Still Pining

[isitreal]

Dude, I read you're 25? Give yourself a chance to find a new girl, with the possibility that this may not be the one. Honestly, you're still young...in most women's eyes, not even mature enough yet to take the final step of a relationship. I think most guys get married nowadays around 29...the fact is you should get out there and discover how to be happy by yourself and find women who enjoy your company, not to get over your ex, but to understand this beautiful life is meant to be explored. Just pretend you don't have a dick for a couple months and find beauty in things other than the female sex. Don't let her pigeonhole you into thinking she's some kind of goddess...if she can just walk out on you without blinking an eye, how could she possibly be that great for you?! In 5 years, if you start this path of re-awakening now, you'll be better suited for a relationship with no BS and with girls that are mature enough to not play these stupid games with your heart.

 

If you don't believe me about the girl, at least find yourself through this process. Good luck dude. You got this.

[Billie The Puppet]

Funny enough right after I posted my last reply in this thread my ex blocked my viewing of her pictures on Facebook except profile pictures which I am still in except her current one. However I know I am still in the album as I can see my ex is still tagged in photo's on her sisters Facebook albums before I get the dude stop this Facebook stalking stuff I am friends with her sister and actually was browsing some albums of her sisters first before I clicked my ex's link to find out she has privatized her FB more which in all honesty only aids my NC more. What I don't know can't hurt but for some reason I'd rather know but that's if anything is going on. As for the MSN status I find it really weird as when we were together she hardly ever used MSN and her status was 1 thing through out and it was about me. I know my ex and she isn't really loving life so I think it is a bait tactic, something to give herself false happiness or just to sting me but if I remain in NC she will never know what effect it has on me. This is also what I mean by over analyzing stuff but it's in our nature.

[Ajax]

Well I made the mistake of looking at her Facebook profile again. I went through posts to see if she'd deleted my happy b-day message I'd posted before she dumped me. She had.

 

The week leading up to her B-day she started a conversation in which she told me how much she loved me, thanked God for me in her life, and discussed our future together. I thought we'd taken things to a new level. Then for her B-Day I sent her flowers at work, baked her a cake, made her a card, and then we went to spend the evening with her family. It was perfect. Her friends and coworkers were jealous. Two weeks later she left.

 

All I ever did was love her and tried to express it, both with words and actions. I don't know what happened to make her so suddenly and mercilessly cut me out of her life, and then try to erase me from her history too. If I had cheated on her, abused her, or neglected her it would make sense to me, but I didn't do any of those things. How can someone go from being so affectionate and loving to so cold?

 

I know people will tell me to block her on facebook, but with me out of sight is not out of mind. I think the only reason she hasn't blocked me or taken down all of our pictures is that it would be too obvious to our friends as to what she's doing.

 

I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does.

Edited October 6, 2010 by Ajax

[Sonolumino]

Ajax, You and I have very similar stories and I really can relate to a lot of your posts, plus Ajax is a badass character in Greek mythology. I know what you mean about the love too, you gave and gave, you loved with 100% of your being and she didn't understand it. She didn't have the capacity to understand the true depth of your feelings for her. In that respect, it truly is her loss. My ex has since moved on quickly after me, and let me tell you it is painful, but it gives you an absolute sense of closure. But I'm trying not to fool myself anymore, my ex was going to be heartache from the moment that I met her. As I slowly close the chapter on this part of my life, I realize that we were just in different stages of our lives at different times, and she for whatever reason thought that was irreconcilable. Was she immature and selfish? Yes. But along the line somewhere I did something to make her tired of me. However, I don't think it needs fixing. I think that I changed into a different person and a better person will be able to appreciate that. I never cheated, almost never fought, or did anything that warrants the standard breakup speech. You can't blame her for being the way she is, no more than you can curse the skies for raining on you. You just have to bring your umbrella. Good luck Ajax, keep posting.

[Ajax]

Ajax, You and I have very similar stories and I really can relate to a lot of your posts, plus Ajax is a badass character in Greek mythology. I know what you mean about the love too, you gave and gave, you loved with 100% of your being and she didn't understand it. She didn't have the capacity to understand the true depth of your feelings for her. In that respect, it truly is her loss. My ex has since moved on quickly after me, and let me tell you it is painful, but it gives you an absolute sense of closure. But I'm trying not to fool myself anymore, my ex was going to be heartache from the moment that I met her. As I slowly close the chapter on this part of my life, I realize that we were just in different stages of our lives at different times, and she for whatever reason thought that was irreconcilable. Was she immature and selfish? Yes. But along the line somewhere I did something to make her tired of me. However, I don't think it needs fixing. I think that I changed into a different person and a better person will be able to appreciate that. I never cheated, almost never fought, or did anything that warrants the standard breakup speech. You can't blame her for being the way she is, no more than you can curse the skies for raining on you. You just have to bring your umbrella. Good luck Ajax, keep posting.

 

 

Thanks man. Last night was meh, and I'm pretty tired today. I have so much homework to do but can't seem to focus.

 

Hope all's well with you!

[leftfield]

Well I made the mistake of looking at her Facebook profile again. I went through posts to see if she'd deleted my happy b-day message I'd posted before she dumped me. She had.

 

The week leading up to her B-day she started a conversation in which she told me how much she loved me, thanked God for me in her life, and discussed our future together. I thought we'd taken things to a new level. Then for her B-Day I sent her flowers at work, baked her a cake, made her a card, and then we went to spend the evening with her family. It was perfect. Her friends and coworkers were jealous. Two weeks later she left.

 

All I ever did was love her and tried to express it, both with words and actions. I don't know what happened to make her so suddenly and mercilessly cut me out of her life, and then try to erase me from her history too. If I had cheated on her, abused her, or neglected her it would make sense to me, but I didn't do any of those things. How can someone go from being so affectionate and loving to so cold?

 

I know people will tell me to block her on facebook, but with me out of sight is not out of mind. I think the only reason she hasn't blocked me or taken down all of our pictures is that it would be too obvious to our friends as to what she's doing.

 

I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does.

 

Ajax, stop looking at her Facebook, (and you too Billie)! Seriously guys, you've got to stop doing that to yourselves. Ajax, you say out of sight is not out of mind, but how do you know that if you keep looking on Facebook?

 

I'm in the same boat as you guys, I still love my ex three months after she left me. I still miss her every day and wonder whether she EVER thinks about me while I'm left here pining over her for walking out of my life and becoming a cold-hearted bitch, but please - LEAVE FACEBOOK ALONE!

 

I deactivated my account several weeks ago, and you know what, I didn't die. In fact I remember life before Facebook, people used to actually talk to each other in person and everything. OK I confess, I have re-activated it on two separate occasions and had a quick peek at her latest pictures and comments, but did it help me, no, did it f*ck!

 

Get off Facebook, and stop this cyber-stalking which is ACTIVELY putting your exes on your minds, otherwise you will continue to dwell and reminisce and miss the hell out of them.

 

Trust me, I am speaking from experience. After a few weeks of not going on Facebook, not looking at old pictures and not succumbing to those sorts of temptations, I do think about her a little less. It does work. I'm not any less heartbroken than you are, I'm just choosing not to torture myself. Do yourselves a favour! Or don't, it's up to you really

[Ajax]

Well 5 weeks of NC and almost 7 since the breakup. I still think about her all the time and have trouble focusing on work, but at least it's getting done. I'm surviving.

 

I don't expect to ever talk to her again. Our friends say they haven't talked to her and I believe them. Her cousin, who introduced us, said he heard from her mom that she's not talking to her either. Sounds like I'm not the only one she's cutting out of her life, so I'm not taking it as personally anymore.

 

Now I realize how many issues she has, and that the relationship was likely doomed from the start because of them. I think she was right when she said she can't be in a relationship right now. She might not have meant it when she said it, and she might get into another relationship anyway, but she won't be able to sustain it until she deals with her issues.

 

So now I've accepted that the breakup was best for both of us. I don't like that it had to happen and still love her to pieces. It also still hurts to have been cut out of her life, but it sounds like she's much worse off and I can still feel compassion for her.

[Sonolumino]

Ajax, mine's doing pretty much the same thing. All her efforts are focused on the new d-bag. A few of her closest friends don't even talk much to her anymore. I'm glad you're doing better. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. It's seriously an addiction.

[Ajax]

Ajax, mine's doing pretty much the same thing. All her efforts are focused on the new d-bag. A few of her closest friends don't even talk much to her anymore. I'm glad you're doing better. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. It's seriously an addiction.

 

Yeah I still think about mine all the time too. It still hurts pretty bad, but I know that there really isn't anything I could have done.

 

Our exes aren't doing themselves any favors by burning their past. Looking back on my situation, I'm starting to notice the red flags that I missed before. She always said that her parents weren't very involved in her life, but in all of my interactions with them they seemed to want to be involved, and they were involved in the rest of their children's and grandchildren's lives. There were a few times when I was with her and her mom would call and my ex would lie about where she was and not tell her she was with me for no apparent reason. I brought it up once because it made me kind of nervous and she just said that she didn't want her mom knowing much about our relationship.

 

And she rarely talked to me about her past before me. She had a roomate that she didn't get along with, saying that they used to be close but by the time I came along she wouldn't talk to her. She used to criticize her because she wasn't ready for a serious relationship... something that the ex now isn't ready for. Then just before she dumped me a new roomate moved in, and she started hanging out with her and her friends all the time. It makes me wonder if she's burned her past before and if this is a cycle she goes through periodically. It's not healthy for her or a relationship.

[Ajax]

I know it's been said in other threads, but right now It's making me sad that someone I was so close to just a few weeks ago can be so cold now. I think if I saw her now she would treat me like a stranger, and I couldn't handle that. Even thinking about it's making my eyes water.

 

I have the Third Eye Blind song stuck in my head.

 

How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore?

 

I love her, and I'm starting to hate her.

[Billie The Puppet]

I can't bring myself to hate, my mother says I really need to start hating, I just can't with her. I could with other ex's as it was a defence mechanism for me but my most recent ex I just can't do it maybe it will take a little more time.

[GoingInsane]

Hope you don't mind me popping onto your thread, its helped me a lot with some of my own feelings, but I just wanted some thoughts on my situation, which seems completely different but is still causing so much pain.

 

My relationship of 2 years 2 months ended officially 3 weeks ago, following a week of NC while she "got her head together". We'd kind of slipped into a friendship over the previous 6 months, the intimacy had gone (for several reasons) but we still spent 4 or 5 nights a week together. She really pulled away in the last 2 months and although had always found deep and meaningful conversations difficult, she actively avoided any conversation at all the last two months. I guess she knew if we talked, we'd probably decide to end the relationship.

 

She dumped me. We talked and decided we could still be good friends but I just get the feeling that she thinks (genuinely) that we can replace all the good parts of our relationship and repackage it as friendship. I honestly don't think she's even thinking about things properly, or looking at them at all. She keeps saying that she knows I need space, so is giving me that, but I think she is thinking once I'm "over" the heartbreak we can be best friends again.

 

She's unhappy and miserable (about lots of things). She spends her days working then sleeping, isn't going out, isn't talking. I on the other hand have realised that I had become an almost recluse the last year or so, so have been seeing friends, going to the gym, really looking at myself and trying to change. I've been enjoying it. But I just can't get her out of my head. I'm thinking about her constantly.

 

We're having LC (by text). She told a mutual friend she's scared that I'm going to cut her out of my life. She came over last Sat for a coffee, it was awkward then we relaxed and watched some TV, chatting and being "normal". She told our friend she just wanted to put her head on my shoulder but knew she'd be sending the wrong message.

 

She isn't using Facebook (in our tricky 6 months she was on it constantly...to avoid having to talk I think), she isn't going out with her mates, one of the reasons we split was because she felt she was missing out on going out (she told our mutual friend she hasn't gone out because, quote, she'll end up getting drunk and upset, someone will be nice to her and she'll do something stupid). Its almost like she's the one that has been dumped and is out of control of the situation and I just can't understand it.

 

She's coming over on Saturady, I'll try to be friends, see if it can work, but I can't help but feel that its not really what she wants either.

[Ajax]

I can't bring myself to hate, my mother says I really need to start hating, I just can't with her. I could with other ex's as it was a defence mechanism for me but my most recent ex I just can't do it maybe it will take a little more time.

 

 

Eh, I don't want to hate her. I really really don't. I don't want to love her either, but I really really do. My psychologist says I have to "honor the process" and can't rush it. He also said that being angry at her is healthy, and probably justified. Despite what she's going through and how she may or may not feel, she handled the breakup pretty poorly.

 

But the bottom line Billie, is that like you I want another chance. And per my other thread, as much as I want to and as much as my brain tells me to stop hoping, my heart hasn't been able to let me yet.

[Ajax]

Hope you don't mind me popping onto your thread, its helped me a lot with some of my own feelings, but I just wanted some thoughts on my situation, which seems completely different but is still causing so much pain.

 

My relationship of 2 years 2 months ended officially 3 weeks ago, following a week of NC while she "got her head together". We'd kind of slipped into a friendship over the previous 6 months, the intimacy had gone (for several reasons) but we still spent 4 or 5 nights a week together. She really pulled away in the last 2 months and although had always found deep and meaningful conversations difficult, she actively avoided any conversation at all the last two months. I guess she knew if we talked, we'd probably decide to end the relationship.

 

She dumped me. We talked and decided we could still be good friends but I just get the feeling that she thinks (genuinely) that we can replace all the good parts of our relationship and repackage it as friendship. I honestly don't think she's even thinking about things properly, or looking at them at all. She keeps saying that she knows I need space, so is giving me that, but I think she is thinking once I'm "over" the heartbreak we can be best friends again.

 

She's unhappy and miserable (about lots of things). She spends her days working then sleeping, isn't going out, isn't talking. I on the other hand have realised that I had become an almost recluse the last year or so, so have been seeing friends, going to the gym, really looking at myself and trying to change. I've been enjoying it. But I just can't get her out of my head. I'm thinking about her constantly.

 

We're having LC (by text). She told a mutual friend she's scared that I'm going to cut her out of my life. She came over last Sat for a coffee, it was awkward then we relaxed and watched some TV, chatting and being "normal". She told our friend she just wanted to put her head on my shoulder but knew she'd be sending the wrong message.

 

She isn't using Facebook (in our tricky 6 months she was on it constantly...to avoid having to talk I think), she isn't going out with her mates, one of the reasons we split was because she felt she was missing out on going out (she told our mutual friend she hasn't gone out because, quote, she'll end up getting drunk and upset, someone will be nice to her and she'll do something stupid). Its almost like she's the one that has been dumped and is out of control of the situation and I just can't understand it.

 

She's coming over on Saturady, I'll try to be friends, see if it can work, but I can't help but feel that its not really what she wants either.

 

I don't know how you handle being friends, even if you're just going through the motions. I know you don't want her to fall out of your life any more than she does, but I think you're putting yourself through hell.

 

So many people would tell you to go completely NC, and that's what I've done. But it's not easy. It might help you get some clarity though.

 

Like yours, my ex was miserable with many aspects of her life. I think something in her life had to give, and it was the relationship. I haven't talked to her in 5 weeks and don't ever expect to. Even if she wanted to come back, I think her pride would get in the way.

 

 

It sounds like your ex is not over you, but I'm not sure it's that she still loves you as much as she's afraid to cut you off completely. She might be weening herself off you. Really NC is the only way to tell if she'll miss you enough to come back.

 

My take on things... NC is the second most painful thing you can do. The most painful is to be strung along hoping she'll want the relationship back.

[Sonolumino]

It makes me wonder if she's burned her past before and if this is a cycle she goes through periodically. It's not healthy for her or a relationship.

 

I DEFINITELY understand this. I ignored a few warning signs about my ex too. She is one of those girls who cycles through "best friends" every 10 months or so. I talked to one of her friends from high school, she and her were basically inseparable and my ex just stopped talking to her about halfway through mine and her's relationship. I never understood why, and then I asked her "why did you and (ex) stop talking?". She said "Because she thought I was talking about her, but never asked me about it. She just assumed everything that another girl said was true and cut off all ties with me. I spent a summer basically alone because my best friend deserted me over a rumor". I was baffled. If she (my ex) was capable of forgetting her relationship with a best friend of 4-5 years in a few weeks, then I've been long gone. But it just goes to show you what kind of person my ex is. She has this unbelievable ability to believe her own rationalizations and pathological lies that she tells herself about someone. Even after we dated she would twist the facts and tell people how "obsessed" I was, and when I confronted her about it she had no response. It's a sad thing, because I did love her very, very much and very intensely. But I realize now that all I did for her was fulfill a need that she had. There was no real substance to our relationship besides a need being fulfilled. I didn't have that need for a relationship. I didn't want to date anybody originally until I was ready to get married. I thought of this relationship as enriching my life, I didn't think that I had to have it, I wanted it because I thought it made me better. That's the difference between me and my ex. She just wanted a boyfriend. Any boyfriend will do, he just has to be decent enough, and when his time is up I'll find another.

 

Which is also the reason she "moved on" so fast. She buried her feelings for me skin deep and is trying to transfer them to someone new, because she can't stand to be alone. Her own friends admitted I probably loved her a lot more than she "loved" me. She has a lot of growing up to do and getting caught in the crossfire of her madness was definitely a hard blow to my ego, psyche, and belief system. We'll just have to see how it all plays out.

[Ajax]

I know that it's dangerous to get into pop psychology, and that I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose someone, but I read these articles about Borderline Personality Disorder and relationships... and it sounds almost spot on to what happened with me and my ex. After looking back on the relationship and the breakup, it's spooky how this describes it to a T.

 

 

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

 

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

[Billie The Puppet]

I know that it's dangerous to get into pop psychology, and that I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose someone, but I read these articles about Borderline Personality Disorder and relationships... and it sounds almost spot on to what happened with me and my ex. After looking back on the relationship and the breakup, it's spooky how this describes it to a T.

 

 

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

 

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

 

What's weird is in arguments I've witnessed between my ex and her family she has been called bipolar. I can see it now but refused to then. I've talked with a healthcare worker who herself is bipolar and diagnosed my ex with it by description only.

 

Does it make me feel any better no .

 

My ex has been abandoned by both her parents in her life growing up but has since mended a relationship with both.

 

I fell in love with my ex for who she /was.

 

However my ex lacks common sense/ logic and I am trying to not be rude but I think this is a symptom of being BP.

 

She though her and I could afford a mortgage in one years time both making minimum wage and neither of us saving. Lacks knowledge there. She got mad once infront of her mother, mothers boyfriend and myself because we told her she can't put the pork Slovaki back on the same pan because of saminella (sp?) poisoning. Easy to anger is a big sign apparently. I absolutely hate conflict so I tend to stay out of it when I can to much time and energy wasted fighting.

 

Does all this make me feel any better.? Not really but does give me hope that future relationships may fail. I put up with alot from her out of love and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Ajax]

 

Does all this make me feel any better.? Not really but does give me hope that future relationships may fail. I put up with alot from her out of love and would do it again in a heartbeat.

 

Yup. Mental illness or not, they're gone and gone. And we still have feelings for them. And like you it gives me hope that any relationship she's in will fail, but I for one would put up with it.

 

But we need to remember that it makes future reconciliation that much more likely to fail also.

 

The article states though that it's really easy to fall fast and hard for someone with BPD because they show so much devotion in the beginning. They litterally make you the center of their world, and I fell into the trap. But then they push you away and you start second guessing yourself... thinking if only you tried a little harder, worked a little bit more. That's exactly what I was doing. And then they can just shut off their feelings and drop you out of the blue... happened here! And the cycling through friends/relationships... fits her to a T.

 

I know it might be that it's easier on my ego to believe she has something like this rather than just her getting tired of me and moving on. But there are so many things that match up here.

 

But again I digress... at the end of the day I'm still in love with her and can't have her.

[rattled]

She has this unbelievable ability to believe her own rationalizations and pathological lies that she tells herself about someone. Even after we dated she would twist the facts and tell people how "obsessed" I was, and when I confronted her about it she had no response.

 

Which is also the reason she "moved on" so fast. She buried her feelings for me skin deep and is trying to transfer them to someone new, because she can't stand to be alone. Her own friends admitted I probably loved her a lot more than she "loved" me. She has a lot of growing up to do and getting caught in the crossfire of her madness was definitely a hard blow to my ego, psyche, and belief system. We'll just have to see how it all plays out.

 

Did we date twin sisters?

[Billie The Puppet]

Yup. Mental illness or not, they're gone and gone. And we still have feelings for them. And like you it gives me hope that any relationship she's in will fail, but I for one would put up with it.

 

But we need to remember that it makes future reconciliation that much more likely to fail also.

 

The article states though that it's really easy to fall fast and hard for someone with BPD because they show so much devotion in the beginning. They litterally make you the center of their world, and I fell into the trap. But then they push you away and you start second guessing yourself... thinking if only you tried a little harder, worked a little bit more. That's exactly what I was doing. And then they can just shut off their feelings and drop you out of the blue... happened here! And the cycling through friends/relationships... fits her to a T.

 

I know it might be that it's easier on my ego to believe she has something like this rather than just her getting tired of me and moving on. But there are so many things that match up here.

 

But again I digress... at the end of the day I'm still in love with her and can't have her.

 

You have it slightly harder because your ex made the push to erase you from her life, Mine has in terms of NC which may be out of respect for me because I asked for it insted of just doing it.

 

However she has yet to erase me from Her FB even though I asked for that too and unfriend my family. My family hasn't unfriended her because I haven't and my mother thinks we may end up back together and doesn't want todo the readd thing etc.

 

I know I am overanalying and I'm sorry for that but the necklace thing is still getting to me I don't think she would be so cold to wear it, take a photo of it and place on FB etc if she was with someone else.

 

However she may do it to see if I'll break NC. I can't I told her I'm done playing games and that's that.

 

Now her sister has told me to move on and I over analyized that too as well I guess my ex has etc. Which is why I check FB and MSN too see if she has. It may be just what I need to say I am done pining but I don't even think that would be the case for me either. I think I could perfectly wait out relationships unless she gets married. An engagement may sting too but she walked out on our plans for engagement too,

 

Really though she will have to find someone like me that can put up with her, Really its her way or the highway with her, or she will have to change which is hard for her to do so I convince myself it will be hard for her to keep someone. She won't have a problem getting someone though she was a big flirt when I met her and so was I.

 

I hate this but am coping better than I was while in LC.

[GoingInsane]

I can see why the necklace thing is bugging you (sorry to butt in again!) but sometimes our ex's just do things without thinking in my experience so far.

 

My ex still wears a bracelet I bought her every day. I think I'll be more upset when she takes it off! She also still uses a designer handbag I bought her for her birthday just 2 months ago - again every day. I don't think she's given the handbag a seconds thought, she likes it so she's using it. Ironically that irritates me, whereas the bracelet doesn't.

 

No wonder I'm so confused about things...I can't even understand my own feelings let alone try to make sense of hers.

[Billie The Puppet]

I can see why the necklace thing is bugging you (sorry to butt in again!) but sometimes our ex's just do things without thinking in my experience so far.

 

My ex still wears a bracelet I bought her every day. I think I'll be more upset when she takes it off! She also still uses a designer handbag I bought her for her birthday just 2 months ago - again every day. I don't think she's given the handbag a seconds thought, she likes it so she's using it. Ironically that irritates me, whereas the bracelet doesn't.

 

No wonder I'm so confused about things...I can't even understand my own feelings let alone try to make sense of hers.

 

My ex has a bunch of stuff she uses that I gave her heck I still wear a hat she gave me etc. It's more of the reason behind the necklace. Key to my heart as in my heart. She wears rings and other stuff that doesn't bother me.

[Ajax]

Then there are the few days like these when I feel "ok." Not awesome... but ok. Had grad school today and wore my mind out. Now I'm sitting on my futon with a delicious bacon cheeseburger from Five Guys, a "Hoppus Maximus" ale, and wathing The Punisher (Tom Jane version).

 

Am I thinking of the Ex? yes. Could I be doing something cooler? Of course. Could things be worse? Heck yeah

[Billie The Puppet]

It's Thanksgiving weekend for us Canadians, I have thoughts of my ex spending it with a new guy in her life but I just don't know because of NC. I'm in contact with the sister but I promised myself not to pry for information however the sister hinted towards me needing to move on so I automatically assumed that meant my ex has. She did follow up with history of her relationship with now fiancé and how they split both saw other people and got back together.

 

Here is where I start to manufacture hope, I check FB to see if I'm still in Profile Album and if mutual friends still hold my family or not. I check MSN profile to see her relationship status and it still says single. I know I shouldn't check but I do and that's where I have been manufacturing hope from but I also realize these pages haven't been updated in a long time which is also a negative sign as she isn't big on online when she is with someone. I also remember when we had a break Them got back together that she didn't want to put her relationship status online because of drama of FB which I completely understood but in the same sense made her appear available.

 

However I have learned not to act on anything I see online.

 

I have stopped dreaming of her, I use to look forward to sleeping I still do because the emotional pain is not felt while asleep but I cherished the dreams as it's the only way I could feel like I was interacting with her.

 

Obviously I'm still pining and am on week 6 of nc.

[Ajax]

This morning I had breakfast with my friend (my ex's cousin) and his family. They said none of them know what's going on with my ex, and neither do her own parents. My friend said he talked to my ex's mom the night before and said that she's still mad about the breakup. His exact quote was , "most of the family is generally unhappy with the situation." To which I replied that I'm also still generally unhappy with the situation.

 

Looking back on things after almost two months I can see how she has set up these parallel lives with parallel relationships, and she drifts in and out of them depending on how the mood strikes her. I ignored it at the time.

 

I guess it's her way.