Not sure what he wants . . . if anything?!

[fooled once]

This all sounds so junior high.

 

He tells you, in public, he loves his wife.

 

You continue to want to only hear he is 'attracted' to you.

 

At this point, I am not sure what more anyone here can advise you. You seem to want to jump into an affair with this married man, despite your proclamations that this isn't something you morally believe in.

 

So you are going to continue this, he will sleep with you, and he will stay married. Eventually, you will start to lose it at work, because already you are pushing and showing signs of needy behavior. It will get around to others, and not just those employees in your office and your reputation will be ruined and possibly become taboo to other offices and no one will want to hire you. Your current co-workers will steer clear of you and the drama and the work atmosphere will become tense.

 

You will lose your job, you will become broken hearted because this man, who is married and has told you he is not leaving his wife, ends the affair because he sees "bunny boiler' flags in you and will end up spending your days crying and despondent, wondering how all this happened.

 

You do have the ability to stop it from happening. You become strictly professional at work and turn down any offers for lunch or after work kissing. You begin to look for a new job and you turn in your 2 weeks notice.

[SidLyon]

 

Does anyone know what he is doing here cos I have no idea.

 

 

It's called "grooming" my dear, and I bet he's no affair virgin either...

[Golon]

I think he is testing the waters....

 

Seeing what you will say/do in response to his statements.

 

He does want you......you can be sure of it.....but for what is another matter. I think he does want an A with you. He has said enough to suggest he will never leave his wife.

 

Chances are his home life is a bit dull/routine. He has no doubt got a lovely house, money, family around and he is comfortable but bored. You bring out a side in him he'd long forgotten. This does not mean he will give you more than an A.

 

I'm sorry, but I do think that is all he wants. If he was wanting more he'd say he doesn't love his wife and wants to leave her.

[unsure10]

I just feel so stupid as I can see myself heading for a fall but I have fallen for him and I already feel too involved to walk away. We actually spend more time chatting each day now than we do with the patients!! He said to me that he could just quite happily shut the door and talk to me all day and to hell with the patients!! He has always been 100% dedicated to his job and so this is very out of character.

 

I know that people at work will find out, I know that this is unfair to his wife, I know that he has probably had affairs before and I know that he won't leave his wife . . . so why am I infatuated with him and longing to see him again? Is this how it feels to be a mistress? Feeling confused all the time and never knowing where you stand but hoping for more all the time? If so it's only going to get worse if we sleep together . . . he said that he would love to stay friends who just kiss/go out for meals but we both know that is unrealistic as we have both admitted we want more. Am I already having an affair? We have kissed 3 times and been out for lunch when his wife thought he was seeing his acountant . . . we have already started deceiving others . . .what next???

[Silly_Girl]

Unsure, you're asking questions you know the answers to. Are you wanting validation? Encouragement?

 

I take it you want an affair? You know it will not progress past an affair?

[Golon]

I just feel so stupid as I can see myself heading for a fall but I have fallen for him and I already feel too involved to walk away.

 

At this stage you can still walk away.....honestly. I think it would be best if you did.

 

We actually spend more time chatting each day now than we do with the patients!! He said to me that he could just quite happily shut the door and talk to me all day and to hell with the patients!! He has always been 100% dedicated to his job and so this is very out of character.

 

In terms of work then it is making your work suffer. Out of interest....if you needed a reference....is it him who would do it? He loves your attention....he adores the attention for sure.

 

I know that people at work will find out, I know that this is unfair to his wife, I know that he has probably had affairs before and I know that he won't leave his wife . . .

 

Hmmmm....has he said he has had affairs before? Who knows? He could say he hasn't when he has. My MM said he hasn't.....but how will I ever know? It is unfair to his wife....but I would really focus on you right now. Not her or him....what do you want in life?

 

so why am I infatuated with him and longing to see him again? Is this how it feels to be a mistress? Feeling confused all the time and never knowing where you stand but hoping for more all the time?

 

Yes it is how it feels.....and in my case the feeling gets worse and worse. I hope for more and more never happens.

 

If so it's only going to get worse if we sleep together . . . he said that he would love to stay friends who just kiss/go out for meals but we both know that is unrealistic as we have both admitted we want more. Am I already having an affair? We have kissed 3 times and been out for lunch when his wife thought he was seeing his acountant

 

I think so yes.....some would say it has to move to sex to be an affair....but you've met up and been kissing etc. It is safe to say it is an affair now....but as sex has not happened it can still be written off as a flirtation if you get out now. He says he wants to stay friends....but friends don't then kiss you....three times too.....he does want more. I'm sure of it.

 

. . . we have already started deceiving others . . .what next???

 

A lot of heartache for you....trust me.

 

Your thread on here has really struck a chord with me. I guess as my situation has some parallels....he is not my boss but we are colleagues....I drifted in.....the connection/the way we click etc....

 

Trouble is you will get hurt. I am 30 and have never ever lacked confidence in relationships until now. I feel totally powerless....I can't make plans for my future....I can't even plan when/where/how long I will see my MM for. It is awful. I have fallen in love with him....but I am so unhappy. I am utterly torn to pieces.....I know I will have to go through Hell when I finally build up enough courage to end it. Self esteem? = gone. Now as I said prior to this I was outgoing, confident....etc. Know what I do every evening now? Sit and stare at my phone. I take the scraps and I know it.

 

I really want to save you from this.....the road out of this is going to be Hell for me.....if you end it now you will be happier. Believe me.

[2sunny]

If so it's only going to get worse if we sleep together . . .

 

i'd be willing to bet a lot of money on it!

 

he said that he would love to stay friends who just kiss/go out for meals but we both know that is unrealistic as we have both admitted we want more.

 

friends don't willingly compromise another person's integrity and value system. selfish motives do... you are doing it to him and he is doing it to you - that's why it's causing you to question - you have compromised what you SAID you believed in - and your ACTIONS don't match what YOU say you have always believed - therein lies the dilemma. take away the bad behavior and your willingness to compromise your value system and you have solved the problem by not participating at all.

 

 

Am I already having an affair? We have kissed 3 times and been out for lunch when his wife thought he was seeing his acountant . . . we have already started deceiving others . . .what next???

 

since the lying and cover up have begun - yes. when the words and actions match there is never a reason to wonder IF you might be doing the right thing.

 

a MM kissing you with intent isn't part of a normal friendship. he is no friend - he has only intentions to use you for his selfish gain - and you him.

 

most likely - if you continue - it will escalate - and many will be hurt... and you have no one to blame but yourself - for knowingly letting it continue.

 

seems a little like aussie-mandy's thread from several years ago. she wanted to willingly date a married dentist and was intent on making that happen. go read it. let me see if i can find the link.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74492/

 

either way - your gut is telling you this isn't right and you will compromise yourself in order to have him.

[unspokenwords]

He talked loudly telling me as we ate that he loves his wife and that he is happy, that he cannot stop thinking about me and looks forward to coming to work every day just to see me. He said that he doesn't want some sordid affair as he thinks too much of me for that. I asked him what he does want and why he asked me to lunch . . . he said just to spend more time with me!!

 

He said he was awake for hours last night thinking of me and that he doesn't know what to do?? I am beyond confused . . . don't married men tell you they are unhappy at home and then use you for one thing?? Does anyone know what he is doing here cos I have no idea. When we left he hugged me and kissed me on the lips and left.

 

Unsure - I think it's it realistic to say a) that HE is acting on emotions and is in just as much of a mess as you emotionally. b) He is a cool, calculating character who is playing with you for 'amusement'. You will have a better idea of that than anyone of us posting here because you know him.

 

In my situation - MM was H's friend - I had a similar 'being taken to lunch' scenario - he told me he was UNHAPPY with his W, how attractive I was and how he could TALK to me.... yet there was nothing to be done. I sensed his confusion at the time just as much as mine. Analysing it now I can't be sure if it was for reason a or reason b. Deep down I feel it was a).

 

Either way as has been said many times before - you can only control YOUR actions. You can't control his actions, his emotions or your emotions. I think deep down you know you are going to go along with it if he pursues it - the drive to 'be' with him is overriding anything else... and you know you will get hurt. I'm not judging - just seeing so much of myself and my own weaknesses in your story....

[unsure10]

Hi everyone quite a lot has happened since I last posted on here. We had a 'works do' and my boss met me before this for drinks alone in our little town where we live. We were quite drunk by the time we arrived at the meal with everyone else. All night he was touching my leg under the table and I am sure at least 2 people saw. We were oblivious to everyone else and laughing and chatting together all night. He went to the bar in the hotel with me and kissed me when anyone from our group could have been there!!!

 

We left at the end of the night and his wife text him saying get home as was late. He didn't go home . . . he took me to a local pub in our home town and kissed me in front of everyone in full view!! We stayed out another hour before sharing a taxi to drop me home first. (A lady who went to school with his wife saw us kissing and chatting and he didn't seem to care).

 

He told me today that it would be perfect if his wife could meet someone else and then he could be with me but without feeling guilty. He says he wants me but not a sordid affair or to be deceitful. He is very honest with me (told me he is still sleeping with her etc). Too honest if anything. He says he can't sleep and has decided to not go away for 2 weeks over Christmas as they had planned??

 

I am falling for him badly and I just hope he is serious about being with me because I don't want to be used . . . but he doesn't care that people at work are noticing and he doesn't even try to be discreet at all??

 

Could it be that he really is going to leave his wife to be with me? He says that he would be with me now if he wasn't married and that his son told him that his wife kissed his best friend? He says he is happy with her but he really isn't at all as he only ever says how bad things are and how he wishes he could be with me . . . think he is scared of the consequences - understandably!! I worked with another dentist yesterday for 3 hours and he told me he missed me being in the surgery with him . . . I reckon that could be why he isn't going away for Christmas now as he said he wanted to work with me and not to go away. He has been asking me what I want in the future and saying things like if you win the lottery you can take me away from all of this. He is going to book a day off next week and say he is going on a course and I am going to go with him . . . he says he wants to spend the whole day with me as we can't really talk at work as patients in and out. I may be totally stupid but I think he may want to be with me properly. He said that he thought too much of me to just have an affair and that he was scared if he slept with me that ''it would just snowball and escalate''. ????????

Edited October 6, 2010 by unsure10

[BB07]

Hi everyone quite a lot has happened since I last posted on here. We had a 'works do' and my boss met me before this for drinks alone in our little town where we live. We were quite drunk by the time we arrived at the meal with everyone else. All night he was touching my leg under the table and I am sure at least 2 people saw. We were oblivious to everyone else and laughing and chatting together all night. He went to the bar in the hotel with me and kissed me when anyone from our group could have been there!!!

 

We left at the end of the night and his wife text him saying get home as was late. He didn't go home . . . he took me to a local pub in our home town and kissed me in front of everyone in full view!! We stayed out another hour before sharing a taxi to drop me home first. (A lady who went to school with his wife saw us kissing and chatting and he didn't seem to care).

 

He told me today that it would be perfect if his wife could meet someone else and then he could be with me but without feeling guilty. He says he wants me but not a sordid affair or to be deceitful. He is very honest with me (told me he is still sleeping with her etc). Too honest if anything. He says he can't sleep and has decided to not go away for 2 weeks over Christmas as they had planned??

 

I am falling for him badly and I just hope he is serious about being with me because I don't want to be used . . . but he doesn't care that people at work are noticing and he doesn't even try to be discreet at all??

 

Could it be that he really is going to leave his wife to be with me? He says that he would be with me now if he wasn't married and that his son told him that his wife kissed his best friend? He says he is happy with her but he really isn't at all as he only ever says how bad things are and how he wishes he could be with me . . . think he is scared of the consequences - understandably!! I worked with another dentist yesterday for 3 hours and he told me he missed me being in the surgery with him . . . I reckon that could be why he isn't going away for Christmas now as he said he wanted to work with me and not to go away. He has been asking me what I want in the future and saying things like if you win the lottery you can take me away from all of this. He is going to book a day off next week and say he is going on a course and I am going to go with him . . . he says he wants to spend the whole day with me as we can't really talk at work as patients in and out. I may be totally stupid but I think he may want to be with me properly. He said that he thought too much of me to just have an affair and that he was scared if he slept with me that ''it would just snowball and escalate''. ????????

 

Geez.......you didn't listen to anything that anyone said to you here and you are too far gone now. Didn't you take the time to read any of the posts here and didn't you notice how seldom these things work out?

According to the stat's there is about a 97% chance that he WON'T leave his wife. Do you like those odds?

In the unlikely event that he does leave you are going to be looked at as the town floozie who the dentist left for. Even if he doesn't leave, you are going to do a lot of damage to your reputation because both of you are being so careless.

 

You are going to hurt like hell at some point in time and you are going to indirectly be the cause of a lot of other peoples pain also, his wife and kids.

 

You and the dentist both are living in a fantasy world right now with the talk of lottery winnings and all that crap.

 

You are in for a world of hurt........and no one can stop you now and I'm sorry to hear that, but it's the brutal truth but you won't see it.

Oh and don't fool yourself, you are having an affair and he damn well knows it. He is taking advantage of your youth and your lack of self esteem and you are allowing it. Don't kid yourself.......the sex will be later.

Edited October 6, 2010 by BB07

[unsure10]

BB07 I did listen to all the posts and I was truly going to give in my notice and get the hell out of there. The only reason I am thinking I may have a future with him is because he knows people at work have noticed and that his wife's friend noticed and he doesn't give a damn. He says he doesn't want to hurt his wife but he doesn't even try to be discreet??

 

He was due to book the holiday for the two weeks between Christmas and New year and he has told me today he isnt' going and that his wife is fuming but he just can't get excited about the idea as ''he has too much going on in his head at the moment''. Maybe I am being stupid but don't men who use their mistresses tell them their wives don't understand them and that they have separate beds? And don't they still carry on with their family lives as normal? This will be the first time in ten years they aren't going away fro Christmas. I know men hardly ever leave their wives but just say he has fallen for me as I have for him. I left my husband couldn't he leave his wife?

 

He says he fell for me the moment he saw me and I know it's not just a sexual thing as we spend all day talking about things we don't talk about to anybody. Really private things and he is genuinely interested in my well being and in my family and he knows that if he wanted sex he most likely would have got it - but he hasn't pushed it at all he just takes me for lunch to talk and he is so honest with me that it shocks me. He says he has kissed another woman at the start of their marriage and that he didn't have a proper affair with her and that this is the first time he has been in this situation . . . I laughed and said 'yeah right' but he is so careless and confused I actually think he is telling the truth?!

[Circular]

BB07 I did listen to all the posts and I was truly going to give in my notice and get the hell out of there. The only reason I am thinking I may have a future with him is because he knows people at work have noticed and that his wife's friend noticed and he doesn't give a damn. He says he doesn't want to hurt his wife but he doesn't even try to be discreet??

 

He was due to book the holiday for the two weeks between Christmas and New year and he has told me today he isnt' going and that his wife is fuming but he just can't get excited about the idea as ''he has too much going on in his head at the moment''. Maybe I am being stupid but don't men who use their mistresses tell them their wives don't understand them and that they have separate beds? And don't they still carry on with their family lives as normal? This will be the first time in ten years they aren't going away fro Christmas. I know men hardly ever leave their wives but just say he has fallen for me as I have for him. I left my husband couldn't he leave his wife?

 

He says he fell for me the moment he saw me and I know it's not just a sexual thing as we spend all day talking about things we don't talk about to anybody. Really private things and he is genuinely interested in my well being and in my family and he knows that if he wanted sex he most likely would have got it - but he hasn't pushed it at all he just takes me for lunch to talk and he is so honest with me that it shocks me. He says he has kissed another woman at the start of their marriage and that he didn't have a proper affair with her and that this is the first time he has been in this situation . . . I laughed and said 'yeah right' but he is so careless and confused I actually think he is telling the truth?!

 

 

Your reasoning isn't rational. You are reading into it what you want to see. I've been down this road, it only is going to continue to escalate, you work in close quarters that's going to make it 1000x worse. Sure, he's going to tell you a lot of personal stuff, sure he's going to be brutally honest about topics, he's using you like a psychologist, he's telling you all the pent up stuff he should have gone to IC and told the counselor.

 

Here's the reality right now - his wife already has the tip-off and he made a blundering mistake by not going on the two week vacation. "Clear my head" is man-code for "I want another woman and I need to figure out what the F to do about it". Thing is I give women a LOT of credit in this department, y'all have like ESP or something because my W had the feeling that something was amiss but couldn't put her finger on it waaaayyyy before things got really deep, at least I had a stressful job to say was keeping me pre-occupied. So don't think she won't start poking around.

 

Eventually his stress level will reach the point of anxiety, and then reality will start pushing in, the fact that you work together will make this pressure 1000x worse as he'll feel trapped. He'll either snap and cut you off completely, or he'll confess to his wife and you'll be out of a job.

 

Ok, so you ignore the above and decide you want to give-it-a-go anyhow. My advice is that you quit your job and go find a job somewhere else. The close quarters thing is going to seriously screw things up, and if she find out, she knows where you work. Don't assume everyone's 'stable' people have died for less.

[BB07]

BB07 I did listen to all the posts and I was truly going to give in my notice and get the hell out of there.

 

Going to......doesn't count, doing it does.

The only reason I am thinking I may have a future with him is because he knows people at work have noticed and that his wife's friend noticed and he doesn't give a damn. He says he doesn't want to hurt his wife but he doesn't even try to be discreet??

 

Maybe he is one of those men who get off on risky behaviors and maybe more than likely probably he has done this before and maybe he got away with it then so he thinks it's less likely he will pay the piper now.

 

He was due to book the holiday for the two weeks between Christmas and New year and he has told me today he isnt' going and that his wife is fuming but he just can't get excited about the idea as ''he has too much going on in his head at the moment''. Maybe I am being stupid but don't men who use their mistresses tell them their wives don't understand them and that they have separate beds? And don't they still carry on with their family lives as normal? This will be the first time in ten years they aren't going away fro Christmas. I know men hardly ever leave their wives but just say he has fallen for me as I have for him. I left my husband couldn't he leave his wife?

 

There is no absolute way that a mm goes about this, and just because he says or doesn't say this or that about his wife doesn't mean squat. All you have is his word about why he isn't going away at Christmas, for all you know he is going and come on....there could be a 100 other reasons he isn't going and he is just making up some bs reason to make himself look more favorable to you.

 

He says he fell for me the moment he saw me and I know it's not just a sexual thing as we spend all day talking about things we don't talk about to anybody.

 

I hate to break this to you......but go read my back story "Have I got a story for you" and learn a little bit about how mm lie. Oh and my big point is.....my xmm and I did not have sex the first go around and that went on for over a year, so lack of sex doesn't mean squat. He is working you, trying to make you feel like you are special to him, because you aren't having sex........YET.

 

Really private things and he is genuinely interested in my well being and in my family and he knows that if he wanted sex he most likely would have got it - but he hasn't pushed it at all he just takes me for lunch to talk and he is so honest with me that it shocks me. He says he has kissed another woman at the start of their marriage and that he didn't have a proper affair with her and that this is the first time he has been in this situation . . . I laughed and said 'yeah right' but he is so careless and confused I actually think he is telling the truth?!

 

You think he is telling you the truth.....the thing is you are believing every word out of his mouth and he has a captive audience in you. He has you thinking that you are special and he has special feelings for you. If you were so special to him........he would not engage in this cheap tawdry display toward you in front of others especially. You may think that others you are working with, don't notice but they do and do you like being the object of ugly gossip? Well you probably already are. Have you thought about your reputation and how it's going to be damaged? If this ends badly, and it most likely will, his wife is going to come after you and she will make you look very ugly.

There is nothing good that will come out of this, but you aren't opening your eyes and you have hope of something that is nearly impossible. Please wake up before you get in any deeper.

[juicyfruit62]

Please don't do it - get yourself a new job. As someone who has been in a relationship with a married colleague (not my boss though, an even worse scenario!) for a long time, let me tell you it is not worth it. Heartache lies ahead if you are not very strong. It is difficult to resist the allure I know, but it will be worth it in the end.

[fooled once]

BB07 I did listen to all the posts and I was truly going to give in my notice and get the hell out of there. The only reason I am thinking I may have a future with him is because he knows people at work have noticed and that his wife's friend noticed and he doesn't give a damn. He says he doesn't want to hurt his wife but he doesn't even try to be discreet??

 

He was due to book the holiday for the two weeks between Christmas and New year and he has told me today he isnt' going and that his wife is fuming but he just can't get excited about the idea as ''he has too much going on in his head at the moment''. Maybe I am being stupid but don't men who use their mistresses tell them their wives don't understand them and that they have separate beds? And don't they still carry on with their family lives as normal? This will be the first time in ten years they aren't going away fro Christmas. I know men hardly ever leave their wives but just say he has fallen for me as I have for him. I left my husband couldn't he leave his wife?

 

He says he fell for me the moment he saw me and I know it's not just a sexual thing as we spend all day talking about things we don't talk about to anybody. Really private things and he is genuinely interested in my well being and in my family and he knows that if he wanted sex he most likely would have got it - but he hasn't pushed it at all he just takes me for lunch to talk and he is so honest with me that it shocks me. He says he has kissed another woman at the start of their marriage and that he didn't have a proper affair with her and that this is the first time he has been in this situation . . . I laughed and said 'yeah right' but he is so careless and confused I actually think he is telling the truth?!

 

 

You are believing a liar!! Why can't you see this????

 

It is a sexual thing because if it was an HONEST thing he would tell his wife RIGHT NOW that you are what he wants. but he isn't. He is acting like a complete jerk; getting drunk before a work function and making an absolute ass of himself in front of his co-workers and acquaintances. is that the type of man you want?

 

He is playing you and you are believing it.

 

if you don't want to have an affair and have him with you 'properly', refuse to see him until he at least separates from his wife. Go tell his wife that you have feelings for him and he for you and see what she says.

 

You honestly believe he isn't taking off for vacation with his wife????? Man, he has you under his thumb and believing all the bull that comes out of his mouth.

 

Good luck - because I bet come Christmas, you will have slept with him and he will be off with his wife; having a wonderful holiday.

[2sunny]

stop talking to him - IF you want to know the truth - go ask his wife right now! ask her about everything. see what a liar he really is - he will tell you ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get you to sleep with him.

[unsure10]

I cannot go and speak to his wife . . . why on earth would I want to do that? She would hit me and make him sack me not really what I want (I realise this is likely if she ever finds out). I believe every word he tells me as he really isn't trying to just sleep with me - sure, he wants to and has said as much, but he doesn't want to be a cheat and says he won't just use me for an affair as he knows I have already gone through hell with my soon to be ex husband.

 

He has cancelled his 3 week holiday over the Christmas period and today at work he told the other dentist that he doesn't need cover now as he won't be going away but will be working up until Christmas eve and then back in the day after boxing day. So, he won't be going anywhere as he has nobody to cover now. I don't know what it is that he wants . . . he doesn't so how could I ? I just know that he is being completely honest with me. If, like you say, he just wants to use me then why tell me that he is happy with his wife and still sleeping together etc?

 

I haven't slept with him yet and won't be doing anytime soon as I don't want to get too hurt.

[Fight4Me]

Just gonna come out and say it...

 

 

This story is too contrived to be believable.

[lizzibeth]

I cannot go and speak to his wife . . . why on earth would I want to do that? She would hit me and make him sack me not really what I want (I realise this is likely if she ever finds out). I believe every word he tells me as he really isn't trying to just sleep with me - sure, he wants to and has said as much, but he doesn't want to be a cheat and says he won't just use me for an affair as he knows I have already gone through hell with my soon to be ex husband.

 

He has cancelled his 3 week holiday over the Christmas period and today at work he told the other dentist that he doesn't need cover now as he won't be going away but will be working up until Christmas eve and then back in the day after boxing day. So, he won't be going anywhere as he has nobody to cover now. I don't know what it is that he wants . . . he doesn't so how could I ? I just know that he is being completely honest with me. If, like you say, he just wants to use me then why tell me that he is happy with his wife and still sleeping together etc?

 

I haven't slept with him yet and won't be doing anytime soon as I don't want to get too hurt.

 

He already is a cheater.

[BB07]

I cannot go and speak to his wife . . . why on earth would I want to do that? She would hit me and make him sack me not really what I want (I realise this is likely if she ever finds out). I believe every word he tells me as he really isn't trying to just sleep with me - sure, he wants to and has said as much, but he doesn't want to be a cheat and says he won't just use me for an affair as he knows I have already gone through hell with my soon to be ex husband.

 

He has cancelled his 3 week holiday over the Christmas period and today at work he told the other dentist that he doesn't need cover now as he won't be going away but will be working up until Christmas eve and then back in the day after boxing day. So, he won't be going anywhere as he has nobody to cover now. I don't know what it is that he wants . . . he doesn't so how could I ? I just know that he is being completely honest with me. If, like you say, he just wants to use me then why tell me that he is happy with his wife and still sleeping together etc?

 

I haven't slept with him yet and won't be doing anytime soon as I don't want to get too hurt.

 

Most of the time I keep my mouth shut when someone new comes along and a lot of the time I clearly see both sides, but this time......what I see is you getting played and it's clear as a bell. You are in denial and you don't respond with anything other than defending this man. I'd bet anything you are NOT his 1st go around and you are already in an affair with him and it's just a matter of time before he makes the move on you for sex. I'll give you a few months of it and you are going to be miserable and you are going to wish that you walked the other way. You are choosing to be naive and silly and incredibly stupidly trusting of this man. You are being foolish and it's going to bite you very hard down the road.

 

Now my mom lecture is over with............

[unsure10]

Thanks bb07 I know all you say is true . . . and yet I am being sucked in slowly but surely. It's almost addictive and I am normally so level headed.

 

Fight 4 Me - I have not made this up (why would I ha ha? Every word of this true - unfortunately). I just need to know where I stand but as he seems to be totally bewildered by the whole thing I don't know how I will know any time soon. He 100% hasn't done this before (today I overheard 2 women at work who have worked with him for 15 years, saying that they think he is acting oddly and has been like a different person lately).

 

He is new to this - hence the careless behaviour. He really can't lie I saw him just completely ignore a staff member who asked him about how we got home after the works do. He later said to me that he couldn't answer her as she would have known he was lying. I know why he doesn't want to have an affair - because his wife would find out within weeks - if not days!!

 

But, whether he has the strength to actually leave her for me - well from what I hear on here it's not likely!!

[cyberfriendxx]

It's almost addictive and I am normally so level headed. (

 

I think you've identified so accurately why these situations are so hard... because even level-headed, sensible people start acting out of character.

 

It is addictive - it has to be - it's all about hormones going wild - oxytocin is running wild in you.

 

Bet you're watching yourself behaving this way and not really believing that you are really doing it. Am I right? I understand it very well and so do many others here I am guessing.

[pureinheart]

JJ is right ....what is it that YOU want????? This guy has a fairly good income and his life is set...

 

OK, if you want to be the OW, then you'll be ok, if not I think you might be screwed.

 

A's usually start out fairly innocent, no expectations, etc. Then things begin to get serious with one or both...then reality.

 

The WS then begins to explore the prospects of D...it usually ends right there, yes they will continue the A, no they will not leave the BS.

 

I would ask you to explore YOUR possibilities and take all of these things into consideration.

 

The reason I went down this road of considerations is the fact that he all of a sudden he wanted you BAD after another took interest in you...now it's a game to him and not a love at first sight deal...not a soulmate sitch.

 

Hey, please keep posting, we're here to help (at least most of us are) no matter what road you take. (((((hugs)))))