A woman's Orgasm - Who's responsibility is it....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Yes, it is a partner's responsibility to be a considerate lover. That is true for both sexes. Most of the time, I orgasm before my H. Of course it would be rude and inconsiderate for me to say, "Oh, well. I'm done!"

 

But those 4 minutes.....hopefully lovemaking isn't limited to the amt of minutes each partner requires to orgasm, right? Hopefully it is his PLEASURE to spend the extra time, rather than his (or her) responsibility.

 

It seems to me that conversation about the proverbial 4 minutes is looking as sex in a very limited, linear way. Who (man or woman) wants to be done that fast, anyway? Both sexes have motivation to extend the time of lovemaking--simply because it is so enjoyable.

 

but I am just using the 4 minutes as a point that it takes longer for a woman, and forget about the "between the ears" issue too......

 

And unfortunately many do want to be done that fast, especially when tired, children anxiety and stress all add up.....

 

Frankly I know I could use some work, practice, technique and plenty of room for improvement.....

[Honorable_Venerable]

Geez that can not be easy and is awfully limited, but I can see you have the same situation or outlook, that yes it is incumbent to you to ensure her pleasure.....

Not quite - I believe we BOTH have a responsibility to make sex mutually enjoyable. She believes that by being there she's done her bit:p

[LittleTiger]

but I am just using the 4 minutes as a point that it takes longer for a woman, and forget about the "between the ears" issue too......

 

And unfortunately many do want to be done that fast, especially when tired, children anxiety and stress all add up.....

 

Frankly I know I could use some work, practice, technique and plenty of room for improvement.....

 

Why do you say that TDP?

[xxoo]

And unfortunately many do want to be done that fast, especially when tired, children anxiety and stress all add up.....

 

People need to check their priorities if they don't have more than 7 minutes, a couple times a week, to make love. Goodness knows, I've spent longer than that on a busy day waiting in line for a coffee!

[mem11363]

If we don't have at least an hour I prefer to wait until we will have that long. I have an intense aversion to feeling rushed.

 

 

People need to check their priorities if they don't have more than 7 minutes, a couple times a week, to make love. Goodness knows, I've spent longer than that on a busy day waiting in line for a coffee!

[LittleTiger]

If we don't have at least an hour I prefer to wait until we will have that long. I have an intense aversion to feeling rushed.

 

We call 1 hour a quickie and we have to set the alarm cos we have a tendancy to get carried away

[Toodamnpragmatic]

We call 1 hour a quickie and we have to set the alarm cos we have a tendancy to get carried away

 

I am really starting to feel inadequate.... Between you, xxoo and mem11363, I'll go just stick to those magazines that claim the vast majority have sex in under 30 minutes..... You guys are freaks....

[LittleTiger]

I am really starting to feel inadequate.... Between you, xxoo and mem11363, I'll go just stick to those magazines that claim the vast majority have sex in under 30 minutes..... You guys are freaks....

 

:laugh:

 

Now come on ...... 168 hrs of foreplay and you call us freaks?

[giotto]

I am really starting to feel inadequate.... Between you, xxoo and mem11363, I'll go just stick to those magazines that claim the vast majority have sex in under 30 minutes..... You guys are freaks....

 

no, no, I'm still here...

[xxoo]

I am really starting to feel inadequate.... Between you, xxoo and mem11363, I'll go just stick to those magazines that claim the vast majority have sex in under 30 minutes..... You guys are freaks....

 

30 minute is perfectly respectable. 7 minutes is not

 

But a difference between 3 and 7 minutes makes no real life difference, because neither of us is "done" in that time....even if we have had an orgasm.

[giotto]

30 minute is perfectly respectable. 7 minutes is not

 

But a difference between 3 and 7 minutes makes no real life difference, because neither of us is "done" in that time....even if we have had an orgasm.

 

I would say 30 minutes is average for us...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

:laugh:

 

Now come on ...... 168 hrs of foreplay and you call us freaks?

 

Maybe deleted..... Sounds right to me....

 

http://www.esquire.com/women/sex/average-sex-time-0709

 

And the foreplay can vary from person to person.....

[xxoo]

30 minute is perfectly respectable. 7 minutes is not

 

But a difference between 3 and 7 minutes makes no real life difference, because neither of us is "done" in that time....even if we have had an orgasm.

 

For clarification, I'm not talking about length of intercourse here. I'm talking about the whole deal, beginning to end.

 

On the same subject, I think the 3/7 minute comparison is speaking about intercourse specifically, no? But there are so, so many other ways to reach orgasm, before OR after intercourse--so, again, it has little real life meaning for me.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

and from medical.net....

 

Satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from 3 to 13 minutes, contrary to popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity, according to a survey of U.S. and Canadian sex therapists.

 

Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani conducted a survey of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.

Thirty-four, or 68 percent, of the group responded and rated a range of time amounts for sexual intercourse, from penetration of the vagina by the penis until ejaculation, that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long.

The average therapists' responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: "adequate," from 3-7 minutes; "desirable," from 7-13 minutes; "too short" from 1-2 minutes; and "too long" from 10-30 minutes.

"A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal," the researchers said. “"Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. "

Past research has found that a large percentage of men and women, who responded, wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer.

"This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction," said lead author Eric Corty, associate professor of psychology. "With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions."

Corty and Guardiani, then-undergraduate student and now a University graduate, are publishing their findings in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, but the article is currently available online.

The survey's research also has implications for treatment of people with existing sexual problems.

"If a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counseling, instead of medicine," Corty noted.

[xxoo]

I def agree with your articles, TDP. I don't prefer more than 10 or so min of intercourse at a time.

 

But there are so many other things to take up the other 20+ minutes . I don't separate out "foreplay" from "sex". It is all sex to me.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I def agree with your articles, TDP. I don't prefer more than 10 or so min of intercourse at a time.

 

But there are so many other things to take up the other 20+ minutes . I don't separate out "foreplay" from "sex". It is all sex to me.

 

Just confirming.... Had me worried.... As if my self-esteem wasn't low enough.....

[SarahRose]

Well for me, I think it's my responsibility if I orgasm or not. I'm weird I guess, but I don't actually enjoy the act of orgasming. Being on the edge is the best for me, and the longer I can prolong it, the more satisfied I am.

 

And guys are so goal orientated in that orgasm is their ultimate goal they assume it is like that for every female. It is sometimes but not necessarily every time.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

And guys are so goal orientated in that orgasm is their ultimate goal they assume it is like that for every female. It is sometimes but not necessarily every time.

 

But that is because it is out goal..... No orgasm for us is not just a bad sign of our virility, but our manliness.... Hell a limp penis is a pretty emasculating outcome..... no good can come from that.....

[mem11363]

Minimum an hour from the start of foreplay to the end of intercourse. As for the intercourse - sorry 5 to 10 minutes - she knows exactly how to push me over the edge so she "chooses" the duration. I "can" last up to 15 but honestly - that is ummmm - overly strenuous at this point. Lucky for me she doesn't ask.

 

 

I am really starting to feel inadequate.... Between you, xxoo and mem11363, I'll go just stick to those magazines that claim the vast majority have sex in under 30 minutes..... You guys are freaks....

[xxoo]

- she knows exactly how to push me over the edge so she "chooses" the duration.

 

Yep, that's how it works!

[You Go Girl]

But that is because it is out goal..... No orgasm for us is not just a bad sign of our virility, but our manliness.... Hell a limp penis is a pretty emasculating outcome..... no good can come from that.....

 

The more I think about it, the more I'm glad I was never a teenage boy frightened half to death with the thought of either cuming in 2 seconds or going limp in the same....

It's nice to be the gender with no responsibility except to tease and please!

You guys have it rough!

[LittleTiger]

I def agree with your articles, TDP. I don't prefer more than 10 or so min of intercourse at a time.

 

But there are so many other things to take up the other 20+ minutes . I don't separate out "foreplay" from "sex". It is all sex to me.

 

I seem to have got way behind here by being asleep!

 

I'm with xxoo on this one. 10 minutes or so of actual intercourse is about as much as I can take. Our sessions are an hour or three of 'playtime', definitely not all intercourse - ouch!

 

Edit: actually, thinking about it, probably closer to 5 minutes is enough for me, unless we have a break in the middle.

Edited September 12, 2010 by LittleTiger

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Now I feel better.... As a male sex is pretty damn easy for me.... Women they tell us over and over there are so many other factors.....

 

Thus I feel responsible to mitigate or make those other factors play into my favour.....

[LittleTiger]

Now I feel better.... As a male sex is pretty damn easy for me.... Women they tell us over and over there are so many other factors.....

 

Thus I feel responsible to mitigate or make those other factors play into my favour.....

 

Seems to me you're doing a pretty good job TDP. If you're both happy (even if you're doing most of the work) and she orgasms nearly every time, you're obviously doing something right.

 

By the way - told my man about your 168 hrs foreplay - his response? "Legend!"

[controlledchaos]

i haven't read the ENTIRE thread. it's quite long now. this addresses the bolded part and it's entirely possible this has already been covered. :-)

 

but, there is a lot of change in a woman's desire and readiness based on her reproductive cycle. the two i'll hit on quickly are during ovulation and right before she gets her period. during ovulation her hormones are up and she wants sex. obviously NOT ALL WOMEN are like this. but if everything is 'normal' in her and the marriage she will probably be more interested during this week. she'll get wet faster and be more responsive. probably be able to orgasm faster/ quicker now too.

 

then, as the weeks lead up to her period her hormones drop off. she takes longer getting wet and into things. things can become uncomfortable during this time. her cervix has changed positions and pretty low. so, some positions are going to hurt more too. she will have a harder time having an orgasm as well.

 

i believe that if the woman wants an orgasm she needs to make that clear and she either needs to make it happen or tell her partner HOW to make it happen. show him if you need to. it depends how badly she wants the orgasm i guess. i know i wanted it every time. so, that was my goal. not all women can orgasm from just penetration alone. and depending on what time of the month it is, just penetration might not work.

 

i cannot imagine NOT wanting an orgasm from a tongue or hands. i really can't. if i ever find myself lucky enough to have sex again, i'll take one any which way i can get one, LOL.

 

 

oh, and i highly recommend to all women ( especially if you have issues having orgasms) to get your hood pierced ;-) it's a lot of fun! and i'm only half joking. if you need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, this really does help A-LOT!

Edited September 14, 2010 by controlledchaos