Ugh, feel used... :(

[shadowplay]

You probably won't hear from him again because things are too awkward now. If you had curled his toes before you left he would definitely be blowing your phone up. I have had my share of early on sex and must say that I have rarely if never had a guy to not call again. And the thing to remember after the sex is that the woman should never be the first one to call. It just screams insecurity.

 

what do you think I did wrong?

[VeveCakes]

French is the official language. You don't like it, go to Ontario.

 

Haha keep telling yourelves that! What does language have to do with anything?? Seperate already and let's see what happens..

 

I'm just jokin in all seriousness

[LisaLee]

what do you think I did wrong?

 

You stopped midway.

[Mad Max]

Haha keep telling yourelves that! What does language have to do with anything?? Seperate already and let's see what happens..

 

I'm just jokin in all seriousness

 

 

Even if Québec did seperate, I'm back in the states. It wouldn't do me any good.

[sugarmomma]

what do you think I did wrong?

 

You didn't curl his toes on the way out. Its too late for all that now. Just be more confident in your approach to early on sex the next time, if you decide to take that route. You have to have pretty thick skin in order to not take rejection personally.

[shadowplay]

No it's not bad at all if you're just in it for a one night stand, in fact if the guy only wanted a one night stand your splitting with no drama no muss no fuss and not making him take you to Denny's for breakfast would be greatly appreciated.

 

You've already been caught out changing your story in a pretty blatant manner as to who bolted from where and this is such a big boner that as far as anyone knows your entire story is made-up. Actually that's the most likely explanation--the entire thing is a made-up story--because nothing you've said really makes any kind of sense. I'm not talking logic or rationality, I'm talking "emotional" sense.

 

Perfect example is the "apology letter" or email or txt you sent to this guy. That's a perfect example of something written by someone who never wants to see the guy again but wants to remain on a just friends platonic basis.

 

I think you may have indeed had sex with this guy but you are just angry that he didn't let you jerk him around afterwards.

 

Smart guy. Very smart.

 

what are you talking about? When I said he bolted I meant figuratively. He started ignoring me. I wasn't lying. I didn't consider my leaving in the morning "bolting." I didn't think it was a big deal.

[sugarmomma]

what are you talking about? When I said he bolted I meant figuratively. He started ignoring me. I wasn't lying. I didn't consider my leaving in the morning "bolting." I didn't think it was a big deal.

 

 

When did he start ignoring you? I thought you said he was cuddly, kissing and you had to tell him you couldn't sleep while he was holding you.

 

Now I'm confused.

[Mad Max]

Guys, could you stay on topic, or take your language discussion to PM. Thanks.

 

 

You lost that right when I exposed you as a liar.

[LisaLee]

You didn't curl his toes on the way out. Its too late for all that now. Just be more confident in your approach to early on sex the next time, if you decide to take that route. You have to have pretty thick skin in order to not take rejection personally.

 

 

I agree... Shadow, I feel really bad for what happened but there is some truth to what people are saying, especially Sugarmomma. When I read your OP my first thought was disappointment that things didn't go as well as you were hoping. Second thought is this guy probably thinks you are crap in bed. Sex is huge in a relationship... like Sugarmomma said, if you had made him squeal like a pig I'm sure we wouldn't be having this discussion.

[K'aycie]

what are you talking about? When I said he bolted I meant figuratively. He started ignoring me. I wasn't lying. I didn't consider my leaving in the morning "bolting." I didn't think it was a big deal.

 

Not a big deal? Sweetie, you stopped sex mid-way, the poor guy probably had a horrible case of blue balls, tried to cuddle with you - you stopped that too, and then you LEFT.

[shadowplay]

When did he start ignoring you? I thought you said he was cuddly, kissing and you had to tell him you couldn't sleep while he was holding you.

 

Now I'm confused.

 

After I left he did. I sent him a text immediately as I was leaving: "I have a really nice time." He didn't respond to that. Then I sent him one that afternoon because I was worried he didn't get the first (his phone sometimes doesn't receive texts): "hey, what's up?" No response. Finally, sent him that third (and yes final) message today, the email apologizing for my awkwardness and telling him I was still interested. No response.

 

And yes, I won't contact him again.

[shadowplay]

You lost that right when I exposed you as a liar.

 

fine, then I'll keep reporting your posts.

[Mad Max]

fine, then I'll keep reporting your posts.

 

 

Too late because I just reported you.

[xpaperxcutx]

I see no victims here in this situation, Only VOLUNTEERS. You have to get out of the mindset that you were used. You weren't. He's not calling you back because he got all cuddly and you left. He probably feels just as rejected. You got off the dick in mid-stroke and that had to have hurt him.

 

I would have screwed his brains out and had myself a good night sleep. You worry too much sweetie. Next time if you decide to **** early on make sure you get some pleasure out of it and not worry so much about what he thinks or feels about you.

 

The only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

 

Got to highlight the BOLD.

 

To everyone who thinks I wasn't used, I'll ask one more time: so why did he cut contact with me after we had sex? If you've already responded to this question, you don't have to repeat yourself. I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

You don't get it SP. If you go back to your original post, you were the one who brought up " condoms" which unbiasedly means sex. You had the choice to say " no" even when you told him the first time you didn't want to go that fast, you should have stuck to your convictions instead of giving him mix signals like " where are your condoms?"

 

He didn't use you, you " condoned" the idea and act of sex and went along with it.

 

Honestly there's isn't much to understand. He didn't call you back, an action which automatically should tell you to move on. Whatever he might be thinking then and what he could probably be thinking now doesn't amount to anything except the fact that you did, indeed, slept with him.

[shadowplay]

I agree... Shadow, I feel really bad for what happened but there is some truth to what people are saying, especially Sugarmomma. When I read your OP my first thought was disappointment that things didn't go as well as you were hoping. Second thought is this guy probably thinks you are crap in bed. Sex is huge in a relationship... like Sugarmomma said, if you had made him squeal like a pig I'm sure we wouldn't be having this discussion.

 

I know I acted really stupid. I guess I just didn't realize it was so bad that it would make him not want to see me again. I hoped he would forgive my awkwardness. Also, I'm sort of clueless about the etiquette regarding this stuff. I'm a social retard.

[Land Shark]

Second thought is this guy probably thinks you are crap in bed.

 

I wouldn't jump to this conclusion before I considered the fact that guys do this. They get sex on the first one or two dates, and they have no more interest. It's not the girl's fault, necessarily. If she had waited, the same result might have occurred, just later. Encouraging Shadow to criticize herself like this amounts to cruelty.

 

The bottom line is, 1) no one knows what's in the guy's head, and 2) Shadow needs to work on her approach to men and relationships.

[Cee]

Wow, this thread really blew up today. I don't really get why there is so much conflict. Sometimes when people have sex, there is never any contact again. In a way, it's a microcosm of a short-lived relationship. There is courtship, rolling around in bed/fun, good bye. The rules of NC apply here. The guy has gone NC because he either got what he wanted and is moving on. Or he didn't get what he wanted and is searching elsewhere.

 

There might be other nefarious reasons for his NC (has a girlfriend, abducted by aliens), but it's not worth speculating.

[elaina]

Yeah, but I DID contact him several times the next day and expressed my continued interest.

 

Shadow,

 

Most guys don't think that way. They don't think "oh it's ok that she kept changing her mind, stopped sex in the middle?,and left before I got out of bed." They think "what the blank was that all about?"

 

It's so important to consider how guys think about things.

 

Being shy isn't a good enough reason for the above to many guys, and it's really sad that all this happened, but what is important is to learn from it.

 

Life is not about being worried about if a guy likes you or not. There's so much more to life than that. Please seriously consider Mme Chaucer's advice! When you combine happiness not based on some guy and enjoying life with all the other qualities you have, you will be radiant and irresistible and the right man will come along. When you are so worried though about a guy liking you and you do things like you have, it just hurts you. It doesn't help a guy to like you. Be happy because of other things, and the guy will come along for you to be happy WITH, not to make you happy or for you to constantly worry about him rejecting you.

[Mad Max]

Amazing how I get a violation, yet the OP doesn't.

[shadowplay]

Shadow needs to work on her approach to men and relationships.

 

Could you elaborate on how? I always value your advice.

[LisaLee]

I wouldn't jump to this conclusion before I considered the fact that guys do this. They get sex on the first one or two dates, and they have no more interest. It's not the girl's fault, necessarily. If she had waited, the same result might have occurred, just later. Encouraging Shadow to criticize herself like this amounts to cruelty.

 

The bottom line is, 1) no one knows what's in the guy's head, and 2) Shadow needs to work on her approach to men and relationships.

 

She stopped halfway... I'm not being cruel, nor am I saying that she is bad in bed. But there is a good chance the guy could be thinking this and it being a factor on why he's not returning her calls.

[shadowplay]

Honestly, until I read these responses I didn't realize how bad my mixed signals were. I knew they weren't good, but I didn't think they would have scared him away.

 

That said, I don't need to be insulted (as I have been by a few respondents) for not getting this on my own. This is a learning experience for me.

 

As I've written a million times, I'm very awkward socially, and this kind of thing doesn't come easily to me.

[xpaperxcutx]

She stopped halfway... I'm not being cruel, nor am I saying that she is bad in bed. But there is a good chance the guy could be thinking this and it being a factor on why he's not returning her calls.

 

I don't consider this the overall factor. I know a few guys who were rejected " half- way" in bed, who still make an attempt at another dates.

 

I do agree on the fact, not pertaining to the OP per se, that certain people are just bad in bed. I've been told by a few men that certain women are just really " boring " or " limp" when doing the deed.

[Land Shark]

Amazing how I get a violation, yet the OP doesn't.

 

How do you know what she got?

 

I think it's probably because calling people liars is not tolerated. You can be a prick, if that entertains you. You probably didn't get an infraction for that. But you can't question whether someone is being truthful in their own thread.

 

You seem a bit new to be slinging around accusations like that. Particularly toward someone who has been here for a long time and is known very well.

 

Could you elaborate on how? I always value your advice.

 

Well, there's always the self-esteem issue. But I also think you consider guys to be superficial. Like the only thing a guy could possibly care about is how you look. I also think your criteria for selecting a guy is a bit off. You want someone attractive, artistic and creative, but you never mention any real values. It seems like your approach to relationships is all about filling a void and finding someone hot, and nothing much else matters. So you look in the wrong places, pick boneheads and get hurt.

[2sunny]

Is it really that bad to leave early the next morning? It was getting light out when I left. I mean I sent him two messages after that made it clear I did really like him, and one included an apology and explanation of my awkwardness.

 

stop contacting him when he hasn't responded - now you are making YOURSELF look desperate.

 

YOU did this Shadow - own it, it's yours. now it's over, learn from it. stop sending men mixed signals - that's probably why he's not responding - men hate mixed signals.

 

your words and actions don't match at all - that is mixed signals. own it.

 

if you don't want the same thing - start changing everything. don't do it this way ever again.