Still Pining

[mgene15]

nice, postive things is all we need right now.

[mgene15]

So to keep you guys up to date the girl I have been dating finally got back from texas and we had a movie night tonight, extremely satisfying and she even bought me a xmas gift! not too bad. and GT good luck with this girl your going to meet up with in the upcoming week/weeks. Hope things go well, anything at this point is a positive for us.

[Ajax]

So to keep you guys up to date the girl I have been dating finally got back from texas and we had a movie night tonight, extremely satisfying and she even bought me a xmas gift! not too bad. and GT good luck with this girl your going to meet up with in the upcoming week/weeks. Hope things go well, anything at this point is a positive for us.

 

Good for both of you! What did she get you mgene?

 

So overall I've been doing really well not thinking about the ex. Yesterday I was completely depressed, and was thinking about her, but that's been the exception since I had my "purging day" last week.

 

The thing is though that while I'm not conciously thinking about her as much, I'm dreaming about her more! It's driving me nuts. I've had dreams about her since the breakup. But since I purged all the stuff I had that reminded me of her and think of her less, I've had dreams about her every night. Any suggestions?

[KYoung2200]

There's almost nothing you can do to control your dreams. You could try to practice lucid dreaming, but that's ... pretty involved. Think of it as a test. You've passed many tests thus far. You're thinking of her much less. Now, you have to get by dreaming of her.

[Billie The Puppet]

Hey guys just checking in again to reading all of the progress I have to back track seeing as I don't visit as often anymore. I'm doing good and I'm quite surprised to see AJAX at the point where he purged the mementos of the past relationship. I still have things so in away he surpassed myself. Like GT. ooh I still have the promise ring as I was smart enough to grab that back and it wasn't to be mean or anything but I don't feel as if she should hold onto something that she couldn't hold her end of the bargain up to I didn't take back any other gifts. The rest of the gifts she gave me that were not generic like movies, clothes etc I threw into a box or drawer and don't look at them.

 

I had an amazing holiday despite being single for the first time in a long time so much so I didn't even come here to be with others who I thought would be in the same situation I just guess because Holiday season was something I always enjoyed to begin with and spent with my family first then the ex's second it didn't make any of a difference to me all that much except I wasn't seeing the ex and her family this year.

 

NC has been easy second nature yet I am still somewhat involved with her family, rather her sister because she is engaged to one of my best friends. In fact he used me to get his fiancée a gift for xmas on ebay as I have a paypal and an ebay account etc. I'll be meeting up with him sometime soon too.

[Ajax]

Hey guys just checking in again to reading all of the progress I have to back track seeing as I don't visit as often anymore. I'm doing good and I'm quite surprised to see AJAX at the point where he purged the mementos of the past relationship. I still have things so in away he surpassed myself. Like GT. ooh I still have the promise ring as I was smart enough to grab that back and it wasn't to be mean or anything but I don't feel as if she should hold onto something that she couldn't hold her end of the bargain up to I didn't take back any other gifts. The rest of the gifts she gave me that were not generic like movies, clothes etc I threw into a box or drawer and don't look at them.

 

I had an amazing holiday despite being single for the first time in a long time so much so I didn't even come here to be with others who I thought would be in the same situation I just guess because Holiday season was something I always enjoyed to begin with and spent with my family first then the ex's second it didn't make any of a difference to me all that much except I wasn't seeing the ex and her family this year.

 

NC has been easy second nature yet I am still somewhat involved with her family, rather her sister because she is engaged to one of my best friends. In fact he used me to get his fiancée a gift for xmas on ebay as I have a paypal and an ebay account etc. I'll be meeting up with him sometime soon too.

 

Good to hear from you again Billie. I think that you're the one that surpassed us though. You're out there now, and you've been able to break away from LS. I'm glad things are looking up!

[mgene15]

I got some cologne and a couple ralph lauren sweaters!... That's interesting.. I feel like I still need loveshack at times, it's helpmed me alot. When do you think it is right to step away from LS? I'm am not 100% healed as of now, so I'm not going anywhere

[suddendumpee]

There's almost nothing you can do to control your dreams. You could try to practice lucid dreaming, but that's ... pretty involved. Think of it as a test. You've passed many tests thus far. You're thinking of her much less. Now, you have to get by dreaming of her.

 

I had an ex that I would occasionally dream about for literally 5 years! after we broke up. Every time it happened, I would feel distanced from my current. I think it really prevented me from moving forward in the current relationship, because the feelings in the dreams made me realize how much I missed that intensity, and how it just wasn't there in the current relationship.

 

I'm sure it had to do with the WAY that relationship ended (no closure, and an immediate moving on to the man she ended up marrying), which is why I'm concerned. My last breakup feels VERY similar. My clock is ticking and I just want to settle down and be DONE with this sh**.

[Billie The Puppet]

Just a little bit about when to step away from LS.

 

Stepping away from LS comes as second nature too, it just happens, mind you coming back often happens on trigger moments. For instance last night I had a rather awkward dream where I was visiting my ex and sleeping over at her house. I went to my dresser to open it and find the new guys clothes where mine use to lay. I then proceed downstairs where my ex is on the couch all pissed off I am there and then her new BF shows up. Meanwhile the whole reason I am at her place is not to be with her but rather waiting for her sister and my best friend as we are to be hanging out.

 

So yes even later on dreams and triggers still happen, and there is still apart of me which I believe to be human nature that feels like I lost a competition cause she left me for another etc. I do not wish her anything but to be happy yet at the same time I don't want to hear anything about her anymore and thats for my own health. I don't want her back like I did months ago but I can't be friends either without getting to detailed I just don't think it would work even though I don't want her back its just I have a I don't want anything to do with her emotion now. Even with that I still have moments where I find myself missing her but I know it will never be what it was and there is no point in trying at all.

[Gt.ooh]

Wow, crazy how we're talking about this now. I've been having dreams lately as well. I think the best way to look at it is that we're obviously not alone in this. So the best thing to do is keep your best foot forward.

 

Great to see Billie on here. I think I'm slowly breaking away from LS, but I don't know I'll ever "leave"..

 

 

Cheers.

[Ajax]

I start student teaching tomorrow, and I'm feeling some anxiety. I've been working on my MS in education for the past year and a half and graduate in May, but I really don't know what I'm doing.

 

As for coping, most days are better, but I'm starting to think I might suffer from seasonal affective disorder (winter depression.) I think I've experienced it all my life, but it's worse this year because I went into it already depressed over the recent breakup. Everything I have to do just seems so overwhelming and it shouldn't.

 

Facebook is terrible, even after I blocked the ex. I was on a mutual friends page and thought I saw her picture there with some new guy. Of course having blocked her I should have realized that it wasn't her... but I was panicking. Turns out it wasn't even her, just a girl who really looks like her. The resemblence is actually quite uncanny. If that guy in the picture's not her boyfriend maybe I'll try to get to know her . Not really... that would be weird and probably counterproductive. It's just funny how I can get freaked out looking at a picture that isn't even her.

 

I'm thinking I might commit myself to not dating for the rest of the year. Take the year to get over her, get my house in order, and do things that people in reationships can't do. I think I really need to focus my energies into doing things that I want to do and nurture the relationships I already have rather than worry about healing old wounds and forming new relationships.

[YSS]

Ajax

Sorry to hear your are struggling. Healing is never a straight line, rather it takes us all over the place sometimes. I too am having a hard time these days and what I find really challenging is that I am trying my hardest to do the things and activitied I truly like but it makes me sad doing them cause it was those same things I had in common with my EX and would do with him. Some days it feels like i will never stop missing him. I swear its easier to be lonely than to be missing someone. My head tells me this pinning needs to stop but try telling it to my heart. Maybe I need a heart transplant.

 

I think taking a time out from dating and not putting yourself in situations where you are trying to heal and offer yourself emotionally to another is a wise move. I once made a list of things I wanted to do, similar to a single's bucket list and just started to knock them off one by one.

Try some Vitamin D supplements for the seasonal mood. They say it helps.

 

Cyber hug, you are not alone on this journey. Good luck to you.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys! Had a good weekend with that girl. Didn't get physical, just didn't feel right at this time...but all in all had a good time. She wants to move out here in a few months so maybe then I'll get together with her again, but until then I would like to persue the girl that bought my truck off of me

 

Take care guys!

[mgene15]

yea ajax im right there with you... it's real tough, I don't feel i can date right now, i just need time for myself and heal. It was awesome and exciting when I was seeing this new girl at the beginning but then as weeks went by I noticed I need time alone to heal so i can be in a relationship and not have the occasional "i miss her" moment.. that might not be for a year..but it's fine.. an GT good stuff bro, just make sure you had enough time alone to really heal before you get hot and heavy with anyone.

[Ajax]

Hey guys! Had a good weekend with that girl. Didn't get physical, just didn't feel right at this time...but all in all had a good time. She wants to move out here in a few months so maybe then I'll get together with her again, but until then I would like to persue the girl that bought my truck off of me

 

Take care guys!

 

Good to hear you had a fun trip, and I hope it works out for you and the new girl. Is the truck she bought the new one you got? What happened?

 

Ajax

Sorry to hear your are struggling. Healing is never a straight line, rather it takes us all over the place sometimes. I too am having a hard time these days and what I find really challenging is that I am trying my hardest to do the things and activitied I truly like but it makes me sad doing them cause it was those same things I had in common with my EX and would do with him. Some days it feels like i will never stop missing him. I swear its easier to be lonely than to be missing someone. My head tells me this pinning needs to stop but try telling it to my heart. Maybe I need a heart transplant.

 

I think taking a time out from dating and not putting yourself in situations where you are trying to heal and offer yourself emotionally to another is a wise move. I once made a list of things I wanted to do, similar to a single's bucket list and just started to knock them off one by one.

Try some Vitamin D supplements for the seasonal mood. They say it helps.

 

Cyber hug, you are not alone on this journey. Good luck to you.

 

Thanks YSS, always good to hear from you and your posts are insightful. It seems like the cold weather and dark days just suck so much energy out of me. While I openly admit I'm still healing from when my ex left, I think I'd be doing a lot better now if i could just go outside for a walk and not have to worry about freezing to death.

 

I know what you mean by saying that it's easier to be lonely than to miss someone. Sometimes I still catch myelf wondering how things could have ended up this way. Then I come on here and see just how common it is for things to go soo bad so quickly. The positive side is that if things can go so bad so quickly, they can also turn around just as fast.

 

In addition to my self imposed dating exile, I'm thinking of getting wii Fit. I want to excercise again but HATE going out into this snow any more than I have to. I figure I can get that and spend a half hour before I go in to school to wake me up and charge my batteries.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys. Yea I don't miss her anymore....very very breif moments where I miss physical. This truck is an older truck I had it was the second truck I owned and doesn't have any relation to the new truck.

 

I'm just soo ready for the next step...

[Ajax]

Hey guys. Yea I don't miss her anymore....very very breif moments where I miss physical. This truck is an older truck I had it was the second truck I owned and doesn't have any relation to the new truck.

 

I'm just soo ready for the next step...

 

Good to hear GT! You've come a long way and you deserve to enjoy exploring the possibilities. I hope you'll stick around though to offer advice to those still working on moving on.

[mgene15]

LOL, it's almost to the point where I forget what her voice sounds like...honestly...I haven't seen her in half a year...so...I still think about her maybe once a week, which is awesome..I have moved on an enjoying my job and the single life right now. thinking about moving to new york in a few months. even no this girl I've been talking to for a few months is getting quickly attached I have to do what's best for me. I really think my ex breaking up with me and being so heartless was a blessing in disquise because I let my ex walk all over me and probably in this situation stayed in california for some girl I was just "dating".. but now I have learned and feel I have strength to do what I want to do.

[YSS]

 

Thanks YSS, always good to hear from you and your posts are insightful. It seems like the cold weather and dark days just suck so much energy out of me. While I openly admit I'm still healing from when my ex left, I think I'd be doing a lot better now if i could just go outside for a walk and not have to worry about freezing to death.

 

I know what you mean by saying that it's easier to be lonely than to miss someone. Sometimes I still catch myelf wondering how things could have ended up this way. Then I come on here and see just how common it is for things to go soo bad so quickly. The positive side is that if things can go so bad so quickly, they can also turn around just as fast.

 

In addition to my self imposed dating exile, I'm thinking of getting wii Fit. I want to excercise again but HATE going out into this snow any more than I have to. I figure I can get that and spend a half hour before I go in to school to wake me up and charge my batteries.

 

Hi Ajax

Wanted to drop you a note and share with you a movie rental that I found really insightful. The Peaceful Warrior with Nick Nolte. It came out in 2007 and is available in rental. Had heard about it and I found it really had parts of hitting home for me, especially when it comes to dealing with life and its blows. Not a tear jerker in anyway, rather more inspirational. Something to consider to help beat those winter blahs. Besides being in education field, you must find it useful as you progress in this area of dealing with students who questions themselves and their abiltiies. Also, came acorss the book "reinventing your life" by jeffrey young. Did not find his remedies to be all that deep but I did find it useful in identifying which common life traps we fall into and what pitfalls in terms of mate personalities to avoid. I must say that helped me crystalize certain things about myself.

 

BTW, found out my EX is on an online dating site...how did I find out, my neighbour was matched up with him. She was all excitetd about this great guy (new neighbour who moved into my building, knows nothing about our history). Imagine my face when she shows me this "Great gut" and its him. Sigh....I really thought when he "got it together" since his reason for leaving was that he needed to get himself sorted through, deal with his baggage and while I was the best thing that ever happened to him (his words not mine), he needed to get his crap and head together. Frig, why start from ground zero to go through the maze of online dating when he could of just returned. Showed how he got it together, validate his reasons for leaving were really those and that what we had was truly good. Threw me for a loop, coming up soon to a year that he has been gone and evidently he is ready to move on. I don't think I am ever going to get over this guy.

[Ajax]

BTW, found out my EX is on an online dating site...how did I find out, my neighbour was matched up with him. She was all excitetd about this great guy (new neighbour who moved into my building, knows nothing about our history). Imagine my face when she shows me this "Great gut" and its him. Sigh....I really thought when he "got it together" since his reason for leaving was that he needed to get himself sorted through, deal with his baggage and while I was the best thing that ever happened to him (his words not mine), he needed to get his crap and head together. Frig, why start from ground zero to go through the maze of online dating when he could of just returned. Showed how he got it together, validate his reasons for leaving were really those and that what we had was truly good. Threw me for a loop, coming up soon to a year that he has been gone and evidently he is ready to move on. I don't think I am ever going to get over this guy.

 

 

Yikes! Sorry YSS. That would seriously upset me. I've actually considered the possibility of discovering my ex on a dating site, so while it would hurt, I wouldn't be surprised. To put a positive spin on it though, hopefully it will help you see him for who he is and help you move forward. I'll be pulling for you. And I'll also check out that movie recomendation.

 

On another note... I bought the wii. I shouldn't have spend the money on it but I have no regrets and think it will lift my spirits. I got wii Fit with it and plan on getting up early mornings before school to do some excerciseing.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys. I'll still stick around, I won't probably give advice to people on the forum right now just because I need space completely away from anything in relation to the situation I've been in..

 

I'm just trucking along, seeing what life brings. I'm telling myself every day to not "worry" about finding someone else..It's going to happen, and when it does it's going to be great and liberating. Keep your head up guys'.

 

Mgne: WOW, bold bold move...BUT sounds very promising and like it would change your life forever..for the better. Keep us posted.

 

Cheers.

[mgene15]

yea extremely bold, but i feel it is right. same with me GT, I just keep telling myself something will give eventually. And I when I go on loveshack (which isn't as often as it use to be), I only find myself posting on this thread, occasionally some others but mostly on this one. yea it's going to happen, we're still very young. good for you ajax, fitness is very key! gets your mind off of nonsense things, our ex's are our past, and i feel that's the way it should remain

[Ajax]

Hi Ajax

Wanted to drop you a note and share with you a movie rental that I found really insightful. The Peaceful Warrior with Nick Nolte. It came out in 2007 and is available in rental. Had heard about it and I found it really had parts of hitting home for me, especially when it comes to dealing with life and its blows. Not a tear jerker in anyway, rather more inspirational. Something to consider to help beat those winter blahs. Besides being in education field, you must find it useful as you progress in this area of dealing with students who questions themselves and their abiltiies. Also, came acorss the book "reinventing your life" by jeffrey young. Did not find his remedies to be all that deep but I did find it useful in identifying which common life traps we fall into and what pitfalls in terms of mate personalities to avoid. I must say that helped me crystalize certain things about myself.

 

 

So I checked out the movie you suggested and really liked it. I also recomend it.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys. How is your lady situation going Ajax??

 

I've been msging girls left right an center on a dating site. I went on one Friday...I didn't get a good vibe off of her from my end, but I could tell she was really into me. So I said I'd give her another shot this week....go for a walk and a coffee instead of drinks.

 

In the meantime chat up as many women as possible.

[Ajax]

How is your lady situation going Ajax??

 

 

It's not. She said she felt we were moving too fast, which was weird because I was deliberately trying to go slow. She might have picked up on some vibes that I wasn't completely on board though anyway. regardless, worse things have happened.

 

I'm still thinking I'm going to make 2011 a dating free year for me.

 

So what ever happened with the girl who bought your truck?