When to give a long distance relationship a chance?

[GooseChaser]

How do you know that you should give it a chance and start a long distance relationship? Is it often a good option to go with rather than giving up on the relationship? What is needed to have a successful long distance relationship? The first thing I can think of is trust, and then communication (by phone, by internet, by letters, etc.). What would you guys like to add?

[Citizen Erased]

When I realised how secure he made me feel, that he wanted the same amount of communication, he loved my companionship as much I do his and we both ultimately wanted to be together, I knew we could do it. I always thought the people on this part of LS were nuts to be honest. I never thought I could trust someone enough, want to fight for someone as much, yet here I am and it was effortless.

 

It's not ideal. It's not my first choice. But he is, so that was all that mattered to me when we started. And it still is.

[aerogurl87]

Aww CE that's so cute. You and Pyro are a cute couple though.

 

Anyway Goosechaser I think the answer to your questions will be different for different people with some common themes. For me I knew my boyfriend was worth it because we got along so well and I actually trusted him. The trust factor was a big motivation for me to go ahead with pursuing a relationship along with the fact that we like the same level of communication and he doesn't find me clingy. For me it was the only option available to be with him at the moment and I'd rather be with him (someone who loves, respects, and treats me the way I know I want and should be treated in a relationship) than be in a mediocre relationship that's local.

 

And to answer your last question, to have a successful LDR you need trust, honesty, communication, true compatibility, and patience.

[LisaLee]

I guess it was something that he proved to me over time. And he proved it in the exact ways that CE and Aero described. He showed me that he was in it for the long haul, and that he felt that I am worth all of the emotional and financial headaches that come with an LDR.

 

LDRs are not easy, and I find that a lot of people enter into them on a whim, not realizing how much work and money it takes for the relationship to pan out. For sure it is not something I enjoy, nor something I would wish on anyone. But in my case I gave it a chance because he is so worth it to me... because I just can't imagine life without him now. Even though we are apart he is still extremely involved in my life and I am with his. I value his companionship in a way I have never felt with anyone else, and I know he feels the same.

 

We want to enjoy life with each other, that is why we put up with the distance for now because the payoff is that we will eventually be together. That makes it worth it for me.

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

I think particularly in a LDR the couple need to have some sort of goal for the future, whether that is getting married someday or one of them relocating etc. Making the long distance thing finite and somehow finding a way to be together in the end.

 

I personally would be very unfulfilled if my relationship stayed long distance for years and years, to come home every night to an empty house - no one to share having dinner with, cuddle up on the sofa/in bed next to is not very fulfilling.

 

At the moment my fiance is in Iraq and our only option is IM, email and occasionally phoning with his call card although we have never had a decent conversation like that as the signal is always terrible so one of us could be really into what we are saying and go off on a tangent for a few minutes only to discover the other one didn't hear it and then we have to remember what we said and repeat!!! Maddening!!!

 

When he returns from Iraq next May it has been assumed I will immigrate to the States from the UK to be with him but I am kinda wondering whether that will be the right choice for me, yet it is hard to voice my concerns given our communication options.

[LisaLee]

...along with the fact that we like the same level of communication and he doesn't find me clingy.

 

Hahaha, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and I think this is so important!!! I believe if others knew just how much my SO and I were in communication with each other they would call it excessive and clingy. But for us it's not enough. It is a good thing I met my match because there have been sooo many stories on here where communication is the issue.

[Citizen Erased]

Hahaha, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and I think this is so important!!! I believe if others knew just how much my SO and I were in communication with each other they would call it excessive and clingy. But for us it's not enough. It is a good thing I met my match because there have been sooo many stories on here where communication is the issue.

 

Yep, same with us. Excessive and clingy yet not enough.

 

I almost feel guilty when I read of those with a lack of communication, I feel spoiled.

[carvidep]

How did I know that we should give it a chance? I knew that I'd found my best friend. Before realizing that we liked each other, we'd been online language pen pals for a good two years. There was an instant connection, nothing huge, but it was there. When we met for the first time in person, it felt like we'd known each other forever.

 

There's this impossible-to-explain comfort that I feel when I'm with him that I'd never felt before with anyone else.

 

It also helps that we share the same views on most issues. And one of my biggest fears is being too clingy, but he encourages me to lay it on, and he shows no signs of running away.

 

Everyone else has pretty much laid out the tools necessary to make an LDR work:

-trust

-steady flow of communication

-true and honest compatibility

-the desire and shared goal to eventually be together

 

I'm sure there's more, I just can't think of them right now haha.

 

I can tell you for sure that if we had not decided to give it a chance, I'd be sitting here right now with a deep pit of regret in my stomach, no matter how happy I'd have found myself without him.

[aerogurl87]

Yep, same with us. Excessive and clingy yet not enough.

 

I almost feel guilty when I read of those with a lack of communication, I feel spoiled.

 

 

Lol, yes same here. My boyfriend and I are constantly talking. My mom just kinda shakes her head and laughs because she thinks we're both quiet and doesn't see how we could talk to each other as much as we do. But for both of us, being constantly in contact is what makes us happy. I don't know what I'd do if our level of communication dropped significantly. In fact my boyfriend told me he wishes we could talk more and that is one of the drawbacks of his new job.

[Romance]

i had NO IDEA what i was getting into with a long distance relationship. Truth is, if i knew it;d be like this, i would have not gotten involved with my boyfriend. But now we're deeply in love and I wouldn't change that. but honestly, i do sometimes i wish i had never spoken to him.

 

at first, it wasn't hard, for some reason. After our first few meetings, I wasnt too sad. But now I cry like a baby for like, 2 days. It gets harder and harder.

[skydiveaddict]

What is needed to have a successful long distance relationship?

 

 

Plane tickets.

[USMCHokie]

Plane tickets.

 

Or your very own Gulfstream G650...

[skydiveaddict]

Or your very own Gulfstream G650...

 

 

Only a Marine lawyer could afford that.

 

Seriously, op, LDR's are no problem if you have enough money to see each other with some regularity.

[sweetjasmine]

How do you know that you should give it a chance and start a long distance relationship?

 

Hard to say. It essentially boils down to whether the benefits outweigh the risks and drawbacks. I don't think there's really a checklist for it. It's a question of how you feel about each other.

 

Is it often a good option to go with rather than giving up on the relationship?

 

Often? Probably not. But sometimes it is a good option.

 

What is needed to have a successful long distance relationship? The first thing I can think of is trust, and then communication (by phone, by internet, by letters, etc.). What would you guys like to add?

 

I would add realistic expectations, which includes some of the things other posters have mentioned, like money and an end goal. I've learned that you have to keep your feet on the ground and look at things realistically, especially when attempting to make plans. It's sometimes easy to get carried away by the emotion, wanting to see each other and wanting to end the distance, but I've had to remind myself at times to keep my head on straight.

 

LDRs are not easy, and I find that a lot of people enter into them on a whim, not realizing how much work and money it takes for the relationship to pan out.

 

Yeah, that's true. I kind of tripped and fell into my LDR. Neither of us was expecting it to happen, and it sort of just did. I don't think we ever even directly talked about it in the beginning, but it was understood. We both just wanted to see each other, be together, and get to know each other better.

 

But we both knew that it would be difficult and would require a lot of money and travel.

 

For sure it is not something I enjoy, nor something I would wish on anyone. But in my case I gave it a chance because he is so worth it to me... because I just can't imagine life without him now. Even though we are apart he is still extremely involved in my life and I am with his. I value his companionship in a way I have never felt with anyone else, and I know he feels the same.

 

Yeah, that's how we felt. I would call during the day to complain about my work or share something awesome, and he would tell me what he was up to and ask for recipe suggestions, and in our own way, we were involved in each others' lives despite the distance.

 

We want to enjoy life with each other, that is why we put up with the distance for now because the payoff is that we will eventually be together. That makes it worth it for me.

 

And I can say it really was worth it. He's sleeping soundly next to me right now. Thank goodness he's a fairly heavy sleeper - otherwise my typing would be incredibly annoying.

[GooseChaser]

Thank you everyone for your answers! I appreciate it! It really helps to read what you guys think! It is good to see that people try long-distance relationships, and that they can work out! Gives me hope!

 

I have one more question to add to the previous question! Do the modern day advances in transportation and communication over long distances help to make these long-distance relationships more possible? We have a lot of options available to us to communicate, including the traditional phone call and letter sent through the mail, and the newer methods of texting, emailing, instant messaging, and programs utilizing the Internet, such as Skype, which allow both text communication and full-on video chats. I think Skype and other video chat programs in particular are big, and could make a difference in more effectively connecting people over long distances. Someday these things will be very important to me in making keeping in touch with distant friends, family, and love interests more practical and convenient. Which methods are your favorites?

[aerogurl87]

Do the modern day advances in transportation and communication over long distances help to make these long-distance relationships more possible? We have a lot of options available to us to communicate, including the traditional phone call and letter sent through the mail, and the newer methods of texting, emailing, instant messaging, and programs utilizing the Internet, such as Skype, which allow both text communication and full-on video chats. I think Skype and other video chat programs in particular are big, and could make a difference in more effectively connecting people over long distances. Someday these things will be very important to me in making keeping in touch with distant friends, family, and love interests more practical and convenient. Which methods are your favorites?

 

Yes I think modern advances in technology make things a whole lot better. I find it funny you ask this because yesterday while doing a video chat with my boyfriend on MSN, my mom walked into the room and commented on how cool it was that technology allowed him and I to talk and see each other like that in real time although we were miles away from one another. Our favourite methods of keeping in contact are texting (which we do constantly through out the day), phone calls via skype (the plan to call him at his house or on his cell is "unlimited" and only costs $3 a month), and of course video chats when we can manage to have them.

[skydiveaddict]

No they do not help. Nothing can replace being together. It's part of the human condition. People forget that, and that's why most LDR's fail. But I would not be the least bit concerned about distance if I really liked someone.

[Citizen Erased]

No they do not help. Nothing can replace being together. It's part of the human condition. People forget that, and that's why most LDR's fail. But I would not be the least bit concerned about distance if I really liked someone.

 

Of course they help. They don't make everything the same of course, that's impossible, but it makes me feel a heck of a lot better being able to see him, hear him talk, be able to chat to each other on our phones when we're away from our computers. None of that would be available to us before.

 

People don't forget nothing can replace being together, we are all too aware of that and that is actually why most of them fail. It's those that can deal with it the best, and those that don't wait years longer than their relationship can handle for one of them to take the leap and move. IMO of course.

[skydiveaddict]

CE is only saying that cause she lives on the other side of the world from her BF. And frequent travel between here and there isnt feasible. But if you live a few states away from your SO, than it can easily be managed

[carvidep]

Thank you everyone for your answers! I appreciate it! It really helps to read what you guys think! It is good to see that people try long-distance relationships, and that they can work out! Gives me hope!

 

I have one more question to add to the previous question! Do the modern day advances in transportation and communication over long distances help to make these long-distance relationships more possible? We have a lot of options available to us to communicate, including the traditional phone call and letter sent through the mail, and the newer methods of texting, emailing, instant messaging, and programs utilizing the Internet, such as Skype, which allow both text communication and full-on video chats. I think Skype and other video chat programs in particular are big, and could make a difference in more effectively connecting people over long distances. Someday these things will be very important to me in making keeping in touch with distant friends, family, and love interests more practical and convenient. Which methods are your favorites?

 

I'm in the US and my SO is in Europe. Today's technology has played a huge role throughout our relationship. We use Skype, e-mail, texting, and phone calls (using a Skype2Go number on my side).

 

My personal favorite is the phone, even though with Skype I can see his face and mannerisms. But there's something special about how his voice completely melts me through the phone.

 

I can't even imagine what it would be like if we only had letters and phone calls to go by. I'm not sure if that would have been enough. At this point I think we'd be able to handle it, but maybe not through the earlier stages. Skype helped a lot with that.

 

I'll be moving to his country for a year where we'll be about 4 hours away from each other. So we'll continue to use each of the communication tools I listed above, but we'll be able to get together every 1-2 weeks.

[Citizen Erased]

CE is only saying that cause she lives on the other side of the world from her BF. And frequent travel between here and there isnt feasible. But if you live a few states away from your SO, than it can easily be managed

 

So if I lived in say Chicago, we'd just limit our contact when we're together and maybe a few phone calls? Uh I don't think so. We'd still be on skype, messaging each other etc when we're apart.

 

We've actually seen each other this year more than some people on here that live in the same country. So I don't really see how our distance being larger is particularly relevant or makes my opinion lesser than yours...someone that is to the best of my knowledge not in a LDR...

[aerogurl87]

CE is only saying that cause she lives on the other side of the world from her BF. And frequent travel between here and there isnt feasible. But if you live a few states away from your SO, than it can easily be managed

 

That's not always true depending on the two people's schedules. If both people have very demanding jobs where taking time off isn't always readily available or money is tight, it can be just as hard as having your partner live on the other side of the world.

[skydiveaddict]

So if I lived in say Chicago, we'd just limit our contact when we're together and maybe a few phone calls? Uh I don't think so. We'd still be on skype, messaging each other etc when we're apart.

 

We've actually seen each other this year more than some people on here that live in the same country. So I don't really see how our distance being larger is particularly relevant or makes my opinion lesser than yours...someone that is to the best of my knowledge not in a LDR...

 

 

No I'm not saying that. Of course you would skype, email, phone calls , text etc. i'm just saying nothing can replace seeing each other.

And you're right , I'm not in a LDR. But I have been.

[Citizen Erased]

No I'm not saying that. Of course you would skype, email, phone calls , text etc. i'm just saying nothing can replace seeing each other.

And you're right , I'm not in a LDR. But I have been.

 

That wasn't the question, if it could replace being together. Of course it doesn't. They asked if all the tech stuff made things easier.

[skydiveaddict]

That wasn't the question, if it could replace being together. Of course it doesn't. They asked if all the tech stuff made things easier.

 

 

 

I see your point. Does it make things easier for you?