar in arguments with people, she gets angered easily which is a sign of ADHD and she just ups a quits things without notice when they don't go her way. (The relationship could be an example of up an quiting)

 

Now those are Red Flags but to be honest I don't care, I love her I think she would make an excellent mother, wife etc. If only I could be a sole provider but honestly in this economy I can't really be such.

 

Trying not to be conceited but I see myself as the better catch out of the two of us. Others have told me the same thing. Yet I think she will move on relationship wise before I do.

 

We both are big flirts but I am not up to that task anymore because I am not passed her.

 

I was her boss, and we ended up together, I got a promotion that felt more like a demotion so I ended up quiting the job and apprenticing my fathers business, she had than jumped job to job since I quit at the workplace we were both employed.

 

We ended because one weekend I went over and she was cold, I shrugged it off and then communication that week became all electronic. I found an email where she was flirting with her new boss at a Job I placed her at and confronted her in the worst way possible text message war and phone war.

 

I own up to my mistakes, I want to rebuild the trust and relationship we once had, but it is her that needs to want that too.

 

Since the break up we were in contact for awhile in which she told me everything I wanted to hear at the time before I find LS.

 

I was of course asking if there was a chance and if she loved me, She said I love you but I need to be independent, I asked about in the future and she would pull the if its meant to be its meant to be line. She was always initiating conversations post break up of course its the weaning stage and there were times it felt like we were back together then back to cold the next day.

 

I asked if she had fallen out of love with me she said no and I treated her every way a girl should be treated.

 

I asked if because of my accusation we broke up, she claims it has nothing to do with it but I truly believe it has everything to do with it.

 

We completely reversed roles and I know how to be the man now but I cant show her that without looking needy.

 

Seriously we both have had trust issues with each other but I worked through them.

 

The sad thing is when we were freshly dating she went on vacation and called me one night in which I was out with a female friend who was engaged to be married and it was only a pool hall etc. She had had a fight with her family and needed someone to talk to but only got angrier finding out I was out with a female. I explained she is engaged to which she replied it's not you I don;t trust it's her I know females. I was like well I am out now is not a good time to call I'll talk with you later.

 

See her negative quality's only a very few can live with, I think I am one of those very few people, she gets along with her family but when things go bad they go really bad.

 

Doesn't mean she won't change for someone else or she won't find another person that can live with her.

 

I actually can live with the fact if she moves on, I just don't know when I'll be ready to move on in terms of a relationship.

[flow15]

By the way 25 is still very young, I'm only 23, but I don't think I will be ready to completely settle down in two years time. I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life either.Maybe she did think you were the one for her, but considering she's still young,it may be scary for her to think about settling down

[YSS]

Ajax

I know these feelings only too well. I was also left, it felt more like dropped off a cliff for similiar reasons your EX gave. None of it made any sense. Its going to take time to heal from this and there is no magic number of 10 weeks, 4 month, a year.

 

All you can do is feel your pain and deal with these emotions. I saw a post somewhere in this forum that asked how our EXs can just cut us off like we were some cancers, when in actuality, many of us were merely guilty of caring about him/her and wanting to work things out. Women are experiencing this pain as much as the men on this thread, trust me. Someone said, we will work through it and they will live with it. It being the hurt caused.

 

You are not alone, albeit that does not take away your pain. Good luck to you.

[Ajax]

So why after three weeks of NC do I miss her more than before?

 

Despite what all of our friends say, that there's nothing I can or could have done, I feel like I could have done something different so that she'd still be with me. Intellectually I know she needs to work things out for herself, but I can't help second guessing myself.

 

Also, when she broke up with me she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. I guess that wasn't a lie, but our friends said she told them that she just wants to go on "dates." I think we can all read between the lines on that one, and it hurts.

 

I really haven't just been sitting around waiting for her. I'm taking graduate classes to get my masters, and I've joined a couple organizations and visit friends. But no matter where I am or who I'm with, my mind always returns to her. I need it to stop.

Edited September 25, 2010 by Ajax

[HoldingPatterns]

I feel your pain. I'm still pining myself. I know that all I wanted to do was make my relationship work. She didn't want it. 1 week after she was dating an old crush. 1 month later she has proclaimed more happiness than I was ever able to give. It's weird and kinda sickening how quick we can be dropped and replaced. Even the detachment phase when the g/f is withdrawin is disturbing. I still miss her everyday and she's poison.

[leftfield]

I'm pining a lot today for some reason. I thought I was starting to get better, but some days seem to drag you back into the mire no matter what you do.

 

From the little snippets of information I've heard about my ex recently (I try to avoid it) she seems to be really enjoying life and going out partying and basically relishing her freedom. I wish I could see it as freedom instead of condemnation.

 

From reading the stories on LS it's amazing to think how many people (dumpers) are running around having the time of their lives while somebody, somewhere is crippled by sadness over their departure. While they savour the unbearable lightness of being we are drowning in a pool of unrequited love. Better take a deep breath, I think we could be going under for quite a while :-(

[Billie The Puppet]

So why after three weeks of NC do I miss her more than before?

 

Despite what all of our friends say, that there's nothing I can or could have done, I feel like I could have done something different so that she'd still be with me. Intellectually I know she needs to work things out for herself, but I can't help second guessing myself.

 

Also, when she broke up with me she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. I guess that wasn't a lie, but our friends said she told them that she just wants to go on "dates." I think we can all read between the lines on that one, and it hurts.

 

I really haven't just been sitting around waiting for her. I'm taking graduate classes to get my masters, and I've joined a couple organizations and visit friends. But no matter where I am or who I'm with, my mind always returns to her. I need it to stop.

 

I know, I feel the same way see to us absence makes the heart grow fonder. To them it's like we no longer exist.

[ohno89]

I know, I feel the same way see to us absence makes the heart grow fonder. To them it's like we no longer exist.

 

Billie, get 'em off that pedestal and think of motivating quotes with the opposite effect, not ones like these!

[Ajax]

So 26 days of NC and over 5 weeks since the breakup. Yup, I'm still counting, and these past few days have been rocky. But today I have a new perspective.

 

Instead of grieving the relationship and hoping she'll come back, I need to grieve her as if she's passed away. The girl who I loved doesn't exist anymore. I don't imagine that she still has any feelings for me, and I'm not sure she ever really did.

 

I think she was with me because it made sense. I was the "good boyfriend." I was affectionate and did romantic things. Her friends and family liked and approved of me. We enjoyed the same things, our chemistry was good and the sex was great. I was the safe choice. But now she doesn't know what she wants out of life, personally or professionally. And I think now she wants exciting over safe. And that's not the girl I knew and loved.

 

And as much as I miss her, and I do miss her, I miss the guy I was when I was with her too. He was a great guy. Like I said, he was romantic and thoughtful. He was the guy I wanted to be, and I think that when my girlfriend left me a part of him died too. Even if she ever did come back, I couldn't be that guy again with her. So while I'm mourning the "death" of the girl I loved, I'm mourning the death of part of myself too.

 

At this point I have mixed feelings about her contacting me. I'd love to know she still cares. But as I said, the girl I loved is gone. Seeing or hearing from her would be like being haunted by a ghost.

[Billie The Puppet]

So 26 days of NC and over 5 weeks since the breakup. Yup, I'm still counting, and these past few days have been rocky. But today I have a new perspective.

 

Instead of grieving the relationship and hoping she'll come back, I need to grieve her as if she's passed away. The girl who I loved doesn't exist anymore. I don't imagine that she still has any feelings for me, and I'm not sure she ever really did.

 

I think she was with me because it made sense. I was the "good boyfriend." I was affectionate and did romantic things. Her friends and family liked and approved of me. We enjoyed the same things, our chemistry was good and the sex was great. I was the safe choice. But now she doesn't know what she wants out of life, personally or professionally. And I think now she wants exciting over safe. And that's not the girl I knew and loved.

 

And as much as I miss her, and I do miss her, I miss the guy I was when I was with her too. He was a great guy. Like I said, he was romantic and thoughtful. He was the guy I wanted to be, and I think that when my girlfriend left me a part of him died too. Even if she ever did come back, I couldn't be that guy again with her. So while I'm mourning the "death" of the girl I loved, I'm mourning the death of part of myself too.

 

At this point I have mixed feelings about her contacting me. I'd love to know she still cares. But as I said, the girl I loved is gone. Seeing or hearing from her would be like being haunted by a ghost.

 

I have tried to treat it like she has died but you know it is not the case, it's not one of those lies you can make yourself believe. The girl she was is gone this is true. The person herself is still alive. I wish you great luck with all of this and I am only a couple days behind you in NC land but weeks ahead of you in the break up. To be honest today was hard on me and almost nothing has triggered it. Tomorrow is the day I have been looking forward too for awhile but after that it is almost all sadness. Holiday season will suck this year.

[Ajax]

Well I'm sure my hard day's aren't over, but it's one way of looking at it that helps me give up the hope of her coming back. Especially now that I'm questioning her reasons for being in it in the first place.

 

I think she wanted to love me, and even tried to, but it just wasn't what she wanted in her heart. When we got together she said she didn't want to meet someone at a bar or club, but in retrospect, I see that she really envied her single friends who were still doing the bar/party thing. Not that I ever stopped her from doing what she wanted, I encouraged her to do her own thing. But I think that the thrills and excitement of the single life combined with her insecurities and lack of direction in life eventually outweighed any value I had left to her.

[Ajax]

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes and sick to my stomach. Gah, I can't live like this anymore.I know she's done with me. She threw me away. But I can't stop missing her.

[Billie The Puppet]

Ajax I am right there with you, I am feeling so empty inside perhaps it's because I thought she would break NC by now. I haven't had the chance to ignore her at all. (However that is truly looking at it as a game stance not a healing stance) She is sticking to this NC as hard as I am sticking to it.

 

I seen a recent photo of her on FB and she is wearing the key to my heart necklace I gave her. It put a smile on my face but I have to realize this is not something I should act on as it's rather more like a setup so I break NC to which I would hear something like, It's only a necklace why must you think everything leads o me wanting you back etc.

 

I'm tempted to break NC but won't, it won't help me in my situation. I do want to hear her voice though.

 

It's weird for the last 2.5 years we talked almost everyday,

 

In the last 2 months only about ten times.

[leftfield]

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes and sick to my stomach. Gah, I can't live like this anymore.I know she's done with me. She threw me away. But I can't stop missing her.

 

I've been through this phase of feeling like you're drowning in sorrow, but it does slowly get better. I still miss my ex, but the more you tell yourself it's over - move on, it's over -move on, the easier it gets.

 

You're right about one thing though, you can't live like that any more. You need to stop obsessing. I know you can't stop yourself from missing her, I accept that, I can't either, but you can make a positive effort to shift your focus from wallowing to fighting the pain.

 

It's difficult, I do understand that, but try for your own sake to get a little harsh with yourself. Give yourself a kick up the ar$e and tell yourself "I can do this", then focus on what you need to do today. Make a list and do it. The pain will still be there, just don't give it any more attention than you have to.

 

You WILL be OK! Good luck Ajax.

[Ajax]

Thank's for the moral support guys. I find that I can manage my emotions during the day. That's not to say I don't think about her, but at least I'm not wallowing. It's before bed and when I wake up in the middle of the night when I feel the worst. It's then that I have the hardest time accepting the truth of my situation, and feel desperate to get her back. But deep down I know I had more invested in the relationship than she did. On top of that I realize that in spite of how it may appear, I'm, much more emotionally healthy than she is, and when I do get over her I'll be in a much better position to have a healthy relationship than she is.

 

 

I seen a recent photo of her on FB and she is wearing the key to my heart necklace I gave her. It put a smile on my face but I have to realize this is not something I should act on as it's rather more like a setup so I break NC to which I would hear something like, It's only a necklace why must you think everything leads o me wanting you back etc.

 

I'm tempted to break NC but won't, it won't help me in my situation. I do want to hear her voice though.

 

It's weird for the last 2.5 years we talked almost everyday,

 

In the last 2 months only about ten times.

 

Billie, that's still not cool of her. I'm sure she knows that the necklace has sentimental value to you, and I'd be surprised if it didn't have any for her either.

 

I know what you mean about not talking everyday. I've been NC for almost a month. I would love to pick up the phone and send her a text saying how I still love her, even if she doesn't say it back. I want her to know. But she does know. Everything I ever did and said to her reinforced my love for her. And if she doesn't feel the same, then it doesn't matter anyway. I won't break NC.

[Billie The Puppet]

Thank's for the moral support guys. I find that I can manage my emotions during the day. That's not to say I don't think about her, but at least I'm not wallowing. It's before bed and when I wake up in the middle of the night when I feel the worst. It's then that I have the hardest time accepting the truth of my situation, and feel desperate to get her back. But deep down I know I had more invested in the relationship than she did. On top of that I realize that in spite of how it may appear, I'm, much more emotionally healthy than she is, and when I do get over her I'll be in a much better position to have a healthy relationship than she is.

 

 

 

 

Billie, that's still not cool of her. I'm sure she knows that the necklace has sentimental value to you, and I'd be surprised if it didn't have any for her either.

 

I know what you mean about not talking everyday. I've been NC for almost a month. I would love to pick up the phone and send her a text saying how I still love her, even if she doesn't say it back. I want her to know. But she does know. Everything I ever did and said to her reinforced my love for her. And if she doesn't feel the same, then it doesn't matter anyway. I won't break NC.

 

Yea however I don't think the picture was intentional it just so happens to be a birthday photo for her and her father (They share the same month). It's true we were broken up by then but I don't think its appropriate to take all gifts back you have ever given each other either so she is allowed to wear it.

It's just funny that the camera flash just so happens to make the necklace shine and kinda made it the focal point in the picture.

 

I do want to talk again, now is just not the time as it's too early. I don't want to say I love you or I want you or anything like that I just want to talk like we use to every day . Find out how her day was and just lend my ear to her.

[Ajax]

I do want to talk again, now is just not the time as it's too early. I don't want to say I love you or I want you or anything like that I just want to talk like we use to every day . Find out how her day was and just lend my ear to her.

 

I understand the desire for that, but be careful. If you still have feelings for her it could be like opening Pandora's box.

 

I for one know that unless she wants to get back together, i cannot talk to my ex. Not that I don't care what she's doing or want to hear her voice, I just know that it would still tear me up inside. It's been 6 weeks since the breakup and almost a month of NC, and I'm honestly still having trouble accepting what happened at times. I know I'm probably never really going to get any straight answers, but my mind keeps trying to bring meaning to what happened. What happened to her that made her flake out?

 

I stupidly looked at her Facebook profile. One of her friends posted "it was wonderful seeing you last night... we need to work on what we talked about ;)" Could be something, could be nothing. It was a girl but it makes me wonder what they were talking about. She still has pictures of us up. I miss her. I know everyone will say that I should block her, but unless something truely painful is put up I don't think I will.

 

I signed up to take fencing lessons. It's something I've always wanted to learn. It'll get me out and maybe meet some new people.

Edited October 1, 2010 by Ajax

[Billie The Puppet]

I understand the desire for that, but be careful. If you still have feelings for her it could be like opening Pandora's box.

 

I for one know that unless she wants to get back together, i cannot talk to my ex. Not that I don't care what she's doing or want to hear her voice, I just know that it would still tear me up inside. It's been 6 weeks since the breakup and almost a month of NC, and I'm honestly still having trouble accepting what happened at times. I know I'm probably never really going to get any straight answers, but my mind keeps trying to bring meaning to what happened. What happened to her that made her flake out?

 

I stupidly looked at her Facebook profile. One of her friends posted "it was wonderful seeing you last night... we need to work on what we talked about ;)" Could be something, could be nothing. It was a girl but it makes me wonder what they were talking about. She still has pictures of us up. I miss her. I know everyone will say that I should block her, but unless something truely painful is put up I don't think I will.

 

I signed up to take fencing lessons. It's something I've always wanted to learn. It'll get me out and maybe meet some new people.

 

 

I don't think I could lend her my ear and hear about her day without being in a relationship either. I don't plan on breaking NC neither. I may do so in the distance future by that I mean when I am no longer counting the days of NC as that will be a sign I am over her. However I am at 26 days of NC currently so I am still counting . Also key word is distant future.

 

Yea I have checked FB and MSN too obviously as I had seen that photo my ex still has photos of us in both albums and profile pictures (except current).\

 

I am strong enough not to contact her or over analyze the statuses though. I have learned by acted on them earlier during LC not to. Besides she left me so she has every right to find another as do I. Though getting dates for me is awkward because I am still hung up on my ex. I'm at 2 months since break up and I like you still have my moments. We will get through this. Good to hear about fencing classes, I plan to go do a lot of skiing this winter. Also plan on skydiving in the spring time.

[Ajax]

Well I woke up twice last night after having dreams about the ex. Both were pretty unsettling. I don't remember all of the details about them now, but in one she told me the relationship didn't mean anything to her. In the other I told her that i no longer had any feelings for her, which was a lie even in the dream to get a reaction, but she didn't care.

 

I know they're just dreams and am feeling ok now about them, but when they woke me up I was really disturbed by them.

[benB]

I also woke up from bad dreams about my ex, it is really awful to wake up in the middle of the night because of that. I rarely sleep well anymore. In fact I haven't in months since we broke up. I also still make the mistake of looking at her FB/Twitter and seeing some things I don't want to see but it also helps me dislike her even more. She is really a different girl and I don't want any part of what she has become. Even though it hurts to see how happy she is without me in her life it also helps me sty in NC. I miss her a lot but I know we are done forever.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well my ex put back Loving Life as her MSN status but she always appears offline so I can only check this by going to her MSN profile page because MSN only displays the last online status. The profile still says she is single. As for her Facebook it still has the same mutual friends # so she hasn't removed my extended family and photo count is the same as well so I am still in her photo albums. I did ask of her to remove this stuff the last time we talked and that's when she said she had enough of this ****. I still can not see her wall but I am unsure if she removed it for everyone or just me and mutual friends. She had no wall before, had it up for her bday and now back to no wall. I have been NC for 4 weeks and 5th week starts today. (Well technically checking these social networks is breaking NC)

 

All I can say is at least she is happy.

 

As for dreams, I like them at the moment it my only way of interacting with the ex without actually interacting. Problem is it keeps me tied to the ex and prevents me from moving on. I had a few dreams myself last night. This morning I took a sleeping pill because I didn't feel like being up so I took it and slept in. Really I am all alone on weekends and am bored. I hate the weekends at the moment.

[Ajax]

Well my ex put back Loving Life as her MSN status but she always appears offline so I can only check this by going to her MSN profile page because MSN only displays the last online status. The profile still says she is single. As for her Facebook it still has the same mutual friends # so she hasn't removed my extended family and photo count is the same as well so I am still in her photo albums. I did ask of her to remove this stuff the last time we talked and that's when she said she had enough of this ****. I still can not see her wall but I am unsure if she removed it for everyone or just me and mutual friends. She had no wall before, had it up for her bday and now back to no wall. I have been NC for 4 weeks and 5th week starts today. (Well technically checking these social networks is breaking NC)

 

All I can say is at least she is happy.

 

As for dreams, I like them at the moment it my only way of interacting with the ex without actually interacting. Problem is it keeps me tied to the ex and prevents me from moving on. I had a few dreams myself last night. This morning I took a sleeping pill because I didn't feel like being up so I took it and slept in. Really I am all alone on weekends and am bored. I hate the weekends at the moment.

 

 

Maybe she's happy. I think a lot of times dumpers fake being happy so they're not embarrassed. I feel kind of selfish because though I want to see my ex happy in the long run, I don't want to see her happy with someone else. But I don't think she'd really be any happier with someone else either, but she'd fake it. But the day I find she's with someone else will be a dark day for me indeed.

 

I find my dreams of the ex disturbing now. Not like crazy or sick, just upsetting. They're not good dreams of her.