Still Pining

[YSS]

That's what we all want to hear. But unlike you, I'm not sure I'd have been that strong. If my ex came back saying those things I'm pretty sure I;d take her back.

 

Same here. Yesterday was also hard for me. I miss him terribly and thinking of how Xmas was in 2009 and now I am not even a pass away thought. It's tough. Holidays are super hard when you are missing someone.

 

Wishing for mended hearts for us all.

[BlindRage]

so i got some hefty news you guys...last night at about 1:30... I get a call from my ex on a blocked number...she was crying...saying she made a huge mistake..asking me all my facebook statu's and what they meant... telling me that It may not seem like she is miserable but she is and has been for 4 months...she said she stopped by my house about a month ago but I was not home...and that she got my new number from a mutual friend.... She stated that she thinks about me alot even no she's been talking to a new guy for the past 4 months and that It's really tough for her and she's finally realizing her mistake and it's just now hitting home...and that we can never be seperated an all this stuff...I told her "you don't no how long I've been waiting for this conversation and the pain I wen't through...I still love you but I feel like I've matured and thank you for letting me no that you still think about me, It's all I needed.. but I'm talking to someone else now"... and she just started crying...see without the past 3 months bein on loveshack...I would have probably got back with her and woulda been jumpy to the situation..I feel like saying what I said and telling her I'm talking to someone else Is the best thing I've done in quite a while, and I feel like I owe it to LS. man it really feels good... and beleive me guys..they are thinking about you...I heard everything in the book from his girl...from "It's over" "we will never be together again" to "You don't exist to me" ...If this was a video game I completed the last level.. now she's sad and miserable.. I don't wish it on her but it is what it is..

 

Wow you are lucky I wish my ex would tell me that. I doubt it because she is actually happy with the person she's with. I think if she told me that I would tell her she has to prove that she truly wants me only. Well your post is awesome and you have great strength.. and it seems you passed some sort of unmentioned-test "test of character". You have character Happy New Years man and I hope you and the girl you've been talking to hit it off great

[Gt.ooh]

Wow, I missed a lot of events in my time away from LS with my family..

 

Mgene, hmm. OH HELL YA, man. Rise above and beyond my friend. This is great that one of us has a story that we've all heard so much about. And for one of us guys' who's been keeping track of each other it's nice to see it first hand. Congrats my friend, I'm glad you told her what was up. Let a little of what you've been feeling this whole time show.

 

Ajax: I'm not to sure right now how I'd take contact other then the condo right now...I'm slowly, oh so slowly leaning towards move the heck onward. And my mind is telling me it's exactly what needs to happen now. It'll get better, much better .

 

Happy Holidays everyone, stay strong. And start the new year off with the "new" you!

 

Cheers.

 

SO, what did everyone get for Xmas?? My Bday is in four days and I'm more then ready for no txt/email anything.

[mgene15]

thank you guys, it's great to see youv'e got my back, as for what I got on xmas... a couple sweater vests... lol..a pointless costco giftcard which i don't belong to so I can't use it...not to great.. but It was a good christmas none the less.

[Ajax]

I don't even know what to say about today. I'm normaly a very reflective person, as you can tell by my posts, and I havn't had time to process today yet.

 

I spent the day with the new girl I've been seeing and met her family. She'd been trying to get me to for a couple weeks but just didn't feel ready. I still didn't feel ready, but she wanted me to and I figured that getting a feel for her family might help me get a better idea of what I'm getting myself into.

 

They were nice people, but they ended up having a party with friends, and due to the environment and the length of time I spent with them I was completely overwhelmed.

 

And to make matters worse, while I should have been enjoying my time with this girl, I was literally having flashbacks to family gatherings at my exes parents. It was like some sort of post traumatic stress disorder... like you see in movies. Images and sounds, voices and conversations at my exes house came to me as if it was happening then.

 

It wasn't all bad though, but somewhat surreal. I exchanged X-Mas gifts with the new girl. She got me a blanket. It was a nice blanket. It was one I'd been looking at actually and thinking about buying. She hadn't been with me when I looked at it and I hadn't told her about it. I have no idea how this girl picked out something so obscure that I;d been thinking about.

 

A second strange thing was when I went into their house and noticed their kitchen floor. It was the exact same floor pattern that my grandparents had in their house when I was a kid. They passed away a few years ago and we sold the house, but I'll never forget that kitchen floor. I'd never seen it anywhere else.

 

So any thoughts from my LoveShack Pack? Could these be some sort of signs? What about the thoughts I had of the ex? I'd like to not have that happen, but is it even avoidable? I don't know what to make of today.

[Nothingtolose]

Hey guys....I'm a girl and new to this forum, going through a bad break up as well due to cheating on his part...

 

It's awesome to hear stories like this that dumpers do come back and regret what they've done when it's too late!

 

You are very brave but i think you have definitely done the right thing. Most times they can sense when you've moved on and is no longer devastated, it's like they have a radar, then they come back and once they've proven to themselves they've still got a hold on you, they find an excuse to leave again and you go through the heartache all over again which is usually even worse than the first time.

 

Of course each situation is different, but thats the reality in most cases!

 

Proud of you for walking away I hope if this ever happens to me, that I'm strong enough to do the same.

[Gt.ooh]

I don't even know what to say about today. I'm normaly a very reflective person, as you can tell by my posts, and I havn't had time to process today yet.

 

I spent the day with the new girl I've been seeing and met her family. She'd been trying to get me to for a couple weeks but just didn't feel ready. I still didn't feel ready, but she wanted me to and I figured that getting a feel for her family might help me get a better idea of what I'm getting myself into.

 

They were nice people, but they ended up having a party with friends, and due to the environment and the length of time I spent with them I was completely overwhelmed.

 

And to make matters worse, while I should have been enjoying my time with this girl, I was literally having flashbacks to family gatherings at my exes parents. It was like some sort of post traumatic stress disorder... like you see in movies. Images and sounds, voices and conversations at my exes house came to me as if it was happening then.

 

It wasn't all bad though, but somewhat surreal. I exchanged X-Mas gifts with the new girl. She got me a blanket. It was a nice blanket. It was one I'd been looking at actually and thinking about buying. She hadn't been with me when I looked at it and I hadn't told her about it. I have no idea how this girl picked out something so obscure that I;d been thinking about.

 

A second strange thing was when I went into their house and noticed their kitchen floor. It was the exact same floor pattern that my grandparents had in their house when I was a kid. They passed away a few years ago and we sold the house, but I'll never forget that kitchen floor. I'd never seen it anywhere else.

 

So any thoughts from my LoveShack Pack? Could these be some sort of signs? What about the thoughts I had of the ex? I'd like to not have that happen, but is it even avoidable? I don't know what to make of today.

 

Well Ajax. I don't for one second think I'd be much different getting introduced into someones family at this point in time. I wouldn't dig too much into the signs you're seeing. The worst thing you can do to yourself in such a fragile state is overthink things that aren't really relevant at this time... Odd yes; however, same thing happened with my ex for something she bought me. These things do happen, though rare. My opinion is you need to continue the small steps, and focus on the NOW. Can't look into the "signs" too much.

 

Hope you've had a good christmas Ajax. Looking forward to the New Year.

[mgene15]

yea no doubt, small steps.. I'm scared and just not ready to meet the new girls parents as well..I won't let my new girl drag me into it just yet.. odd signs but, just try not to overthink all of it.. just hope your happy,after all that's all that really counts.

[Gt.ooh]

Well it's my birthday tomorrow. I'm more then done with my ex now. I found out from her brother in law that her cousin just passed away. I knew she was sick... SO I sent a msg to the ex saying sorry for the loss, my sympathy to the family. (That's it). I never asked to be told about the death, he just txted me..

 

SO I got back: Who the hell is still talking to you? Leave me and my family alone. Meanwhile her mom sent me Merry Xmas email, and her brother in law msged me too. I know her mom doesn't mind me or her brother in law. She's just a heartless B***tch.

 

END VENT.

 

Wow, sorry for entering your life.. F***ing H**

[Ajax]

Well it's my birthday tomorrow. I'm more then done with my ex now. I found out from her brother in law that her cousin just passed away. I knew she was sick... SO I sent a msg to the ex saying sorry for the loss, my sympathy to the family. (That's it). I never asked to be told about the death, he just txted me..

 

SO I got back: Who the hell is still talking to you? Leave me and my family alone. Meanwhile her mom sent me Merry Xmas email, and her brother in law msged me too. I know her mom doesn't mind me or her brother in law. She's just a heartless B***tch.

 

END VENT.

 

Wow, sorry for entering your life.. F***ing H**

 

Wow Gt.ooh, after all this time of you posting here I didn't realize how terrible a person you are. I mean you must be a real jerk to have gotten that reaction when sending your condolences. And here I was thinking you were a cool guy .

[homebrew]

^^^^^ She sounds like a real gem... ^^^^^^

 

I think you need to date her again... For my sake!

 

I am going to start dating again after the new year and knowing my luck... She will be the first girl I ask out!

[mgene15]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW! GT damn that's rough...just be the bigger person and don't curse her out... that's extremely tempting...man what did u do????? lol jk... just a heartless B! she will regret it someday. I'm sorry to hear that bro.. that's like a kick in the lower region...on new years have a cigar.. and just forget about this past year... that's what i'm doin... i'm thinkin once new year hits, me, you and ajax should look to the sky and just all give eatchother a long distance toast of some sort, and begin the new year off right, throw out all the garbage that was...

[Ajax]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW! GT damn that's rough...just be the bigger person and don't curse her out... that's extremely tempting...man what did u do????? lol jk... just a heartless B! she will regret it someday. I'm sorry to hear that bro.. that's like a kick in the lower region...on new years have a cigar.. and just forget about this past year... that's what i'm doin... i'm thinkin once new year hits, me, you and ajax should look to the sky and just all give eatchother a long distance toast of some sort, and begin the new year off right, throw out all the garbage that was...

 

Count me in!

[Gt.ooh]

I know! I'm such a bad person eh! I didn't do anything, I just wrote back who told me and why (I asked her bro in law if he wanted to watch a hockey game...but its the day of her cousins' service thats how I found out), and that if she can't even accept my sympathy..I'm sorry for entering her life. I've left it now, and honestly it didn't surprise me one bit.

 

Right after I sent that email my buddy is still friends with her on FB and said she posted she's in a relationship, (right after the email I sent..hmmm). SO i know she's trying to get a rise out of me lol. But I don't give a flyin f***.

 

Happy Bday to me! And for new years I agree with mgne. Raise a toast to us all on forgetting about this non-sense. I'm such a better person now because of this, I realize now just what type of person she really is...love the family to death, but apparently in some cases the apple does fall far from the tree:o.

 

Cheers guys' appreciate the support.

 

BTW: It snowed yesterday...first time with 4wd, and boy was it AWESOME! I feel on top of the world driving the new truck.

[Gt.ooh]

^^^^^ She sounds like a real gem... ^^^^^^

 

I think you need to date her again... For my sake!

 

I am going to start dating again after the new year and knowing my luck... She will be the first girl I ask out!

 

HAHA, yea I agree. I would date her again only to throw her out on her a$$.

[mgene15]

yea happy late birthday GT, stay up, and this is actually a perfect time for new years to hit.. because I wanna just be done with this..I still really do miss my ex and wish I could reconcile and no everything would be ok... but It's not fair to this new girl I've been talking to because she really seems to be somethin worth holdin on to until she shows me different. I was pining today..missing my ex alot.. felt like crying.. but then for some reason I felt like the new year will give me a lift. remember 2011 will be the year of redemption, and we'll get "us" back and be ourselves again. remember raise whatever you have to the moon for a long distance toast once the clock strikes. this is gonna be our year. any skeletons you still have from your ex...throw out.. get it all out even the stuff you hide dearly to your heart.. do it for yourself and try not to hold onto any last hope that you still have for your ex... I still have hope for my ex..but It's gotta stop come tomorrow..the reality is I will never stop loving my ex... but it's really time for us to turn the page.

[Ajax]

remember 2011 will be the year of redemption, and we'll get "us" back and be ourselves again. remember raise whatever you have to the moon for a long distance toast once the clock strikes. this is gonna be our year. any skeletons you still have from your ex...throw out.. get it all out even the stuff you hide dearly to your heart.. do it for yourself and try not to hold onto any last hope that you still have for your ex... I still have hope for my ex..but It's gotta stop come tomorrow..the reality is I will never stop loving my ex... but it's really time for us to turn the page.

 

It was early 2010 that I met my ex, and the new year is causing a bit of nostalgia. 5 months ago I never would have expected to be going into 2011 without her, but life has to go on.

[mgene15]

yep..the hardest pill to swallow is that life has to go on... it sucks soo much..

[Gt.ooh]

Well, had a good Bday. A few friends showed up, watched TV and relaxed. My buddies gf is trying to hook me up with one of her cousins..(good looking girl). Going to her house for a partay, should be fun . I like this new sense I have after sending my condolences to the ex and getting it sent back harshly...It was a reality check I very much needed. SO as harsh as it was...it was good. Layed to rest a lot of what I had been feeling.

 

I'm sure we'll all be busy tomorrow and probably won't make it to LS, so Cheers to the new year guys.

[Ajax]

So I drank a toast to you guys. Hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve.

 

Here comes a rant though, and I'm hoping my Shack Pack will bear with me and give me their thoughts...

 

I spent it with my exes cousin and mutual friends. At least they used to be. Her cousin is one of my best friends, and asked me how I was doing in respect to the breakup. I told him that I'm moving on with my life but that I still miss her and wish things had turned out differently. He said that she's essentially cut him off too, as well as the rest of our shared friends. He also had told me a couple months ago that she'd cut off her parents too, and that was still the case as of Christmas. So apparently even though they're family, they're no longer mutual friends... they're just my friends now. I can live with that.

 

Sometimes I wish I could so easily cut people who care about me out of my life. It really seems like the way to go. I mean, then the only person I need to care about would be myself, and I wouldn't have to worry about being heartbroken again... but I digress.

 

I'm starting to see my ex as a truly pitiable person. For a while I felt that she was a force for evil in this world, and that may still be true, but now I really think she's a loser. In college she started out as an engineering student. She didn't like that so she went into psychology. She got her bachelor's in that, but didn't want to do that either, so she went back to school to get her nursing degree. She graduated with that in May and all was hunky dorey. Then after she dumped me out of the blue apparently she decided she doesn't want to be a nurse anymore either... and the last my friends new she was thinking about buying a house 500 miles away in a place where she has no friends, family, or job.

 

How pathetic is this girl? And am I lucky that she left me when she did rather than down the road after I was even more invested in the relationship? And why do I still care?

 

At least it's 2011 now... a year that I can say my ex has not been a part of.

[YSS]

So I drank a toast to you guys. Hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve.

 

Here comes a rant though, and I'm hoping my Shack Pack will bear with me and give me their thoughts...

 

I spent it with my exes cousin and mutual friends. At least they used to be. Her cousin is one of my best friends, and asked me how I was doing in respect to the breakup. I told him that I'm moving on with my life but that I still miss her and wish things had turned out differently. He said that she's essentially cut him off too, as well as the rest of our shared friends. He also had told me a couple months ago that she'd cut off her parents too, and that was still the case as of Christmas. So apparently even though they're family, they're no longer mutual friends... they're just my friends now. I can live with that.

 

Sometimes I wish I could so easily cut people who care about me out of my life. It really seems like the way to go. I mean, then the only person I need to care about would be myself, and I wouldn't have to worry about being heartbroken again... but I digress.

 

I'm starting to see my ex as a truly pitiable person. For a while I felt that she was a force for evil in this world, and that may still be true, but now I really think she's a loser. In college she started out as an engineering student. She didn't like that so she went into psychology. She got her bachelor's in that, but didn't want to do that either, so she went back to school to get her nursing degree. She graduated with that in May and all was hunky dorey. Then after she dumped me out of the blue apparently she decided she doesn't want to be a nurse anymore either... and the last my friends new she was thinking about buying a house 500 miles away in a place where she has no friends, family, or job.

 

How pathetic is this girl? And am I lucky that she left me when she did rather than down the road after I was even more invested in the relationship? And why do I still care?

 

At least it's 2011 now... a year that I can say my ex has not been a part of.

 

Ajax and all - happy new year. Don't know about you guys but I was really happy to throw out the 2010 calendar. Good riddance to a year that was for the most part - awful!!!!

 

Ajax - I will my best to offer a different perspective to your previous post, especially those areas in bold.

 

You do not want to become someone who can cut people and the thing you care about out of your life. That would just leave yourself....what kind of life is that - to have no connection to anything or anyone? Would it protect you from pain or disappointment? -perhaps but it would equally be lonely, unfulfilling and without meaning. Is that truly living? Nah.....its merely existing and a very lonely existing with only glimpses and crumbs of joy, laughter and support as opposed to a full life of it.

 

Are you luck your EX left you....YES. Not what you want to hear, none of us want to hear thing when our hearts are still invested and remember the good about our EXs. however, what I suspect is starting to happen for you is that your heart is catching up with your head and you are beginning to see your EX for who she really is. She is a flightly girl who does not know what she wants for herself both relationshipa nd career wise, she is someone who can cut out the people (family, friends, SO etc) outof her life, she can run hot and cold. Its kind of obvious don't you think....this is someone who RUNS. Cannot deal with what they have done, cannot man-up/woman-up to their decisions and the aftermath of it. Someone that AVOIDS. Not a cool way to live and not good trait to contribute to a success of a relationship. For the most part, she may seem okay, altogether, none of this fades her, can pick up and start a new life with no HISTORY. However, wheverever she goes, there she is. She needs to look herself in the mirror and I doubt she is happy with what she sees. Cause if she was, she would not be cutting people out of her life. Going back to your original point, you do not want to become someone like this. You do not want to look in the mirror and not like what you see. For the most part, from your posts here to date, yo are far too reflective, caring and mature to become someone like this. This is not behaviour you should consider aspiring or modelling.

 

My grandpa gave me some good insight over the holidays, he said, how someone leaves you speaks volume about that person. It truly provides a real glimpse of the "core" of that person. Its never easy to end things with someone even if it is the right thing to do cause the two people should not be together, they are not right for one another. BUT, how someone leaves you, is it with grace, respect, compassion, care, love or is it cowardly, mean spirited, selfish, disrespectful, full of half truths, dishonest etc? The manner, tells you lots. Who knows, perhaps one day the dumper looks at what they did and how they did it and will ultimately have to live with it. Some may be reflective, some may not. Ultimately, we all know when we have felt and knew the best thing has enterd our lives and if that person did not nothing to make us think differently, they will need to live with the regret and reality of what they lost.

 

You are beginning to see your EX for who she really is. Not to say she does not have good traits. Afterall no one person out there is perfect, we all have strengths and flaws. however, her flaws dominated in teh end and you need to see when these flaws pop up in a new person and to what extent they dominate her personality. Cause that is growing from your past, not to have repeat episodes of the same heartache. That is learning and growing. I know you know this already. Don't mean to be condescending, truly do not.

 

Good luck to you ajax. Wishing you love and happy new memories for 2011.

[Gt.ooh]

Happy New Year. I too am glad to start the new year off with knowing exactly what my ex is about. That relationship she posted is real, pretty sure with the ex that she had a restraining order against. LOL! Well in about 6-9 months time let me know how that works out for you B***h. Ahh that felt good.

 

The party was fun, but kind of a bust for single women. Oh well, there's sometimes when it bugs me that there isn't someone right now...but the new truck and dog is plugging me along. I've been busy making the truck the way I want it (very mechanically inclined). The weather has been quite lovely actually. Cold in the mornings then the sun's out the rest of the day.

 

As far as your earlier post Ajax, just like me your beginning to see the EX for their true colors. I'm kinda laughing now actually, that she moved away from this guy in the first place...now is back with him after she "hated" him so much LMAO. Totally her loss, all I can say right now Ajax is be ready in about 6months to a year to get a reach out. I'm believing in Karma now. Something will happen for me, and that's the thinking I'm going into the New year with. And in the end we will come out on top. I truly believe it now.

 

SO Cheers to us Ajax on coming to realization about this whole ordeal.

[mannpho]

I havent posted in a while I was hospitalized for a major surgery, I wont get in to details. It's been over 6 months now since my breakup with her. If you check my other posts you'll see what a mess I was in. I tried killing myself but my son a cop came home earlier and found me and called the paramedics. I was then put in a mental hospital. I had an MS attack which also landed me in the hospital twice all from the stress and depression.

 

Throughout the time I would text, email call. She would say she would call and meet and never follow up or take my calls. She was no good for me. She treated me basically like crap. All the posts have the history of the relationship.

 

While I was in the ER waiting for a bed for the surgery I text her. She responded very cold like you have to do to it so you will feel better. I never heard from her such as how are feeling, are you alive? Simply what a human being would do. That flipped a switch in my brain. She's a piece of ****, doest even show a bit of compassion.

 

Its now 5 weeks since my hospital text episode and I do think of her but the sting isnt as bad. I met 2 gals that are great and they treat me like a human being, they both make me feel special. I now have to decide which one, but it's still to early.

 

My point is when we use our rational part of our brain it will give us the answer, we have to listen to it that's the hard part. I still think of her but now I feel special, cared, and see what a bitch she is.

 

After all the self destruction I did to myself, suicide, drinking, fighting, mental hospital didn't bring her back all it did was put my sons and other family members through hell.

 

She probably loved the fact I was pining for her and she could screw with my head.

[LifeIsGreat]

mannpho...

 

I read your initial thread and want to make sure I have this right. You guys broke up in July? You just recently had surgery? You just recently were texting her?

 

If your text to her was recent, I have to ask-- what the hell are you thinking? Just want to make sure I have this right.

[mannpho]

I had been Texting her and calling from July. I was in bad shape and wanted her back regardless how she treated me. I would go NC for a few weeks then started again. I had the surgery in the start of December . I sent her a text hoping she might come and visit or see me afterwards. She never called or anything. I've been NC now for 4 weeks. It doesn't sting as much and I'm moving on. It's just she sneaks in my thoughts sometimes. I'm doing much better.