Still Pining

[Ajax]

Today is January 2nd, 2011. Four months to the day since I last talked to my ex. Today I did some things that should have been done a long time ago.

 

I hadn't been expecting her to contact me over the holiday's but a part of me was hoping that I meant enough to her to at least say Merry Christmas. She didn't. And after what our friends told me about how she's cut everyone else off too, I really see how broken she is.

 

Today I deleted all pictures of us or from any time we spend together from my computer. I checked her Facebook page one last time. Three people left messages wishing her a Merry Christmas, and there's a picture of her skiing. Nothing informative. I blocked her. Then I took her number out of my phone.

 

Next I took the box of pictures, notes, and other momentos from our relationship outside and burned it.

 

The last thing I had to deal with was the key to her townhouse I still had. I put it in a drawer after she left, and it was the last thing that could remind me of her. I planned to take it to the park where we used to rollerblade and throw it off of the pier into the lake, but the park was closed. So I took it to the bay nearby. The bay was frozen over, so I walked out onto it. I went as far as I thought was safe, and then threw the key as hard as I could. It clanked when it hit the ice, and I turned and walked back to my car. I think it's fitting that sometime this spring the ice will melt and that key will fall into the icy cold water.

 

The last time we talked I told her I'd keep the door and lines of communication over, but that I wouldn't bother her. That was four months ago. Now the door is closed and locked. It's boarded up and a wall's been put up in its place.

 

I've been living the past four and a half months as if she might come back someday, but now I know that she won't because she can't. Now I won't let her back into my life and I get to start a fresh new year.

Edited January 2, 2011 by Ajax

[alwayshoping]

well put ajax. Time to move on. I plan on doing the exact same on the 13th Jan when I hit 4 months. Good luck moving on and well done matey, it must have been really hard for you. What were you feeling when you did it if you don't mind me asking? anger or peace?

[strangeways]

Good for you Ajax. It's a big step getting rid of the reminders. Hope fully it'll be liberating for you.

[mgene15]

good stuff guys, Yea new year, haven't been on in a few days. The girl I've been talking to for 2 months finally comes home from texas tomorrow and we're going to hang out. GT, tough luck on not too many single ladys showing up, it will come, I no it probably seems as if it's taking forever hang in there. Ajax good for you, toss it all out, I had one thing left from my ex..one thing.. an old cell phone she had bought me about a year ago..finally tossed it.. didn't even no I had it still..but it had to go. 2k11..let's go

[Ajax]

well put ajax. Time to move on. I plan on doing the exact same on the 13th Jan when I hit 4 months. Good luck moving on and well done matey, it must have been really hard for you. What were you feeling when you did it if you don't mind me asking? anger or peace?

 

I felt a bit of both actually. I'd really been holding onto a lot of bitterness that I didn't even realize. I knew i was mad at her, but I think that letting go of some of it helped me realize just how much.

 

Deleting her from my phone and Facebook had to happen, but they weren't things that I was ready to do until now. I think I had to see just how damaging she has been to me for me to do it. Everyone says that it should be the first thing someone does after a breakup, and that makes a certain amount of sense... but I can understand why it takes people a while to build up the will to do it.

 

The most symbolic and rewarding part was throwing the key into the bay. It kind of reminded me of The Lord of the Rings and Frodo taking the Ring to be destroyed in Mount Doom. Nerdy, yes, but it sure felt good.

 

I can't say how I'll feel in the next few days and weeks, but right now I feel free. Like I took some power back and that I don't have to wonder if she'll be walking back through my door, because there's no longer a door for her to walk through.

[mgene15]

very inspiring

[Fermentum]

Congrats Ajax. I don't think you should overlook the symbolic nature of the burning of her things and the key throwing. I've done it before, and it can be a cathartic experience. Good for you.

[bl22]

I can't say how I'll feel in the next few days and weeks, but right now I feel free. Like I took some power back and that I don't have to wonder if she'll be walking back through my door, because there's no longer a door for her to walk through.

 

 

I felt this too, when I deleted my Facebook account. I felt like that was the most likely door she was going to come back through, but she never did. Now I've closed it and when she wants to get her 'fix' or what I am up too, I will be nowhere to be seen. Feels good to close the door, like you said, some power back.

[Gt.ooh]

Today is January 2nd, 2011. Four months to the day since I last talked to my ex. Today I did some things that should have been done a long time ago.

 

I hadn't been expecting her to contact me over the holiday's but a part of me was hoping that I meant enough to her to at least say Merry Christmas. She didn't. And after what our friends told me about how she's cut everyone else off too, I really see how broken she is.

 

Today I deleted all pictures of us or from any time we spend together from my computer. I checked her Facebook page one last time. Three people left messages wishing her a Merry Christmas, and there's a picture of her skiing. Nothing informative. I blocked her. Then I took her number out of my phone.

 

Next I took the box of pictures, notes, and other momentos from our relationship outside and burned it.

 

The last thing I had to deal with was the key to her townhouse I still had. I put it in a drawer after she left, and it was the last thing that could remind me of her. I planned to take it to the park where we used to rollerblade and throw it off of the pier into the lake, but the park was closed. So I took it to the bay nearby. The bay was frozen over, so I walked out onto it. I went as far as I thought was safe, and then threw the key as hard as I could. It clanked when it hit the ice, and I turned and walked back to my car. I think it's fitting that sometime this spring the ice will melt and that key will fall into the icy cold water.

 

The last time we talked I told her I'd keep the door and lines of communication over, but that I wouldn't bother her. That was four months ago. Now the door is closed and locked. It's boarded up and a wall's been put up in its place.

 

I've been living the past four and a half months as if she might come back someday, but now I know that she won't because she can't. Now I won't let her back into my life and I get to start a fresh new year.

 

Well how Ironic. I didn't go a far as burning things...but. I saved photos on the comp tucked away in a folder, untagged myself from her moms album of the pictures of us and untagged any photos associated with me and her... my next step will be the phone number. As we speak as a matter of fact.

 

Congrats Ajax. I have lots of flight credit from what was supposed to be my flights home and back to Toronto...I really do feel like flying out east to shake your hand and go for a beer. lol.

 

mgne.. yea sucks there wasn't women but honestly I'm going through another phase of I'm not sure if I'm ready for another woman or not...It's tough.

[mgene15]

yea it's very difficult to say where i'm at as well... It's almost like ..because my ex called me crying on christmas day, and saying all that stuff and I kindly rejected her offer, I am now thinking about her more and more again. It's almost as if it was her plan.. to plant herself back in my head.. I really don't enjoy this. I have a feeling it's going to take longer than expected ... earlier today I told the girl I've been talking to for over a month that I'm just basically not ready for a relationship just yet, but would love to continue hanging out with her, she said that she feels the same. So yea

[Ajax]

So I'm having second thoughts about having blocked her on facebook after all this time. It felt good at the time, but now I'm not sure that I really did want to close that door. I feel fine about the other things. But now since she's blocked, and even unblocking her won't put her back as a friend again, I know that she'll never contact me, ever.

 

Now I feel like I'm being petty and bitter.

 

Intellectually though, I know that I'll never really get over her if I can still look at her face.

[Gt.ooh]

I think in a couple of weeks you'll be quite satisfied with your decision.

 

Recent turn of events. I sold an old customized truck of mine to a younger girl (pretty cute and totally into cars)...I saw the truck parked so I left my phone number on it. She txted me and came to my house and I went for a coffee with her in my old truck lol. It was fun and it's supposed to snow today so we're going to go out in my new truck and do some snow drifting. I'm going to tell her straight out I like her as more than a friend. She asked about me the whole time while I was gone in Ontario. We'll see how it goes. She's 6 years younger then me, but, who cares. I don't care what anyone thinks, it's about me now.

[Ajax]

Recent turn of events. I sold an old customized truck of mine to a younger girl (pretty cute and totally into cars)...I saw the truck parked so I left my phone number on it. She txted me and came to my house and I went for a coffee with her in my old truck lol. It was fun and it's supposed to snow today so we're going to go out in my new truck and do some snow drifting. I'm going to tell her straight out I like her as more than a friend. She asked about me the whole time while I was gone in Ontario. We'll see how it goes. She's 6 years younger then me, but, who cares. I don't care what anyone thinks, it's about me now.

 

Thanks for the support GT! You're probably right.

 

As for your new development, sounds promising. Good luck, have fun, and let us know how it goes!

[mgene15]

Niceeee GT! yea do you! forget about what anyone thinks and make yourself happy sounds pretty fun to me!

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys. So unfortunately it never snowed, the weather guys suck

here lol. No biggie. So she took a raincheck, and I said if it's going to be a raincheck it'll be dinner and offroading, or a movie. She agreed. So not getting hopes up, just going to enjoy the

company. I do know she's into me, after she bought the truck she always hunted me down at carshows and I took her out in my GT.ooh after.

 

Glad you guys are sticking with everyone's posts. I don't plan on leaving this forum at all ESP with a smartphone I can get you guys virtually anywhere.

 

I'm so happy these days I'm back with all my good friends, and happy shes shown her true colors the past couple weeks. I'm also happy to have met such good people like you guys'. I'd say another month or so I'll be at ajaxs stage... The picture I salvaged from the condo, the promise ring, and a letter she had wrote me while we were apart will go... In a fire...I think I might print the pics of us off the comp when it comes time and add those to the fire aswell. I can't wait to laugh in her face when she contacts me, she has a pattern of doing so... My good friend, she contacted him before me (he dated her 4 years ago) and look low and behold she's back with the ex with a restraining order against him. LMAO!

[mgene15]

yessir! I got to laugh on christmas day! it was great, much sooner than I expected.

[Gt.ooh]

Jealous mgne...hehe. I just want to be able to do that so bad.

[mgene15]

yea but it's really not as good as it seems. like the fist day or two its an adrenaline rush that feels great, like you finally got back at your ex and didn't have to go out of your way to do it, but after a while the memories still creep back, and I still miss her very much. It's sad really. like a vicious cycle that never stops until I meet "that one" I guess

[Gt.ooh]

Yea, I guess the difference between us now is I don't miss the ex anymore...I don't think about her during the day, don't wonder what she's doing.. Just in general don't really care anymore.

[mgene15]

yea I'll always miss her to an extent, but stuff happens. I extremely happy about what happend on christmas day. It was a relief. I don't think I'll ever stop caring about her, like I care for her well being because she was in my life at one point, but I don't care for her anymore in that "realtionship" type way.

[Gt.ooh]

Yea, that's a good point mgne. I shouldn't say I don't care whatsoever...but on a relationship level, and the level of respect I once had I don't care. I still miss what we had, how we connected....but it's now gone. The level of caring has drastically changed. How are you guys doing it's been pretty quiet lately.

[Ajax]

Yea, that's a good point mgne. I shouldn't say I don't care whatsoever...but on a relationship level, and the level of respect I once had I don't care. I still miss what we had, how we connected....but it's now gone. The level of caring has drastically changed. How are you guys doing it's been pretty quiet lately.

 

I'm doing ok. Last weeks "purging" of momentos from our relationship was quite liberating. In fact a lot of the bitterness is gone. However I still have that feeling that in a perfect world this wouldn't have happened.

 

My friends, one of whom is her cousin who introduced us, are getting married in October. As it is none of us expect that she'll show up, since she's already cut them and even her parents off. But I'm thinking that maybe around August or September I'll reach out and tell her that I'm hoping to see her there. What do you guys think? Am I thinking too far ahead?

[mgene15]

yea it is pretty quit in here now days I'm doin alrite still standing, I beleive all three of us have that feeling that in a perfect world it wouldn't have gone this way. Ajax : I don't no, I'm just afraid you could get hurt, say you call her up in september and she still hasn't reached out to you, and she say's she's engaged to someone or somthing like that, that would kill me. I just don't want us to get burned by reaching out to our ex's down the line and them sayin those words of "oh and by the way I'm expecting a child" or "I'm engaged".you never no it could happen.. I just fear that..like GT said, any last sense of false hope we have to let go, and if anyone is gonna be the one reaching out it should be them not us... after all we were the ones that we're pining over them and tried to make it work after the breakup.

[Ajax]

yea it is pretty quit in here now days I'm doin alrite still standing, I beleive all three of us have that feeling that in a perfect world it wouldn't have gone this way. Ajax : I don't no, I'm just afraid you could get hurt, say you call her up in september and she still hasn't reached out to you, and she say's she's engaged to someone or somthing like that, that would kill me. I just don't want us to get burned by reaching out to our ex's down the line and them sayin those words of "oh and by the way I'm expecting a child" or "I'm engaged".you never no it could happen.. I just fear that..like GT said, any last sense of false hope we have to let go, and if anyone is gonna be the one reaching out it should be them not us... after all we were the ones that we're pining over them and tried to make it work after the breakup.

 

Yeah you're right. That's nine months away anyway so it's not something I need to concern myself with right now anyway. She could even show up with a baby When it comes down to it thought even if she doesn't go to the wedding it's on her. I didn't make her end our relationship and I'm not stopping her from going to her cousin's wedding.

[Gt.ooh]

There he is! lol, just buggin Ajax. I'd definitely that's way to far away to even think about, and secondly don't concern yourself with her whatsoever...no way shape or form.

 

So I hung out with the girl that bought my truck last night. Hung out for a couple hours talked, I invited her in and she kindly declined...no harm done. I don't want to force anything on anyone..She still wants to get together for sushi, and maybe some offroading.

 

Next weekend I'm doing a roadtrip to meet this girl whom I've chatted with for 10 years...the circumstances never allowed us to meet...I didn't have the vehicle capable..but now she's 12 hours driving away. So I'm planning to go out and meet her late next week/weekend. And judging by the convos we've been having I'd say somethings' going to happen in a good way . I've got the good gut feeling. I will definitely keep u guys posted.