Has anyone relocated with success?

[Ashbash11]

Hi guys,

I'm back.... I won't re-tell my whole story again, but I'll briefly tell you what's been going on: About a month ago, I packed up my things and moved cross country to California to be with my SO. We did long distance from Boston to California for 2 years and FINALLY, I was able to move to be with him.

 

For me, moving cross country meant leaving behind everyone- my family and all of my close friends (I had a great circle of friends in Boston that I left behind...). My boyfriend has an odd job- he's an astronomer, and he works at an observatory, which means that he lives at his job, basically. He comes home every other week, but mainly lives at work...

 

I have found myself incredibly lonely since I moved here. I have been trying to join every group/club/activity that I can think of, but I haven't had much luck in meeting friends yet.. I'm really missing my friends/family and I'm very homesick for the east coast. It doesn't help that my BF isn't around much. My question is, has anyone here had success with re-locating to be with your SO or vice versa? I'm worried that I won't be happy here the way I was back home. This is an amazing relationship and we are very much in love, so I am willing to give it a chance, but what if I continue to be miserable in CA? I just don't know what to do.

[aerogurl87]

Hey Ashbash I remember reading your story awhile back. Sorry to hear he's still being gone so much working at the observatory. To answer your question though, rollercoasterr relocated and she's happy with her new husband. So there are some success stories on here.

[BellaBellaBella]

I relocated and am happy. It has been 14 years. I can say the first year was hard. However, once I got into the swing of things, I made some really close friends.

 

Give it some time. Where are you trying to make friends at?

[Ashbash11]

BellaBellaBella, what did you do to make the transition easier? I'm SO happy to not be doing long distance anymore, but it's bittersweet, because being close to my BF means being far away from everyone else... It's a double-edged sword.

 

I've tried meetup.com, looking for activities in local newspaper/Craigslist... It's harder to make friends than I had thought. I am without the support of my family, as well, so it's even harder.. talking about how lonely I am doesn't really help, because everyone is 3,000 miles away.

[aerogurl87]

BellaBellaBella, what did you do to make the transition easier? I'm SO happy to not be doing long distance anymore, but it's bittersweet, because being close to my BF means being far away from everyone else... It's a double-edged sword.

 

I've tried meetup.com, looking for activities in local newspaper/Craigslist... It's harder to make friends than I had thought. I am without the support of my family, as well, so it's even harder.. talking about how lonely I am doesn't really help, because everyone is 3,000 miles away.

 

Does your boyfriend have any guy friends with girlfriends or wives? Maybe you could try hanging out with them some.

[pandagirl]

How long have you been there?

 

If not very long, give it some time. Moving to a new city is ALWAYS an adjustment. When I moved across the country to start my career, my first year was figuring out what I was doing and just slowly meeting people I'd want to be friends with.

 

At least your have your boyfriend. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

[Ashbash11]

aerogirl- unfortunately, no! He grew up in SoCal, and moved back here for work, but all of his old friends have moved away. He actually doesn't have any friends here, which makes it just that much harder for me.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Pandagirl. It's true, I do have my boyfriend... However, I want to create my own life here outside of my relationship with him. I've only been here about a month, so everything is still very new. I suppose I should relax and give myself more time. If any of you guys relocated, how did you make friends? I just feel like I gave up so many awesome people, and I'll never find people like that again...

[Mad Max]

I moved to New York from a Montréal suburb and I'm doing great. The cultures and people are completely different, but I did it. Just keep an open mind and you'll be fine.

[Els]

Hey Ash!

 

Great to hear from you again. If I'm not wrong, you're going there to do your internship, right? Has that started yet? Might be easier to get to know people there.

 

I faced nearly the same problem when I moved - I haven't started postgrad yet so my social circle basically revolves around the bf and his friends. It's a little easier for me because even if I didn't go to be with him, I would be SOMEWHERE away from home during postgrad, so relocation was inevitable. Like you, I don't live with him - although I'm at least fortunate enough to see him most days for at least a couple of hours each time.

 

The others who have relocated mostly are fortunate enough to live with their partners, so I think it'd be easier for them.

[candymoon]

i havent had to relocate or anything, but i DO know california. the people are so aloof. making friends is rough in CA! i go anywhere else and have had a slew of friends in no time. the culture is weird...

 

you DO need a life of your own. but where you are, it will take a little longer to make connections. glad things are working out with your BF though. hang in there!

[Ashbash11]

Isn't it a broad generalization that people in California are aloof? Is everyone like that? It wasn't easy to make friends in Boston, either, but I was able to do it with time.. I think the hardest thing for me is that I do not have my boyfriend around that often, and he doesn't have many connections out here. When I moved to Boston, I already had one friend there, which turned into 2 friends, and then 3, 4, etc...

 

I'm basically starting from scratch here in CA. It's tough. No one has really answered this yet, but if you relocated, how did you make friends? What did you do in order to establish connections with people? I've already tried several things with no luck.. I'm a social person, and the loneliness is unbearable at times.

[BellaBellaBella]

I think it depends on Northern Cal or So Cal.

 

If I were in so cal, I would find some kind of specialty shop and do knitting or something like that. I know odd, but very trendy right now and groups are formed that way.

 

Another thing is a regular gym class, get to know people from there. Another place is a yoga class. If your not into any of that I would say get a dog, go to the dog park. I know tons of people who have become friends like that. I actually have made friends that way.

 

Hmmmm, it was hard the adjustment. Are you working? I will tell you the worst thing that happened to me the first year. My husband's family member had to stay with us developmentally disabled, and my husband had to go on a business trip to a town 7 miles from my parents home.

So on my first birthday away from home. I was stuck by myself with a developmentally disabled adult who slept from 5pm on, with my husband gone out to dinner with my family. My very sweet sister called to allegedly about it and truly gloat in reality. It was awlful. I truly wanted to leave him and go home. He wasn't laughing however, he knew I was a wreck and called and stayed on the phone for hours with me.

[carvidep]

Isn't it a broad generalization that people in California are aloof? Is everyone like that? It wasn't easy to make friends in Boston, either, but I was able to do it with time.. I think the hardest thing for me is that I do not have my boyfriend around that often, and he doesn't have many connections out here. When I moved to Boston, I already had one friend there, which turned into 2 friends, and then 3, 4, etc...

 

I'm basically starting from scratch here in CA. It's tough. No one has really answered this yet, but if you relocated, how did you make friends? What did you do in order to establish connections with people? I've already tried several things with no luck.. I'm a social person, and the loneliness is unbearable at times.

 

That's exactly how I am, too. I feel for ya.

 

When I went to my SO's country for 3 months, I hung out quite a bit with him and his close circle of friends. But I did try to do some social networking outside of that group. Through doing some internet research I found a weekly conversationg group where people from all over the world would meet up just to hang out and share languages.

 

The first time I showed up there were only about ten people there, and even though I'm an extravert I felt intimidated and almost left until I started a conversation with a girl who was waiting at the door for a friend. During our chat more and more people filled the bar until it was completely jam packed, and they were all there for that event. I'm still in touch with one of the people I met there.

 

Oh! I do have a recommendation for you. There's this thing called couch surfing, and there's a website dedicated to it. If you search for "couches" in your location, you'll probably find a bunch of people who are interested in meeting for coffee or a drink. That might be a good place to start.

 

Good luck!

[fleur_de_me]

As a person who has relocated and moved around several times, just want to say it is hard to go to a new place!!!

 

Anytime you leave your group of friends and go somewhere new, it is going to take a while to get adjusted. I've moved from Los Angeles to a small town in upstate New York, then I moved to Europe without knowing a soul, and now I've moved back to the US to a city where I have no real friends, it is HARD.

 

Just keep in mind that things will get better, you'll meet people, you'll fall into a groove and at the end of the day, you do have the love of your life. I know it isn't easy when they aren't around all the time, but this is your best case scenario, right? You can't move into the observatory with him!

 

Be patient, you're doing all the right things. Join a gym, take some classes, and go out to lunch and movies and do things that you enjoy- I've met people all kinds of ways, it just takes a little while. Once you know a few people, you'll get to meet others in their circle.

 

It is never easy, but you will make it work!!!

[chelle21689]

Hey, don't give up! It's ONLY BEEN A MONTH lol. Give it another few months and see what happens...people adjust at different paces. I live in Ohio and my bf lives in California too...so I'm hoping I won't feel incredibly home sick either haha.

 

Why don't you try to visit them after say...3-4 months? Better yet, have them visit too! I'm sure it'll help. Also, try getting a job or join a club, sign up for classes...get out there and try to make some friends! It's hard for me to make friends, so if you're like me you probably have to be open-minded and try to accept whatever invitation you get from someone you think you'd enjoy company with.

 

I know a guy from Ohio that moved to be with his fiance in California. They met online 3 years ago...were long distance 3 years and visited every 2-3 months. He now lives with her. The first few months were really hard and he couldn't find a job..he missed all his friends and family but now he has adjusted really well. He loves the area, he still misses his friends but he's gotten use to it.

 

I hope you do well. Congrats on the move. I can't wait to take that next step in my life. Hopefully within 2 years or sooner..haha

[Ashbash11]

thanks for all of your support/opinions, guys... It's helpful to know that others have been successful in making the transition from LDR to same city... It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, I think because of our unique circumstances (his work schedule, me leaving friends/family, etc...). I am hopeful that it will get easier as time goes on.. I'm going to continue to be flexible and open to new opportunities that come along. I suppose I'm just going through an adjustment period....

 

I do have to say, though, my boyfriend doesn't always seem sympathetic to what I am going through, which can be problematic. I think he doesn't understand my sadness/homesickness.. He's sort of annoyed by it, almost.. I hope that for those of you who are planning to relocate, that your SO is understanding and suppportive of the adjustment that you will be going through, especially if you are leaving friends/family/job behind. I am planning to be here in California for about 10 months while I do my internship, and then I will decide whether to stay, or move.. Only time will tell!

[BellaBellaBella]

Pasadena is actually pretty cool. Your SO not being supportive, I would image he is so happy to be with you, that he doesn't understand it. Remember he is probably happy and joyful, he is not in the same place emotionally as you. He probably doesn't understand the problem at all.

Thinking like him, geeze we are togather finally and what is there not to be happy about.

 

You on the other hand basically gave up your support and familiar enviroment, closeness to family. It is hard being that one.

 

Hang in a coffee house, make plans to explore the area with or without boyfriend. There is a cool gardens in the area. [COLOR=#0645ad]Los Angeles County Arboretum and Botanic Garden[/COLOR] Another way to get involved is dog walk for a rescue. For holidays do you have plans? Maybe think about doing a volunteer feed the homeless.

[VeveCakes]

Are you working? I always find it easiest to meet people through work.

[chelle21689]

My bf is in LA too!

[Star Gazer]

I feel for you. Pasadena is very insular because of where it's located - it's its own little universe. Can you have friends come out and visit you? When I moved to LA, that helped me a lot... having a little piece of them there with me, even if just for a couple days.

 

Does your BF work at Griffith Park Observatory?? That's one of my favorite places in the entire world...

[Ashbash11]

No, he works at Mt. Wilson Observatory. Heard of it? Pasadena is very nice, but it's NOTHING like Boston. I miss Boston very much. It was a very intellectual, young city with a vibrant nightlife. Pasadena tends to have more families, and be on the quieter side.

 

I do sort of work- I am doing an internship here.. There aren't many people my age, however.. I think that's one of the biggest problems- there aren't a lot of twenty-somethings around this area. No, unfortunately none of my friends can visit.. A couple were supposed to, but because of the cost of flights were unable to. I miss them all dearly.

[Citizen Erased]

I'll be where you're at soon, I'm moving from Sydney to Detroit. So yeah, should be interesting. I'm usually pretty lazy when it comes to making new friends, the ones I have have been around since the start of high school. I won't be able to work the first few months I'm there either. Ah well. Give it time I suppose.

[Star Gazer]

No, he works at Mt. Wilson Observatory. Heard of it? Pasadena is very nice, but it's NOTHING like Boston. I miss Boston very much. It was a very intellectual, young city with a vibrant nightlife. Pasadena tends to have more families, and be on the quieter side.

 

Yes, I know where Mt. Wilson is.

 

My roommate when I moved to LA (we were at Park LaBrea) was from Boston. Now that I think about it, she moved from Boston to LA to be with her BF, who'd been living in Hollywood for a couple years. She ultimately moved back there, about 3 years later... But yeah, Pasadena is NOTHING like Boston. It's a suburb for sure.

 

Is your BF insistent on staying in Pasadena, particularly because he's gone so much? You might feel better if you moved to a part of the city that has more going on... like WeHo, or Santa Monica (within 10-12 blocks from the beach), or even mid-city like where Park LaBrea is...you might really like that, actually. PLB is right across from The Grove and Farmer's Market. Just something to think about.

 

If you stay in Pasadena, maybe you can take a night class at the city college, just to meet people? Painting or something, whatever you're interested in?

[MrHalfJack]

well, i guess you could call it a success. i got here. i have lived in minnesota and wisconsin for most of my life. the only other places i had been to were (fargo) north dakota and (chicago) illinois. on the move here we drove through iowa, nebraska, and wyoming. i had to go in a uhaul with two people i barely knew, my girlfriend's brother and her stepdad. it sucked. my girlfriend had to stay behind to babysit her nephew. it was really messed up. iowa seemed a different shade of green, but then it just seemed to go on for a long time. nebraska seemed to go on forever. the only bright spot was omaha (which i hate now, since that's where my girlfriend cheated on me). i had to go to the bathroom for a really long time after we left omaha, so that wasn't fun. and wyoming didn't seem that much different from nebraska, until we got to the mountains. that was the first time i had ever seen mountains in person so it was a big deal for me. and finally utah, which also has the mountains....

well, relocating was bittersweet. i never found a job after being here a year now and broke up with my girlfriend. but, hopefully we can still be friends, because i don't know anyone else here. and in my opinion, the greatest thing about utah are the vertical diner and whole foods. i am vegan, and both places are great for vegans. everything at the vertical diner is vegan, and there are a lot of groceries that are vegan at whole foods.

[CLC2008]

I only know one person, a former co-worker who moved to London and married (they've been together for several years now).

 

A male cousin relocated to be with his LDR girlfriend, they lasted two years and he's in a relationship with someone else now who lives in the same town.

 

Another cousin, met someone when she was on vaca who lives in Seattle (she's on the east coast), but they never made it so far as to relocate. She's in a new relationship with someone who lives about 30 minutes away and they've been together for almost a year now.