Author Ashbash11 Posted September 25, 2010 Author Share Posted September 25, 2010 Stargazer- At least for the next few years, my BF is insistent on staying in Pasadena, yes. After living here for over a month, I would say that it's definitely not the most exciting place.. but, it's pretty. My main problem is that being in southern CA is a HUGE culture shock for me. Everything is different- weather, people, transportation, lifestyle.... And our situation is more complicated than most people's due to the fact that my BF works strange hours, and lives at work. I spend many days alone (including weekends) which gets really lonely and depressing. I hope it will get easier in the coming months because I'd like to stay here and move forward with our relationship. I'm afraid that I will continue to be miserable here and eventually move back to the east coast... I guess I won't know until the end of the year. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 25, 2010 Share Posted September 25, 2010 How have things been going recently at your internship, Ash? Any luck with the friends-making? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashbash11 Posted September 25, 2010 Author Share Posted September 25, 2010 Hey Elswyth!! The internship is going pretty well so far.. definitely NOT a lot of luck with making friends here. In the town I live in, (Pasadena) it's mostly families and people in their 30's...not a lot of people my age. It's also hard because at the internship, the only other intern is 40 and she has a son who's MY age.. hah. But, as I said, I'm still trying.... I honestly think it's harder for the person who relocates... it can put a strain on the relationship, because one person is struggling to adjust...I hope things are going well for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashbash11 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 The thing I'm currently struggling with is the fact that I'm not particularly happy here (I know it hasn't been a long time and I should give it a chance).. BUT.. When I talked things over with my BF recently, he told me that he "loves" that I am living in California now, and he wants to do everything he can to make things work... See, for him, everything is easy- he has a good job, his family here, AND his girlfriend...He even admitted that things have been easier for him. It's a different story for me. I have no one here except him, and I"m starting from scratch to build a life here, which hasn't happened yet. I still feel very much like a fish out of water in CA. My worst fear is that we will end up breaking up after this year, because I am unhappy/haven't made a circle of friends/miss my family, etc.. I just wonder if it's possible for the person who relocated to end up happy, even though he/she left everyone and everything behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I'm sorry you're feeling down, Ash. Relocating is always more difficult if you loved your homeland to begin with. The only thing I liked about mine was the people there (friends etc) and food, so it was a lot easier for me. Is it not possible at all for him to try a year with you instead so both of you can decide where you'd want to live in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
chelle21689 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 I don't mean to be a downer but remember when I mentioned the guy that moved to California for his fiance? Well, he lived there 9 months and now he's back in Ohio. Supposedly he couldn't find a good job (even though he didn't have to pay rent when they stayed at her parents) and he's in the same situation he is in now here in Ohio. They're not together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashbash11 Posted October 8, 2010 Author Share Posted October 8, 2010 Oh dear... I'm sorry to hear about that couple who didn't stay together. What I'm learning is that people often assume that after the LDR portion is over, it will be smooth sailing, everything will be perfect, etc.. But, I'm finding out that that's not the case. Transitioning from LDR to living together/being in the same city comes with a whole new set of problems/issues/challenges that must be navigated. Unfortunately, it seems that there is not a lot of info. out there about how to make your relationship work after you have done long distance. My SO and I have been fighting more, for example, now that we live together... we are in closer proximity and we find more things to fight about- his job, me being lonely, him having a different work/sleep schedule, etc. etc. I'm not sure if this will work out, but I am hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Oh dear... I'm sorry to hear about that couple who didn't stay together. What I'm learning is that people often assume that after the LDR portion is over, it will be smooth sailing, everything will be perfect, etc.. But, I'm finding out that that's not the case. Transitioning from LDR to living together/being in the same city comes with a whole new set of problems/issues/challenges that must be navigated. Unfortunately, it seems that there is not a lot of info. out there about how to make your relationship work after you have done long distance. My SO and I have been fighting more, for example, now that we live together... we are in closer proximity and we find more things to fight about- his job, me being lonely, him having a different work/sleep schedule, etc. etc. I'm not sure if this will work out, but I am hopeful. This is so true, Ash. Very often, unless two people are VERY lucky, immense sacrifices have to be made on the part of both partners in order to just have a chance at being together IRL - something people who've never been in LDRs take for granted. These sacrifices will, like any other hardships, put a certain amount of stress on the relationship. Be careful about the arguments part. They'll eat away at your R if you let them - it's never a good sign to be arguing more than usual. This is faaaaaaar easier said than done, of course. I find it helpful to remind myself of all we've been through, of all the waiting, and how it's FINALLY come to the good part... and I remind myself not to let it go to waste. This means letting go of that dream of perfection that I once had about how it'd be like once the LDR ends; the ending of an LDR doesn't herald the start of a perfect relationship... it just heralds the start of a chance to be together like a normal couple. This also means seriously thinking about anything I might be unhappy about, and asking myself, "How would I have reacted, during the time when we were LD, if someone posted on the boards asking about this situation? Would it seem trivial to me?" I think it may also help to not overthink about whether or not your decision to come was a good idea, and to let time show you the answer. Finish your internship, and when it is done you will have a better idea of your relationship and your happiness here in general. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
chelle21689 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Yeah, I know. People in LDR forget about that part and just think when you're with your partner everything will be happily ever after. I'm not with my bf yet, but I can't wait for the day I can finally be with him...but of course I'm scared and I think of all the challenges we might face that could easily break us down. llol Link to post Share on other sites
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