Still Pining

[mgene15]

I'm sorry to hear about your second date with that girl. Hope things get better. I also had a lame weekend these past few days. but life is such.

[Gt.ooh]

Well Ajax, I feel for yah man. BUT... the way I see it. We waited for a long time and along came the ex's.. They were good for a long period of time, though our heartbreak doesn't seem worth it. All I'm saying is our patience will pay off, most of us are not doing so great in the dating business.

 

In Business you have to spend money to make money, with that said we have to "spend our money"...time and effort in finding that next person. I've been in limbo so to speak. I've neither tried or failed past week or two. Just keeping myself busy, and getting my job back on track (haven't been working much), and msging girls on the internet while chatting with a couple whom I have their numbers.. and maybe something will come of all the txting.

 

Keep your head up guys, we still have each other here on LS.

[Ajax]

This is going to come off as selfish and insensitive, but so be it. I'm aware of that and nevertheless, it's what I'm thinking.

 

Colleen's cousin, the one who introduced us, called me last night and said that their great aunt died. Neither of them were especially close to her, but Colleen will be at the funeral which is tomorrow. That means that she'll be going back to the same church that we went to for her uncle's wedding last summer. There's no way that she won't be remembering that.

 

That means that tomorrow, at least for a moment, I'll cross her mind. No doubt about it.

 

And I'm going snowshoeing with my sister and cousin.

[YSS]

This is going to come off as selfish and insensitive, but so be it. I'm aware of that and nevertheless, it's what I'm thinking.

 

Colleen's cousin, the one who introduced us, called me last night and said that their great aunt died. Neither of them were especially close to her, but Colleen will be at the funeral which is tomorrow. That means that she'll be going back to the same church that we went to for her uncle's wedding last summer. There's no way that she won't be remembering that.

 

That means that tomorrow, at least for a moment, I'll cross her mind. No doubt about it.

 

And I'm going snowshoeing with my sister and cousin.

 

Ajax - its not selfish nor insensitive. You miss her, you are still hurting, trying to get past it, make sense of it all and so on.

 

I may be going out on a limb here and by no means intend to make assumptions, but it could be that you want some validation that at some point, something, anything, will trigger you in her mind. Perhaps you want to belive that she thinks of you from time to time and more than that, does she sometime think what she did was a mistake. I get it, i completely get that need for validation that you were/are important to her cause she is not only still in your heart but also your mind.

 

Letting go is probably the hardest thing any of us have to do and the greatest thing we can ever hope to master. Letting go never happens overnight nor does it get perfected with "an" experience. Rather, life has both joy and sorrow. For many of us in this section, we are in the sorrow side of this coin. We all need to firmly believe, not hope, but believe, that joy will return. Who knows "when, what and how" joy will look but joy will return. It HAS TO!!!!!!

 

Until then, we put one snowshoe in front of the other, take in the scenary, breathe the great winter fresh air and keep believing.

 

Hang in there ajax...I do understand what you are feeling. YSS

 

PS: I will share with you this analogy of letting go......

 

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

Everyone has their “shore.” The stories we relive in our head for understanding and closure. When we hold onto that shore, we can never grow or become better. Once we find the strength and courage to accept our past, we will then find new lands and new oceans. I found it a lot easier to stay open to those new oceans after I realized: the human heart becomes a lot stronger after it breaks.

[YSS]

You can vent here any time YSS. Maybe that cnnection your ex has with the new girl isn't all that and a bag of chips either. It's hard finding someone who you can connect with on a deeper level. It's rare that you find someone with whom you can blend your lives together seemlessly. That's how I felt with Colleen and I'm sure that's how you felt with your ex. With Colleen I just want her to think back on what we had and realize that it was special, even if it doesn't motivate her to come back.

 

 

Thanks Ajax. Definately the "new" woman is FAR, FAR more complicated than I am. Perhaps not by personality per se, cause I do not know her, but her circumstances, obligations, responsibilities are far more complicated and accounted for than mine. I know my EX well enough to know that he is not the "part time" boyfriend kind. Again, its not my problem nor issue. He has to live his journey and story. I need to stop looking at this ocean shore and let it go.

 

Many days, I remind myself what you wrote to me to offer inspiration and that was I "planted seends of love and compassion towards my EX, I have to reap it one day". I thank you dearly for that sentiment and perspective.

[Ajax]

I may be going out on a limb here and by no means intend to make assumptions, but it could be that you want some validation that at some point, something, anything, will trigger you in her mind. Perhaps you want to belive that she thinks of you from time to time and more than that, does she sometime think what she did was a mistake..

 

This is exactly right. In fact it's the conclusion I came to while driving to the park today.

 

Last summer we went to that church together for her uncle's wedding. It was a great time, and I can't imagine that she's forgotten about it. Then I remembered that on the day she broke up with me she'd helped her mom move this aunt to a nursing home.

 

It's inconcievable to me that she wouldn't think of me today. At some point I know that I crossed her mind. Maybe it was a bittersweet memory of the good times. Or maybe she regretted ever meeting me. Regardless, for a moment today she had to confront the ghost of my memory, something I've constantly been doing for six months.

 

I know at the end of the day it doesn't really change anything. But even that brief thought is validating.

 

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide..

 

This I will also keep in my mind

[Gt.ooh]

Well I've seen pictures off my Ex, with her Ex on FB recently...I actually laughed.. By no means does she even deserve me on her mind. That ship has sailed around the world now. I never want to hear her name again or relate anything to her. Ajax for you sounds like a different story which is totally understandable... If circumstances were different, I'm sure I'd want some of her thought process.

[mgene15]

I'm going out to the bar tonight..not really my thing but it is what it is..not expecting much..Just wanna have a good time with some friends. I received this text a couple nights ago from my ex... at 1 in the morning none the less....."although u hate me deep down i know you love me.I still think about u and still love u forever no matter wat. Good night Jess"

[Ajax]

I received this text a couple nights ago from my ex... at 1 in the morning none the less....."although u hate me deep down i know you love me.I still think about u and still love u forever no matter wat. Good night Jess"

 

She's yapping. She also wants validation, but she hurt you. Let her pound salt and you have fun at the bar with your friends.

[Ajax]

I tried talking up a girl at B&N today but crashed and burned. I mean I was really striking out, even by my standards. But it was still kind of funny. I'm thinking I should try doing that more though. If nothing else, I'll become more comfortable talking to people.

[Gt.ooh]

She's yapping. She also wants validation, but she hurt you. Let her pound salt and you have fun at the bar with your friends.

LOL! Well said Ajax. And as far as crashing and burning...It's not. Obviously whoever the girl was wasn't up your alley. I strongly suggest you continue that, it made me feel really good talking to that girl at the dog park couple weeks back. I'm picking a girl up today and we're going to the carshow that my car is in.. see how it goes maybe go for dinner or rent a movie later. We shall see.

 

Take care guys.

[mgene15]

hope all goes well for you GT, me on the other hand... i'm sorta depressed the past few days..just really miss my ex still...even no she has been hittin me up an texting on occasion..I no that It wont be the same because of what she did...i miss the old days...real depressed and in a funk... been hanging with friends and things of that nature.. last night i cleaned out my cabinet and found fonfetti cake mix... which is what she wanted me to buy last year to make her birthday cake with...little things..still hit home...o well... :/ just in a rut.

[Gt.ooh]

Well my get-together went very well, first time I've connected with a girl in quite some time. Had a lot in common and just had nice conversation. She's quite busy during the week. I've been in touch, and I hope to do dinner this weekend . Hope things turn around for you mgne, I know how it hits yah just when you think you're on top of things.

 

Take it easy.

[Gt.ooh]

Well...real shocker here.

 

So I hadn't heard from this latest girl all week, finally heard on Friday. She had been working doubles aparently. Anyways, today she sends me a txt saying she's sorry but she doesn't feel a connection with me. Meanwhile I thought our meeting went well and she even said it did...then week later not??

 

Seriously I'm done with this online dating thing. Every date I've been on has been not very good, or they don't look like their pictures. or they simply don't reply. I had enough. I deleted it tonight, and I'm not looking now. I've been to frustrated, and I'm tired of being Mr.Niceguy. I just want to throw my computer right now, but obviously I won't. I'm just sooo looking forward to nice weather to actually meet someone..

[Ajax]

Sorry to hear that GT. Sometimes we think there's a connection but it turns out to be one sided.I think we've all experienced it. I think that even bad dates can help us though. Even if one of you ends up uninterested, you still get to practice your dating abilities. It's kind of like interviewing for a job you don't want anyway. Kind of.

 

I've been spending some time on the internet dating site myself, and have one set up for tomorrow. Her picture are gorgeous but I'm not getting a good feel for her personality through the messages. But I figure a first date is just a first date.

 

The one I'm most interested in lives an hour and a half away. We haven't met, but her pictures aren't too shabby either and it seems like we have a lot in common. She said she'd like to meet up too, but since she's a little further away it's going to be harder to set things up. She actually lives in a small town where my dad has some family, so that might be kind of interesting.

 

I'm almost done with my first student teaching placement and don't know where my second will be yet. I'm taking it easy this weekend as last week I was teaching/planning for 11 hours a day.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well!

[mgene15]

I'm sorry to hear that GT.. I agree.. it really does seem like something is in the water on these dating sites..the women either don't look as good as they do in the pics, or just flaky...it's almost like they don't no what they want..so they get on there..create an account..an pick n choose people...an when they choose you it's a toss up how far a conversation will go..so this past weekend i met up with a girl from an online dating site...wow...just wow...didn't even come close to looking like her pics..i didn't wanna be an a-hole so i went on with the coffee date as scheduled...she ended up talking about shes very submissive...an want's to have a kid as soon as possible...an how she gets drunk almost nightly....if she even came close to her pics i might have been able to bare with the date better...god awful......lol....

[Gt.ooh]

Thanks Ajax. You're definitely right, but with the lack of luck and the amount of disappointment I'm taking a break..

 

Mgne, yea LOL. I had a couple like that. It just makes it very awkward and none of the conversation even matters once you've siked yourself up to the pictures and how you "expect" them to look...then you meet and oh boy you can't wait for it to be over. I had one like that couple weeks back, met up and she was just weird..liked to drink...no job, AND didn't look like her pics.

 

I've been finding that you can have some good convos, but most of those you never meet up with, and that it seems they're on there for a reason. You're right when you say they don't know what they want, or they're just plain odd.

 

Once the nice weather rolls in, I'm going lots of places with Jules to meet a girl half decent and face to face. In the meantime taking a step back, working, save some money, and when you least expect it someone will come along.

[Ajax]

Sorry about that one too mgene. I don't think finding someone's supposed to be easy. Makes you appreciate the good ones.

 

My date tonight went as well as any first date can go, though I take that with a grain of salt. I said that I didn't get a good feel for her personality through her messages, which was true, but I'm glad I gave her a chance. And fortunately she looked like her picture, and she's pretty... well... she's pretty.

 

Not saying there's a future there, but I'm not saying there isn't. Would still like to get to know the other girl too. Still not 100% over the ex either, but tonight went pretty well.

[Ajax]

I just watched a movie called, "My Last Five Girlfriends," about a guy and his romantic misfortunes. I enjoyed it and reccomend it to anyone following this thread.

[Gt.ooh]

Cool Ajax, do you think I might be able to find it on netflix?

[BlindRage]

Cool Ajax, do you think I might be able to find it on netflix?

 

 

Hey,

 

If they don't have it on Netflix go here http://www.letmewatchthis.ch/watch-758663-My-Last-Five-Girlfriends Use the "putlocker.com" version

[Ajax]

Cool Ajax, do you think I might be able to find it on netflix?

 

That's how I watched it.

[Ajax]

I think it's interesting to read posts on other threads about how people are "four days of NC but finally broke it!"

 

Heck (yes I said heck. I gave up swearing for Lent) It's been over six months for me. I think most of us on this thread are at least at four months. Not to minimize the pain for those only a few days in, we all know that those are the hardest. But life really does go on. We may not enjoy that life as much, but it goes on.

 

This weekend I'm getting together with the friend who introduced me to the ol' former flame. He's in town and wants some friends to get together at his parents house. My additude towards this situation hasn't changed much in the past four months, so if it comes up I'll just tell them that my feelings haven't changed. Clearly I'm doing better than I had been, but if she came back asking for a second chance I'm fairly sure I'd give it to her.

 

That being said, I won't bring it up. I might even tell them I've gone out on some dates. As for the last date, I said it went well and it did, but she's also not what I'm looking for. She's a college dropout with no real goals and not a lot going on for her. I know I shouldn't judge... but it's not what I'm looking for. Unfortunately I think she wants another date, since she keeps texting me. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I mean it was only one date, I don't feel that I owe her anything but I also don't want to hurt her feelings or lead her on.

[Gt.ooh]

Any suggestions on how to handle this? I mean it was only one date, I don't feel that I owe her anything but I also don't want to hurt her feelings or lead her on.

 

I'd just be real with her. Tell her exactly how you feel, and that you enjoyed the company but she's not what you're looking for. I got that treatment last weekend. Let me tell you it's a lot better sooner rather than later lol. I got my hopes up only to come crashing down, and I wasn't impressed. So I'd do it ASAP in my opinion.

 

Take care Ajax. And thanks I think I might check that movie out tonight.

[Ajax]

So seven months out and I actually melted down tonight. It wasn't pretty and I'm not proud of it.

 

My friend is up interviewing for a job. He's the one who introduced us. He's her cousin. Last night I went to his family's house for dinner. Everyone was great. His mom (her aunt) kept saying how I should come over more often. It was nice.

 

Tonight he came over to my place. I started drinking. Mistake number one, and then I started talking about her. He told me that he saw her mom today and as I've said in previous posts, she's not on good terms with her family these days. I told him how I still wasn't over her and he tried to convince me of the fact that she can't be trusted and I'm better off without her.

 

Then his brother came over. His brother knows the whole story, but has a hard time keeping things to himself. He spilled that she was seeing someone now. After seven months I shouldn't be surprised. Heck, I knew it would happen. He said that the family doesn't really know him and that they're still in my corner... but it was too late. Meltdown.

 

I made a complete idiot of myself. I'm still buzzed from the half a bottle of whiskey I downed.

 

So my friends... why did this happen? Why do I still care after seven months? Even if she did treat me poorly during the breakup, after seven months she has every right to see who she wants. I know that. So why do I care?

Edited March 13, 2011 by Ajax