Ugh, feel used... :(

[elaina]

You stopped midway.

 

This is a big no-no, unless there's an emergency like the house is on fire or you're on call or something like that.

 

Shadow, just curious, but did you truly and I mean truly enjoy the sex? If so, why did you stop? It's hard for guys to understand stopping like that. I and many other women also have a hard time understanding that. If my loved one stopped, I would wonder what's wrong, unless there was an obvious emergency.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I think it's silly to say that this guy is hurt and that's why he is not calling Shadow.

 

She made it clear that she really likes him. Not responding to her messages is not a real stand up behaviour.

 

I still think he may be thinking things over and will respond later Shadow....if he does really like you - he will not drop you over this.

[Mad Max]

How do you know what she got?

 

I think it's probably because calling people liars is not tolerated. You can be a prick, if that entertains you. You probably didn't get an infraction for that. But you can't question whether someone is being truthful in their own thread.

 

You seem a bit new to be slinging around accusations like that. Particularly toward someone who has been here for a long time and is known very well.

 

 

That's not even what got reported. My post about Montréal got reported. I exposed the OP as a liar, if you go back a few pages. Not to mention I reported her for spamming.

[shadowplay]

here's what the negative voice in my head is telling me.

 

I worry that he didn't like me at all, and just decided he'd just go along with some easy sex since I was willing, and then cut off contact afterwards.

 

I also worry I wasn't attractive enough for him, which is why he didn't want more than sex.

 

Part of the reason I feel so down about this is because he was really cute, the cutest guy I've been with. It makes me feel like no cute guy will ever want me for a relationship, just sex.

 

Before this I didn't think looks really mattered to me in a mate so long as the guy wasn't totally unattractive, but after being this this guy I realize they do make a huge difference in my level of attraction and even emotional attachment. It makes me wonder if that's what was missing in a lot of my relationships. But now I feel like I've tasted this forbidden fruit I'll never get another bite of.

[elaina]

Honestly, until I read these responses I didn't realize how bad my mixed signals were. I knew they weren't good, but I didn't think they would have scared him away.

 

That said, I don't need to be insulted (as I have been by a few respondents) for not getting this on my own. This is a learning experience for me.

 

As I've written a million times, I'm very awkward socially, and this kind of thing doesn't come easily to me.

 

 

No you don't need to be insulted. Don't take the insults personally, k?

 

My Dad is socially awkward too, (he's a computer geek) and yet he and my Mom love each other and have for a long time. Sometime someday the man who loves you for you, who you don't have to worry about not liking you, will come, but just be patient and enjoy life while you wait. When he comes, you can enjoy life with him, but now, this is just a learning experience. It's ok. I know several girls on here and I wish we could give you a hug. It's ok to cry too. Don't feel bad. There are difficult lesson in life but just keep going!

 

This guy is not willing to understand, and that's his decision and it's best just to let him go and consider him a learning experience.

[LisaLee]

 

Before this I didn't think looks really mattered to me in a mate so long as the guy wasn't totally unattractive, but after being this this guy I realize they do make a huge difference in my level of attraction and even emotional attachment. It makes me wonder if that's what was missing in a lot of my relationships. But now I feel like I've tasted this forbidden fruit I'll never get another bite of.

 

You just really have this thing about physical attractiveness, it's almost like an over emphasis on it. It's almost like you feel a sense of validation and worthiness if someone that is considered attractive by society's standards finds you attractive.

[xpaperxcutx]

here's what the negative voice in my head is telling me.

 

I worry that he didn't like me at all, and just decided he'd just go along with some easy sex since I was willing, and then cut off contact afterwards.

 

I also worry I wasn't attractive enough for him, which is why he didn't want more than sex.

 

Part of the reason I feel so down about this is because he was really cute, the cutest guy I've been with. It makes me feel like no cute guy will ever want me for a relationship, just sex.

 

Before this I didn't think looks really mattered to me in a mate so long as the guy wasn't totally unattractive, but after being this this guy I realize they do make a huge difference in my level of attraction and even emotional attachment. It makes me wonder if that's what was missing in a lot of my relationships. But now I feel like I've tasted this forbidden fruit I'll never get another bite of.

 

You got to change your way of thinking. Given a different scenario where you have a larger selection of options, I doubt you would be as hung up as you currently are.

 

One rejection can lower your self esteem but it definitely should not be the deciding factor for you to completely condescend yourself as " worthless". If you know your self- worth, one meaningless rejection would not stop you from pursuing a meaningful rlationship with someone worthwhile.

[shadowplay]

This is a big no-no, unless there's an emergency like the house is on fire or you're on call or something like that.

 

Shadow, just curious, but did you truly and I mean truly enjoy the sex? If so, why did you stop? It's hard for guys to understand stopping like that. I and many other women also have a hard time understanding that. If my loved one stopped, I would wonder what's wrong, unless there was an obvious emergency.

 

No, I didn't. I enjoyed everything else -- the foreplay and the cuddling after -- but not the actual sex. It's because while we were doing it I had this gripping fear that he would do exactly this. Cut contact with me after the sex. And I felt like hte longer I did it, the worse I would feel later. Of course, I may have turned it into a self fulfilling prophecy, but who knows.

[elaina]

I think it's silly to say that this guy is hurt and that's why he is not calling Shadow.

 

She made it clear that she really likes him. Not responding to her messages is not a real stand up behaviour.

 

I still think he may be thinking things over and will respond later Shadow....if he does really like you - he will not drop you over this.

 

Its' best for her not to get her hopes up though concerning that guy. it's best for it to be a surprise if he does decide to continue getting to know her.

 

Hope that is crushed is devastating.

[SadandConfusedWA]

here's what the negative voice in my head is telling me.

 

I worry that he didn't like me at all, and just decided he'd just go along with some easy sex since I was willing, and then cut off contact afterwards.

 

I also worry I wasn't attractive enough for him, which is why he didn't want more than sex.

 

Part of the reason I feel so down about this is because he was really cute, the cutest guy I've been with. It makes me feel like no cute guy will ever want me for a relationship, just sex.

 

Before this I didn't think looks really mattered to me in a mate so long as the guy wasn't totally unattractive, but after being this this guy I realize they do make a huge difference in my level of attraction and even emotional attachment. It makes me wonder if that's what was missing in a lot of my relationships. But now I feel like I've tasted this forbidden fruit I'll never get another bite of.

 

Yep, once I "tasted" what being with super hot/cute guys is like, I wasn't able to feel the attraction to average looking guys. I am more shallow than men in that regard And the stronger the physical attraction I feel, the more I get emotionally attached - even if the guy and me have little in common. It's really bad.

[shadowplay]

You just really have this thing about physical attractiveness, it's almost like an over emphasis on it. It's almost like you feel a sense of validation and worthiness if someone that is considered attractive by society's standards finds you attractive.

 

the weird thing is I've only historically really focused on my own appearance. I've been pretty lenient with the attractiveness of guys I've dated. But being with this guy made me realize how much it can enhance the experience...and not even so much in terms of pure physical attraction. I felt more emotionally attracted to him because I really liked his face. I don't know if that's weird or unhealthy. It just is.

[2sunny]

No, I didn't. I enjoyed everything else -- the foreplay and the cuddling after -- but not the actual sex. It's because while we were doing it I had this gripping fear that he would do exactly this. Cut contact with me after the sex. And I felt like hte longer I did it, the worse I would feel later. Of course, I may have turned it into a self fulfilling prophecy, but who knows.

 

so are you saying that you got what you wanted - and now you want to be mad about that too?

[shadowplay]

so are you saying that you got what you wanted - and now you want to be mad about that too?

 

THat's not all I wanted. I would have liked to continue dating him. I liked him.

[K'aycie]

You just really have this thing about physical attractiveness, it's almost like an over emphasis on it. It's almost like you feel a sense of validation and worthiness if someone that is considered attractive by society's standards finds you attractive.

 

I concur, and I think I read in another one of your threads, that you suffer from body dysmorphia? If that's true, then you really need to not date anyone for a while and get treatment Shadow. That's not something that magically disappears on it's own.

[elaina]

No, I didn't. I enjoyed everything else -- the foreplay and the cuddling after -- but not the actual sex. It's because while we were doing it I had this gripping fear that he would do exactly this. Cut contact with me after the sex. And I felt like hte longer I did it, the worse I would feel later. Of course, I may have turned it into a self fulfilling prophecy, but who knows.

 

Oh Shadow this is making me cry. I"m so sorry.

 

Do you have a good friend you can call and cry with? If you need to, let all the sadness out. It's going to be ok. If he doesn't get in contact with you, don't worry about it. I know it's easier said than done, but consider this just a learning experience. Life is tough sometimes. Hang in there girl don't give up on love, just learn to be happy without a guy right now, and an amazing guy will come along. Just concentrate on other things right now. Do you study? Do you have hobbies you like? There is so much in life to enjoy and you really got to learn to not base your self worth on your looks or on guys. There's a quote that I've seen on loveshack on one of the members signatures. I forgot who it is but it says something like someday you will meet somebody who will make all previous relationships not matter, or something like that. I'm misquoting it dreadfully but does anyone know what quote I'm talking about?

 

It's going to be ok. Let him go. He is not your self worth. You are worth much more than being crushed by what happened with him.

[shadowplay]

Yep, once I "tasted" what being with super hot/cute guys is like, I wasn't able to feel the attraction to average looking guys. I am more shallow than men in that regard And the stronger the physical attraction I feel, the more I get emotionally attached - even if the guy and me have little in common. It's really bad.

 

Honestly, I'm worried this guy has spoiled me.

 

I always wondered what it would be like to be with a guy who I found really physically attractive...and not just in a vulgar way. I mean somebody whose face really appealed to me on an emotional level. I always assumed it was just superficial and wouldn't enhance the experience much.

 

But it was so vastly different from being with a guy who I didn't find that attractive. It was really like night and day.

 

Now I can't see myself going back.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Am I the only one here who thinks that this guy may still call? I mean it's only been a day or 2...

[shadowplay]

Oh Shadow this is making me cry. I"m so sorry.

 

Do you have a good friend you can call and cry with? If you need to, let all the sadness out. It's going to be ok. If he doesn't get in contact with you, don't worry about it. I know it's easier said than done, but consider this just a learning experience. Life is tough sometimes. Hang in there girl don't give up on love, just learn to be happy without a guy right now, and an amazing guy will come along. Just concentrate on other things right now. Do you study? Do you have hobbies you like? There is so much in life to enjoy and you really got to learn to not base your self worth on your looks or on guys. There's a quote that I've seen on loveshack on one of the members signatures. I forgot who it is but it says something like someday you will meet somebody who will make all previous relationships not matter, or something like that. I'm misquoting it dreadfully but does anyone know what quote I'm talking about?

 

It's going to be ok. Let him go. He is not your self worth. You are worth much more than being crushed by what happened with him.

 

Thanks for the support. It's just really hard, because I have like zero faith that I'll a halfway decent guy will ever be interested in getting to know me. Despite what everyone said about why he didn't get back to me, I still believe it was because I wasn't good enough for him, and it didn't have to do with my behavior. And I fear he's like every other guy in that regard.

[shadowplay]

Am I the only one here who thinks that this guy may still call? I mean it's only been a day or 2...

 

SAC, did you see how I wrote him that message (email) and he didn't respond to it? Also, he never imed me when we were both online for several hours, right after I wrote that message. I would be SHOCKed if he contacted me at this point. He's not going to.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Thanks for the support. It's just really hard, because I have like zero faith that I'll a halfway decent guy will ever be interested in getting to know me. Despite what everyone said about why he didn't get back to me, I still believe it was because I wasn't good enough for him, and it didn't have to do with my behavior. And I fear he's like every other guy in that regard.

 

Shadow you need to disable your dating profile and get some counseling before you try again please don't take that the wrong way..

[Pink Cupcakes]

You have absolutely no way of knowing if he would have called either way or not, no matter how she reacted.

Shadowplay, don't be so hard on yourself. I don't feel you did anything wrong. He is the jerk, not you.

 

 

You probably won't hear from him again because things are too awkward now. If you had curled his toes before you left he would definitely be blowing your phone up. I have had my share of early on sex and must say that I have rarely if never had a guy to not call again. And the thing to remember after the sex is that the woman should never be the first one to call. It just screams insecurity.

[shadowplay]

There's something I didn't write in my OP that may explain why this hurt so much. Before we went up to his place, I had this feeling deep down that he didn't like me. It was something in his behavior. He just didn't seem that interested, like wasn't asking me many questions or trying to lead the conversation. I liked him, and I was hoping I was wrong. So after he vanished the next day, it really seemed to me like he probably didn't like me even before the sex fiasco, and just had sex with me anyway. That's why I felt used.

[2sunny]

SAC, did you see how I wrote him that message (email) and he didn't respond to it? Also, he never imed me when we were both online for several hours, right after I wrote that message. I would be SHOCKed if he contacted me at this point. He's not going to.

 

he's probably a player if he's that good looking. he's on to his other picks and you might be interrupting him while he's dating others.

 

that's the way it works for some of the really good looking ones.

 

he'll call - but be aware - he'll call when he gets horny and wants variety.

[SadandConfusedWA]

My experience with really hot guys (if you discount the players) has been that their standards are much higher. They have many options so they expect more in terms of not just looks, but being fun, being emotionally stable, low drama etc. One mediocre date and you are out.

 

Average looking guys are more lenient and will in general be more understanding of getting overly emotional etc.

 

It's a supply and demand issue.

 

I don't have what it takes to date supe hot guys, yet anything else doesn't really appeal to me. I am screwed

[elaina]

Am I the only one here who thinks that this guy may still call? I mean it's only been a day or 2...

 

I hope so, but unless he understands why she did what she did, then I don't think she should expect him to, and she can't force him to understand. He has to be willing to answer her and talk it out with her of his own accord, but some guys won't. Some guys don't believe in 2nd chances for someone they dont' know very well yet.