WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 In a sexless marriage if you had a high libido? What if your marriage had been failing for years? What if your spouse only gave you intamacy to keep you off their back? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Not enough information to base a decision on. Whether to stay in a relationship depends on hundreds of different factors, which have to be weighed up - not just three. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 Ok so if your partner never gave you intimacy you would stay? That wouldnt be a big red flag to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Well, are you using intimacy interchangably with sex here? Is there no sex, AND no emotional intimacy? Or is there still emotional intimacy, but no sex? I do have a high libido, and I probably would not stay in the situation you're talking about--especially if I felt like my husband only ever had sex with me to 'get me off his back,' that would feel awful. BUT I would drag him to marriage counseling before I would leave, and I would insist that he see a doctor to find out if he had some kind of illness or hormonal imbalance. I would try to work to save my marriage before just walking out and washing my hands of it. Because we took vows, because I care about him, and because he's the father of my kids. If my marriage was sexless through no fault of my husband's--if he were sick, or injured, and couldn't have sex--I would stay with him, as long as there was still emotional intimacy. He would still be my best friend, my emotional center, and the father of my children. At some point, we might have to figure out an arrangement where I could get sex somewhere else, idk. Link to post Share on other sites
InternationalPlayboy Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 In a sexless marriage if you had a high libido? What if your marriage had been failing for years? What if your spouse only gave you intamacy to keep you off their back? It depends - there's a lot missing here. But generally, I believe I would stay but for how long, I don't know. People change, libidos change, situations change. Marriage is a marathon not a sprint. A rough patch today or tomorrow does not foretell decades of misery. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 If my marriage was sexless through no fault of my husband's--if he were sick, or injured, and couldn't have sex--I would stay with him, as long as there was still emotional intimacy. you've described my marriage for the past several years. But, he's very good about other kinds of intimacy, like the hand-holding and smooching stuff, etc, so that lessens the sting, so to speak. If there was no intimacy of that kind, I couldn't see myself staying long either. WowR, you really need to address the "failing for years marriage" issue before you can properly give thought to ditching your wife. Have y'all tried counseling to get the communication skills you need to make the marriage go more smoothly? also, you don't say, but is there someone else (for you OR her) involved in the picture that you don't talk about? That also makes a huge impact on a decision to leave a marriage because it magnifies problems that are often (but not always) solvable ... Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 In a sexless marriage if you had a high libido? What if your marriage had been failing for years? What if your spouse only gave you intamacy to keep you off their back? I'd work very hard to get things back on track before I'd consider leaving. Lack of intimacy would definitely be a red flag, but that would mean I start digging for reasons--not necessarily leave. Illness? Addiction? Affair? Mental breakdown???? My first reaction would be: what is wrong with my partner, and how can I help him? Are you talking about your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 In a sexless marriage if you had a high libido? What if your marriage had been failing for years? What if your spouse only gave you intamacy to keep you off their back? If it was a bad M, with other unresolved issues, I'd give it a shot, for awhile. When it was enough, GONE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 Hi - thank you for all of the replies. It is not my marriage - it is however a similar scenario to a friend's marriage. Essentially their marriage is pretty much in shambles...living seperately. They're still friendly so they can keep up the facade of a good marriage but it is anything but at this point. I am just trying to wrap my head around the situation...not that it's my issue but I want to know why people feel the need to limp their way through a mediocre marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
InternationalPlayboy Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I read something the other day that made some sense - divorce rates are down considerably and it may be in part because of the limping economy. Divorce is simply too costly for some to bear. So you may have those who live separately and putting up facades at least until the economy picks up. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I am just trying to wrap my head around the situation...not that it's my issue but I want to know why people feel the need to limp their way through a mediocre marriage. I think it boils down to either: 1. Hope (love their partner and their family, believe it will get better) or 2. Fear (realities of divorce) Link to post Share on other sites
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