Still Pining

[Gt.ooh]

Well it's three months to the day since she broke up with me. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago, but in other ways it feels like just yesterday. I can still remember the smallest details. And when I think of my time before, say 4 months ago, this isn't the way I saw my life unfolding.

 

Looking back on the past three months makes me take note of how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. Three months ago I hadn't hit bottom yet. I was still processing everything. I moved back in with my parents for most of that month because I couldn't stand living in the apartment she helped me move into. Two months ago I was a complete mess. A shell of a man. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and grasping at any straw I could find just to lessen the pain. One month ago I was still searching for answers as to what happened and why.

 

Since then I've completely redecorated my apartment. I purged everything that reminded me of her. I worked hard to make it my own. I've started cooking again, something that I also hated doing because it reminded me of her and I hated cooking for one person. I've spent some time with friends. Finished one of my grad classes. I can now sleep through the night and no longer feeli like vomiting when I wake up. I don't cry anymore.

 

But I still have a way to go. My school work is still suffering from lack of motivation. While I see friends from time to time, my social life is generally non-existant. This newly reclaimed apartment is comfortable enough, but it would still be nice to have someone to share it with a few nights a week. And unfortunately I still miss her, if not who she is, at least who I thought she was.

 

So now I want to date. I've never been a casual dater, and approaching girls has never been my strength. So I think this is the next step in my life. I don't want a rebound or to lead someone on. I want to meet girls and get to know them, and if something comes out of it then great. It's true that I don't need to, but I sure do want to.

 

Well Ajax. Cudos man.. I'm so similar. I moved back in with the parents, one month ago I was madly searching for why, and pining away...

 

Today, I've adopted a dog...definitely going to spoil myself with a newer truck...(snows coming). And I too am getting back to dating (never been casual and I'm always shy)...I have a date this weekend...A sushi date..something my ex and I did every Friday... All you can eat sushi. I feel I'm ready to face it head on now. I haven't gone for sushi or even thought about sushi for 3 months. Until now.

 

So I feel really good hearing your progress, keep up the good work. Let the bad moments come still as they need to be felt....and done with.

 

My ex's family still contacts me and gives me support. They see through the crap, and give me backing. It's comforting in it's own way. I no longer email her mom everyday, but once a week, or two weeks I make contact.

 

Be strong my friend. Any moment of weakness, post..by all means PM me if yah want.

Cheers.

[Billie The Puppet]

Hey GT and Ajax, just stepping in as you two are some I have regular conversed with on here. Anyway's updating. I am no longer pining. I have hit what I believe is indifference. I mean typing this I have obviously thought of her but I hardly do nowadays. I am not dating or seeing anyone new but have dropped off of LS for other reasons. I mean I have been keeping myself busy. I have started gutting my basement and am going to install the home theatre I always wanted. I have had a few dates but I am no longer looking for them. It's kind of a quality I have noticed with us dumpees that we seem to be shy and not that casual when it comes to dating. I suppose this is a big reason why we were hung up on our ex's because we were able to "snag" them for a significant amount of time in our lives. Well anyways I have stopped counting the No Contact days for some time now and NC is second nature now. She is removed from everything I have no means of contacting her. I however have just recently received a text from her sister asking how I was and we should hang out some time soon again as we haven't spoken recently well. I have no idea when the text came in because my phone was off for days and it came as soon as I charged and turn it on. I have nothing against my ex's sister and will hang out with her and her fiancée as they have become really good friends of mine. About a month ago I went to a movie with them and then I was still pining but made it through the whole time hanging out with them without bring up the ex once. I'm now what I say content with being alone, a big part of the earlier stage was oh no I am alone, how could she no longer love me etc. Now it's a turn around for me. I did text the sister back stating I am busy for awhile but I will most likely keep in touch.

 

Hang in there guys.

 

and GT careful with replicating dates you would do with your ex, try new things. The ex and I use to do Thai food a lot but truth is she joined me in something I always wanted to try and it seems like she enjoyed it too. Now I am not going to start going out with others and doing the Thai thing unless it comes naturally because if that's the case that comes to me as trying to relive something.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey Billie, well I gotta say I'm not too far behind you, but I am behind... Yea I did mention that's what the ex and I did all the time, but it's something I love..and it might come up a little bit in my mind, but it's a different place and a new place.

 

It's nice to hear from you after a while of not being on here, but that's totally cool. Everyone should take a break from LS.. I too hang with the ex's sister and husband...but I've set a goal that I will not hang out with them until after the new year..

My ex has dinner with them tomorrow night, she's in town...I know thats making it a little tough for me right now. But I have good plans tomorrow night. Going to a NHL hockey game.

 

I no longer ask "why," because I know why now...all my friends told me about her, all my family predicted it, and she does have a bit of history for doing this kind of thing...so the way I see it.... she's young..has a case of GIGS every 1-2 years (she doesn't last any longer)....let it be and time will tell all stories..and we will never figure out what's going on in a young girls' head.

 

Take care man, it's nice for you to update us.

 

I will update how my date went tomorrow. I chatted with this girl for 10 mins yesterday and set it up for tomorrow. She seems quite nice and easy to talk to.

 

Cheers guys.

[Ajax]

.

 

Good to hear from you Billie. Glad to see you're makimg progress.

 

GT.ooh... also good to see you got your dog.

 

So I still haven't heard from the girl I met at school yesterday, but that neither surprises me nor bothers me. It's only been a day, so who knows. I'm just glad I talked to her.

 

But here's the other thing. I joined an intenet dating sight a few weeks ago and have a date Sunday with a girl I've been talking to. Turns out she's getting her Masters at the same college I am and lives about 5 minutes away. We've talked on and off for the past couple weeks and decided to get dinner Sunday. It's hard to guage someone's personality and chemistry just talking online so I'm not going into it with any expectations. Just a good meal and hopefully decent company.

[Ajax]

Tonight was my first date since the breakup, and I think it went as well as can be expected. It was also the first time I've shaved since my ex left, which made me feel kind of strange to be honest.

 

I picked her up at her place, and she looked pretty amazing. We had a nice dinner and then when the restaurant closed we went for a drink at a bar. Dropped her off again and she said she'd like to see me again. We have a tentative date for Tuesday.

[hoping2heal]

Tonight was my first date since the breakup, and I think it went as well as can be expected. It was also the first time I've shaved since my ex left, which made me feel kind of strange to be honest.

 

I picked her up at her place, and she looked pretty amazing. We had a nice dinner and then when the restaurant closed we went for a drink at a bar. Dropped her off again and she said she'd like to see me again. We have a tentative date for Tuesday.

 

Good for you Ajax. I am glad to see you are taking some positive steps towards moving on. Not all relationships can be lasting ones. It takes time, wisdom, and good choices to improve our odds in relationships. Growing up and making decisions about who we will date, open ourselves up to emotionally based on things that will increase our success of building a substantitive relationship and connection.

 

There are primary and secondary priorities we have when we choose our partners and depending on what our idea of those qualities and where those priorities stand we lessen or strengthen our odds at finding a "life match".

 

Broken relationships happen and they hurt, some more than others but we learn, grow and move on. Hopefully becoming more enlightened so we can continue to move forward someone we can settle down with and have a healthy and happy well adjusted union with.

[Gt.ooh]

Tonight was my first date since the breakup, and I think it went as well as can be expected. It was also the first time I've shaved since my ex left, which made me feel kind of strange to be honest.

 

I picked her up at her place, and she looked pretty amazing. We had a nice dinner and then when the restaurant closed we went for a drink at a bar. Dropped her off again and she said she'd like to see me again. We have a tentative date for Tuesday.

 

Excellent Ajax. Keep us all posted on the progress, we're all watching and seeing the progress of others in such similar situations...needless to say it helps us all out.

 

Cheers to us!

[mgene15]

Hey guys I no you 3 have had regular conversation on this thread, I've been reading through ajax and GT's story an Im in the same boat, I'm just a month in NC tho, so I'm a little behind, but ajax story has helped me tremendously, and I'm pining like crazy today, just wanted to let you no that I'm right here with you guys.

[Ajax]

Hey guys I no you 3 have had regular conversation on this thread, I've been reading through ajax and GT's story an Im in the same boat, I'm just a month in NC tho, so I'm a little behind, but ajax story has helped me tremendously, and I'm pining like crazy today, just wanted to let you no that I'm right here with you guys.

 

 

Welcome aboard mgene15. Good job on the NC, that's the first benchmark. Eventually things will get easier.

[bl22]

Hows your situation at the moment Ajax? I think you're about a month or so in front of me for NC

[Ajax]

Hows your situation at the moment Ajax? I think you're about a month or so in front of me for NC

 

I'm almost to 3 months of NC. We went full NC about two weeks after the breakup. I'm doing as well as can be expected I think. I'm still deeling with the fallout of the breakup such as catching up on work that didn't get done when I was depressed over it, but life doesn't looks so bleak these days. As it is, I still wish she hadn't left, but she did and I'm making the best of it. Had my first date since the breakup last night and it went pretty well. We're planning to get together again tomorrow.

[Eternity001]

You guys are tough cookies, I wish I had your strength.

[mgene15]

yea it's rougher then anything i've done. Because I fought so hard at first to try an get her back, but to no avail. eventually i just gave up an realized she didn't wanna be back with me, but that's life.

[Ajax]

yea it's rougher then anything i've done. Because I fought so hard at first to try an get her back, but to no avail. eventually i just gave up an realized she didn't wanna be back with me, but that's life.

 

I think it's safe to say that the two months after my ex left were the worst two months of my life. I was completely miserable and non-functioning. I didn't understand what happened, and I still don't. Eventually it gets to the point where you're tired of being miserable and start picking yourself up. Friends help. Also when you stop talking about your ex helps too. I still talk about her here, not not with friends and family. Hang in there and keep posting.

[Cuchara2]

I think it's safe to say that the two months after my ex left were the worst two months of my life. I was completely miserable and non-functioning. I didn't understand what happened, and I still don't. Eventually it gets to the point where you're tired of being miserable and start picking yourself up. Friends help. Also when you stop talking about your ex helps too. I still talk about her here, not not with friends and family. Hang in there and keep posting.

 

You and I have exactly the same point of view I don't understand why it happened, but can I be bothered to beat myself up over it any more? No. Is she that "ZOMFG!!!"!£!"£! CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HERR!!111111" person any more? No.

 

It feels great, but also to see that she's still frustrated over it, how she she seems to follow ME around now and how she's wondering how I've moved on. It feels so good after such a long time of being hurt by her

 

My only advice? Keep your heads up. Even if you're sad, pretend you're happy. What goes around comes around!

[Ajax]

Alright guys, I've got date number two coming up tonight. We're getting dinner at a Greek resaurant. So I want your guys opinion on whether I should ask her back to my apartment for some tea or coffee afterward. What do you think?

[Gt.ooh]

I'd say yes Ajax. If there's one thing I've learned..."you got to strike while it's hot." so to speak. If you get a good vibe and it feels good, I say no harm done. Let us know how it goes man.

 

I'll just add to the earlier conversation in saying: I agree with Ajax...

 

The first 2 months were hell. Couldn't figure anything out, talked countless times to friends and family, even her parents....But now I still think about her, no where near the extent a month ago...But she doesn't come up in conversations with family or friends hardly at all these days.

 

I too have gone on my first date...it's soo cold here right now the girl got a cold (just my luck) but she looks forward to our next meeting. Can't rush a cold lol..

 

So mgene15, one month is a great foundation.. MAKE sure you stick with it.. message Ajax or myself if you find yourself in a moment of weakness...Both Ajax and I have had our fair share of those moments and they're not very fun.

 

Cheers guys.

 

Sidenote: These days what I find myself missing is the physical relations with the ex...not so much everything we used to do. It's not something u can rush though.. I'm by no means a player where I can just go out and "get some", but I have a feeling once it does happen the ex will be pretty much just a memory.

Edited November 23, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[Ajax]

Well date number two didn't materialize. She said she wasn't feeling well and asked for a raincheck. Such is life. I don't get the feeling that it's a cop out but I'll definately let her ask to reset the date if it's going to happen. i ended up going to see Harry Potter at the IMAX.

[mgene15]

So oddly enough as i was pining today, made a quick trip to wal mart to pick up a car charger for my phone, and this girl and I were looking for the same thing but they had more in the back that the guy had helped us with, and we started talking an in my mind I said screw it, my as well ask for her phone number to see if she wanted to hang out sometime I have nothing else to loose, so we exchanged numbers and she said she like to see me some time if it was okay. I'm not gonna go nuts and get all crazy and get over excited but I feel as if this is a good thing

[Gt.ooh]

So oddly enough as i was pining today, made a quick trip to wal mart to pick up a car charger for my phone, and this girl and I were looking for the same thing but they had more in the back that the guy had helped us with, and we started talking an in my mind I said screw it, my as well ask for her phone number to see if she wanted to hang out sometime I have nothing else to loose, so we exchanged numbers and she said she like to see me some time if it was okay. I'm not gonna go nuts and get all crazy and get over excited but I feel as if this is a good thing

 

Just be careful...It's not a bad thing by any means..kudos. But, your still on unstable ground. Just make sure when u make the call that your ready. Good luck man.

 

Ajax, man..Same thing with me dude. She's feeling sick. Which I can totally see we've broken records for cold this year, and today was one of those days...But I talked to her and she wants to do dinner when she's better..

 

Update for me...found a truck, test drove it, it's the right price right options...so I'm going to my bank tomorrow to see about a loan.

[mgene15]

yes definitely GT, I gotta make sure I'm 100% ready and not just goin off emotions, and that's good to hear about the truck, my car recently died when everything fell out with my ex, it's rough, and yea I can see how your dates (Ajax,GT) were sick because I'm just recovering from a cold myself and it seems everyone that I no right now either has one or has had one within the past few weeks.

[Ajax]

Yesterday I sent the girl I was supposed to go out with Tuesday a "Happy Thanksgiving" text, which turned into us texting on and off throughout the day. It was fun and flirty and I definately started getting that kind of rush you get when someone new is interested in you. We've rescheduled our next date for Sunday night, and she said she's really looking forward to it.

 

I get out of work tonight at 10 and was considering asking her to come over and watch a movie afterward, but we've only been out once and I don't want to push things too fast. We've got plans and I think it will be in my best interest to stick to them.

 

What do you guys think?

[McGrupp]

stick to the plans

 

DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX WHAT YOU HAD WHAT WENT WRONG

 

IF IT COMES UP SAY "YEAH..I GUESS WE JUST FELL OUT OF LOVE > CHANGE SUBJECT"

 

good luck man

[bl22]

Yesterday I sent the girl I was supposed to go out with Tuesday a "Happy Thanksgiving" text, which turned into us texting on and off throughout the day. It was fun and flirty and I definately started getting that kind of rush you get when someone new is interested in you. We've rescheduled our next date for Sunday night, and she said she's really looking forward to it.

 

I get out of work tonight at 10 and was considering asking her to come over and watch a movie afterward, but we've only been out once and I don't want to push things too fast. We've got plans and I think it will be in my best interest to stick to them.

 

What do you guys think?

 

take things slow, no rush!!

 

dont dive in head first, take your time, stick to your original plans.

[mgene15]

Yea whatever you do don't bring up the ex, It will kill your game.