Not sure what he wants . . . if anything?!

[fooled once]

I take full responsibility for giving him the note and I gave him it hoping that he would want to take things further, yes. After being married, and miserable I am now well aware that it is possible to be married and to be desperately miserable and alone. My boss gives all of these signs but never says anything bad about his wife. I would not dream of having an affair with a happily married man . . . but happily married men don't act that way. I would have been very hurt if another woman had given my husband a note but I wouldn't have been that surprised if we had been very miserable for half of our marriage and argued every day. I do not agree with adultery nor do I agree with remaining in an unhappy marriage.

 

If my boss were to say he wanted a relationship (not a sordid affair) then I would change job and continue to see him. I can't apologise to my boss for giving him the note as I am not sorry for telling him the truth about how I feel. He obviously isn't upset by it as he has since bought me lunch, given me a payrise and has started to confide in me more. How can I say sorry a month after the event? I have no intention of dating the other dentist and have not lead him on at all. I left my husband because he was abusive . . . and believe it or not I only started to develop feelings for my boss 3-4 weeks after leaving my husband.

 

I have already decided to leave my job as I think my boss probably just wants an affair to help him deal with being middle aged . . . I however am not in the game of splitting a happy home . . . but would not turn away happiness simply because someone hasn't yet done what they should have done a long time ago.

 

Interesting how you believe you know this guy who you just started working for --- you know what his marriage is and isn't and you have decided that his friendly behavior = interest in having an affair.

 

I interpret it as his young nurse has made a pass at him and HE TOLD YOU he was happily married. But for some reason, you are choosing to not believe this and have decided he wants you and you are going to have an affair with him because you aren't going to deny yourself happiness but at the same time, you don't want to be a mistress..... right?

 

 

help yourself by not continuing further with him.

 

stop sharing your personal life. you are there for business - so stop it.

 

unless you want a twisted bundled of trouble...

 

sharing your personal stuff with him is inappropriate at best - that is NONE of his business and you are using it to your advantage to try to make a move on a MM - and you got more money - that is manipulative at best. yes, he feels sorry for you (who wouldn't? - especially IF he might have a chance of sleeping with you). keep your private thoughts and feelings and words to yourself - and stop staring into his eyes - THAT behavior is for his WIFE!

 

find a new job... one that you don't expose all your personal stuff to - go there to do the work. work only. that is what you get paid to do no matter what. just do the work and keep quiet. stop engaging in totally inappropriate behavior - a lot of people will get hurt if you continue to move forward just the way it is.

 

Yes - KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE. Do you want sympathy from him because you had a bad first marriage? Do you think it will make him want to comfort you; and then you will make another move on him? I will never understand people who bring their private life into the OFFICE - that is a place of work, not the place for people to tell people they barely know their business.

 

totally agree with 2sunny, your behavior at the job has been totally inappropriate and hopefully you will not do this at your next jobs. You may find yourself out of a job if you do this.

 

2sunny, he hasn't stated that he won't leave his wife that's why I posted this thread in the first place. He told me the day after I gave him the note that he is ''happily married'' but has since said that he is not so happy and is mentioning how ''brave'' people are for leaving their husbands/wives on a daily basis.

 

Why do you think I dare to give my married boss a note in the first place? He obviously gave me enough encouragement to dare to do it otherwise I wouldn't have risked my job and being rejected.

 

How did HE give you encouragement for you to write him a note (seriously, this is so junior high behavior!)

 

I am not kidding myself . . . I know women who go for men simply because they are married and who just love a challenge. I have simply fallen for a man who is already married. I don't want to be branded a homewrecker but the heart is easier to hear than the head. Wish I didn't feel this way as my life is complicated enough at the moment with my crazy ex threatening to murder me.

 

seriously, it is HIS fault you wrote him the love note??? I really think the stress of your divorce is affecting you. Have you thought about counseling?

 

Nothing you've said so far gives me any indication that he's considering leaving his wife. He may be considering an affair with you, but the jury's even out on that one right now.

 

Don't analyze everything he says and does and try to make something out of it that it's not. It happens. I've been there, done that. It's wishful thinking.

 

Judge him by his actions. If he shows up having filed for divorce one day, THEN you'll know his leaving his wife. Until then, he's still in his marriage and engaging in anything emotional or physical with him is an affair.

 

Affairs hurt. Trust me. There are good times, yes, but overall, they're heartbreaking. You're too young to be hung up on an older, unavailable man. However, if you really feel he's the one you want to be with, letting him sort out his marriage first is the absolute best thing you can do for everyone involved, especially YOU.

 

excellent post !!!!

[unspokenwords]

Thanks unspokenwords . . . yeah my gut feeling is that he does want me and that his marriage has been dead a long time now but I am not sure he is prepared to give up the material side of things nor his 'image' of the happily married man with a respectable career . . . because to be fair to him he would have a LOT to lose whereas I on the other hand have nothing to lose now other than my job and perhaps my 'good name'.

 

Really think I just need to get out of this situation as my feelings are growing stronger each day . . . do some men just leave a marriage do you think to be with someone they hardly know? I haven't ever heard of any, just lots of stories of hurt wives and disillusioned mistresses.

 

I hope all works out for you . . . sounds as though you could have done with hearing this advice from someone before you went down the road of no return too. Just hope I have the strength to go and not look back . . . because I have a strange feeling that he will not be happy about my leaving . . . not after he has made such an effort to keep me sweet (the payrise etc).

 

Think sometimes men get up the courage to be really honest with their wives if they feel the marriage is over but often so many practical things and fear get in the way and they are left in a permanent struggle over what to do. There is huge pressure to be the responsible family man even when the family are not dependent any longer. Also wives will be dependent financially and emotionally in many cases. It's a huge step and they know they will be dammed for doing it and may not want to give up the parts of their life which shape how they are seen by others.

 

Some of course take the easy option and just have their cake and eat it if the opportunity arises - sometimes knowingly and happily - others probably weakly and with huge amounts of guilt and frustration.

 

I suppose in our situation we have to find the strength to live with it and move away practically and hopefully emotionally. It's not easy and no amount of chastising from other people can make you FEEL differently. It's how you decide to act on it that is important. Just be true to yourself. You could lay it on the line regarding your feelings. Then whatever happens you know you have told your truth. Only he can make the necessary steps to change things if he wants to enough.

 

Sadly we are not automatons who can turn off our feelings like a light switch and sadly we don't always do the right things - none of us. We are full of human frailties. It's just somehow anything to do with marriage/relationships and emotions are the failures for which we are often dammed the most.

[unsure10]

Hi everyone I haven't been on here for a few days as lots has happened. I decided not to leave my job as I have loads of good friends there and feel settled. I decided instead to just try and be professional and not to give in to my feelings. Anyway, that has not worked!!

 

The past few days my boss has been really coming on strong (grabbing my hand when I pass him anything and asking me loads of questions about my personal life and giving off hints left right and centre that he is unhappy at home. So, today I was working with him and in between patients he hardly took his eyes off me. At the end of the day he was hanging around and I could tell he was wanting to say something as he was sort of building up to it all day. Another member of staff was also there though so he and I both left in our cars. We go the same way and I was right behind him when I decided enough was enough. I flashed him and indicated for him to pull over. He did and then it got bad . . .

 

He asked what was wrong and I explained that I needed to know what was going on as he had told me he was happily married when I first told him I liked him but that now he just seemed to be coming on strong. Then I asked ''Am I going completely mad or is there something between us?'' He stared at me like a wild animal would at it's prey and said '' I would be a very silly boy, I would be a very silly boy if anything were to happen''. I then said '' so you don't want anything to happen then?'' He replied '' You know I feel the same as you but it's so difficult you don't want an older man with baggage''. Then he hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek as he was still holding me. We then turned and kissed on the lips and he then kissed me on the cheek again!! Then he said that we should get back into our cars before we were seen.

 

I was just about to drive off when he cameback to my car and asked if I was still ok to work on Monday?? As if worried I wouldn't be going in. I said that I would be in and that I wouldn't be acting any differently. I then lost all my senses and said to him '' I will act as normal but it's so hard when I have to work with you everyday when I am wanting you''. He replied ''Yes I am finding it really hard to ignore because it's just a natural attraction''. Then, he stroked/touched my hair as I was sat in my car with him leaning in and said ''Bye see you Monday''.

 

Ok so I am completely aware that I am weak and ridiculous and coming across as a bad person but what I need to know is was he saying goodbye today and hoping we can just work together as normal or is it his hamfisted way of getting nearer to us starting an affair?? Please help as i have no idea what he wants . . . I thought if he ever kissed me I would know but I am still none the wiser. Please be kind I know I am an idiot for just not leaving and for making a move . . . AGAIN!!

Edited September 18, 2010 by unsure10

[jj33]

Please be kind I know I am an idiot for just not leaving and for making a move . . . AGAIN!!

 

Then what are you doing? You are staying in a job with a married man who is attracted to you and knows he shouldnt have an A and you are encouraging him?

 

If you really didnt want to have an A you would be looking for another job or you would behave differently with him. You are getting off on the attention.

 

I know that feeling its the feeling of what am I doing and if I could go back to that night and not have kissed him, it would have saved me a world of pain over the past few years. You have the power to walk away now.

 

He cant ask you to leave the job but you would be making his life and your life a whole lot better if you did.

 

I know that is not what you want to hear, but its the truth.

[Star_Bright]

unsure. My own sitch started out in much the same way. I am just begging you to stop it here before you get really hurt like I did. My boss also made subtle moves on me like yours is. He would make sexually referenced comments, he would invite me to lunch and drinks, he would ask me questions about my personal life and share his personal life with me, he would find reasons to touch me and be close to me and always have me around, he would look at me with those eyes... it was very addictive and alluring. I know what you are feeling, I do. All the while my boss would talk about his happy family and I would see them together and it was very confusing. How could he be happily married and want to be with me? I didn't get it.

 

Well I went ahead with it like you are doing and after we became physical my boss started sounding much like yours. We can't do anything further, we will regret it, he is married and not leaving his family, etc. Okay. I guess I was too attracted/addicted to stop. I understood what he was saying and I didn't want him to leave his family, I just wanted to explore this connection. I felt invincible and special I guess.

 

Then before I knew it he had changed the whole game plan. He talked about being wildly madly in love with me and saying things hadn't been right with he and his wife for a long time and he would leave if it weren't for the children and he had never felt anything like this and he wanted to be with me. WTF. I was so confused. At that point it was so deep and intense, like a crazy drug I sometimes wanted to come down from but couldn't, and other times I was just enjoying the ride. THEN he started saying he wanted to leave and I had to help him and let him know I would be there to catch him when he jumped. That's when I woke up and thought, who is this man and why does he keep changing his tune and what does he want from me and what do I want from myself??

 

I think he could have strung me along like that forever. He played head games with me and I let him do it. Maybe he even believed a lot of his BS. I don't know. But it was not a good situation to be in, feeling like, how can he be this into me yet stay married to someone else? I think they must know how to get under our skin. It makes me mad at him and me because really, no matter what he said or wanted to believe from the beginning until right now, his actions have shown me that what he truly wanted was to remain married and have me as his other woman... perhaps indefinitely... or else he wanted me to MAKE him leave her or for her to throw him out. I guess he just can't make decisions on his own and needs women to validate him. Maybe your boss is the same way.

 

I know our stories are different but so far they have started out exactly the same way so please just think about yourself and what you really want. Do you want to be the mistress of your boss who is married to someone else? IF so, go ahead, but in my experience it only brings heartache. If not, then stop! Just stop, get out while you can, please.

[2sunny]

you are twisting this up in your mind to justify an affair with a MM. he has stated he's not leaving his W.

 

i agree - leave the job. YOU are at risk for messing with a lot of people's lives - and not with a happy ending.

 

and yes. you would dream of having an affair with a MM - you already have shown evidence of that - so stop lying to yourself.

 

what HE has in his M is none of your business. stay out of it. stop the personal talk with him. that should be saved for his wife. YOU are participating in an inappropriate manner and YOU know it.

 

what you write and what you say isn't in alignment with what you say you believe.

 

look at your actions - they tell everything.

 

your actions say that you are willing to step into his life - and allow him into your personal life.

 

YOU allow it.

 

IF this is not what you believe in - as far as your value system - then why are you DOING things that go against what you believe?

 

think about it - then start DOING what it is you believe in - instead of totally contradicting yourself at every turn by your words and actions.

 

i read all that - so why are you ignoring my suggestions by justifying YOUR bad behavior and the way YOU are choosing to participate?

 

stop participating - THAT solves all these problems with this.

 

even this = you are fooling yourself. you know what he wants. are YOU going to be that gal that gives it to him? seems like it from the way you have been participating...

 

 

IF you don't intend to be THAT gal - YOU must change everything. it is up to you - what are you going to do about it?

 

that's a great plan. find another job first, then give your notice. be clear not to engage your boss in any long gazes or personal conversation in the meantime. be prepared to have him beg you to stay - be clear on the plan to leave so you're not left hanging with no income.

 

re-read my prior posts.

 

his intentions? to screw you - and i don't mean only one way. if YOU allow it - you will get screwed... royally screwed - but you will have no one to blame but yourself. is an attraction to a man worth losing your integrity and your value system? you also risk losing your reputation (if you haven't already by your current behavior with co workers) and your job... is it worth all that?

[20Seconds]

I am just going to echo what everyone else has said, Unsure.

 

You are the damsel in distress, and that has a real appeal to some men. He wants to rescue you because it makes him feel like he has a purpose, and he is also intrigued and excited by you at the same time and it's a very powerful combination.

 

But at some point down the line HE is going to hurt you, and when that happens, things will start to get very hard for both of you.

 

Because suddenly he will realize he has created a situation where he can;t rescue you, and he will probably hate that he's hurting you but he won't be able to do anything about it because the one thing he could do to put it right is the one thing he can't - or won't - do, and that is leave his W.

 

You don't need this.

 

Walk away.

[nayeli_forever]

What's wrong with ego stroking? Making your partner feel special and loved is good in my books. That's probably one of the things missing from the M to begin with.

 

Just as long as it's a mutual stroking of course.

[2sunny]

What's wrong with ego stroking? Making your partner feel special and loved is good in my books. That's probably one of the things missing from the M to begin with.

 

Just as long as it's a mutual stroking of course.

 

within the marriage, ok? but we are referring to the OP becoming the OW, big difference when she's playing with fire - and another woman's husband... no need to strike his ego - or anything else...

[Heather1]

Whoa, did you light a bomb!

 

Yes on the heading for an A

 

yes, probably telling you the truth about being happily married despite what you think &

 

nope. You're not going to be the one to get him happily divorced & married to you

 

What you implied in the note was a crush, knowing he's married. He's now mulling it over, only the A part.

[2sunny]

Hi everyone I haven't been on here for a few days as lots has happened. I decided not to leave my job as I have loads of good friends there and feel settled. I decided instead to just try and be professional and not to give in to my feelings. Anyway, that has not worked!!

 

so - you're not leaving the job as you previously stated...

 

so expect that you play = you pay. you know exactly what you're in for, in fact, you're just about begging him.

 

and don't think your co-worker "friends" aren't noticing what's going on... this kind of behavior is obvious and embarrassing for everyone. i hope one of them stands for truth and speaks to both of you about what trouble you're headed for.

[Heather1]

I guess I missed the part where you kissed?? So what happens from here is his sincerest apology, doesn't want to mislead you, etc.. You'll get a "never again" speech, but it's so out of control already you'll have sex pretty soon. BTW, BJ's are not really an A to a guy? Guy's only consider sex A's & he'll feel so guilty!

 

Well, welcome to LS!! I've been here off & on for 2 years, since that first kiss.

[Heather1]

Ps - ewwww on the "silly boy" speech.

[2sunny]

He asked what was wrong and I explained that I needed to know what was going on as he had told me he was happily married when I first told him I liked him but that now he just seemed to be coming on strong. Then I asked ''Am I going completely mad or is there something between us?'' He stared at me like a wild animal would at it's prey and said '' I would be a very silly boy, I would be a very silly boy if anything were to happen''. I then said '' so you don't want anything to happen then?'' He replied '' You know I feel the same as you but it's so difficult you don't want an older man with baggage''. Then he hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek as he was still holding me. We then turned and kissed on the lips and he then kissed me on the cheek again!! Then he said that we should get back into our cars before we were seen.

 

the whole conversation is just so immature.

 

why are you asking him "is there something between us?"

 

"so you don't want anything to happen?"

 

then you hug and kiss - hoping no one will see you...

 

come on - this seems like high school. how old are you? seems you should be old enough to understand YOU are creating this. you are fueling the fire. no man would say no - and i'm sure he's ready to say yes, and it will definitely hurt a LOT of people, all because you want sex from him. he's married.

 

leave the job. that solves this problem IF you never have contact with him again.

 

you are about to have a first rate problem on your hands.

 

 

and he wouldn't be a "silly" boy - he would be a very "stupid man"

[unspokenwords]

unsure. My own sitch started out in much the same way. I am just begging you to stop it here before you get really hurt like I did. My boss also made subtle moves on me like yours is. He would make sexually referenced comments, he would invite me to lunch and drinks, he would ask me questions about my personal life and share his personal life with me, he would find reasons to touch me and be close to me and always have me around, he would look at me with those eyes... it was very addictive and alluring. I know what you are feeling, I do. All the while my boss would talk about his happy family and I would see them together and it was very confusing. How could he be happily married and want to be with me? I didn't get it.

 

Unsure - My story like I said much like Star_Brights. Addictive and alluring sums it up. I think your boss is the one who is 'unsure' just as much as you. He doesn't have a clue how to handle this. I think you probably know deep down that unless you are one of the very few lucky ones then this is going to mean hurt and heartache. Really feel for you. If you are going to decide to stay around him then just remember you are the one in control of your actions whatever you might feel. This is going to be so hard whichever path you choose.

[wheelwright]

If you don't want an A, which you have stated to be the case, then you have one distinct advantage over many of us who became OW.

 

You have the hindsight of all the OW/xOW on LS.

 

Meet him, tell him there is no way you would entertain an A, and that means you have to quit talking about the possibility and making eyes. And point out that probably means you switching jobs. Perhaps he can arrange for you to swap and become the assistant to another dentist?

 

Oh, and get him to read LS back stories - notably NOTSURE7 (a fWS), and just about any of the heartbroken OW/BWs you pick out of a hat. Perhaps others posters have someone to suggest?

 

If that doesn't put you both off, nothing will. And it may well have come to that already...

 

If you decide to go ahead anyway (which it's what this is looking like to me), then call him up on every scape-goating player shot he makes. And if you choose a moment at which to pull back and let him make a decision after the A has started and not too far down the line - stick to it like glue. That seems to work on the very rare occasion.

 

In the meantime, look for another job. While a good reference is still on the cards. Either way this goes, you need a new job.

[Heather1]

I have to add one more thing....in fairness to him, you need to tell him your intention is for him to leave his wife for you right away. He should know what he's getting into.

[unsure10]

Hi everyone I have just come back from lunch with my boss. He pulled me over last night in my car on my way home. He said that he wanted me to go for lunch with him today as he needed to talk to me. So, I followed him in my car after work today . . thinking he would take me somewhere where nobody would see us - nope!! He drove to one of the local pubs where any of his patients could have been. Anyway, we get there and he doesn't seem bothered that we could be spotted at any moment. He talked loudly telling me as we ate that he loves his wife and that he is happy, that he cannot stop thinking about me and looks forward to coming to work every day just to see me. He said that he doesn't want some sordid affair as he thinks too much of me for that. I asked him what he does want and why he asked me to lunch . . . he said just to spend more time with me!!

 

He said he was awake for hours last night thinking of me and that he doesn't know what to do?? I am beyond confused . . . don't married men tell you they are unhappy at home and then use you for one thing?? Does anyone know what he is doing here cos I have no idea. When we left he hugged me and kissed me on the lips and left.

Edited September 24, 2010 by unsure10

[jj33]

hes told you hes happy. Hes told you hes confused he doesnt want a sordid affair but if you keep allowing things to progress (again OWN IT) then you have noone but yourself to blame.

 

It will be a sordid affair, if you ask for more he will tell you he told you he was happily married and he cant leave his wife. End of.

 

I fear you are viewing this as an invitation to "win" this man. Its not.

 

Hes setting out his excuses and disclaimers right here and now so that if you fall in love with him he will say but i TOLD YOU....

 

Up to you. if you want a sordid affair go for it.

 

He will feel guilty. He will wonder why you started this. Hes a classic case or so it seems to me. He will say you came on to him.

 

Do you want to spend time with someone else's H knowing it cant go anywhere? If thats OK with you then fine, if its not, then dont. Tell him you appreciate his honesty and you dont want an affair either and you need to keep your relationship strictly business.

[Star_Bright]

Hi everyone I have just come back from lunch with my boss. He pulled me over last night in my car on my way home. He said that he wanted me to go for lunch with him today as he needed to talk to me. So, I followed him in my car after work today . . thinking he would take me somewhere where nobody would see us - nope!! He drove to one of the local pubs where any of his patients could have been. Anyway, we get there and he doesn't seem bothered that we could be spotted at any moment. He talked loudly telling me as we ate that he loves his wife and that he is happy, that he cannot stop thinking about me and looks forward to coming to work every day just to see me. He said that he doesn't want some sordid affair as he thinks too much of me for that. I asked him what he does want and why he asked me to lunch . . . he said just to spend more time with me!!

 

He said he was awake for hours last night thinking of me and that he doesn't know what to do?? I am beyond confused . . . don't married men tell you they are unhappy at home and then use you for one thing?? Does anyone know what he is doing here cos I have no idea. When we left he hugged me and kissed me on the lips and left.

 

It's what we've all been telling you hon. He likes the attention from you. It makes him feel good. That doesn't mean he loves you and is going to leave his wife for you. It means his wife will get hurt, he will get hurt, and you will most definitely get hurt.

 

You haven't gotten out so there is nothing else I can tell you. I tried to warn you but you are going to have to find out on your own like I did. Sorry hon.

[Star_Bright]

I guess I missed the part where you kissed?? So what happens from here is his sincerest apology, doesn't want to mislead you, etc.. You'll get a "never again" speech, but it's so out of control already you'll have sex pretty soon. BTW, BJ's are not really an A to a guy? Guy's only consider sex A's & he'll feel so guilty!

 

Well, welcome to LS!! I've been here off & on for 2 years, since that first kiss.

 

Sorry if this is a threadjack but this is exactly what happened with exMM and me. I thought it was just a fun kiss, I did think of taking it farther sexually but didn't want the emotional tie or for him to leave for me or anything like that. He sat me down and said it couldn't go any further, that these things are dangerous and he's not leaving his wife. I was like, okay. It was kind of a blow to my ego and I was thinking, even joking with him because we were very close, I don't want him to leave his family, I'm not out to steal him away, etc. I guess he saw this as a challenge?? Because that very same day he kissed me again! After swearing to me it had to stop and warning me that everyone would get hurt.

 

Well, I don't even know what it was all about but I wish I had listened to him!

 

I wonder why he told me all that, just to go back on it. Was it so that later if I wanted him to leave he could say "I told you from the beginning I wasn't leaving"? (I never asked him to leave -- he started telling me on his own he was going to leave -- and he never told me he had told me so -- if anything I constantly reminded him of that talk, later.) Was it to ease his conscious? Did he really want to do the right thing and try to but then just couldn't stop himself? Did he want to check and see whether I was on the same page? I don't get it at all! I guess like everything else in affairs it was just words, which ended up meaning nothing at all.

[2sunny]

he's telling you he's willing to use you for sex if you will allow it.

 

that's all! sorry to be so honest - but that's all it is.

 

 

he's stated he's going to offer you nothing since he's happy at home.

 

so expect nothing except sex from a MM who you will allow to use you and toss you aside if you make ANY demands.

 

all those fluffy words he's telling you (laid awake thinking of you etc) are designed to make you feel desired - so he can have you and his W.

 

i'd bet money he's done this before.

 

you will have sex with him... then YOU will feel like crap because he's told you AHEAD of time to expect nothing - sex and work - sex and work. feeling used - getting resentful - all because YOU keep asking for it all by participating with him. YOU are to blame. make no mistake about that. MOST men would never say no to free, unattached sex. the ones that would say NO - are the ones worth knowing... as a friend. this guy isn't even a friend. he's the victim of you hunting down a MM for your selfish needs.

 

you WILL be hurt. and you will have NO ONE to blame but you for giving him that note, flirting, lunch and kissing him when your gut tells you to RUN AWAY screaming that this could never end in a good way.

 

you will most likely lose the job and be broken by a man that wants sex and has warned you to stay out of his personal life (his marriage).

 

go find an available man AFTER you get your divorce finalized.

[lizzibeth]

I'm new here but in my days I've been the BS, the OW and the WS.

 

He wants the ego stroke. He wants the sex. And he wants his perfect family life to remain intact while he gets them. When you get even more emotionally invested he will be able to say "I told you I loved my wife all along", thus eliminating any guilt he may have over the A.

 

You say you don't want an A but you are doing nothing to stop it and everything to encourage it. The attention might be flattering now but from an outsider's perspective, it's almost kind of creepy.

 

If you really don't want the A and the hurt and pain you will cause yourself and others, you need to find a new job and have no contact with this man. If by some miracle he is sincere and you have some brilliant love story, he'll find you when his divorce, and yours, is final.

[20Seconds]

Does anyone know what he is doing here cos I have no idea.

 

Unsure, how about this...instead of worrying about what he is doing, think about what he is doing says about him as a person.

 

Imagine yourself with him, in 5 years' time. he's left his wife, you are together, perhaps married. He meets a younger girl at work who starts coming on to him. He says to this girl "look, I'm happy at home with Unsure". Then he takes her to lunch and kisses her. A week or two later, they are sleeping together.

 

Do you want a man who is so weak and unable to confront his issues that he he cannot say no to the temptation of a sexual relationship even though he is perfectly "happy" at home with you?

 

Are you sure you want him?

[2sunny]

Unsure, how about this...instead of worrying about what he is doing, think about what he is doing says about him as a person.

 

 

 

start worrying about what YOU are doing... and STOP doing THAT!!! that is the only thing you have control over - is what YOU do... or don't do...