Confusion About Her Lack of Replies

[Permanent Confusion]

There is a woman that I have become quite fond of.

 

Every time that I see her, we have great conversations and she gives off the traditional, textbook signs of attraction.

 

I used to see her quite often, but for a number of reasons, we now only run into each other approximately every month. Unfortunately, I never seized the moment and asked her on a date. Of course, this is a problem because I rarely see her.

 

I did get her e-mail address, though.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I sent her an e-mail asking how she doing and the usual other questions. She responded very quickly to my first e-mail with a friendly and thoughtful reply. I was happy to hear from her, so I replied back. Sadly, she never returned my reply.

 

By happenstance, we saw each other a couple of days after that exchange. At first, she seemed uninterested or perhaps even annoyed, and basically ignored me. I shrugged it off and figured that she wasn't interested and this was her way of telling me to go away. A few minutes later, though, she came to me and seemed like the old version of herself: cheerful, funny and again, showing signs of attraction. I was more than a little confused, but I was also very happy that she was conversing with me.

 

About a week or so after that meeting, I sent her another e-mail. Again, I asked how she was doing and told her what I had been up to. Unfortunately, she never replied.

 

I'm not going to e-mail her again and I won't mention her failure to reply when I see her again, but I am very confused about her behavior.

 

Any ideas?

[LucreziaBorgia]

You may not be the only guy she is considering, which might explain her seemingly wishy washy behavior.

[GooseChaser]

Maybe she doesn't check her emails very often or missed your more recent ones. The second option is less likely since it would be hard to miss two messages, though. Some people get a lot of spam in their emails. It's happened to me. Ask her about it if you want, or you could ask her preferred form of communication. Maybe she likes talking on the phone or texting more? She seems to enjoy talking to you in person too. That's good.

[Permanent Confusion]

Thanks for both of the responses so far. I appreciate your thoughts.

 

You're probably right about the e-mail thing. I'm not so concerned with that now.

 

When I see her again, I'll do as you said and ask for her preferred form of communications. Hopefully that doesn't involve text messaging. For the same reason I don't like Twitter, I loathe SMS. I tend to be a verbose guy so restricting my message's length is horrifying to me.

 

I digress.

 

Thanks again for the help and I welcome additional comments.

[David.]

I can relate to this. People giving out phone numbers and email addresses, but not responding to either. I try to give benefit of the doubt, and when I cross paths with someone, will either ask, or will try to get some other form of commitment oput of them. Last time someone gave me a number then disappeeared it turned out later that she'd swapped phones but had trouble moving contacts over, had lost my number, and so on.

 

Eventually, you've got to find someone who's going to respond. No point in chasing continually. It can be frustrating to keep meeting a person who seems perfectly interested in person, but who never follows through with anything more. At some point I might just be direct about it and say, look, I'd like to see you, but you've got to show up occasionally.

[Ilovecake]

Maybe she's just not into communicating via email. Another scenario is that men tend to think if a woman is nice to them she's automatically romantically interested. The case might have been that she was just having a friendly conversation with you and is not into you in that way. Of course you taking the time to send an actual email is a pretty strong indication of your intentions towards her. She could just be taken aback by your sudden attention. I assume you guys have never discussed dating? then there is the possibility that her attitude has absolutely nothing to do with you and she just has other stuff going on. Until you have that conversation with her you'll be in the dark.

[spiderowl]

My feeling here is that she's just being friendly and no more. It could be that she didn't get some messages, but experience tells me that when someone wants to get to know you they do get most messages and do respond. They also tend to turn up where you are. The fact that she is missing certain messages, responds erratically and you only bump into her infrequently suggests not much interest on her part.

 

You can only try and communicate and ask if messages were received or not. If there are too many missed messages and mixed messages upon meeting, then she's not interested in more than a casual friendship.

[David.]

Hello S!

The interesting thing about that comment is that it makes me want to ask how one interprets this woman's seemingly affectionate behaviour. I think we've all come across people - though usually women - who are effusive and affectionate in person, but confusingly erratic as you've described.

 

If this fits PC's experience, how can that behaviour be explained?

[Permanent Confusion]

My feeling here is that she's just being friendly and no more. It could be that she didn't get some messages, but experience tells me that when someone wants to get to know you they do get most messages and do respond. They also tend to turn up where you are. The fact that she is missing certain messages, responds erratically and you only bump into her infrequently suggests not much interest on her part.

 

You can only try and communicate and ask if messages were received or not. If there are too many missed messages and mixed messages upon meeting, then she's not interested in more than a casual friendship.

 

Yeah, you may be right. It's just unfortunate because I really like this girl.

 

I agree with you on the reception of messages and the erratic responses, but the infrequent meetings are a product of my schedule. I recently got a new job and now I'm working nights. This has completely changed my schedule. As such, I rarely bump into any of my friends these days, much less her.

 

Surprisingly, since I submitted my original post, I've received a reply to my last e-mail. Again, it was a great, genial e-mail (which only confuses me more). I have replied to it and I'll let you know if I ever get a response.

 

Hello S!

The interesting thing about that comment is that it makes me want to ask how one interprets this woman's seemingly affectionate behaviour. I think we've all come across people - though usually women - who are effusive and affectionate in person, but confusingly erratic as you've described.

 

If this fits PC's experience, how can that behaviour be explained?

 

I think David brings up a good point here. What do you think, spiderowl?

[spiderowl]

It is a bit strange that she's warm and affectionate one minute and then doesn't respond or seems offhand at other times. It could be she's unsure of you or something you do/say sometimes turns her off. Are you busy chatting to others and ignoring her for a while perhaps? I'm only suggesting things here from personal experience.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't look to see how old you are. If you and she are quite young, then she could be inexperienced and have no clue if you are contacting her becauase you are interested in her as a friend or more. If you seem to show interest in her and then do the same with others while she's around, she may hold back and seem standoffish. Or, she could just be being friendly but not too friendly, if you see what I mean. It's difficult if you like someone as a friend and would like to see more of them, but you know you don't want it to get physical. Then a woman might be a little cooler if she thinks he might want it to go that way.

 

She could be a moody type of person, very changeable and difficult to deal with, in which case this wouldn't get better even if you got to know her. That's something to bear in mind anyway.

 

I don't know what impression she's got of you, but another factor could be that she thinks you are something of a player or only interested in one thing and therefore she's keeping you at a safe distance until she's got a clearer idea of your motives.

 

I think you'll need to be brave here and somehow get the message across to her that you are interested in her as more than a friend and for more than just sex. Then at least you'll get an idea of whether she is too!

 

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[tornandmarried]

enough flirting, its time to ask her out before she loses interest....u have nothing to lose, just ask her to do something with you, or join your circle of friends doing something fun and interesting....if shes into you she will blush and jump with joy u asked her out....if not at least youll know where she stands

[David.]

Good answer, T&M. What's he got to lose? Sometimes there's nothing like going for broke, even if it turns out to be a dealbreaker. At least the cards are on the table and laid out clearly.

 

PC, one of the benefits of wearing your heart on your sleeve is that if she doesn't respond in kind, you know she's not for you. Saves yourself a whole lot of messing about.

[D-Lish]

I don't find her behaviour confusing, it seems pretty clear. She's being friendly- but that's where it ends. If a woman is interested in a man, she won't shy away from having an open exchange with him. If she was interested, she'd maintain ongoing contact.

 

I suspect that when she ran into you, she was cold initially because she didn't want to give you the wrong impression romantically.

 

She's simply behaving friendly, but I don't see evidence of flirting here.

[SadandConfusedWA]

There is nothing strange about it. She has no romantic interest in you. She is chatting to you to be polite and friendly. I am friendly and chatty to my 70 year old male neighbor. Doesn't mean I want to f... him.

 

She is not responding because she knows you like her and she doesn't feel the same way.

 

As for hot and cold thing in person, we are all self-absorbed and into our own s%it. When she is in a good mood she is more chatty than when she is in a bad mood. You are a person of low importance to her so you barely register on her radar. Sorry.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

enough flirting, its time to ask her out before she loses interest....u have nothing to lose, just ask her to do something with you, or join your circle of friends doing something fun and interesting....if shes into you she will blush and jump with joy u asked her out....if not at least youll know where she stands

 

I was going to post something to this effect, but tornandmarried beat me to it! I totally agree, stop with the flirting and go "balls to the wall" here! Talk to this lady, invite her out, dinner and a movie, home cooked dinner and a DVD, up coming music concert, ect. ect. ect...........balls in your court!

 

 

Permanent Confusion : Also note, in regards to your future e-mail woes, in regards to some or all never being returned. If you use a e-mail vehicle such as Microsoft Outlook or Outlook Express, you can always "tag" your outgoing e-mail and have a return e-mail sent to you by the mail handling exchange when your e-mail has been read by the receiving party. At least this way you will at least know that your e-mail are arriving and being read by the receiving party.

 

Just a thought.........