Still Pining

[YSS]

Ajax

Good to hear from you.

 

I agree with the advice offered by 1784. Don't over think the night, cause you do, you will miss out on just being and letting the atmosphere of the day, the chemistry simmering and all that get into the way of the "move" etc.

 

As for Colleen, glad to read you are indifferent. From a woman's perspective, I would not even emphasis the EX situation with your date. Cause if I was in her shoes, I may draw a concussion that "I am here as a plus one and it's not more than friendship and I suspect he is still not over her". We all on LS know it's not the case, but the new girl does not.

 

Can't wait to read how the event goes. Happy to read your heart is working again and you are looking forward to your time with this new girl.

[Graceful]

Surprisingly, I couldn't care less what my ex will think. What I do care about is how the friend I'm bringing feels.

 

I'm actually more concerned about whether or not I should initiate something with my "friend," and if so, how.

 

Hey, Ajax -- been a while.

 

I'll take the dissenting view here. I don't think weddings are a very good time to act on feelings. You said you're not thinking of making a move at the wedding, but possibly afterwards. I agree. Making a move at the wedding is not appropriate, and it has nothing to do with your ex. Treat your friend like she's your date, which I am sure you were planning to do, but you know, go the extra mile to be attentive to her, that sort of thing. This will also help give you an additional "read" on the situation.

 

What's the definition of after? After you leave, but the same day? Or ...? After the wedding, there's no telling how you'll feel. You may get a certain vibe from her that's very positive, and you may not. So all you can do is let nature take its course, and wait / see. I'd rather see you wait until you are really certain, than take any chances -- mostly because she's been your friend for a long time and if it's meant to be, she's not going anywhere, and it's not as though you're not going to see her again or lose a chance. So why force or rush anything? It's better to wait until you are really certain of your feelings.

 

As for mentioning the ex, sure, why not. Get it out of the way. Be casual. You can even mention it when you get to the reception. Oh, ex seems to be here -- she's related to the groom. So I might be saying hello to her, no big deal. I don't see how you can ignore this and if your friend has known you all this time, she must be fully aware of what went down and your ex is no secret to her. So really, I don't see how her presence has any bearing what so ever on making your friend uncomfortable in any way. Look at it as an amusing turn of events for you -- that you were initially dreading the wedding, and now you're going with someone you really like and the whole idea of your ex being there isn't really of much consequence at all. Life sure is full of surprises, you know?

 

Now just try not to look too handsome -- you don't want to take the spotlight off of the groom, you know? Be charming, be yourself. The rest will take care of itself.

 

I am so, so rooting for you. Have an awesome time.

Grace

[Ajax]

Thanks all around for the advice. I think YSS, 1784, and Graceful are right in that I should be focusing more on the moment and not on either the ex or how I'm going to make things progress with my date. That being said though, I'd at least like to be able to get a read on my friend at the wedding.

 

Really when it comes to her though this may not be the appropriate venue to solicit advice, since I'm not so much coping as I am hoping. But since you've all been so helpful in the past, I'd be remiss to not seek suggestions from you for my future

 

The long story short with my friend/date is, we've been friends for eight years. I've always had a certain affection for her, and told her I had feelings for her six years ago. She had just started dating someone else and didn't return my affections. It was awkward at first but didn't ruin our friendship. That being said, for most of the time since, I think we've both had some emotional and physical barriers we set up to protect that friendship.

 

But a lot can change in six years, and in the past few weeks since inviting her to the wedding, I've sense that those barriers are being reconsidered. Our eye contact has increased, and there are times when we just look each other in the eyes for a few seconds without saying anything. She sits and stands a lot closer to me than in the past. We've also been getting into a lot of flirty banter that never happened in the past. And hugs goodbye are lasting longer than they used to.

 

I could be misreading her though. I suppose we might just be slipping into a much deeper and more comfortable friendship than we've had in the past. And that's something that I don't want to throw away by making a move she doesn't want me to make. Most of our mutual college friends have fallen by the wayside over the years, so there's nobody who knows both of us that I can really discuss it with.

 

As for the wedding though, I'm going to go with her and have a good time. I'm going to live in the moment without any plans to "make a move." If Colleen tries to talk to me I'll be polite. But the one I really want now will be the one I'm sitting with.

[broken-and-lost]

Go for it m8 have a good time and enjoy yourself and see where life takes you, after all this time you deserve it

[neghitzbrah]

Hey Ajax,

 

I just read most of your thread. It sure is a long one and I wanted to give you my input on all of this. First of all (and I don't mean to hijack your thread), I have to admit that my scenario is very similar to yours. Oh, aren't all of ours similar -- You see, we both know that we cannot be with out ex. It can't happen anymore. It's in the past. But one thing we, including everyone on LS, cannot get over is the fact that we miss the feeling of being in a relationship. Sure our ex's have done things that were cute, but we cannot get that confused with missing the relationship.

 

In your case, this is great. You have finally admitted to yourself that you do not want Colleen back. However, you did share many years with each other. And on top of that you two shared a friendship. That's why breakups suck! You not only lose your SO, but you also lose a great friend. So I want to tell you this... there is no reason to be rude to her unless she disrespected you as a human being. Be yourself, and be what makes you feel most comfortable. You do not need to do things to show that "you have moved on" or act indifferent. I'm not saying sit down with her and catch up, but if she does approach you be respectful as you would with a long-time friend you haven't seen in a while. Chances are, to be honest, that whatever spark you and her had are completely gone and have shifted over to your wedding date.

 

Moving onto that, that sounds great! This sounds like the first girl you have a crush on! Chase her man. Go with the flow, yes, but don't let her out of your sight.

 

But a lot can change in six years, and in the past few weeks since inviting her to the wedding, I've sense that those barriers are being reconsidered. Our eye contact has increased, and there are times when we just look each other in the eyes for a few seconds without saying anything. She sits and stands a lot closer to me than in the past. We've also been getting into a lot of flirty banter that never happened in the past. And hugs goodbye are lasting longer than they used to.

 

After reading this part, it kind of lit a bulb in my brain. Made somewhat of a connection here and want to hand over some advice. This friend, she might not be looking for a relationship or might be a little weary of things. She definitely is attracted to you, and you two share a deep connection with each other on a friendly level. Aren't those two the ingredients for 2 people that should date?! I mean, what else do you need? It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be plotted. Just go with the flow. Don't feel all crappy and negative because she didn't give you this much eye contact or she didn't flirt with you as much. She may have had a bad day. She's human too. What I'm trying to say is, don't base your actions on her mood. Do what you want to do... kind of what that 1987 or 1798 dude said before. (Sorry, I forgot what year you had as your alias )

 

Good luck man! I wanna hear what happens during this wedding.

Negz

[Ajax]

Well guys, yesterday was the wedding I've been talking about for what seems like forever. In general I had a really good time. My friends seemed really happy and now they're off to Mexico!

 

As expected, my ex was there as well as her boyfriend. I didn't talk to her, and it was actually pretty obvious that she was going out of her way to avoid me. Which worked for me. She wouldn't even look me in the face. The first time I saw her was outside the church before the wedding. She ducked behind some other guests. Then at communion she literally ran by my pew so she wouldn't have to acknowledge me.

 

But I actually became amused by her at the reception. She and her guy were dancing and part of me was wary of going up on the dance floor. But my hesitation didn't last long because I figured I had as much of a right, if not more, to be there and have fun with my friends. I was part of the wedding party after all. So I went up and she left. Which happened repeatedly. Any time I was up there she would leave. Whatever.

 

I couldn't help but sneak a look every now and then. I'm human. And she just genuinely seemed uncomfortable being there. She and her guy pretty much just kept to themselves, and I didn't see them socializing with anyone much.

 

As for this guy, my impression is that he seems like a puppy. He strikes me as a decent enough guy, but pretty harmless and ineffectual. Kind of a Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters kind of vibe. Again... whatever.

 

I did have a fairly pleasant conversation with her parents though, who I also hadn't seen since she broke up with me.

 

 

 

As for my friend/date/? I'm no closer to understanding what's going on in her head than I was last time I posted. We had a good time, but that guy from the wine tour who had wanted to bring her as his date latched onto her again, which she seemed happy with and made me want to hit my head against the wall.

 

I slow danced with her, and she seemed kind of uncomfortable with me. But then five minutes later she grabbed be and asked me to give her a neck rub, which I was happy to oblige. Then on the way home she started discussing certain sexual preferences of hers. When I left her at her Uncle's place (where she was staying) i just gave her a kiss on the cheek. Not ballsy I know, but I wasn't feeling like pushing my luck and I think we were both exhausted.

 

So I don't know what the deal is with her. I may have misinterpreted some signs that she was interested in me. But in my own defense, she has definitely sent signals that any hot blooded man could misinterpret.

 

I don't know when I'll see her again. I'm not going to come up with any more schemes to escape the friend zone anymore though. I know that you can't get anywhere without taking risks, but I guess I'm really not willing to risk the friendship after all.

[IfiKnewThen]

just my 2 sense. from what i can see....good news here.

 

youre over your ex

 

 

and youre interested in someone else.

 

thats a huge deal on its way

[J0N]

I was actually waiting for this post to see what the outcome of this was going to be. I remember your countless posts about this wedding, it seems like to you it wasn't all that big of a deal. It is really crazy how much of a difference a year of space and no contact with your ex can make.

 

I have been following your story since the beginning, and you have come a long way towards finally moving on. Your ex avoided you so much because she probably still feels guilty about what she did. Just remember that things with her & her boyfriend are probably not as rosy as they seem.

 

I myself am also just about a year out, today is exactly 1 year since our last ever face to face conversation, where I learned that our relationship was sinking fast. My feelings for her have faded away, time and NC have really helped me come to grips with this whole ordeal. Sure a part of me still misses her, but I am positive that I will never see or hear from her ever again. I have learned so much about who I am, what I am made of and what I stand for as a result of this breakup. It has changed me in so many positive ways, these days I can't imagine my 'old' life.

 

I am glad to hear that things are looking up for you, as for the new girl, I wouldn't destroy a good friendship unless you are sure that she is into you.

[Ajax]

Your ex avoided you so much because she probably still feels guilty about what she did. Just remember that things with her & her boyfriend are probably not as rosy as they seem.

 

 

That's also the impression I got. It appeared to be guilt. Which I find both perversely satisfying and yet unfortunate. Any desire I might have had to see her suffer for hurting me has been satisfied now. If it were up to me we would bury the hatchet. But it's not up to me any more than the breakup was. So any guilt she feels, though regrettable, is her own problem.

 

As for her current relationship, you're probably right. That boy was in an unenviable situation at the wedding. Whether he knew his girlfriend's history with me I do not know, but he would have had to know something was off with her. I've been in that position myself, and it's not a fun place to be in. Like I said, he seemed like a decent enough fellow. I hope he doesn't go through what I went through. In some parallel universe we might have even been friends.

 

I am glad to hear that things are looking up for you, as for the new girl, I wouldn't destroy a good friendship unless you are sure that she is into you.

 

Agreed. Though it would be nice. Again, if it were up to me we'd be more. Again, it's not.

Edited October 11, 2011 by Ajax

[YSS]

I do not know how I missed the wedding update. One of the posters summed it up nicely, you are over Colleen and open to new love interests. Bless you Ajax!

 

As for the friend, she is a friend so your connection with her will not die. It will work out the way it should. When the time or moment is right, you will take the appropriate (calculated) risk. I have faith and a feeling things are going to start to look up for you.

 

How is the job hunting going?

[sunflower11]

Hello Ajax, I just looked at the first post from this thread and realized there are 39 other pages and judging from the last ones I see you are doing better but I just wanted to ask you---because my ex also broke up with me cause he is depressed, how did you deal with it? how did you get over it? I wanted to PM you but I am sort of new to this forum and didn't find that option.. sighh just looking for advice from soneone who has been in a similar situation? thanks

[Sugarkane]

Hi Ajax I like reading your thread, as it's been over a year since I got dumped and that I got cut off from my ex like a bad smell too.

[1784]

Hey Ajax,

 

Sorry I wasn't able to respond to your thread sooner. Usually I get alerted that the thread has been updated but this time around I got nuttin. I decided to check it today wondering if the wedding had happened and alas... it did! Truth be told, I hardly ever come to LS anymore. I was thinking of writing an update to my own situation but haven't gotten around to it. Sometimes coming here reminds me of a time when I was in a bad place; but I try to concentrate on how much help and advice I received from everyone here. It's not always easy, memories being what that are. Anyway, enough about me...

 

The wedding/reception seemed to go pretty much as I expected it would go. I say that because if I had been in the same situation (which I didn't particularly envy) I think my basic strategy would have been to avoid my ex. Not that it was your strategy. It was more hers. When you look at life and the every day struggles that go into it, I think revisiting feelings of an ex in your own head is not something people really want to spend a lot of time on. It's one of those "don't cry over spilled milk" type of deals, no matter who spilled the milk.

 

Had I been at a reception with my own ex, I think I probably would have avoided her. I don't really care to know how she's doing, how her new relationship is going, etc. It just doesn't do me any good. Maybe some day I won't really care either way. Right now I just don't care to know. As far as I can tell, nothing good can come from knowing how her life is without me. Because, of course, she would spin it in such a way that would make me feel like I was missing out. That everything was SO GREAT. Life couldn't be better. I think most people would do this, not just my ex. And to be honest, that's fine... for her. My own life is also better. And she probably really wouldn't care to hear how it's better since she's no longer in it. My point is that once you've let go of someone you were intimate with, it's very hard to go back to any kind of normal, non judgmental back and forth. It's the chance you take when you get into that kind of a relationship. Knowing that it can all go to sh8t.

 

One thing I've learned is that trying to plan out any kind of outcome usually results in some form of disappointment. Life happens. You just have to let it. The more I've let go of trying to control outcomes, the more I seem to be okay with everything. More like a child, ya know? In the moment. Just taking it for what it is. Welcoming it. when you do this you have no preconceived notions about how things are gonna go (good or bad). Thus, you're not disappointed. The point is that something like your wedding reception just went how it was going to go, no matter how you envisioned it. Most things are just meant o be how they are, awkward or not. And that's ok. You only have to worry about yourself and how you deal with it. It sounds like you dealt with it all VERY well. I'm really proud of you, Ajax. You've come so very far. You handled everything very maturely. Your ex, well, she has her own issues to deal with. It's none of your concern any longer. Bravo.

 

And as far as the semi love interest goes... same advice as above. Just see where it takes you. I really do believe that things have a way of working out as they should. And when things don't work out, there are probably dozens of good reasons. We should be thankful instead of so bitter and regretful. Life is generally showing us another path that it wants us to explore.

 

Jesus, what a Zen post, lol. That wasn't my intention but I guess it's where my head is as right now.

 

Hope all is well.

 

-1784

[IfiKnewThen]

1784. dont want to hijack thread. but i semi remember you giving good advise b4. so, maybe it would be nice to get an update on you when and if you decide to. hope all is well. great post. so much thought and care to it. just thought i'd mention that.

[Ajax]

 

The wedding/reception seemed to go pretty much as I expected it would go. I say that because if I had been in the same situation (which I didn't particularly envy) I think my basic strategy would have been to avoid my ex. Not that it was your strategy. It was more hers. When you look at life and the every day struggles that go into it, I think revisiting feelings of an ex in your own head is not something people really want to spend a lot of time on. It's one of those "don't cry over spilled milk" type of deals, no matter who spilled the milk.

 

Had I been at a reception with my own ex, I think I probably would have avoided her. I don't really care to know how she's doing, how her new relationship is going, etc. It just doesn't do me any good. Maybe some day I won't really care either way. Right now I just don't care to know. As far as I can tell, nothing good can come from knowing how her life is without me. Because, of course, she would spin it in such a way that would make me feel like I was missing out. That everything was SO GREAT. Life couldn't be better. I think most people would do this, not just my ex. And to be honest, that's fine... for her. My own life is also better. And she probably really wouldn't care to hear how it's better since she's no longer in it. My point is that once you've let go of someone you were intimate with, it's very hard to go back to any kind of normal, non judgmental back and forth. It's the chance you take when you get into that kind of a relationship. Knowing that it can all go to sh8t.

 

 

Thanks for the feedback 1784. You may be right that when most relationships end you can't go back to a normalcy, but with my past serious relationships there's always been a point when we established some sort of peace. For most of my exes, if I ran into them we could have a 10 minute conversation, catch up, maybe sit down for a coffee, and then go about our way. It would be nice to be that way with this one too. But I'm not "pining" for that with her. Like things you've said above, that's not in my control and its not up to me. Any unresolved issues she has are her issues.

 

At this point I think it's a waste of my time and is self defeating to try to analyze her any further. I think that this thread has been helpful, but is also becoming less relevant. I don't expect to have any encounters with her in the foreseeable future, and even if I do I think I can handle it. If I do I'll definitely post about it though

 

 

And as far as the semi love interest goes... same advice as above. Just see where it takes you. I really do believe that things have a way of working out as they should. And when things don't work out, there are probably dozens of good reasons. We should be thankful instead of so bitter and regretful. Life is generally showing us another path that it wants us to explore.

 

It would be a disservice to think that at the wedding I was more concerned with my ex than my date. I was and am more interested in my "love interests" feelings, comfort, and thoughts than the ex. Not to put her on the pedestal, but she's the whole package and a guy would be lucky to have her. I just with I could interpret her signals and know what she was thinking. But I guess that's part of the mystery and allure of women

[IfiKnewThen]

as i said before. i truly think youre over your ex.

[1784]

Everyone's feelings towards encountering their ex is different. They are as unique as the people they come from. This is why so may of the 'rules' here on Loveshack aren't exactly set in stone. The situation and the people involved dictate the actions taken (or not taken). You're right, Ajax, actually I have been able to be quite cordial with most of my exes. There have never been any hard feelings that either they or I couldn't get past. I can't say I was ever really 'wronged', though. And I really haven't 'wronged' any of my exes either. Sure, there have been tears shed and feelings that were not reciprocated. But in the end there's just nothing you can do about that. The respect was always there and in my heart I knew they were all pretty good people. I'd like to think they thought the same about me as well.

 

With this last ex of mine I did not come away from it as if she was a 'good person'. I think that's the difference. I felt wronged. Disrespected somehow. Duped. any of my other exes I could see at a wedding reception, exchange pleasantries, enjoy my evening, etc. Would it be uncomfortable? Perhaps there could be a twinge of uncomfort but nothing that would ruin my evening. Nothing that would take over my world. Now if I had to go to a wedding reception with my most recent ex, well, let's just sat that I would seriously consider opting out of that one. I lost all kinds of respect for her. I do not think that she's a particularly good person. Nothing good would come from it, at all. This has nothing to do with her or us at this point. It has everything to do with me going into a situation that I know would only cause me stress. And if I could avoid a situation like that, why wouldn't I? I most certainly would.

 

But the whole point is that every situation, every relationship, etc, is different. Some people can be cordial. Some people can be friends. Some people like roast beef and some people get none. It's all very interesting. Some relationships are better off left in the past without revisiting. They just are. I know my last one happens to be of that variety. Never mind trying to fix it (which is obviously out of the question nor do I even have a shred of desire to do so), I'm just talking about even thinking about it, or her. It has done nothing but cause me anguish since the breakup. Perhaps one day I'll be able to look back and say "We had good times. I'm lucky to have had her in my life". Maybe. It's doubtful, though. I'm just being honest. Sometimes the way something ends forever changes the flavor of everything that preceded. In the case of my ex and I, I can most certainly say that the flavor was soured and will probably stay that way for a long time. I'd love to be more upbeat about it all but I'm just being realistic (and yes, perhaps shortsighted). You never know how you'll feel in a year, five years, etc. I'm not telling myself to be bitter. I just can't imagine not being bitter (right now). Some things are just too personal to play off as "Well, that's just her. That's just how she is. It's all good". I mean, it's true but it doesn't mean I have to be all balloons and puppy dogs about it. I hate this phrase but... it is what it is.

 

For me, moving on was a lot of things. It was finding myself. It was letting go of my ex. It was looking towards the future instead of into the past. It was having new reasons to smile and get excited. It was being honest about what happened and taking responsibility for what I could and could not control It was a lot of things. But one of those things was also being honest about my ex and who she was. Things that I perhaps swept under the rug because I didn't want to see them when they wee right in front of me. Well, I had plenty of time to look under the rug since the breakup and what I found, believe it or not, shocked me to a certain extent. Some stuff I always knew was there. Other stuff I had to be reminded of. It's amazing what you'll find when you're 100% honest about everything (in yourself and in others).

 

It seems that you have truly moved on, Ajax, and I commend you for it. I'd like to think that I have as well. I mean, both of our exes will always be a part of us. That's the way life works. You can't just delete files that you don't like. You have to be okay with having them, knowing they're there, knowing you used to access them. But surely you can store them away in a folder that is far from sight. There's just no need to go back to them. They're corrupt but we have a history with them. So be it. That's life. If anything I can surely say that i did learn a lot from my experience. And while "thankful" isn't the word I really want to use, I guess any situation in which you learn is a blessing. Some lessons are just 'hard' lessons, that's all. And I think we both learned a lot.

[Ajax]

So it's been a while since I posted here, and many of the people I've known on here no longer frequent these boards, but for those of you still lurking, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season.

 

I've been debating whether or not to even post this for the past couple days, since I've tried not to give my ex any more of my attention, but I've decided to unburden myself and add to the official record.

 

It was well over a year ago that my ex dumped me and brought me here to LoveShack, and while I'm mostly over it, I still have my moments. One of which happened a couple days ago, when curiosity got the better of my discretion. For the first time in months, I checked her Facebook profile.

 

I defriended her a year ago. It was actually January 1st, 2011, and I thought by purging everything it would help me get over her, and it did help. But I never blocked her.

 

I've known for a long time that she had a new boyfriend, and even saw them together at my friends' wedding (She avoided me like the plague), but I never knew the details. But on her profile she had their "anniversary" date posted. Less than two weeks after she broke up with me...

 

My last contact with her had been two weeks after she left, to get "closure" about the relationship. She looked me square in the eye and told me there was nobody else, that she was confused and couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Even at the time I realized she was being less than honest with me, but now it's confirmed. She most likely had him lined up before leaving me. It's even reasonable to suspect that she was cheating on me with him.

 

It doesn't really hurt finding this out. I've done a pretty decent job of moving on. I even have a wonderful young lady to spend New Years Eve with, which I'm greatly looking forward to. But it does put the final nail in the coffin for her reputation. Even after I forgive her, I'll never be able to respect her again.

 

She's just a liar. Someone who should never be trusted.

[GreenPolicy]

So it's been a while since I posted here, and many of the people I've known on here no longer frequent these boards, but for those of you still lurking, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season.

 

I've been debating whether or not to even post this for the past couple days, since I've tried not to give my ex any more of my attention, but I've decided to unburden myself and add to the official record.

 

It was well over a year ago that my ex dumped me and brought me here to LoveShack, and while I'm mostly over it, I still have my moments. One of which happened a couple days ago, when curiosity got the better of my discretion. For the first time in months, I checked her Facebook profile.

 

I defriended her a year ago. It was actually January 1st, 2011, and I thought by purging everything it would help me get over her, and it did help. But I never blocked her.

 

I've known for a long time that she had a new boyfriend, and even saw them together at my friends' wedding (She avoided me like the plague), but I never knew the details. But on her profile she had their "anniversary" date posted. Less than two weeks after she broke up with me...

 

My last contact with her had been two weeks after she left, to get "closure" about the relationship. She looked me square in the eye and told me there was nobody else, that she was confused and couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Even at the time I realized she was being less than honest with me, but now it's confirmed. She most likely had him lined up before leaving me. It's even reasonable to suspect that she was cheating on me with him.

 

It doesn't really hurt finding this out. I've done a pretty decent job of moving on. I even have a wonderful young lady to spend New Years Eve with, which I'm greatly looking forward to. But it does put the final nail in the coffin for her reputation. Even after I forgive her, I'll never be able to respect her again.

 

She's just a liar. Someone who should never be trusted.

 

As much hurt as you went through, and as much as it sucks to find that out, you dodged a bullet. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. She doesn't have the requisite character or maturity that you need in a partner. Consider her a gift, because now you are free to find somebody who does have the traits that you are looking for.

[YSS]

Our sixth sense is usually bang on. Sorry to you had to have that confirmed. More importantly, so, so, so happy tom read that you have a date lined up for tomorrow night that you are looking forward to.

 

Ajax, wishing you a very happy 2012. Sounds like it's off to a fun start.

[Ajax]

As much hurt as you went through' date=' and as much as it sucks to find that out, you dodged a bullet. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. She doesn't have the requisite character or maturity that you need in a partner. Consider her a gift, because now you are free to find somebody who does have the traits that you are looking for.[/quote']

 

Our sixth sense is usually bang on. Sorry to you had to have that confirmed. More importantly, so, so, so happy tom read that you have a date lined up for tomorrow night that you are looking forward to.

 

Ajax, wishing you a very happy 2012. Sounds like it's off to a fun start.

 

GreenPolicy and YSS, thanks for the input. It's true. I dodged a bullet. I'm actually glad i had my suspicions confirmed. There's no longer that question mark hanging over things. And at this point, over a year after the fact, it didn't hurt. It does change the narrative of what happened, painting a darker picture of her, but doesn't really matter.

 

What's important is that 2012 is off to a great start. The girl I spent New Years with is someone who I've been seeing since November, actually. In fact our first date was 11/11/11, when we went to lunch and then the zoo.

 

I invited her to spend New Years with me, and she came up and met the family and some of my friends. We had a romantic dinner, watched the ball drop at midnight, and then consummated our relationship in the early hours of New Years Day. And then again later that morning. And then that night.

 

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but it was the perfect way to begin a relationship and a new year

[YSS]

Great news Ajax!!!

Keep us posted. All the best.

 

Ps. Is this the girl you took to the wedding?

[Ajax]

Great news Ajax!!!

Keep us posted. All the best.

 

Ps. Is this the girl you took to the wedding?

 

It's not the same girl. We've been friends for 8+ years, and despite the flirting and vibes, just couldn't make it out of the friend zone. But we're still friends.

 

This new woman in my life seemingly came out of nowhere, as is so often the case with relationships. We were on OKCupid, and I sent her a message complimenting her profile and expressing my regrets that she lived so far away (5 hours!). In no way did I think anything would come of it.

 

She responded though, saying that she'd still be interested in talking if I wanted to. We exchanged emails, texts, talked on the phone, and Skyped for about 5 weeks before deciding to meet up halfway between us. It was pretty clear that there we sparks between us, and we continued to arrange little trips.Then for New Years I had her come up to spend the weekend and meet my friends and family.

 

Long distance aside, I do hope that this works out. She's 29, and I'll be 29 in March, so we've discussed the future and we both intend that the long distance aspect will only be temporary. It's not easy, but if she seems committed to making this work, and as long as she is, so am I.