cheating wife

[russ]

my wife of 15 years recently cheated on me. I don't have all

 

the info I would like. She would like to forget the whole thing and move on saying it was a stupid mistake. How do you forget something like that.

[Charles]

well if you honestly think she's sorry and that then just forget and forgive is all you can do.

 

whats the point in knowing details?

 

she's cheated and now promises never to do it agian.

 

she wants to forget it herself and if you have

 

details its only harder to forgive.

 

if you can never forgive her then there's no point

 

in staying with her because it will just put you

 

more and more at each other's necks. she's come

 

out and told you and sworn that it'll never happen

 

again. if she loves you enough to tell you and ask

 

forgiveness then she'll never do it again as far

 

as I'm concerned.

 

if you look at the flower

 

you'll recieve sweet smells

 

but if you look at the thorns

 

you will only prick your fingers.

 

you've got to out do the bad by remembering the good

 

and if you can't find any good then what are you doing

 

with her in the first place. if you only see the bad

 

side then you will prick your fingers and you will

 

keep seeing only the bad and it will look much worse

 

than it really is. if you want to stay with her then

 

forget it and move on to better things.

 

Good luck

 

Charles

[Tony T]

People are flesh and blood, fallible human beings who make mistakes...big and small...on a regular basis. You have to recognize that fact and forgive. You forget by working together to try to correct factors in your relationship that may have lead to the infidelity.

 

You say you don't have all the information you would like...you really don't need any at all except the fact that it happened and your wife's assurance it won't happen again. Additional details will only poison your system more, make you more bitter, and give you much more to have to forgive and forget.

 

The fact is that as human beings, many people who are dating someone exclusively or married have thoughts of being with someone else. Many act on thoughts. That other person doesn't have to mean anything to them whatsoever. After 15 years of marriage, things sometimes get to be sort of static sometimes and your wife may just have been looking for an amusement. She recognizes the mistake and your post implies she's sorry. Don't make her stand on her head...just plain don't bring it up anymore.

 

Husbands have a tendency to become complacent in a marriage and take lots of things for granted. If you are interested in staying married, both of you need to renew some of the romance you once had...or at least go through the motions. Her infidelity may indicate there is something missing, if only a sense of absolute committment on her part. Again, bringing this incident up again and again will serve no purpose except to drive a wedge between the two of you and ultimately terminate your relationship. The two of you have to work together to improve your marriage and by doing so you will ensure such an event does not recurr.

 

Sometimes it's difficult to put some sparks back into a marriage that has become bland. But it is very possible. If you need professional help, get it...but make sure it's with someone who is good a SAVING marriages, not ending them. In the process you may discover one or more critical issues that need to be addressed that both of you have overlooked.

 

Again, it is just plain human to find situations unexciting after a while. Nobody's fault, it just happens. It was a mistake, if you cannot forget it just have the will to forget, forgive and move on.

[Ajay]

You probably will NEVER forget something like that (I doubt she will either); however, you must be able to FORGIVE her or you will never get through it. Bringing it up, going over the details, and dwelling on it will only make things worse. Remember she too has to work on forgiveness; she has to forgive herself. Good luck.

[Calvin]

Dude you need details, otherwise from now on everything will be tainted. Anytime you 2 are intimate you'll wonder "did she do this w/ him?" or "how did she feel?". The questions, the uncertainty, the insecurities will eat you up from the inside out.

 

And I'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen. You're gonna try to forget. It'll eat at you. At some point you will act/say something cruel (warrented or not is irrelevent) and she will freakout on you. She will claim the moral high ground saying that "she is moving on but you are holding back the relationship b/c you can't forget or forgive." She will point out all of your many faults & say that she is tired of being blamed. Eventually she will convince herself that her infidelity is your fault. All of which is bs.

 

I'm not saying complete, brutal honesty is needed but once trust, faith, honesty has been violated you both gotta go back to square #1. that means honesty. Both of you gotta be honest w/ each other, but w/ a referee (counseler). You've got to look at it as you 2 are starting your marriage over. What do you feel you need from this woman to prove to you that this is the woman worth the rest of your life. If you don't have that honesty history will repeat itself, either spontaneously or b/c of bith of your insecurities (lack of trust) will drive 1 or both of you out of this marriage.

 

I'm of the mindset that I'd say screw her but 15 yrs is along time & no one is perfect. But she's gotta be brutally honest w/ you otherwise (1)you'll get shafted again or (2)you'll resent her & shut off your emotions.

 

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my wife of 15 years recently cheated on me. I don't have all the info I would like. She would like to forget the whole thing and move on saying it was a stupid mistake. How do you forget something like that.