A woman's Orgasm - Who's responsibility is it....

[xxoo]

Something to consider how much easier it is for the man to orgasm--direct stimulation with his pleasure nerves is never-ending during penetration. Women have indirect stimulation through pulling on the tissue surrounding the pleasure button, and then direct stimulation everytime the man hits it with his skin. It just makes sense that it takes us a little longer to get over the top, doesn't it?

Then there's that elusive g-spot....

 

Given the average two partners, there are still four hands and 20 fingers available to provide constant stimulation

[atlnay]

I am responsible for my own O. I am responsible for knowing my own body like that back of my hand. I am also responsible for clearly communicating how to my partner how to make that happen. He is responsible for following or making an effort to follow my directions more times than not.

[carhill]

Really? Kids in your future at your ripe old age?

 

Sounds like fools folly, but my dad was 62 when I graduated high school, so there is some remote precedent.

 

Perhaps, in this case, the journey is as enjoyable as the destination

[Feelin Frisky]

 

I think part of the potential confusion here is what lies in 'responsibility'. The way in which I do accept responsibility for it is very similar to what Frisky has talked about elsewhere - about having to know your own body, how you get 'there', what turns you on, and communicating that clearly to your partner. My partner can have a general idea about what turns me on, but he might be wrong and he can't 'sense' what's happening in my body so ultimately that's on me. To me, that doesn't translate as in 'I'll just use the man as a replacement for a dildo'. It's his responsibility to take my cues, and vice versa.

 

Spot on denise as usual. Just to reiterate, the organ of sex is not the penis or vagina per se, it's the brain and its contents, the mind. If one's mind is a product misinformation, repression and/or developmental neglect in sexual regards, this will have impact on a person's view of sex, whose responsibility is what, what is appropriate, and so forth. Pontifications about "all men" or "all women" IS misinformation. Sorry to those who think otherwise.

[LittleTiger]

Given the average two partners, there are still four hands and 20 fingers available to provide constant stimulation

 

My man's pretty good with his feet too!

 

Had a very funny session once where I was jolted out of my approaching euphoric state by the sudden realisation that he seemed to have more than two hands! Have never laughed so much during sex.

[LittleTiger]

Sounds like fools folly, but my dad was 62 when I graduated high school, so there is some remote precedent.

 

Perhaps, in this case, the journey is as enjoyable as the destination

 

Don't let anybody put you off carhill - we need more men like you .

[LittleTiger]

Pontifications about "all men" or "all women" IS misinformation. Sorry to those who think otherwise.

 

I don't think anybody here has pontificated about "all men" or "all women". Obviously we're all different. Sometimes generalisations are just useful for promoting discussion.

[You Go Girl]

Sounds like fools folly, but my dad was 62 when I graduated high school, so there is some remote precedent.

 

Perhaps, in this case, the journey is as enjoyable as the destination

 

Just teasing...but!

 

The female prospects (mem's daughter et al) request a more recent pic of you on that trike.

[You Go Girl]

Don't let anybody put you off carhill - we need more men like you .

 

Littletiger...you are being such a suck up!

[aerogurl87]

Well for me, I think it's my responsibility if I orgasm or not. I'm weird I guess, but I don't actually enjoy the act of orgasming. Being on the edge is the best for me, and the longer I can prolong it, the more satisfied I am.

[LittleTiger]

Littletiger...you are being such a suck up!

 

:laugh:

 

Totally!

 

If I wasn't already taken.................

[giotto]

I don't think it's entirely my responsibility, but I work towards that aim and make sure she orgasms, which she does 98 times out of 100... sometimes I orgasm after her... it's a "team work"... and it's true, women can be very close to it and so far away...

[Nikki Sahagin]

I can make myself orgasm in literally 10 seconds, but with my ex he was pretty hit and miss. I had to take responsibility for it myself during sex, but only because I couldn't be bothered to keep explaining to him what to do - that's a buzz kill. He only made me orgasm once without me doing ANYTHING at all to help; rest of the time I had to do it myself as we had sex. But i'd also say, he had problems orgasming through sex; it was easier for him when we did 'other things.' With sex...he couldn't always cum. (I don't know what that says about our relationship). But basically his penis was very sore/sensitive, so sex would hurt him a lot of the time and he'd have to stop and lie down in pain for quite a long time.

 

But as i've said before, to me sex is pleasurable enough without the orgasm?

 

Lemme try to explain.

When I have sex, every stroke kinda feels like a hit of an orgasm without reaching it fully. So even if I don't orgasm, I feel sexually fulfilled, and even better, I can have sex longer and more often, whereas my ex will be knackered out completely.

 

I don't think men can ever really understand women's bodies, but some women cum much easier than other women. I know some women who, if you believe them, orgasm as quick and easy as men do.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Well for me, I think it's my responsibility if I orgasm or not. I'm weird I guess, but I don't actually enjoy the act of orgasming. Being on the edge is the best for me, and the longer I can prolong it, the more satisfied I am.

 

Me too. Livin' on the edge! Its like prolonging the feeling just before you jump off a cliff, before finally you land in the water.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

But as i've said before, to me sex is pleasurable enough without the orgasm?

 

Lemme try to explain.

When I have sex, every stroke kinda feels like a hit of an orgasm without reaching it fully. So even if I don't orgasm, I feel sexually fulfilled, and even better, I can have sex longer and more often, whereas my ex will be knackered out completely.

 

I don't think men can ever really understand women's bodies, but some women cum much easier than other women. I know some women who, if you believe them, orgasm as quick and easy as men do.

 

for everyone.... But you hit the nail on the head when you say men not understanding women's bodies and no two women are alike.

 

I always wonder what exaxctly Warren Beatty did and if there was a video he could provide us instructions....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I am responsible for my own O. I am responsible for knowing my own body like that back of my hand. I am also responsible for clearly communicating how to my partner how to make that happen. He is responsible for following or making an effort to follow my directions more times than not.

 

unfortunately sometimes that communication is missing....

 

Now add to that the stats that say a man cums in 3 minutes and a woman in 7 (or something like that)....... It is those 4 minutes that I maintain is a man's responsibility.....

 

Now from reading these and many many other posts, more and more I wonder how dysfunctional my relationship/marriage is, as I maintain the work falls almost entirely on me the vast majority of times to ensure she get's there. She has never touched herself and while a confident woman, with much more experience then me, is surprisingly quiet about the whole thing and sex (long long stoiry and sure plenty of issues going back to her father and childhood)..... Though we are happy....

Edited September 11, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[You Go Girl]

unfortunately sometimes that communication is missing....

 

Now add to that the stats that say a man cums in 3 minutes and a woman in 7 (or something like that)....... It is those 4 minutes that I maintain is a man's responsibility.....

 

Now from reading these and many many other posts, more and more I wonder how dysfunctional my relationship/marriage is, as I maintain the work falls almost entirely on me the vast majority of times to ensure she get's there. She has never touched herself and while a confident woman, with much more experience then me, is surprisingly quiet about the whole thing and sex (long long stoiry and sure plenty of issues going back to her father and childhood)..... Though we are happy....

 

She seems to be shy in the bedroom. Yes, she can still be shy about the whole thing, even after being married to you for many years. She's probably self-conscious. I certainly wouldn't take it badly, or personally as if you are doing something wrong. Don't hold it against her either, it's obviously a huge emotional issue for her.

If she's really quiet you could try saying a few naughty things to her while looking her in the eye during the act. The more she sees you are comfortable and not self-conscious, she just might open up a little herself.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

She seems to be shy in the bedroom. Yes, she can still be shy about the whole thing, even after being married to you for many years. She's probably self-conscious. I certainly wouldn't take it badly, or personally as if you are doing something wrong. Don't hold it against her either, it's obviously a huge emotional issue for her.

If she's really quiet you could try saying a few naughty things to her while looking her in the eye during the act. The more she sees you are comfortable and not self-conscious, she just might open up a little herself.

 

She is not shy at all...... Not that you are wrong to think that from the way things are written or how she does act toward sex.... I am sure severe therapy on both our parts could find answers, but she certainly is not ready and frankly we are pretty happy and she just doesn't put sex that high on the priority scale. Now please let's not get off topic as I know a few posters who read the above and are ready to pounce with their psychoanalysis;)....

[You Go Girl]

She is not shy at all...... Not that you are wrong to think that from the way things are written or how she does act toward sex.... I am sure severe therapy on both our parts could find answers, but she certainly is not ready and frankly we are pretty happy and she just doesn't put sex that high on the priority scale. Now please let's not get off topic as I know a few posters who read the above and are ready to pounce with their psychoanalysis;)....

 

ok, haha. We certainly don't want the amateur psychologists to come out in droves, do we?

(I was playing one, btw)

[Toodamnpragmatic]

ok, haha. We certainly don't want the amateur psychologists to come out in droves, do we?

(I was playing one, btw)

 

But to bring it back on topic, we have those proverbial 4 minutes longer it takes a woman than a man to orgasm..... Just that alone says that it is then a man's responsibility to do what is needed.

 

Now add to that the typical female who will state that it all starts between the ears and my ascertion that my spouse requires 168 hours (minimum of forplay), I think I have quite the hill to climb..... My wife needs only ask "Do you want to have sex" and I am almost done......

[LittleTiger]

Now from reading these and many many other posts, more and more I wonder how dysfunctional my relationship/marriage is, as I maintain the work falls almost entirely on me the vast majority of times to ensure she get's there. She has never touched herself and while a confident woman, with much more experience then me, is surprisingly quiet about the whole thing and sex (long long stoiry and sure plenty of issues going back to her father and childhood)..... Though we are happy....

 

I wouldn't say your relationship sounds dysfunctional at all TDP. (Though I promise you I'm not trying to psychoanalyse it ) You've said you're both happy - how many people can say that about their sex life with complete honesty?

 

Your wife might have some issues but if they don't get in the way of your relationship is it really a problem?

 

For most people a good sex life is about give and take, but we're all into different things and surely it's about whatever works for a particular couple. My man's number one favourite thing is to spend 3 hours massaging and pleasuring me (on the rare occasions we can find the time) - who am I to argue with that? . Of course I wouldn't hesitate to 'give him a hand', if the mood took me and I certainly do reciprocate. However, he does like to be in charge and doesn't really have the patience to be passive for more than about 3 minutes .

[LittleTiger]

But to bring it back on topic, we have those proverbial 4 minutes longer it takes a woman than a man to orgasm..... Just that alone says that it is then a man's responsibility to do what is needed.

 

Now add to that the typical female who will state that it all starts between the ears and my ascertion that my spouse requires 168 hours (minimum of forplay), I think I have quite the hill to climb..... My wife needs only ask "Do you want to have sex" and I am almost done......

 

Ok, TDP, going to back to biology, I think I'm correct in saying that in our primitive ancestors, if the male required sex, it was his job to persuade the female that it was a good idea ie his responsiblity to get her aroused. So, yes, it is absolutely a man's responsbility to do what is needed. That is, what is needed to get the woman aroused so that she is ready for sex and, yes, for most women it takes more than 30 seconds (or whatever the average arousal time is for a man).

 

However, if we're just talking orgasms and we assume, biologically speaking, that there is no absolute need for a woman to have an orgasm (different topic and has been discussed on this thread in the sex forum), is it then the responsbility of the man to make sure the woman orgasms?

 

I would say, probably not, except in the sense that she wants/needs one and, as a loving sexual partner, it is his responsibility to give her what she wants.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that it is the man's reponsiblity to help the woman achieve orgasm in exactly the same way that it is the woman's to help the man - by doing whatever is required to excite them to the point of climax. Whether that means lying there passively, jumping through hoops, hanging from chandeliers or whatever!

 

Which also brings us back to the importance of sexual compatibility!

[xxoo]

But to bring it back on topic, we have those proverbial 4 minutes longer it takes a woman than a man to orgasm..... Just that alone says that it is then a man's responsibility to do what is needed.

 

Yes, it is a partner's responsibility to be a considerate lover. That is true for both sexes. Most of the time, I orgasm before my H. Of course it would be rude and inconsiderate for me to say, "Oh, well. I'm done!"

 

But those 4 minutes.....hopefully lovemaking isn't limited to the amt of minutes each partner requires to orgasm, right? Hopefully it is his PLEASURE to spend the extra time, rather than his (or her) responsibility.

 

It seems to me that conversation about the proverbial 4 minutes is looking as sex in a very limited, linear way. Who (man or woman) wants to be done that fast, anyway? Both sexes have motivation to extend the time of lovemaking--simply because it is so enjoyable.

[Honorable_Venerable]

I've refrained from coment until now.

 

For a diverse view of the division of responsibility, this is what I deal with.

I believe that it is the responsibility of both partners to make sex as enjoyable as possible for the other, but that you have to do your best to help your partner to make it good for you.

My wife's view is that the responsibility for her climax is mine, and mine alone, and it is only to be achieved by thrusting by me. Use of other methods (tongues, fingers etc) is not the right way to do it, and I should simply be able to do this because I'm a man and her husband. If I fail to do so, sex is "bad" for her, but she has no obligation to do anything to make it better. That's my problem.

Good here, innit?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I've refrained from coment until now.

 

For a diverse view of the division of responsibility, this is what I deal with.

I believe that it is the responsibility of both partners to make sex as enjoyable as possible for the other, but that you have to do your best to help your partner to make it good for you.

My wife's view is that the responsibility for her climax is mine, and mine alone, and it is only to be achieved by thrusting by me. Use of other methods (tongues, fingers etc) is not the right way to do it, and I should simply be able to do this because I'm a man and her husband. If I fail to do so, sex is "bad" for her, but she has no obligation to do anything to make it better. That's my problem.

Good here, innit?

 

Geez that can not be easy and is awfully limited, but I can see you have the same situation or outlook, that yes it is incumbent to you to ensure her pleasure.....