I don't understand guys can someone give me tips?!!!! ?

[amateurandlost]

Hi everyone,

Need advice!

 

I had a great friendship with a guy for several years while feeling pretty attracted to him. Last year he admitted he felt the same and we started dating. After 3 months I broke it off because we both had a lot of emotional baggage and issues from past relationships that were hurting our relationship. I felt that the timing was off and totally intended to find him in the future. He broke down and felt rejected.

 

A few months later we started a shaky friendship. When I started to feel too emotionally attached to him and broke down, he told me maybe we better just have no contact for awhile. This summer we bumped into each other and started talking again. This time we got romantically involved- hugging, kissing, holding hands. When I asked him if we were dating, he said no, and he was unsure of what was going on. He said I wasn't the one he was looking for and was going to let me go? He said wanted to be my best friend.

 

A week after that we again had a shaky friendship thing going, but I felt strange and awkward. He pulled away from some requests I made for help around the house. and acted like I was one of his buds.

 

At the advice of my friends I didn't respond to one of his texts. Then I made no effort to contact him for a week.

 

My question is, do I have to tell him that I am taking space, like would that be more polite? (he's way sensitive) I miss him every day. It's rough, but I'm trying to be strong and respect myself.

 

Thank you!

[GooseChaser]

It makes sense that you felt awkward in the friendship after the romantic involvement was called off. It's just a big shift to go through, and it can be rocky too if people have developed feelings. It might be a good idea to tell him you're giving yourself space, and you can do that if you'd like. You can also just do your own thing, and he'd probably be fine. So you want to be just friends with him? Will you stand by that, even if he tries to restart things?

 

It's rough, but I'm trying to be strong and respect myself.

That's good. Stay strong, and keep it up!

[WTRanger]

You need to tell him you need your complete and total space. If you just stop he'll think you are ignoring him. Usually when that happens he may start to panic and relentlessly try to contact you, as we tend to try really hard to not lose something we feel is being taken away from us.

 

Just be honest with him. Set boundaries and stick to those boundaries. Don't expect this friends think to work though. I think those feelings will always run too deep within you.

[Cee]

Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. This is hard, but you have to be honest with yourself and ACT like a platonic friend. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to turn a male friend into a faux boyfriend. Here let me give you examples:

 

-Ask him to do a boyfriend chore such as fixing something or giving a ride someplace.

 

-Ask him to be a +1 at a mostly couples event.

 

-Ask him to "rescue" me emotionally by telling me things I want to hear.

 

It sounds like your friend has good boundaries. That is a good thing because he isn't getting pulled into the faux boyfriend role. Now it's up to you to learn to treat him like a platonic friend. A good start is to ask yourself why you are contacting him. Are your motives platonic? If not, skip the call and give yourself another week.

 

Friendships take time & often they are low contact in the beginning. Try to alternate low contact & NC for a while until your romantic feelings pass. If this guy is meant to be a friend, this will develop naturally.