Ugh, feel used... :(

[shadowplay]

You know what bothers me the most, is she posted asking if she should sleep with this guy on the second date and pretty much everyone said nooooo, but she still did it. The point is, she PLANNED to sleep with this dude well before the second date so how in the HELL does that equal him, using her? Seriously shadow, you were freaking out after your 1st date cuz he didn't I'm you the day after, now you slept with him and he hasn't I'md you and its the SAME story. You knew this was gunna hhappen. You are totally attention seeking.

 

I knew somebody would pounce on this. My computer BROKE before I ever got a chance to read the responses to that thread. Yeah, I spilled water on it and just got a replacmeent today.

[Mad Max]

If he didn't "use" me then why do you guys think he started ignoring me after we had sex?

 

 

Did you not read a single word I wrote? I think you leaving without saying anything probably has a huge part to do with it.

[shadowplay]

Did you not read a single word I wrote? I think you leaving without saying anything probably has a huge part to do with it.

 

I don't know. Originally, that's what I thought, but I sent him one final message this afternoon....in case that was the reason. Also, I was concerned he hadn't gotten my texts because of his phone being weird again. Here's what I wrote:

 

Hey P---,

I'm really shy and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around somebody. I'm sorry if that translated to mixed signals the other night. I just want you to know that I did have a good time. Hopefully my awkwardness didn't push you away. After all, you still owe me a Scrabble game. But either way, let me know.

 

Best,

Shadow

 

And of course he didn't respond to that. So now I know I'll never hear from him again.

[Mad Max]

I don't know. Originally, that's what I thought, but I sent him one final message this afternoon....in case that was the reason. Also, I was concerned he hadn't gotten my texts because of his phone being weird again. Here's what I wrote:

 

Hey P---,

I'm really shy and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around somebody. I'm sorry if that translated to mixed signals the other night. I just want you to know that I did have a good time. Hopefully my awkwardness didn't push you away. After all, you still owe me a Scrabble game. But either way, let me know.

 

Best,

Shadow

 

And of course he didn't respond to that. So now I know I'll never hear from him again.

 

 

If you gave him sex that quickly, you can't be that shy. You seriously need to stop playing the victim. You posted your situation before and almost everyone said not to sleep with him and for good reason. You did it anyway, so you planned it and knew what you were going to do. You wanted to have sex and you did. There's no victim here.

[shadowplay]

If you gave him sex that quickly, you can't be that shy. You seriously need to stop playing the victim. You posted your situation before and almost everyone said not to sleep with him and for good reason. You did it anyway, so you planned it and knew what you were going to do. You wanted to have sex and you did. There's no victim here.

 

Yes, but I didn't think he'd bolt after we had sex. I've heard many guys say that how soon you sleep with a guy doesn't change his interest level.

 

Also, as I mentioned earlier I never got to read the responses to that thread because my computer broke (got a new one today).

[shadowplay]

Gee you really don't want to let this issue of him supposedly "using" you go, even when someone totally in your corner such as sadandconfused pretty much came out and admitted that your "feeling" of being "used" wasn't necessarily connected with reality and also apparently that she doesn't feel you have the current ability to discuss what happened rationally/logically.

 

OP, if this guy was really "using" you, he would have had some more or less degrading form of sex with you in which he totally dominated you, he wouldn't have let you take the initiative of "riding" him, he wouldn't have let you call it quits in the middle of things. He would have ensured that he had a happy ending (it doesn't sound like that happened, but we don't really know) and most likely in a place on your face or body that you might not prefer. After he was done using you, he would have made you go into the kitchen and make him a ham sandwich and get him a beer. Then after finishing his food he would have made you wash up the dishes and then told you to get lost, but be available at his his beck and call for the next booty call. He probably would've taken photos/videos of you in the act to blackmail you with or just to post on FaceBook to humiliate you. He def. would not have been all cuddly, kissy and snuggly to you.

 

Suggestion: Next time you find a guy that you have feelings for and wind up in a sleep over situation, you might want to hang around for the second round the next morning to close the deal. But bolting on him in the middle of the night was more or less the emotional equivalent of dropping a Cleveland Steamer on him. I guess if you'd done that it would have been his fault too?

 

I sent him an apology (see above) and he didn't respond to that either. I think I made it pretty clear that I was just nervous and shy, but I genuinely liked him.

[K'aycie]

Shadow, it doesn't really seem as though you liked the guy anyway, so what is there to be sad over? I think he isn't responding because he is not sure what to make of you. I mean your heart really wasn't in it when you were with him....

 

You're out his house making out, and then tell him you don't want to go further, and a few minutes later ask him if he has a condom, and then you proceed to have sex, and then stop him mid-way, you reject his cuddling afterward and then you leave a few hours later.

[Mad Max]

Yes, but I didn't think he'd bolt after we had sex. I've heard many guys say that how soon you sleep with a guy doesn't change his interest level.

 

Also, as I mentioned earlier I never got to read the responses to that thread because my computer broke (got a new one today).

 

 

Stop changing your story. YOU bolted.

 

 

I don't know why, but I decided I should leave, so I kissed him goodbye (he was still in bed).

 

 

You lost all credibility now.

[sugarmomma]

I see no victims here in this situation, Only VOLUNTEERS. You have to get out of the mindset that you were used. You weren't. He's not calling you back because he got all cuddly and you left. He probably feels just as rejected. You got off the dick in mid-stroke and that had to have hurt him.

 

I would have screwed his brains out and had myself a good night sleep. You worry too much sweetie. Next time if you decide to **** early on make sure you get some pleasure out of it and not worry so much about what he thinks or feels about you.

 

The only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

[shadowplay]

Shadow, it doesn't really seem as though you liked the guy anyway, so what is there to be sad over? I think he isn't responding because he is not sure what to make of you. I mean your heart really wasn't in it when you were with him....

 

You're out his house making out, and then tell him you don't want to go further, and a few minutes later ask him if he has a condom, and then you proceed to have sex, and then stop him mid-way, you reject his cuddling afterward and then you leave a few hours later.

 

I did really like him; I was just nervous as hell...which led to me acting weird.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Yes, but I didn't think he'd bolt after we had sex. I've heard many guys say that how soon you sleep with a guy doesn't change his interest level.

 

Also, as I mentioned earlier I never got to read the responses to that thread because my computer broke (got a new one today).

 

You bolted on him shadow you said that yourself! I'm usually the last person to agree with some of guys around here but lets call a spade a spade for your own good/wellbeing..you were not used..

[shadowplay]

I see no victims here in this situation, Only VOLUNTEERS. You have to get out of the mindset that you were used. You weren't. He's not calling you back because he got all cuddly and you left. He probably feels just as rejected. You got off the dick in mid-stroke and that had to have hurt him.

 

I would have screwed his brains out and had myself a good night sleep. You worry too much sweetie. Next time if you decide to **** early on make sure you get some pleasure out of it and not worry so much about what he thinks or feels about you.

 

The only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

 

Is it really that bad to leave early the next morning? It was getting light out when I left. I mean I sent him two messages after that made it clear I did really like him, and one included an apology and explanation of my awkwardness.

[VeveCakes]

It's the French that people hate, not Canadians.

 

And when you're Canadian, you hate the PQ

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I see no victims here in this situation, Only VOLUNTEERS. You have to get out of the mindset that you were used. You weren't. He's not calling you back because he got all cuddly and you left. He probably feels just as rejected. You got off the dick in mid-stroke and that had to have hurt him.

 

I would have screwed his brains out and had myself a good night sleep. You worry too much sweetie. Next time if you decide to **** early on make sure you get some pleasure out of it and not worry so much about what he thinks or feels about you.

 

The only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

 

This post made me LOL.. priceless thanks momma!

[bac]

If she put herself in his shoes she'd see what went wrong.

 

A girl I went out with was ambivalent about having sex with me, then gave in, then stopped us halfway through, and bounced before I was awake.

 

Who on earth is calling her back? I've deleted her number the moment I wake up.

 

Who on earth would call her back? Any guy who likes her as a person.

It was just performance anxiety which is common among both genders during the first sex. Girls just experience performance anxiety emotionally. If a guy/girl does not give a f...k about their partner, they will not give them the second chance. If a guy/girl cares for their partner, they will happily give them the second chance. For example, a girl checks out some guys for her FWBs and she does not care for them at all, except, of course, she wants them to be good at sex. IMO, 50-40% of the guys would have performance anxiety of different degree during the first sex and other 40% of the guys would do/or say smth wrong during sex. If she does not give a f...k about the guys, why would she give them the second chance?

 

Shadow could prove that the guy was wrong for her either by withholding sex for about 5 dates or by having sex earlier in dating. If she did not have sex during the first 5 dates, he would vanish into thin air because he would not wait so long for an ONS.

[Mad Max]

And when you're Canadian, you hate the PQ

 

 

French is the official language. You don't like it, go to Ontario.

[shadowplay]

To everyone who thinks I wasn't used, I'll ask one more time: so why did he cut contact with me after we had sex? If you've already responded to this question, you don't have to repeat yourself. I'm just trying to understand what happened.

[K'aycie]

I did really like him; I was just nervous as hell...which led to me acting weird.

 

That's totally fine Shadow, and understandable.

 

If the scenario was flipped, and the two of you were having sex for the first time, and he stopped mid-way, rejected cuddling, and then bottled early in the morning, never to call you again, then I would say, yes...he used you.

[sugarmomma]

Please don't contact him anymore. You will look like a stalker. Its done and hopefully you learned a valuable lesson.

 

Next.

[shadowplay]

That's totally fine Shadow, and understandable.

 

If the scenario was flipped, and the two of you were having sex for the first time, and he stopped mid-way, rejected cuddling, and then bottled early in the morning, never to call you again, then I would say, yes...he used you.

 

Yeah, but I DID contact him several times the next day and expressed my continued interest.

[shadowplay]

Of course he didn't respond, and of course you won't hear from him. But that's just what you wanted.

 

What I can't comprehend is why you spend all this time pretending otherwise.

 

Why, though??

[SpanksTheMonkey]

To everyone who thinks I wasn't used, I'll ask one more time: so why did he cut contact with me after we had sex? If you've already responded to this question, you don't have to repeat yourself. I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

Because you sent mixed signals because you rejected him and because he prob doesn't want to deal with any drama/issues he may think you have thats pretty much it in a nutshell im sorry if it hurts..

[shadowplay]

I'll assume you're being serious here.

 

Where is there an "apology" or anything close to one?

 

Where do you say that you are very sorry for bolting on him, that you are very sorry for hurting his feelings that way, that you would do anything to take that back, and that you are desperately longing to see him again because you have really strong and genuine feelings for him?

 

are you serious?? I would look totally psycho if I said that.

[sugarmomma]

You probably won't hear from him again because things are too awkward now. If you had curled his toes before you left he would definitely be blowing your phone up. I have had my share of early on sex and must say that I have rarely if never had a guy to not call again. And the thing to remember after the sex is that the woman should never be the first one to call. It just screams insecurity.

[Mad Max]

I'm going to start alerting the mods if this ugliness continues. I should have known writing in my OP that I was feeling fragile was an invitation for the vultures.

 

 

You're the proven liar. If anything, YOU are getting reported.