Ugh, feel used... :(

[shadowplay]

My experience with really hot guys (if you discount the players) has been that their standards are much higher. They have many options so they expect more in terms of not just looks, but being fun, being emotionally stable, low drama etc. One mediocre date and you are out.

 

Average looking guys are more lenient and will in general be more understanding of getting overly emotional etc.

 

It's a supply and demand issue.

 

I don't have what it takes to date supe hot guys, yet anything else doesn't really appeal to me. I am screwed

 

I don't know if super hot guys appeal to me. I think I'm most drawn to guys who are hot, but not exceptionally so. This guy would fall into that category.

[2sunny]

There's something I didn't write in my OP that may explain why this hurt so much. Before we went up to his place, I had this feeling deep down that he didn't like me. It was something in his behavior. He just didn't seem that interested, like wasn't asking me many questions or trying to lead the conversation. I liked him, and I was hoping I was wrong. So after he vanished the next day, it really seemed to me like he probably didn't like me even before the sex fiasco, and just had sex with me anyway. That's why I felt used.

 

shadow - stop over analyzing it - it is what it is... you went along with the plan.

 

move forward. it's probably over. accept that. next.

[SadandConfusedWA]

SAC, did you see how I wrote him that message (email) and he didn't respond to it? Also, he never imed me when we were both online for several hours, right after I wrote that message. I would be SHOCKed if he contacted me at this point. He's not going to.

 

Yeah but, he might not have seen the e-mail yet or more likely he is on the fence with what to do here. How long ago did you send him the last message?

 

Remember that guy I had one date with recently and I sent him "great to meet you" text and he didn't respond AT ALL? Well, he ended up calling me 2 days later to ask me out for this weekend. I ended up scheduling dinner with on Tuesday night. And I completly gave up on him...

[sugarmomma]

Without a real Connection, Attraction means nothing. You have to get beyond just the physical of a man. Don't get me wrong, I like a good looking man however I would rather have more of a connection with a man since that would give us more of a chance to have something meaningful. I have been intimate with some very handsome men and beyond that, much of nothing.

[shadowplay]

shadow - stop over analyzing it - it is what it is... you went along with the plan.

 

move forward. it's probably over. accept that. next.

 

I think it's always hard for me to move on, because I think to myself the next guy I'm interested in will just do the same thing to me. It's like there's nothing positive to look forward to.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't know if super hot guys appeal to me. I think I'm most drawn to guys who are hot, but not exceptionally so. This guy would fall into that category.

 

I would define super hot as any guy that's above 7 or 8 in looks.

[shadowplay]

Without a real Connection, Attraction means nothing. You have to get beyond just the physical of a man. Don't get me wrong, I like a good looking man however I would rather have more of a connection with a man since that would give us more of a chance to have something meaningful. I have been intimate with some very handsome men and beyond that, much of nothing.

 

No, don't get me wrong. The connection is even more important. But this experience has made me question whether I can enjoy myself without both. Before I thought the connection was enough for me, but I'm realizing I need the attraction to even feel the connection. They feed each other.

[shadowplay]

I would define super hot as any guy that's above 7 or 8 in looks.

 

OK, then yes he def is. :/ I was thinking you meant like a 9 or 10.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Oh and having seen his pictures, I would say that "your" guy is borderline into the super hot category.

[shadowplay]

Yeah but, he might not have seen the e-mail yet or more likely he is on the fence with what to do here. How long ago did you send him the last message?

 

Remember that guy I had one date with recently and I sent him "great to meet you" text and he didn't respond AT ALL? Well, he ended up calling me 2 days later to ask me out for this weekend. I ended up scheduling dinner with on Tuesday night. And I completly gave up on him...

 

Oh, awesome! That does surprise me

[2sunny]

I think it's always hard for me to move on, because I think to myself the next guy I'm interested in will just do the same thing to me. It's like there's nothing positive to look forward to.

 

stay busy, take a class, start painting or go to a museum or sporting event. start conversations with people around you while you are there or out and about.

[elaina]

Thanks for the support. It's just really hard, because I have like zero faith that I'll a halfway decent guy will ever be interested in getting to know me. Despite what everyone said about why he didn't get back to me, I still believe it was because I wasn't good enough for him, and it didn't have to do with my behavior. And I fear he's like every other guy in that regard.

 

I don't know what your opinion is of Oprah, but there's a belief she ascribes to concerning the power of positive thinking. Sadly, many people who think they are not good enough are just hurting themselves.

 

From what I've heard, you are very intelligent and very beautiful, and you have great talents. I still think your writing is awesome. You should write a book! However, it seems that you put yourself down an awful lot, and are so afraid of what a handsome, desirable guys thinks of you, that you self destruct.

 

I don't know if you've ever heard about this psychological phenonemon, I forget it's name, but basically if you or someone close to you keep telling yourself negative things, you begin to believe it and you act on it.

 

What you are doing now is you are keeping on thinking negative, untrue things about yourself, and it's hurting you and it's hurting your ability to have a good relationship. I do think you should go to counseling and learn how to thing positive, true things about you and enjoy life and not worry about a desirable guy not liking you.

 

I sincerely think once you do, you will be irresistible and that yes the right man, who could most definitely be extremely handsome, can come your way. Men are attracted not just to beauty, but also to happiness and radiance that comes from being happy and confident in who you are.

[callingyouuu]

I worry that he didn't like me at all, and just decided he'd just go along with some easy sex since I was willing, and then cut off contact afterwards.

 

I thought I would try to contradict this statement, but it is a possibility, not only for this relationship, but for a ton of other guys you'll meet. It often doesn't even have to do anything with whether or not you're attractive; guys like this just want to "woohoo" with anything that menstruates. Your job is to use those keen human-reading senses of yours to figure out whether or not he's just looking to have sex. Really, the best defense against this is just not to have sex until you're emotionally ready, which only you can really know.

 

I also worry I wasn't attractive enough for him, which is why he didn't want more than sex.

 

I can't say about how the date itself went, but you know what's definitely unattractive? Mixed signals. Please, for your sake, decide what you want and stick with it! Your job is to get your desires met. He'll take care of his.

 

Part of the reason I feel so down about this is because he was really cute, the cutest guy I've been with. It makes me feel like no cute guy will ever want me for a relationship, just sex.... now I feel like I've tasted this forbidden fruit I'll never get another bite of.

 

Shadow, in my opinion, when you get to the point where you don't give a crap about whatever anyone but your family and the big man above (if you're so inclined) think, guys like that will be a dime a dozen.

[shadowplay]

I'm starting to think I'm some sort of social freak who just emits "crazy" or "weird." Example. Several times in the last couple of months at my new job as a waitress when I've been at the register and it's been a busy night, a concerned customer has asked me, "Are you OK?"

 

I never have any clue what they're talking about, because I don't feel any less OK than usual. One said I seemed spaced out, another said I looked really stressed. The one today didn't explain. It's like there's something in my expression that looks sick or disturbed. I don't know. I'm not even feeling weird when people ask me. I don't know what I'm doing, and it freaks me out because it makes me self conscious. I wonder if this comes across with guys too, and it's why they reject me.

[meerkat stew]

To everyone who thinks I wasn't used, I'll ask one more time: so why did he cut contact with me after we had sex? If you've already responded to this question, you don't have to repeat yourself. I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

He's ignoring you because he isn't interested in seeing you further, and most importantly isn't interested in using you. If he wanted to use you, he could easily be doing that right now. He isn't.

 

He knows after one experience that you are easy, inconsistent, have some hangups, are high maintenance, and that you care only for your own pleasure. If he wanted, despite all that, he could probably set you up for NSA booty calls. He may still try to do that. But for the time being, he has taken the mature course and just blown you off, something that happens after many first or second dates whether sex happens or not.

 

Will guarantee you that most women posting here on LS have blown off a guy after one or two dates by ignoring their contact attempts. Is that "using" those guys? No. It's rude, but a very common and accepted rudeness, and does tend to get the point across cleanly with as little drama as possible.

 

This notion that whenever a woman chooses to have consensual sex, it's a "gift," and whenever a man chooses to have consensual sex, it's a "taking" needs to go the hell away. It is heartening that based on most of the female responses to this thread, the attitude IS in fact going away.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There's something I didn't write in my OP that may explain why this hurt so much. Before we went up to his place, I had this feeling deep down that he didn't like me. It was something in his behavior. He just didn't seem that interested, like wasn't asking me many questions or trying to lead the conversation. I liked him, and I was hoping I was wrong. So after he vanished the next day, it really seemed to me like he probably didn't like me even before the sex fiasco, and just had sex with me anyway. That's why I felt used.

 

You told us in a different thread that you were "meh" about him and he was "meh" about you.

[Mad Max]

You told us in a different thread that you were "meh" about him and he was "meh" about you.

 

 

This gets right back to the inconsistencies I mentioned earlier.

[elaina]

I'm starting to think I'm some sort of social freak who just emits "crazy" or "weird." Example. Several times in the last couple of months at my new job as a waitress when I've been at the register and it's been a busy night, a concerned customer has asked me, "Are you OK?"

 

I need to go but I just wanted to let you know that facial expressions often show how one feels on the inside, and those people who ask you if you're ok care about how you are feeling. Otherwise, they wouldn't ask but would instead just talk about you behind your back. People asking you if you're ok though doesn't mean you are crazy or weird or a social freak. It just means the look on your face makes people wonder if you are feeling well emotionally and/or physically.

 

I never have any clue what they're talking about, because I don't feel any less OK than usual. One said I seemed spaced out, another said I looked really stressed. The one today didn't explain. It's like there's something in my expression that looks sick or disturbed. I don't know. I'm not even feeling weird when people ask me. I don't know what I'm doing, and it freaks me out because it makes me self conscious. I wonder if this comes across with guys too, and it's why they reject me.

 

That's why it's so important to be happy with who you are and enjoy life without worrying about what other people think. I think if you start making a point to do that, you will enjoy life more and more and people will notice, and compliment you instead of asking you if you're all right. People ask cause they care.

[shadowplay]

You told us in a different thread that you were "meh" about him and he was "meh" about you.

 

where?? you're probably confusing him with some other guy. I liked him. There were a few things about his personality, I was kind of unsure about, but overall I really liked him.

[westrock]

You told us in a different thread that you were "meh" about him and he was "meh" about you.

 

where?? you're probably confusing him with some other guy. I liked him. There were a few things about his personality, I was kind of unsure about, but overall I really liked him.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=245063

 

Is this the same guy?

[SadandConfusedWA]

You told us in a different thread that you were "meh" about him and he was "meh" about you.

 

She never said that.

 

*I* said it about the guy I recently went on a date with. Shadow was always consistent with being very interested in this guy and finding him very attractive.

[shadowplay]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=245063

 

Is this the same guy?

 

Yeah, and I said at the start of the thread he was the only one I was very interested in. The ones I was "meh" about were the other fellows.

[Star Gazer]

Has anyone considered the potential that he's not calling because the sex was just...bad?

[tigressA]

Has anyone considered the potential that he's not calling because the sex was just...bad?

 

Good point, SG. Shadow said herself that she didn't enjoy the sex, and when one person is uncomfortable it's pretty easy to tell, and certainly it doesn't make the other feel good. Plus she stopped in the middle of it.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Has anyone considered the potential that he's not calling because the sex was just...bad?

Some people may be avoiding this thread now out of fear of being reported so of course no ones going to say that! I've said my peace I got reported I'm done shes a big girl shes free to do whatever she likes I wash my hands of it..