Am I sleazy and too obvious?

[mauler2]

Hi, I’ve been a long time observer of these forums, but decided to register after spotting a girl at school I’d like to court.

 

The problem is, I’m paranoid that this girl will just think I want to root her. I mean, the first time I approached her and talked, I was pretty relaxed, then I backed off for a while to make her chase me a little. She did, but I acted a little distracted on purpose to make it seem like I wasn’t relying on her to like me.

 

Well, she didn’t come near me after that, and I knew I’d f**ked it up, so later that day, I approached her again, but ****, it felt so obvious I was interested in her. Still, at that point, she asked for my phone number.

 

She never rung, and the next week at school, she only smiled whenever she walked by me. And I purposely ignored her after that to make her think I’m not horny.

 

F**k!!! I got so frustrated. I don’t know what to do? We’ve just met, we do share common interests, but I know girls judge guys who act interested in them as sleazes. But dammit, who am I supposed to be?

 

[bTW, I’m 18, as is this girl. She’s quiet, but still cool and attractive. She wants to be an actress.]

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by mauler2

I know girls judge guys who act interested in them as sleazes.

 

This is news to me. Honestly, the challenge game may score you a date or two, but actually paying attention to her and asking her out might go a bit further.

[mauler2]

I think I might be paranoid, but it must be my feminist mind telling me “YOU’RE A DIRTY LITTLE BOY”.

 

I’m not a shy guy, I just don’t want to turn her away by being too nice, so I regularly retreat.

 

And I read somewhere chicks go on a guy’s words, not his appearance. How do I know if she wants me to approach her if she doesn’t look over?

 

Oh, and I want to tell her she has a nice smile. Is that too obvious, too nice? I don’t know. Should I write her a note or something?

 

I admit, I’ve been out of circulation for a bit studying.

[gaia]

What have you got to lose by letting her know you like her? The worst she can do is say "no" and then at least you know where you stand. However, from what you said, I don't think she will.

 

If I was her, I think I'd be a bit confused about how you felt. I don't subscribe to all this "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" crap. There's nothing more attractive than knowing someone fancies you.

 

Go for it, ask her out and don't worry about what she thinks you're after. Virtually all men want sex. The difference is that the good ones want other stuff as well and are willing to wait until the other person is ready.

 

Good luck

[mauler2]

Cool, thanks Gaia.

 

Even after reading all the stuff here on loveshack.org and on other websites, I feel like James Bond, but don’t know when to use such a trait.

 

I’m young. If she does reject me, at least it wouldn’t be as bad as if, say, I was 30. And if I hesitate, I could be too late.

 

Hey, do chicks dig love letters, or are they considered creepy? I thought I might tease her brain by sending an anonymous one before I approached her again. I’m better writing than I am speaking anyway. It might calm my nerves.

 

[mauler2 shrugs]

 

Also, should I feel guilty I’m playing her if I don’t earn that much?

[gaia]

Letters are fine, but it's early days so don't get too heavy. An anonymous letter would freak me out, so if you do it, let her know its from you.

So what if you don't earn much? If she's only interested in your wage packet, you'd be better off not bothering.

Bit scary that you think 30 is over the hill!!!!

[moimeme]

Also, should I feel guilty I’m playing her if I don’t earn that much?

 

Not all that impressed by the term 'playing her' from a person who says he's not...

 

Hey, do chicks dig love letters, or are they considered creepy? I thought I might tease her brain by sending an anonymous one before I approached her again.

 

In this day and age, that would creep her out. Just call the girl and ask her out. No games. No wierd stuff.

[mauler2]

I didn’t mean to say I was playing her; I meant, ‘would it make me look like I was’, because I don’t have a car to get around yet, and how’m I supposed to take her out at nights?

 

I’m just thinking ahead now. We live over twenty-kilometres apart.

 

But what’s really frying my nerves is trying to get a conversation started. She’s always around friends or walking somewhere, and its really hard to be casual and hold her up and get her isolated. I thought about intruding on her girl-group at lunchbreak, but dammit, my intentions would be so obvious to her and her friends, because, you know.

 

It’s a pain in the arse, because I don’t know how to assess her friends yet, but I know this girl is nice, and I swear I do intimidate her by the way I don’t show her much interest. Its such a mess what I’ve done. Playing hard to get is so f**ked up.

 

Here’s the type of love letter I had planned, to gauge her intrigue:

 

“My mind is consumed with frustration. I can’t get you out of my head. I come alive when I see you. You dazzle me with your smile every time. I can’t concentrate in class. Please just know that I remain anonymous not because I don’t like you; I just can’t think when I’m in your presence. You’re too beautiful, and I don’t need you to weaken me more.”

 

That’s not strong, is it? I mean, it gives an excuse why I’ve been retreating. Doesn’t make me look horny at all, right? But if this is lame, please tell me.

[moimeme]

I think it's a bit soon to send such a letter. It's one thing playing hard to get, but then spilling one's adoration onto paper is a bit too much the other way. If she was madly into you, à la Harlequin romance, she'd gladly fall into your arms. However, since it's pretty unlikely she's harbouring secret passions for you, your letter will put her off. No letters. Scratch that plan. There must be a restaurant or coffee shop or some such thing near your school. If you see her walking alone, catch up with her and ask her to go with you for a bite to eat. Or, if she's with her friends, zip over, give her your number, and ask her to call you sometime because you'd like to chat.

[mauler2]

Guess what? I went to school today, and I changed my expectations. I told myself, she’s not the only girl around, so just talk to her like a friend. Okay? So I’m outside the classroom early and like some miracle, she comes along. And using everyone’s friendly advice, I talked to her straight-up. Nothing strong, we just talked about stuff.

 

No notes. No mystery letters needed.

She was standing right there.

I swear she’s following me.

 

Anyway, I asked her a load of questions about her being an actress, then I suggested she try modelling to build her confidence first (In case you didn’t notice, such a suggestion is subliminal for saying ‘You have a great body’. Pretty smooth).

 

Throughout the rest of the day, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her throwing glances at me across the room. It was so obvious – I wasn’t imagining it. And even though I ignored making eye contact (was this wrong?), I did however make several more advances later on, just talking etc.

 

Guess what else? F**k, I think she has a boyfriend. So I ask a friend of hers, I ask if my suspicion is true. Her friend doesn’t know, but will find out!!! What the f**k? Should I believe that?

 

If she doesn’t have a boyfriend (with her beauty, its unlikely), do you think it was wise of me to have told her friend I’m completely interested in her? Will it hurt things, or do you think it’s a compliment that I should think she has a boyfriend already when she doesn’t?

 

BTW, I told this friend of hers to keep me anonymous. Am I scoring well here?

 

Dear moimeme, giving a chick your number, I’ve been told, is a total goof-up. Chicks don’t call guys when they've just met. Its a fact.

[moimeme]

And even though I ignored making eye contact (was this wrong?)

 

YES. People show interest through eye contact.

 

giving a chick your number, I’ve been told, is a total goof-up. Chicks don’t call guys when they've just met. Its a fact.

 

Actually, it's a fact that these days, 'chicks' can be reluctant to give a guy their number so giving them your number is safer for them. However, you have managed to talk to her so keep it up. And make eye contact!!!!!!

[Errol]

ARGH!

 

Quit playing grade-school games!

 

When you see her ask her out. Ask her to meet you for coffee, or ask her to dinner and a movie. You can borrow a car from a parent or friend --I'm sure you've been able to get around town before.

 

She'll tell you if she is seeing someone.

 

Stop worrying so much about how others will perceive you -- you will not be able to please everyone or meet everyone's expectations. Be yourself.

 

 

Save this thread and put it somewhere to open and look at again when you hit 30!

[Azaroth]

I found, that some girls do not like being ignored... some liked to be chased... and other are just screwed up, they don't know what they want..

 

I say if she thinks all you want to is bang her, you need to show that it's not what you want...

 

Take her to public places like cofee, or some place where you can interact, something exciting - sort of like ice skating, rollar skating things, rock climbing, concerts, or a historic site - like i went to a bogota look out tower type deal with this one girl....

 

Hook up with her one day another day all you do is a kiss on the lips once or twice....

 

and take your time with trying to get more physical...

 

This one girl, who i didn't play the routine hard to get guys - it's working out well.... I ignored her a lil bit at first, and sometimes wouldn't go up to her and tell her im nervous "girls like hearing EVERY DETAIL!" do some cute things for her - if she sick go over there with chicken soup or medicene, and etc....

 

Girls love a guy who is caring, and nice, funny - That's my personality traits - I am a little sarcastic , and girls love to be teased...

 

If you like the girl, then sex shouldn't matter - I liked this one girl, for 4 months - 1st month admired her and thought she was cute, 2nd month starting hooking up, and hanging out, 3rd month month off from school talked a lot online and visited her 2 over the month break, 4th month got more intimate/physical...

 

I love sex, and i had a bad repuation for just having sex with anything that came my way, did smoke pot -

 

and the girl i got now - is nice, hard working, smart, funny, VERY ATTRACTICE/HOT!, Didn't drink beer/booze till she was 19 - and only slept with one guy... so you know what i am dealing with

 

all it is to a secert of a relationship is time time time + caring + keeping things alive "exciting, new, diffrent - show her things that no other guy did" ... and you will come out on top

[mauler2]

The other difficult thing about getting to this girl is that her girl-group has a hugely metrosexual (gay?) guy who talks like a poof, but I think he has a girlfriend.

 

Anyway, he’s not competition in terms of my love(?) for this girl; instead, he talks all this girl stuff like aromatherapy, witchcraft, astrology and spiritual healing. The guy’s only 16, but he really engages the chicks. Unbelievable. All the guys in my class hate him.

 

I thought I might take up palmistry , but I hate that FATE crap. I know that girls hang with gay guys because chicks know gays won’t hit on them, but I still feel weak and jealous.

 

How do I draw this girl away from this guy? I can’t match his experience. I mean, I tried engaging her by being interested in her acting, but she still returns to that fag(?). He’s such a fast, animated person. I feel so boring, even if I’m into Christianity and politics and movies and time travel and REAL philosophy. And I think if I took this girl to a coffee shop, she might compare me to the gay guy. Dammit, man.

 

This girl’s not a bimbo; I think she just likes to be entertained. Has anyone been pressured like this? And how does a casual guy like me create something so spontaneous, it envelops the gay guy and draws this girl to me?

 

I swear, that ‘You should try modelling’ line should have nabbed her attention. The things I do for women.

[dyermaker]

The guy's not gay, everyone is just threatened by him because he's comfortable with himself.

 

The reason girls are so dangerous is because they can read minds. They'd much rather spend time with a guy who would engage their femininity, then a guy who's trying out lines on them.

 

"Wow, You should try modelling" = "Wow, You should try my penis"

 

And don't think they don't know that.

 

What you see as 'gay', she sees as 'nonsexual'.

 

Most guys my age don't have friendships with girls they're not looking to bang, and that's a sad thing. I have plenty of good female friends that I'm closer to than the female acquaintances I know are interested in me sexually. This guy is strong enough to control himself around females, to be a great guy who doesn't want into their pants--and they can see that, which is why they're not threatened by him, and consider him a better friend.

 

Get some female friends, it makes you a better man, and a smarter person. Then, don't treat your love-prospects like you would if you were interested in a platonic relationship, but you could use the experience in interacting with females without sounding like a bad joke.

 

There's a reason pickup lines are funny.

[mauler2]

Dear Dyermaker,

 

Come on, gimme a break. I didn’t bring up modelling just to compliment her. I brought it up because I know some actresses like Estella Warren and Milla Jovovich did modelling before getting big in film.

 

It was purely conversational, but I realised I was complimenting her body AFTER my talk with her, when I noticed she kept looking over at me in class. You know, it was just advice that had unforeseen yet great implications for me.

 

‘Trying out lines on them’? Trust me, it wasn’t a crappy pickup line. It was just conversation.

 

*****

 

BTW, I do have a friend in my class who’s a girl. Its been three weeks since school started, but I’ve been very comfortable around her, talking and trying to inspire her to get somewhere in life. But I’m not attracted to her and haven’t made a move on her, and I avoid eye contact as much as possible, yet she still sticks around. I wouldn’t say its practise for the girl I REALLY like – this friend-girl’s a bit geeky, but we’re compatible and I am capable of separating friendship and sex.

 

Still, I’m nervous as hell around the actress-girl. There are guys in my class that, just yesterday, have begun hitting on her, and she’s quite open around them. But f**k, she’s always full of trepidation around me.

 

I tried staring at her so she’d notice. She did, but she didn’t smile or mime ‘hi’, even though we just got into class. She looked away, kinda looked on, but could see I was eyeing her out of the corner of her eye. I made it obvious this time. I made her feel noticed. No more ‘playing hard to get.’

 

But then, what happens is, we go to leave the classroom, she loiters at the door, then as I approach, she moves on. Out in the hallway, she purposely falls to the back of her group, spins around to full-on look at me, but says nothing. Twice it happened, but she said nothing. I know she wanted to start a conversation, so what is she afraid of?

 

Why won’t she approach me, after all the times I’ve approached her?

 

F**k, I need feedback. I don’t want to chase her anymore until I understand how she feels about me.

 

I know she likes me, I know she finds me different to the other uncomplicated, single-minded guys in the class, and I know she knows I’m fascinated by her. Why is she shy just around me?

 

TALK TO ME, SWEETHEART! TALK!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by mauler2

Come on, gimme a break. I didn’t bring up modelling just to compliment her. I brought it up because I know some actresses like Estella Warren and Milla Jovovich did modelling before getting big in film.

*bites lip from laughter*

No, give ME a break.

 

I wish you luck, and stand by everything I said.

[mauler2]

Originally posted by dyermaker

*bites lip from laughter*

No, give ME a break.

 

I wish you luck, and stand by everything I said.

 

Sh*t, screw you!

 

She honestly didn’t mind, so even if I am bending the truth here, she didn’t mind my motivations.

 

But now that I think about it, yeah, she’s intimidated by the conservative nature I come on to her. She knows I’m sexual, that even though our conversations are intelligent and civilised and light-hearted, she’s not sure if she should come any closer to me. But I know she wants to; she just doesn’t know how to handle me.

 

I told you I’m James Bond. I come on too strong, but dammit, I’d be more restrained and pull back if she let me know I should stop trying and let me know directly that she likes me.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by mauler2

I told you I’m James Bond. I come on too strong, but dammit, I’d be more restrained and pull back if she let me know I should stop trying and let me know directly that she likes me.

If you've ever seen the telltale sequence at the end of a James Bond movie, you're not him.

 

You're more like Thomas Magnum.

 

[SoleMate]

I know that girls hang with gay guys because chicks know gays won’t hit on them.

Ha. Guys like you, Mauler2, treat girls like inhuman objects to be feared or preyed upon. Gay guys and those with confidence or intelligence or morals treat girls like...fellow human beings. You know, being pleasant and normal. Talking to them, looking at them, being real. Chicks dig that sh*t.

[gaia]

SoleMate is right. You need to be pleasant and normal.

 

Basically you are thinking about this way too much. First you won't look at her, now you're staring at her all the time. She probably doesn't have a clue what you're up to.

 

I agree with dyermaker - the modelling line is corny and creepy - give up the lines and just be yourself.

 

You really are making this much more complicated than it needs to be!

[Arabess]

Redeem yourself. Take her on a date without trying to BOINK her!

[mauler2]

I don’t mind being attacked by you people – I’m here to learn here – but it’s very hard to act normal around a beautiful girl who won’t talk to you, even though you’re making yourself noticed, making her feel noticed.

 

She’s messing with me. I’m doing everything you said. I’m now catching her eye when she looks over, but it’s hard to start a conversation when she doesn’t much say nothing.

 

I’m pursuing her hard because there’s other guys around her. Why would she notice a nice guy?

 

You don’t know how difficult it is to be a conservative predator when you fear someone else will take her. Do I think of her as an object to claim then? Probably. Initially. But that’s biological. I really, really want to know her because she’s into movies like me, and my male-friends are into football (No sir, not for me ) and the other girls are into surfing or nothing really (geez, they’re boring ).

 

Anyway, I’m gonna ask her to the cinema. Alright? I’ll say, “I’m gonna skip class to see The Passion. Wanna come? Come on, we won’t be missing anything? Don’t have any money? Screw it, I’ll pay, you can owe me.”

 

Simple. Simple. Simple. If she rejects me, well, the rest of the year will be as uncomfortable as hell for the both of us.

[dyermaker]

I'm glad you can take a little rousing, because you're still off-base.

 

I've got no respect for guys who consider improper behavior and thought procceses 'biological', and thus don't exercise the initiative to control them. Start treating the girl like a human, bitches dig that crap